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Thread: The Longest Minute

  1. #1
    Cyburbian Michele Zone's avatar
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    The Longest Minute

    I have a tie for first place for The Longest Minute Of My Life:

    1) I was almost 6 months pregnant with my second child. My husband had just left 3 days earlier for a field exercise and would not be back for about 5 1/2 weeks and my two year old locks me in his bedroom (we were in Germany -- we had those big skeleton keys for every door in the apartment). I am wearing nothing but a nightgown in a third floor apartment and there is no phone in this room. Not only does my life flash before my eyes, but so do the lives of my two kids: I have visions of my husband returning home in 5 1/2 weeks to find his dead pregnant wife and dead toddler. Keeping the panic out of my voice, I coax my 2 year old into kindly unlocking the door. That was The Longest Minute Of My Life.

    2) Three months later, I am giving birth to his brother. It is Monday at lunchtime and I have been in labor since Saturday night. So, after all this time, when 3rd stage labor starts, the baby is suddenly in a Big Hurry: The second I announced the need to push, they RAN me down the hall and I still crowned his head in the hallway. We arrive in the delivery room and the doctor is still getting into his surgical gown and saying "STOP pushing so we can give you an episiotomy." My first baby was 8 1/2 pounds at birth and I cussed the doctor out for giving me a completely unnecessary episiotomy. But I could feel that this baby was too big (9 1/2 pounds and with a Pumpkin Head). Somehow, I managed to stop pushing long enough for him to get his gown on and perform the procedure. I still don't know how I managed it. That was the other Longest Minute Of My Life.

    What was The Longest Minute of Your Life?

  2. #2
    Cyburbian donk's avatar
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    Two, one is funny, the other kind of gross.

    1) Funny one. On the second date with the women I was recently dating we went to a good restaurant. Needless to say, coming from east middle of nowhere, my experience at those type of places is limited. She passed me the wine menu and asked me to order a bottle(never had to do that before) and I whited out. I could hear and see everything around me, but had no ability to respond or participate in the conversation. The menu even started to swirl, I was probably seconds from passing out. For me it felt like eternity, she says it was only about 2 minutes before she asked a question(what beer do you want drink) I was able to easily reanswer and restart my brain. At the time she thought it was funny/cute, on breaking up she mentioned she should have known that I was not for her at that moment.

    2) Gross one. After having a kidney stone removed they leave a shunt inside of you. You are responsible for removing it. Imagine where you have to remove it from. The longest minute was pulling 2 feet of piano wire attached to a 3 feet of plastic tube out of myself.
    Too lazy to beat myself up for being to lazy to beat myself up for being too lazy to... well you get the point....

  3. #3
    Cyburbian Wannaplan?'s avatar
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    My longest minute is too embarrassing to tell. Looking back at my naivete from over 12 years ago, when I was delusionally overly-self-confident, is a horrific feeling.


  4. #4
    Cyburbia Administrator Dan's avatar
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    Guinness escaped from the house through an ajar door last Friday. A family a block away found him, but in that first minute, every negative emotion possible ran through me. Nearly had a nervous breakdown.
    Growth for growth's sake is the ideology of the cancer cell. -- Edward Abbey

  5. #5
    Cyburbian SW MI Planner's avatar
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    Mines pregnancy related too Michelle.

    I was in labor for about ten hours, but hadn't started pushing or anything (sorry, TMI). Both baby and I had been doing well all day. About 11pm, the her heartrate dropped to like 30 and didn't go back up. I had ten nurses and doctors RUN into my room, told me to flip on my hands and knees, and rushed me to ER. They broke the bed jamming me through the doorway of my room (they didn't have the sides down or something). In reality, this was like a 2-3 minute span, but it felt like hours. All I did was pray over and over that neither me or the baby would die. Once they got me down there her heartrate had stabilized, but they did the emergency c-section. Thankfully she was completely healthy.

  6. #6
    Cyburbian Plus
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    I also experienced what Donk described in his 2nd story.

    I have had many others.
    Oddball
    Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves?
    Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here?
    Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?
    From Kelly's Heroes (1970)


    Are you sure you're not hurt ?
    No. Just some parts wake up faster than others.
    Broke parts take a little longer, though.
    From Electric Horseman (1979)

  7. #7
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    I too experienced Donk story #2.

    I'm struggling here trying to come up with a non-terror/pain realated long minute....how about the minutes before you got to open up the presents Santa brought you when you're 6?
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  8. #8
    Cyburbian Queen B's avatar
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    Boy this is a story that I don't know that I have told anyone.

