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Thread: The Onion: Kerry Unveils One-Point Plan for Better America

  1. #1
    Cyburbia Administrator Dan's avatar
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    The Onion: Kerry Unveils One-Point Plan for Better America


    I love the Onion.

    WICHITA, KS—Delivering the central speech of his 10-day "Solution For America" bus campaign tour Monday, Democratic presidential nominee Sen. John Kerry outlined his one-point plan for a better America: the removal of George W. Bush from the White House.

    "If I am elected in November, no inner-city child will have to live in an America where George Bush is president," Kerry said, addressing a packed Maize High School auditorium. "No senior citizen will lie awake at night, worrying about whether George Bush is still the chief executive of this country. And no American—regardless of gender, regardless of class, regardless of race—will be represented by George Bush in the world community."
    Growth for growth's sake is the ideology of the cancer cell. -- Edward Abbey

  2. #2
    Cyburbian el Guapo's avatar
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    Spooky how close the Onion comes to the reality of this campaign. I get the feeling that if OJ Simpson was given the Democrat nomination the % of Americans for him would be about equal to the current numbers. It really is ABB and damn if you folks didn't pick another Dukakis. The Democrats are going to wake up with a hell of a hangover come the first week of November. You won't be able o find your underwear and and you may need to cry in the shower for an hour or two.

  3. #3
    Cyburbian mgk920's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by el Guapo
    Spooky how close the Onion comes to the reality of this campaign. I get the feeling that if OJ Simpson was given the Democrat nomination the % of Americans for him would be about equal to the current numbers. It really is ABB and damn if you folks didn't pick another Dukakis. The Democrats are going to wake up with a hell of a hangover come the first week of November. You won't be able o find your underwear and and you may need to cry in the shower for an hour or two.
    My sense is identical to your's, eG.

    BTW, the Onion hit another one dead-on a year or so ago, with a headline that said it better than any of the more 'mainstream' newspapers could have dreamed of. I forget the exact wording, but it was something like "North Korea Frustrated By Inability To Win USA Military Attention".

    Mike

  4. #4
    Cyburbian michaelskis's avatar
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    Wow... that is good. Once again, I think that we need to look at things with the curiosity of a three year old. “American will be better without W!” I ask Why?
    “John Kerry reporting for duty!” once again, WHY?

    As I sit here and think about it... when you break it down, what will Kerry do to help this country that W will not. I think that the difference is that Kerry just wants to win the Election. W is passionate about improving the quality of life for all Americans by providing better opportunities for everyone, providing assistance to though who want to get a head instead of wasting time and money on those who are apathetic and just want to mooch off the system, and providing a level of security so that little kids will not have to worry about their parents not coming home from their high rise office.
    "A long habit of not thinking a thing wrong, gives it a superficial appearance of being right, and raises at first a formidable outcry in defense of custom. Time makes more converts than reason." - Thomas Paine Common Sense.

  5. #5

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    I fear that this will cost Kerry, and all of us, big time. He needs to go positive. But I have to say that the idea of W as prez for another four years makes me lie awake at night. I am not sure the presidency has ever sunk to such a moral low (maybe the Taft and Harding administrations, maybe).

  6. #6
    Cyburbian SGB's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Lee Nellis
    I am not sure the presidency has ever sunk to such a moral low (maybe the Taft and Harding administrations, maybe).
    Moral low? I want W gone too, but when I think of moral lows it's Bill Clinton that comes to mind.

    Care to elaborate, Lee?
    All these years the people said he’s actin’ like a kid.
    He did not know he could not fly, so he did.
    - - Guy Clark, "The Cape"

  7. #7
    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
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    There can sometimes be a lot of truth in satire, as The Onion and The Daily Show demonstrate on a regular basis. There are worse platforms than "I'm better than Bush."

    In my opinion, Dubya is the worst president since U.S. Grant (who in a previous profession did our nation a great service). He is bad for our economy, our environment, our freedoms, and our standing in the world. Just about every time he speaks I cringe at either how he plans to trample something I hold dear or at just something stupid he will say. Kerry is better than Bush. Dubya needs to go back to Crawford.
    "I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

    ~ Otterpop ~

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    Never been to Crawford, but I hesitate to wish W on the folks who live there. And Bill's failings were personal. They were not a failure to perform the functions of his office. I personally prefer comparing W to Harding. Grant had issues, but he also signed the legislation creating Yellowstone. That doesn't make him a hero, but it is a mitigating factor.

    This administration's abuse of the environment and public resources, including its secretive methods of changing federal regulations and its abuse of employees who are trying to do their jobs is immoral. Wars designed to enrich particular people are immoral. Promoting a particular set of religious beliefs as public policy is immoral. Need I continue?

  9. #9
    Cyburbian Budgie's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Lee Nellis
    This administration's abuse of the environment and public resources, including its secretive methods of changing federal regulations and its abuse of employees who are trying to do their jobs is immoral. Wars designed to enrich particular people are immoral. Promoting a particular set of religious beliefs as public policy is immoral. Need I continue?
    HERE, HERE !!!!!

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally posted by michaelskis
    W is passionate about improving the quality of life for all Americans by providing better opportunities for everyone, providing assistance to though who want to get a head instead of wasting time and money on those who are apathetic and just want to mooch off the system, and providing a level of security so that little kids will not have to worry about their parents not coming home from their high rise office.
    Do you really still believe that? Wow. Maybe El Guapo is right. I hear Vancouver is really nice.

  11. #11
    Cyburbian nuovorecord's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Lee Nellis
    Never been to Crawford, but I hesitate to wish W on the folks who live there. And Bill's failings were personal. They were not a failure to perform the functions of his office. I personally prefer comparing W to Harding. Grant had issues, but he also signed the legislation creating Yellowstone. That doesn't make him a hero, but it is a mitigating factor.

    This administration's abuse of the environment and public resources, including its secretive methods of changing federal regulations and its abuse of employees who are trying to do their jobs is immoral. Wars designed to enrich particular people are immoral. Promoting a particular set of religious beliefs as public policy is immoral. Need I continue?
    WELL SAID!!!
    "There's nothing wrong with America that can't be fixed by what's right with America." - Bill Clinton.

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