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Thread: For Sale: One wedding dress

  1. #1
    Cyburbian Habanero's avatar
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    For Sale: One wedding dress

    When Jesus said "love your enemies", he probably didn't mean kill them.

  2. #2
    NIMBY asshatterer Plus Richmond Jake's avatar
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    ROTFLMFAO....It also gave me an idea. Anybody out there care to take pictures of me in a wedding dress? :-}
    RJ is the KING of . The One

  3. #3
    Cyburbian JNL's avatar
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    Thanks for the laugh, Habanero and Tattooed Divorced Guy

  4. #4
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    That guy would be fun to have on Cyburbia...

  5. #5
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by RichmondJake
    ROTFLMFAO....It also gave me an idea. Anybody out there care to take pictures of me in a wedding dress? :-}
    We'll see what we can do at the FL lae-fest. hehehehe...

  6. #6
    Cyburbian JNL's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Zoning Goddess
    That guy would be fun to have on Cyburbia...
    Maybe he already is?

  7. #7
    Cyburbian Belle's avatar
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    Truly, one of the funniest things I've read in a long time!! Thanks--I needed that!!



    Quote Originally posted by Zoning Goddess
    We'll see what we can do at the FL lae-fest. hehehehe...
    OT:
    Is there one scheduled?! I'd definitely be up for that...

  8. #8
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Belle
    OT:
    Is there one scheduled?! I'd definitely be up for that...
    We're waiting 'til RJ relocates to FL, probably be sometime this summer, looking at N FL area. Will post a thread when we start planning, so keep checking!

  9. #9
    Cyburbian sisterceleste's avatar
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    ROAD TRIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
    You darn tootin', I like fig newtons!

  10. #10
    Wow

    He must have had SOME divorce lawyer to get the wedding dress as part of the settlement. Don't women always get the mine and we men get the shaft?
    On pitching to Stan Musial:
    "Once he timed your fastball, your infielders were in jeopardy."
    Warren Spahn

  11. #11
    Cyburbian H's avatar
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    FUNNY, FUNNY.

  12. #12
    Cyburbian nerudite's avatar
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    That gave me a good laugh... thanks.

    (and at first, I was worried that it was YOUR wedding dress in the thread name... don't scare us like that woman!)

  13. #13
    Cyburbian Belle's avatar
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    High bid is up to $750K (yes, you read that right), with more than 2.2 million hits. The guy was supposed to be on the Today Show this morning too...

  14. #14
    Cyburbia Administrator Dan's avatar
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    I'm going to repost it here, since odds are a month or so after the auction is over, the listing will be gone. It's too good not to preserve.

    SIZE 12 WEDDING DRESS/GOWN NO RESERVE
    SURE IS A BEAUTY! CHEAP! USED ONLY ONCE!

    For Sale:One Slightly Used Size 12 Wedding Gown. Only worn twice: Once at the wedding and once for these pictures.

    Make: Victoria

    Style: 611

    Size: 12

    Divorce forces sale


    I found my ex-wife's wedding dress in the attic when I moved. She took the $4000 engagement ring but left the dress. I was actually going to have a dress burning party when the divorce became final, but my sister talked me out of it. She said, "Thatís such a gorgeous dress. Some lucky girl would be glad to have it. You should sell it on EBay. At least get something back for it." So, this is what Iím doing. Iím selling it hoping to get enough money for maybe a couple of Mariners tickets and some beer. This dress cost me $1200 that my drunken sot of an ex-father-in-law swore up and down he would pay for but didnít so I got stuck with the bill. Luckily I only got stuck with his daughter for 5 years. Thank the Lord we didn't have kids. If they would have turned out like her or her family I would have slit my wrists. Anyway, itís a really nice dress as you can see in the pictures. Personally, I think it looks like a $1200 shower curtain, but what do I know about this. We tried taking pictures of this lovely white garment but it didnít look right on the hanger as you can see, so my sister says, "You need a model." Well, quite frankly my sister isnít exactly small, (like a size 12 is?) so she wouldnít pose for the picture. Seeing as I have sworn off women for the time being and I ainít friends with any, it left me holding the bag. I took the liberty of blacking out my face - not to protect the ex-wife but to protect me from my bar buddies and co-workers finding out about it. I would never live it down. Actually I didnít think my head would fit in the neck hole, but then I figured she got her Texas cheerleader hair through there I could get my head in it. Though, after looking at the pictures, I thought it made me look fat. How do you women wear this crap? I only had to walk 3 feet and I tripped twice. Donít worry ladies - I am wearing clothes on underneath it. I gotta say it did make me feel very pretty. So if it can make me feel pretty, it can make you feel pretty, especially on the most important day of your life, right? Anyway, I was told to say it has a train and a veil and all kinds of shiny beady things. I think it's funny that one picture makes it look like the chest plate off an Imperial Storm Trooper. Did I mention that all I want is a ball game and beer? Cheap at twice the price. Ladies, you wonít regret this. You may regret the dude you marry but not the dress.

