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Thread: Things not to say on your first day of work at a new job. (likely NOT work safe)

  1. #1
    Cyburbian el Guapo's avatar
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    Things not to say on your first day of work at a new job. (likely NOT work safe)

    As insipired by another thread.

    Post your favorite quote of clueless things new employees should never say their first day of work.

    Here is mine: Imagine this is your new CD director talking to the administrative support person at the front desk after hearing her answer the phone for the first time. Slim Pickens from Blazing Saddles Turn DOWN your speakers.

  2. #2
    Cyburbian Seabishop's avatar
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    "How serious are you about that whole no embezzlement thing?"

    "So which one of you under-appreciated ladies would like to get your freak on with the new VP of Marketing?"

    "So how many people do I have to accidently push down the stairs to be the boss?"

    "If you need me I'll be on Cyburbia doing lots of research."

    "I'm going to spend $1,000 of tax payers money to de-bug my office, just in case the previous adminstration left any recording devices." Real (paraphrased) quote from the new town manager in a neighboring town who was arrested a few months later for accepting bribes.

  3. #3
    To boss:
    "That Barb in accounting sure is a fine piece of ass, eh?"
    "That coffee isn't getting brewed any faster with you standing in my doorway"
    While standing in his/her office: "I have an awesome framed print that is gonna look great on that wall"
    "So that developer gave me 500 bucks when I took in his application. Wanna go to lunch? My treat!"
    "I'm a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

    - Homer Simpson

  4. #4
    Cyburbian GeogPlanner's avatar
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    "So how many more years until retirement?"
    Information necessitating a change of design will be conveyed to the designer after and only after the design is complete. (Often called the 'Now They Tell Us' Law) - Fyfe's First Law of Revision

    We don't believe in planners and deciders making the decisions on behalf of Americans. -- George W. Bush , Scranton, PA -- 09/06/2000

  5. #5
    Cyburbian Big Easy King's avatar
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    This was said by the new executive director of the New Orleans City Planning Commission on his first day on the job, April 5, 2004 in a staff meeting to address them:

    "I've got to grab the tar baby by the ears and jump right in."

    Under pressure of the CPC staff and the city administration, Verl resigned yesterday, April 7, 2004. Check it out:

    http://www.nola.com/news/t-p/neworle...5112231900.xml

    I'm appalled and continue to be disappointed with the CPC's decision-making process.
    A person who strives is one who thrives. It's GREAT to be THE KING!!!

  6. #6
    Cyburbian GeogPlanner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by el Guapo
    As insipired by another thread.
    http://www.cyburbia.org/forums/showthread.php?t=11448
    Information necessitating a change of design will be conveyed to the designer after and only after the design is complete. (Often called the 'Now They Tell Us' Law) - Fyfe's First Law of Revision

    We don't believe in planners and deciders making the decisions on behalf of Americans. -- George W. Bush , Scranton, PA -- 09/06/2000

  7. #7
    maudit anglais
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    to your boss:

    "Do you have any daughters?"

  8. #8
    Forums Administrator & Gallery Moderator NHPlanner's avatar
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    Please tell me you did not actually do this when you were in your previous job and were dating the boss' daughter. (the now Mrs. Tranplanner for those that don't know the story...)
    Last edited by Tranplanner; 08 Apr 2004 at 10:38 AM.
    "Growth is inevitable and desirable, but destruction of community character is not. The question is not whether your part of the world is going to change. The question is how." -- Edward T. McMahon, The Conservation Fund

  9. #9
    Cyburbian biscuit's avatar
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    "So, at what point is it safe for me to start sleeping with that hottie intern? A couple of days... a week?"

    You don't mind if I don't wear any pants while I'm at my desk do you?"

  10. #10
    maudit anglais
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    No, but I thought a few of you out there might get the joke


    Sorry for the mis-edit above...too much caffeine, not enough sleep!

  11. #11
    Cyburbian Big Easy King's avatar
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    "I'm not staying until 5:00 p.m. I left at 3:00 p.m. at my previous job."
    A person who strives is one who thrives. It's GREAT to be THE KING!!!

  12. #12
    Cyburbian Michele Zone's avatar
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    "So who do I have to sleep with to get promoted?"

