Urban planning community

+ Reply to thread
Results 1 to 19 of 19

Thread: Time between pregnancies (AIB: birth order thread)

  1. #1
    Unfrozen Caveman Planner mendelman's avatar
    Registered
    May 2003
    Location
    Staff meeting
    Posts
    8,904

    Time between pregnancies (AIB: birth order thread)

    It seems many of our parents have either been real eager to have children (Maister and his brother 12 months apart) or pete-rock's sister 14 years younger.

    Well, for us Cyburbians planning to have kids or already got'em:
    What do you think are good age separations bewteen children?

    Do you think you should have children close together to get it over with or do you spread it out so you don't have an infant and a 2 year-old at the same time, and all other methods in between.
    _______

    For my wife and I: we plan on 2 kids close together - 2 years apart at the most.

    We certainly want to have that part of our lives in the shortest time period as possible.
    I'm sorry. Is my bias showing?

    The ends can justify the means.

  2. #2
    Cyburbian mike gurnee's avatar
    Registered
    Feb 1998
    Location
    Greensburg, Kansas
    Posts
    2,997
    Our two are 2 1/2 years apart. Turned out to be a decent spread.

  3. #3
    Cyburbian Michele Zone's avatar
    Registered
    Jul 2003
    Location
    San Diego, CA
    Posts
    7,061
    I think it depends a lot on the specifics of your situation. My kids are 2 1/2 years apart. My first pregnancy was so traumatic that until that child was a year old, I felt strongly that I NEVER WANTED TO GO THROUGH THAT AGAIN, FOR SO LONG AS I LIVE!!!! When I did get pregnant again and had the flu and began vomitting, I told someone at church "I hope to god I am pregnant because I really want another baby but having the flu reminds me of what it was like to be pregnant the last time. If I am not pregnant, I don't think I can voluntarily do this to myself again." Fortunately, I was pregnant.

    Originally, I wanted three kids. But my first one was such a handful and I was so sick when I was pregnant that I chose to not have another child. I felt very clear that I could not properly care for the two I had if I got pregnant again. Of course, originally, I also didn't plan on having kids so young. Then, when I did have a surprise child years before I intended to, I didn't want them too far apart so we went ahead and had a second one.

    My siblings are 4 1/2 and 6 1/2 years older than I am. My mom was told she was not able to have more kids. I was a surprise package. When I got pregnant with my second child, my sister was in fertility treatments, and had been already for several months. Additionally, people around me were saying things like "We tried for this one for 8 months" or "It took us two years to get our second one". In contrast, I skipped birth control 2 or 3 times and ended up pregnant again. I was still kind of waffling between "Let's have a baby" and "Let's wait six months" when I turned up pregnant. I really didn't think it would happen so fast and I felt bad telling my sister I was pregnant with number two when she still couldn't get pregnant with a first child.

    I don't think I have ever met anyone who really "planned" how far apart their kids would be. I don't think you have that degree of control over the process.

  4. #4
    Cyburbian Emeritus Bear Up North's avatar
    Registered
    May 2003
    Location
    Northwestern Ohio
    Posts
    9,327
    Bear's older brother is five (5) years older. Younger brother is two (2) years younger.

    My wife is forty-one (41). Her brothers and one (1) sister are: 15 years older, 18 years older, twenty-two years older, and twenty-five (25) years older.

    Talk about a "surprise".

    Rythmn Method Bear
    Occupy Cyburbia!

  5. #5
    Cyburbian SGB's avatar
    Registered
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Champlain-Adirondack Biosphere Reserve
    Posts
    3,387
    Our kids are over 4 years apart. Not quite the short spread we wanted, but we are not about to complain.

    2 to 2.5 years apart would have been nice, though.
    All these years the people said he’s actin’ like a kid.
    He did not know he could not fly, so he did.
    - - Guy Clark, "The Cape"

  6. #6
    Cyburbian Cardinal's avatar
    Registered
    Aug 2001
    Location
    The Cheese State
    Posts
    10,056
    Five to ten minutes is the norm in my family.
    Anyone want to adopt a dog?

  7. #7
    Cyburbian
    Registered
    Aug 2001
    Location
    Western Pennsylvania
    Posts
    3,840
    Daughter age 14, sons ages 9 and 8 (18 month difference). Sometimes I think it might have been better to have the first two closer together, but I'm happy with all three.

  8. #8
    Cyburbian Breed's avatar
    Registered
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Not Cliff Island, Maine :(
    Posts
    589
    Got two kids... #1 is nine... #2 is two.

    #1 was a surprise during college. #2 was planned after my wife and I were a bit more stable, financially. We are planning on having one more after #2 enters school so we only have one kid in daycare at a time. A good friend of ours has three kids that are a combined five years apart. Sometimes it seems as though thier middle kid always gets lost in the shuffle. Personally, I think spacing out kids works well, it allows each kid's development process to be more "special". At least that's how my wife and I view it. But I don't think there's a hard and fast rule.

    With that being said, my wife and I enjoy our kids so much that we would probably have alot more if the planning or teaching field paid a whole hell of alot better.