    Just a little side note - As I was putting this ad in EBay, it asked me for a color. Is a wedding dress any other freaking color than white or ivory??!! If it is it wouldn't be a wedding dress, now would it?? I suppose black would work...

    On Apr-26-04 at 10:38:31 PDT, seller added the following information:

    Well, the auction is a little over half over and I am just amazed. This thing has taken more hits than that pothead that lives in the next building. Man, oh man, if hits were bucks Iíd be getting a suite at Safeco.

    I also have received TONS of email. I donít have the time to reply to all of them but I just want to let everyone know that I appreciate the well wishes.

    Of the email I received:

    Five or so were invitations to ball games in other states. Two of those were for little league games. Do they have those cushy executive boxes with the free chicken wings at those?

    One email was from Scotland. Itís a good thing he wrote it because I wouldnít be able to understand a word he said. Never did get through Braveheart.

    Most were thanking me for the laugh. Youíre entirely welcome. Five years of misery was well worth the hearty guffaw that was my pleasure to give you.

    Oh, yeah. I also got three marriage proposals. Yes, you read it right - three marriage proposals. I feel like one of those mass murderers on death row. I never understood how the hell they got more chicks than I did. Now I know. They sold crap on eBay.

    On Apr-26-04 at 23:45:56 PDT, seller added the following information:

    Holy Moly!

    The hit counter is starting to look like the odometer in my truck! Not the new shiny black full-size 4-wheel-drive American pick-up that I had to part with, but the somewhat older, multicolored, lumpy, tiny, 2-wheel-drive foreign pick-up that belches smoke. A little something about that vehicle, though: itís absolutely amazing! When I get inside it to go to the store, I am all depressed. But when I arrive at the store, Iím so freaking loopy from inhaling the fumes, I forget why I went there in the first place. Iím saving buckets of money. Of course, I will probably have to spend it all on the tuberculosis I will acquire, but hey, you canít have everything.

    I felt compelled to update this ad once more due to all of your emails. The first thing I have to say is thank you all for your support in my time of need. It was a truly harrowing experience. Some of you men know exactly what I mean.

    Seeing as this has turned into my little public forum, I just want to address a few of the emails that kind of left me scratching my head.

    I now have five marriage proposals. You would think my speaking of the ones I already got yesterday would have put a damper on it, but you women sure are persistent. One woman actually said she doesnít want to marry me, but wouldnít mind being my ex-wife. Hmmm. Let me think about that. Nope. No thanks, already got one. (Pssst. Didnít I mention I had one? Who wants an ex-wife that canít read? Now, I know what you guys are thinking - "If she canít read, then the divorce would be smooth sailing." Well, that would be all well and good but I didnít say her ATTORNEY couldnít read. You following me on this?)

    Other emails are serious buyers asking about the dress. "How long is the train?" and "Does the gown come with the headdress and veil?" Yes, headdress and veil are included, but the do-rag stays with me. And if the train was long enough for my exís caboose, itís long enough for yours. You will have to supply your own baggage, though. I gave mine to Goodwill.

    There was this one woman who wrote, "You should have covered your tattoos. People will be able to recognize you, like on Americaís Most Wanted." HELLO!!! Iím a guy selling a dress. Iím not wanted for war crimes.

    Some of your emails made me laugh. Like the bitter woman that wished she had her exís testicles to sell on eBay. Iím not too sure thereís a market for that, though. Then there was the guy that gave his wifeís wedding dress to the Salvation Army by mistake, thinking it was a Christmas tree. Guess he didnít have any Christmas balls that year.

