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Thread: What a NIMBY Believes

  1. #1
    Cyburbian ablarc's avatar
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    What a NIMBY Believes

    What a NIMBY believes:


    1. All change is for the worse.
    Developers propose change.
    Clearly therefore, a developer's mission is to harm the world.

    This is done through environmental degradation, which is an integral part of every development project.

    Therefore, THE BEST PROJECT IS NO PROJECT.


    2. More people, anywhere, anytime, are a bad thing:
    more people on Earth, more people in the City, more people in the Neighborhood.

    How do you reduce the number of people?
    Don't know about the Earth or the City, but in my nice Neighborhood, we just keep them out.

    If you don't build it, they won't come.

    Therefore, THE BEST DEVELOPMENT IS NO DEVELOPMENT.


    3. All developers are unscrupulous and greedy.
    That they propose to build anything at all is prima facie evidence of unscrupulousness.
    That they seek to earn a profit doing so is evidence of their greed.

    Building is immoral and profit is dirty.
    The fact that politicians often approve projects shows that they are crooked and in bed with developers.

    THE ONLY REALLY MORAL THING TO BUILD IS NOTHING.


    4. A building project's depravity is directly proportional to its size in general and its height in particular.
    A shorter building is always a better building.
    The best building is the shortest building.

    THE SHORTEST AND BEST BUILDING IS NO BUILDING.


    5. Environmentally, the world has been going to hell in a handbasket, perhaps since Adam.
    He was the last person to live in a really decent environment.
    Therefore, vegetation is always preferable to the works of man. A park is always better than a building.

    The City, after all, is merely a failed suburb.
    But if you drive wedges of vegetation into the city, it will eventually evolve into Suburbia.

    THE BEST CITY IS NO CITY.


    6. All good things have already been built.
    This is a wicked world, and sometimes we cannot altogether prevent all new building.
    In such cases, however, we can insist that what is built should copy its surroundings, only smaller.

    If we must suffer new buildings, let them at least look like the ones we already have.

    THE ONLY TOLERABLE NEW BUILDING IS ONE THAT LOOKS LIKE AN OLD BUILDING.

    Like the one I live in.

  2. #2
    Cyburbian Emeritus Chet's avatar
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    NIMBYs just want it build elsewhere. That sounds more like "What a BANANA beleives"

    BUILD ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ANYWHERE NOT ANYTIME

  3. #3
    Cyburbian ablarc's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Chet
    NIMBYs just want it build elsewhere. That sounds more like "What a BANANA beleives"

    BUILD ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ANYWHERE NOT ANYTIME
    A NIMBY is a BANANA with reduced expectations. In his heart he believes the same things.

  4. #4

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    I would like to print this out and distribute it as a handout at Planning Commission meetings

  5. #5
    Cyburbian Seabishop's avatar
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    How about "everything within 1000' feet of my backyard is also my backyard, regardless of who actually owns it."

    or "Renter = drug dealing rapist"


    If you ask people's opinions about the developer of their own neighborhood or house, they'll probably think that they performed a great public service by providing housing for hardworking people like themselves.

  6. #6
    The local hospital is within sight of these houses and it has been growing toward them over the past 15 years. Now the hospital is again expanding and needs an exception to do so. At the Public Hearing every single one of the residents got up and said "I favor the Hospital, but I am concerned about traffic on my street. Planning Commission: don't let them use my street."

    Is there an acronym for Not In My Public Right-of-Way?
    On pitching to Stan Musial:
    "Once he timed your fastball, your infielders were in jeopardy."
    Warren Spahn

  7. #7
    Unfrozen Caveman Planner mendelman's avatar
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    Gedunker

    How about:

    NIMPROW



    mmmmmm, bananas.
    I'm sorry. Is my bias showing?

    Let's not be didactic in this profession, because that is a path to disillusion and irrelevancy.

    Six seasons and a movie!

  8. #8
    Cyburbian boiker's avatar
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    I eat banana's for breakfast.

    -mutated monster planner.

    Now that I'm doing Historic Preservation again... I need a term for those who oppose all historic designations no matter what. "renovations cost too much!" "Just because it's old, doesn't make it historic" "If you want to save it, why don't you do it?" "Damn commie historic preservation planners telling me what I can and can't do to my property!"

    I've heard these phrases or variations of them at least once. Historic Preservation is administerd like design based zoning regulations....maybe we should just change what it's called.
    Dude, I'm cheesing so hard right now.

  9. #9
    Cyburbian Michele Zone's avatar
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    Sociology of Waste Disposal (actual title from my textbook)

    NIMBY -- Not in my back yard
    NIMFYE -- Not in my front yard either
    PIITBY -- Put it in their back yard
    NIMEY -- Not in my election year
    NIMTOO -- Not in my term of office
    LULU -- Locally Unavailable Land Use
    NOPE -- Not on Planet Earth

    I about died laughing when I read this. Page 506 of Geology and the Environment (3rd edition), Case Study 15.1 Sociology of Waste Disposal. The intro paragraph says it is taken from a wall poster at EPA headquarters in D.C.

  10. #10
    Cyburbian Emeritus Chet's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by ablarc
    A NIMBY is a BANANA with reduced expectations. In his heart he believes the same things.
    OUTSTANDING!

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