  9. #9
    Cyburbian Richmond Jake's avatar
    Registered
    Aug 2001
    Location
    Jukin' City
    Posts
    16,886
    My two are about 21 months apart. The youngest just turned 16 y.o. and the eldest will be 18 this month....what do you get an 18 y.o. for his birthday??? I guess $$$ since that's what he asked for.

    Richmond(deep pockets)Jake, with apologizes to BUN
    Annoyingly insensitive

  10. #10
    Cyburbian boiker's avatar
    Registered
    Dec 2001
    Location
    West Valley, AZ
    Posts
    3,895
    there's 13 and 1/2 months between my brother and I and 4 1/2 years between him and the youngest.

    So far in my family it will be 3 years between my son and daughter and we are expecting 2 years between our daughter and the new one.
    Dude, I'm cheesing so hard right now.

  11. #11
    Cyburbian Zoning Goddess's avatar
    Registered
    Sep 1999
    Location
    400 miles from Orlando
    Posts
    13,837
    My sister (now deceased) and I were 4 months apart (adopted) and there was major sibling rivalry. Less so with my brother, 22 months younger than me. I think 2-3 years is a good age difference.

    My son is 11 and has a half-sister and half-brother who are 34 and 32 (not mine!). Even though I'm divorced from their father, he maintains a good relationship with his sister, and it's been very positive for him. They act just like any brother/sister even though there's a big age difference.

  12. #12
    Cyburbian SW MI Planner's avatar
    Registered
    Feb 2002
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    3,179
    My sister and I are 2.5 years apart, and I think thats a good difference. We were far enough apart to have our own friends but still very close.

    Josie is right about 10 months old, and we (unbeknownst to my DH) are going to start trying next summer. I'm thinking between 2-3 years apart.

  13. #13
    My son is thrity-two months older than his sister. Had I known then what I know now, I'd have had her first: she was out of diapers quicker than he was and it sort of sncked to have two kids in diapers at the same time.

    Having said that, 2.5 to 3 years is nice once they're walking and talking and semi-indepedent. Of course, I'll have two in college at the same time
    Je suis Charlie

  14. #14
         
    Registered
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Here
    Posts
    3,519
    My two boys are four years apart, I wish they were closer than that, the "baby" irritates the hell out of the 7 year old and the older boy doesnt get to do a lot of things because the "baby" (3) cant do them... I think 2 to 2.5 years apart is ideal...

  15. #15
    Cyburbian Breed's avatar
    Registered
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Not Cliff Island, Maine :(
    Posts
    589
    Quote Originally posted by Jaxspra
    My two boys are four years apart, I wish they were closer than that, the "baby" irritates the hell out of the 7 year old... I think 2 to 2.5 years apart is ideal...
    This isn't unique to kids who are spaced out. My wife, who is a twin, and their brother (two years younger) got on each other's nerves all the time as kids. They have quite the lengthy list of emergency room visits due to sparing amongst the three. Ciblings get on each other's nerves. At least you have a defined pecking order. Let's just hope your older son doesn't exploit it... like my older brother did (five years older).
    Every time I look at a Yankees hat I see a swastika tilted just a little off kilter.
    Bill "Spaceman" Lee

  16. #16
    Cyburbian Habanero's avatar
    Registered
    Dec 2001
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    2,662
    All of my siblings are about 13 months apart. We get along well, although there was sibling rivalry growing up. Once we start having children I wouldn't mind having them about 2 years apart.
    When Jesus said "love your enemies", he probably didn't mean kill them.

  17. #17
    Cyburbian SlaveToTheGrind's avatar
    Registered
    Jul 2003
    Location
    Wherever I May Roam
    Posts
    1,197
    My siblings and I are 6 years apart for four of us. I have two boys who are 355 days apart, but who is counting? Number two was a suprise but I'd never give him up or wish he did not arrive that soon. He is too much fun.

  18. #18
    Cyburbian Emeritus Bear Up North's avatar
    Registered
    May 2003
    Location
    Northwestern Ohio
    Posts
    9,327
    Quote Originally posted by Cardinal
    Five to ten minutes is the norm in my family.


    Bear Near Twinsburg, OH
    Occupy Cyburbia!

  19. #19
    Cyburbian Trail Nazi's avatar
    Registered
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Encroaching on something
    Posts
    2,727
    I really want another sibling for my child right now since he is 16 months old. I think that it would be great to have someone close in age to him rather than 7 or the 24 years apart that I have with my brothers. Ideally, it would be less than 3 years apart for my husband and I. However, I must wait to find out what happens after I interview for a company that I have wanted to work for since high school, which is in December, and that will determine when the next child will come.

+ Reply to thread

More at Cyburbia

  1. Replies: 35
    Last post: 23 Feb 2011, 3:57 PM
  2. That Time of the Month Thread
    Friday Afternoon Club
    Replies: 16
    Last post: 19 Mar 2009, 9:07 PM
  3. Birth order
    Friday Afternoon Club
    Replies: 102
    Last post: 23 May 2007, 2:15 PM