    In this day and age of cell phones it may be hard to relate to this but...
    As a youngster we were a very poor family and rarely had phone service. We live in an area that when we did dial a phone we only had to dial 4 digits. That background in place,
    Upon coming home from a weekend visit to 1st husbands parents they inform me that they have recieved a call that my grandfather had died and I needed to call my grandmother. I could not get the phone dialed. I struggled most of four hours trying to dial and I kept getting this funny signal I was thought was an odd busy signal and just couldn't understand. Of course I just got more and more frantic. I don't know when I finally figured out that I was doing it wrong but it was truely a horrible feeling not being able to make that call.

    Another that comes to mind. New Year's Eve, I have celebrated well and have just settled into bed and a call comes in from Georgia, I am in Ks. My mother has been admitted to the hospital and the Dr does not think she will make it through the night. She had the FLU... I have two brothers. Both were young adults and didn't think they needed to let anyone know where they were living. So at that moment I had no idea how to find them. Although I have limited finances I did make arrangements to fly to Georgia. There was a snow storm and the flights were cancelled. For the first time in my life I get a full blown migrane that ends up sending me to the hospital ER. My youngest brother finally was found and we ended up driving to Georgia. This whole time they just kept saying, you need to get here she isn't going to make it. She was in ICU for 30 days. My family really insists that she get her flu shot.
    It is all a matter of perspective!!!

  9. #9
    Cyburbian SW MI Planner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Queen B
    I could not get the phone dialed. I struggled most of four hours trying to dial and I kept getting this funny signal I was thought was an odd busy signal and just couldn't understand. Of course I just got more and more frantic. I don't know when I finally figured out that I was doing it wrong but it was truely a horrible feeling not being able to make that call.
    I literally have nightmares about that. Not sure what it means....but scary enough!

  10. #10
    Cyburbian Tom R's avatar
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    longest minute(s)

    I was in the delivery room when my son was born (C section). It had been a very rough pregnancy (after 3 miscarriages) with 2 months of bed rest, anti-contraction drugs and innumeral trips to the L & D section of the hospital with false alarms. Well the big day comes. When the doctor pulled him out he decided to do a chamelion impersonation. He turned from pink to purple to blue back to pink I don't know how many times. They had a crew of nurses etc. working on him trying to get him to breathe and everyone was too busy to tell us what was going on. All went well and after 17 days in the NICU we took him home at a whopping 4 pounds 12 ounces. You wouldn't know it if you saw him now. He's a big klunkey 15 year old. But those first few minutes when I thought we could loose him scared the bejesus out of us.
    WALSTIB

  11. #11
    It's not the longest minute: it's a split-second frozen in time. My son is in mid-air, having flown off the rocket-rider -- even though dad had said about a thousand times "DON'T LET GO!" -- and his left leg is about to take the full weight of his fall. He's suspended there and I shudder thinking about it to this day, more than three years later.

    The longest minutes is the last minute before my wife comes home.....
    On pitching to Stan Musial:
    "Once he timed your fastball, your infielders were in jeopardy."
    Warren Spahn

  12. #12
    Cyburbian Michele Zone's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister
    I'm struggling here trying to come up with a non-terror/pain realated long minute....how about the minutes before you got to open up the presents Santa brought you when you're 6?
    Actually, I consider my two stories to be funny because everything worked out okay. It was a suspense thing, not really terror or pain -- more like "hold your breathe". Those were certainly not the most painful moments of my life. Giving birth to my first child was much more traumatic than giving birth to my second child. My oldest was always giving me "heart-stopping" (or heart-in-mouth) moments when he was little, like when he locked me in his room. I look back on them with a laugh, not upset.

    Perhaps this will help (I didn't include it because I thought it was TMI and a little too risque): Here I am, locked in my son's bedroom, in a flannel nightgown and no underwear because I am big as a house and cannot comfortably sleep in underwear (at 6 months along everyone was asking me "When is the baby due??"). The nightgown is torn from hem to hip on one or both sides because I just could not get comfortable, tossed and turned all night, and all my nightgowns were getting the seams torn out of them. There is a tree outside the window and, as my life is flashing before my eyes, I am thinking "Yeah, theoretically I could try to climb down the tree to get out of here -- only I have nothing but this nightgown on, not even underwear, and I am too high pregnant to climb any F***ing trees. Gawd, we are dead for sure." (Yeah, can you imagine a woman who is very pregnant flashing the world her private parts while shimmying down a tree from her third floor apartment??) So, feeling that my life is in the hands of a two year old, I turn to the door and go "Honey, can you please unlock the door for mommie?"

    In reality, I don't think our lives were ever in danger. It could have been miserable, waiting a few hours to get the attention of a passerby to get them to call the MP's and come get into our quarters, but, really, I don't think we were going to die -- but that is what I thought at the time. Yes, it was a heart-stopping moment. But I really didn't want to upset people. Sorry.
    Last edited by Michele Zone; 05 Nov 2004 at 3:32 PM.