    This has also been a learning experience for me. I got a lot of messages correcting me about the color of wedding dresses. For Russian Orthodox, they are blue. For Chinese they are red. Mexico has multi-colored ones. All I know is, for my next wedding I will be wearing a hairy, flesh-toned ensemble because I will be buck naked with a toe tag lying on a slab in the morgue because I would have killed myself.

    A lot of folks were asking me if I wear womenís dresses a lot. I can honestly say that this is the first time I have ever donned female attire. Itís also the first time Iíve been inside something feminine that didnít nag me to take out the garbage.

    It seems a few people have taken offense to my inferring a size 12 is big. One male even pointed out that Marilyn Monroe was a size 14. Now, I would agree with you that size 12/14 is small if I lived on Samoa. But I live right here in the good old 48 Contiguous, where binging and purging is a way of life. American women do not want to be double digits in size. Just ask any woman what size they want to be. Invariably they will say five or seven. Wealthy will be the person that opens a store for Lane Bryant-sized women but sews size 7 tags on all the clothes.

    On the flip side of that, I have taken offense to some of the people that told me Iím ugly and a loser. All I have to say is youíd be ugly too if you had a huge white blotch on your face. And as far as being a loser, I think you have it all wrong. I am such the winner. It isnít every day an average guy can make 50,000 people laugh. Thanks to each and every one of you from the heart of my bottom.
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    Growth for growth's sake is the ideology of the cancer cell. -- Edward Abbey

  15. #15
    Cyburbian GeogPlanner's avatar
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    wonder how much he will get in the end. can't imagine that he'll pick up $23K.
    Information necessitating a change of design will be conveyed to the designer after and only after the design is complete. (Often called the 'Now They Tell Us' Law) - Fyfe's First Law of Revision

    We don't believe in planners and deciders making the decisions on behalf of Americans. -- George W. Bush , Scranton, PA -- 09/06/2000

  16. #16
    Unfrozen Caveman Planner mendelman's avatar
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    I like this guy's sublte/subdued humor.

    He's probably one of those blue collar guy's that is suprisingly preceptive and witty, but doesn't try to be intellectually superior.

    I've said it before - Ebay is the next fertile arena for comedic fodder.

    I just see Jack Handey-equse Ebay ads coming soon on SNL.
    Last edited by mendelman; 28 Apr 2004 at 10:56 AM.
    I'm sorry. Is my bias showing?

    Let's not be didactic in this profession, because that is a path to disillusion and irrelevancy.

    Six seasons and a movie!

  17. #17
    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
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    Don't know why he is selling it. It looks so good on him.

  18. #18
    NIMBY asshatterer Plus Richmond Jake's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by otterpop
    Don't know why he is selling it. It looks so good on him.
    I'm worried about you.
    RJ is the KING of . The One

  19. #19
    Cyburbian
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    Quote Originally posted by Belle
    High bid is up to $750K (yes, you read that right), with more than 2.2 million hits. The guy was supposed to be on the Today Show this morning too...
    I saw a little bit of his Today Show spot. He says he's a computer geek in the daytime and a musician at night. He has a good sense of humor, and was wearing the dress. He seems like a likeable guy.

  20. #20
    Cyburbian ludes98's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by nerudite
    That gave me a good laugh... thanks.

    (and at first, I was worried that it was YOUR wedding dress in the thread name... don't scare us like that woman!)

    Ditto. Wouldn't have been funny if he hadn't modeled it.

  21. #21
    Cyburbian Habanero's avatar
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    Auction over:


    Winning bid: US $3,850.00
    When Jesus said "love your enemies", he probably didn't mean kill them.

  22. #22
    Cyburbian Michele Zone's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Habanero
    Auction over:


    Winning bid: US $3,850.00
    Hey that almost covers the cost of the ring she took with her. Humor pays.

  23. #23
    Quote Originally posted by Habanero
    Auction over:


    Winning bid: US $3,850.00
    Actually it was up to $15,100 a couple of hours ago with 125 bids. Now it's $3,850 with 113 bids. Someone must have retracted their bid.

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