  13. #13
    Cyburbia Administrator Dan's avatar
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    "I have to step out of the office at 4:20 for ... uhh, personal reasons."

    "Dude, is your blue shirt hemp?"

    "Can I have five bucks in change for the snack machine?"



    "I got a concealed carry permit ... allright to bring my Smith n'Wesson 645 in?"

    "What the hell business is it of ours to tell these good people what they can and can't do with their prop'ty? Now, git t'hell out of m'office!"

    Growth for growth's sake is the ideology of the cancer cell. -- Edward Abbey

  14. #14
    Cyburbian Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    "When do I get a bigger office?"

    "I need next week off."

  15. #15
    "I hope you don't mind if I leave early tomorrow, I have a job interview at 3."

    "What's a 'comprehensive plan'?"

    "Wal Mart supercenters are ok to be staf approved, right?"
    "I'm a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

    - Homer Simpson

  16. #16
    Cyburbian Doitnow!!'s avatar
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    Hey! I may not have experience but believe me, I am goood!!
    "I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them".
    -Isaac Asimov

  17. #17
    Cyburbia Administrator Dan's avatar
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    Off-topic:
    Quote Originally posted by Repo Man
    "Wal Mart supercenters are ok to be staf approved, right?"
    One place I worked, they could.

    "Use permitted in the zoning district ... okay. Parking, loading and drive aisles ... check. Landscaping ... check. Setbacks okay ... uh huh. Building height below 35' ... yup.(DT) - okay ... remember, signs need a separate permit."
    Growth for growth's sake is the ideology of the cancer cell. -- Edward Abbey

  18. #18
    This job sucks

    EDIT:
    This one time at band camp..

  19. #19
    Cyburbian Planderella's avatar
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    WORK?!?!?!?!?!?! I wasn't hired to do that!!!
    "A witty woman is a treasure, a witty beauty is a power!"

  20. #20
    Cyburbian Queen B's avatar
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    I know this may seem mild by previous standards..

    Can I make coffee, I say yes and say how much I usually put in. She says I like it stronger so she puts in more. Then when it is done she tells me I can have some.

    It is my freaking pot and my coffee.....

    When I asked if she had another pot at home and could she bring it since our coffee tastes are not the same -- when she moved around the office, she wouldn't let me keep my pot near the sink any more now I have to have it on my side of the room.
    It is all a matter of perspective!!!

  21. #21
    Cyburbian GeogPlanner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Queen B
    When I asked if she had another pot at home and could she bring it since our coffee tastes are not the same -- when she moved around the office, she wouldn't let me keep my pot near the sink any more now I have to have it on my side of the room.
    was this your boss or just some other staffer? wtf...BTW, i love my Melita One:One
    Information necessitating a change of design will be conveyed to the designer after and only after the design is complete. (Often called the 'Now They Tell Us' Law) - Fyfe's First Law of Revision

    We don't believe in planners and deciders making the decisions on behalf of Americans. -- George W. Bush , Scranton, PA -- 09/06/2000

  22. #22
    Cyburbian Emeritus Chet's avatar
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    "excuse me. It's break time and I have to go take my antiviral cocktail"

  23. #23
    Cyburbian ludes98's avatar
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    So there aren't any more drug screenings after that initial one is there?

  24. #24
    Cyburbian el Guapo's avatar
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    "Does anyone here drive a blue BMW parked in the employee parking lot, well technically now parked at the base of the retaining wall of the very same lot?"

    "How about a little heads up on the next piss test?"

    While looking at a picture of your teenage daughter on your desk, "Yummy."

    "I've always felt the line between a friendly realtionship with contractors and graft to be open to situational interpretation...wink, wink, nudge, nudge."

    "Please close the door behind you Heather."

    "Can anyone loan me some "Tough-Actin' " Tennactin?"

    "What is that leaking from my desk?"

    "Prone to workplace violence can mean so many things."

    "Can I get an advance of three months pay?"

  25. #25
    Cyburbian Emeritus Chet's avatar
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    Of course you know nothin is permanent - including new bosses - unless they're screwed on the desk... [wink-wink]

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