  13. #13
    Cyburbian PlannerByDay's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by donk
    2) Gross one. After having a kidney stone removed they leave a shunt inside of you. You are responsible for removing it. Imagine where you have to remove it from. The longest minute was pulling 2 feet of piano wire attached to a 3 feet of plastic tube out of myself.
    O O O O OUUUUUCCCCCHHHHHH, shutters don't tell me that your pulling that "piano wire" out of your.... um ....pee hole??

    GOOD GOD I hope I never have a kidney stone.

    My longest minute had to be while I was waiting for my lovely bride to walk down the isle.

    Long is a good sense of course. I could not wait to see here and become her husband.

  14. #14
    NIMBY asshatterer Plus Richmond Jake's avatar
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    My Longest (and most painful) Minute

    Earlier this year, waking up early one morning and discovering I was alone in bed. Walking out to the living room I found my then-wife laying on the couch wide awake where she announced to me she wanted a divorce.
    RJ is the KING of . The One

  15. #15
    Cyburbian
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister
    ....how about the minutes before you got to open up the presents Santa brought you when you're 6?
    Compared to the minute it took to open them!

  16. #16
    Cyburbian Queen B's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by RichmondJake
    Earlier this year, waking up early one morning and discovering I was alone in bed. Walking out to the living room I found my then-wife laying on the couch wide awake where she announced to me she wanted a divorce.
    RJ,
    Can tell this moment still hurts alot, But I predict that once you give your self some time to heal... You could very well find your self in a relationship that could be even better and more wonderful. Don't give up hope of that happening and embrace it and nurture it when it does. Good Luck.
    It is all a matter of perspective!!!

  17. #17
    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
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    Longest minute was the first minute I held my son. He looked at me with a "what the hell happened" expression. I just smiled. I thought don't worry, little guy. I've got your back from now on.
    "I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

    ~ Otterpop ~

  18. #18
    Cyburbian
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    Fascinating thread, in a kind of voyeuristic way. I cannot think for the life of me when my longest minute was, though, which either means my life is horribly dull or it's completely blocked and will come out eventually, probably during the middle of a hearing......
    although that moment when I was 15' up on a steel cable, harnessed to a nearby rope, in a heavily wooded adventure course, during a violent summer thunderstorm was pretty exciting.
    I don't dream. I plan.

  19. #19
    Cyburbian michaelskis's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by kms
    Compared to the minute it took to open them!
    In a strom of paper, it never took a full minute.

    I can't think of any that are good, so I will post something later.

  20. #20
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Around 6:35 am on Aug 14 this year when I was trying to maneuver around all the downed trees and get to my house after H Charley. Waiting to see if my house was ttrashed. The longest drive of my life.

  21. #21
    Cyburbian Cardinal's avatar
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    December 31, 1998 was the longest minute I recall, lasting all of 61 seconds. Due to the variable speed of the earth's rotation, chronoscientists will periodically adjust the clock so that it is in synch with the earth, either adding or subtracting a second from the year. This was last done six years ago, and is not expected again until 2005.
    Anyone want to adopt a dog?

  22. #22

    Longest Minute?

    Don't remember if it was a minute or longer, but going down a mountain with a load of coal and seeing smoke from every wheel. No brakes!!! It is possible to ride that particular mountain at 72 mph but not reccomended!!!!

  23. #23
    Cyburbian Jen's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by nighthawk1959
    Don't remember if it was a minute or longer, but going down a mountain with a load of coal and seeing smoke from every wheel. No brakes!!! It is possible to ride that particular mountain at 72 mph but not reccomended!!!!
    hey what fun that must've been!!! Did you have to use one of those run away truck ramps?

    Similar type story, on motorbikes on the W Va turnpike when tropical storm Beryl hits the Appalachians. No place to get off, shearing winds across the valley passes, driving rain and we're on lightweight European touring bikes. And we're flatlanders on a cross country trip hundreds miles from home and our destination. It was the longest day of my life, and it flashed in front of my eyes several times. Dried out in a Taco bell in the Capital city, and hit the road again. Though at the end of the day, we went through a mountain tunnel and on the other side the rainbow came out, the sun was shining the clouds were breaking apart and the wind was calm.

    Exhilirating feeling!

  24. #24

    Fun?

    Jen, The option of a ramp was there but in a cabover truck with no seatbelt it was not a good option. The truck tends to stop rather suddenly while the driver doesn't. Sort of an ejection seat type of thing. However with no traffic and a helpful local who got in front and cleared the way I rode that sucker down. Not reccomended for the faint of heart.

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