My secret: I married an Indian woman. Now I am fabulously wealthy. I could buy and sell everyone of you bast*rds and bit*hes if she would only let me have access to the money.
I keep track of my precious bodily fluids. It can cost you if you misplace just one swimmer, for instance in a fertile woman.
Drive cars other people have abandoned.
Don't tithe. Don't even join a religion, cult or service club. They all have hidden fees.
Homemade Kimche - saves on entertainment expenses in so many ways.
Columbia House Record and Tape Club: 12 Cd's for a penny. Then say Manuel Guapo moved two weeks ago when the cops show up. Don't let them in to see your Manalow room!!!!
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When it is 90% off, get two or three of them, in variations (like different colors of the same skirt or different sizes of the same style of basket). It will still cost less than one at half price and it will be a loooong time before you are really needy again. If it is done right, odds are good that you will find stuff at least 75% off before you really need another one.

Blasphemer!