You read about them in magazines and from other people. Someone drops the turkey, the dinner is late... things like that.
My topic out to Cyburbia is whether they have had any mishaps over the Thanksgiving holiday.
Friends of my family last year accidentally turned off the oven leaving the uncooked for four hours, thus ruining Thanksgiving. I have heard of Family Fueds boiling over at the table too....
What do you got, Cyb?
You get all squeezed up inside/Like the days were carved in stone/You get all wired up inside/And it's bad to be alone
You can go out, you can take a ride/And when you get out on your own/You get all smoothed out inside/And it's good to be alone
-Peart
When I was four or so, I caused a Turkey Day mishap. My mom set the table with all brown cloth napkins, and the kids table had plain white napkins. I decided I wanted a brown napkin, so I put it in the toaster. From what I have been told, the house stank really bad for a few weeks and they needed to replace the toaster.
I could write a book on the dysfunctional goings on of my in-laws (or for that my matter my own family) at holidays. Some of the more memorable fights in recent memory:
1. Father-in-law gets obnoxiously sauced and some family member politley suggests he's had enough is a perennial holiday favorite ("no, YOU'RE the one that's drunk if you think I am....").
2. Brother-in-law gets obnoxiously sauced and publicly announces his wife is already too fat and will not be eating anything.
3. Mother squares off with mother-in-law over how stupid it is to make gravy without giblets.
4. Brother decides to turn touch football into full contact sport when brother-in-law is receiver.
5. Dog licks the turkey, mother-in-law wipes it off and doesn't tell anyone, unaware that the act was witnessed by mother who dutifully announces this fact after everyone has already sat down to eat a few bites.
Holidays at the Maister abode are always fun for all.
People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor
My favorite Thanksgiving mishap occurred about 15 years ago at my parents' house-where the extended family always goes. They have a double oven, and most of the time they extra cat food in a plastic bin in the second oven since they only need one. That way the fat family kitty couldn't get to it.Originally posted by zmanPLAN
Thanksgiving for an extended family involves the use of two ovens if you have them. Unfortunately they forgot to clear out the second oven in time. Preheating, even for a short time, melts a plastic cat food bin and cooks the fat they spray onto the cat food. The oven was almost ruined and the cat was somewhat annoyed and somewhat excited.
That cat has moved on, but they have another cat now, and they still store the cat food in the second oven. I keep waiting for a replay.
My aunt always used to fight with her kids about who got to eat the turkey NECK
On the ground, protecting the Cyburbia Shove since 2004.
No more fun in the world than the Old Failtful Commode at the Grandparents house backing up every year coincidentialy right after my numnuts Aunt would bless us all with the sound of Gabriel's Trumpet from the only bathroom in the house. Then 12 adults would either take turns on the snake or comment on the snaker's technique. As Phil Hartman would say, "Good Times."
One year my mom took the turkey out of the oven and was letting it rest on the kitchen table. Well she went to do something else and I walked into the kitchen to find the dog up on the table eating the turkey. She came back in, freaked out, and quickly rinsed it off and carved it up and told me to keep my mouth shut. It was only years later that she confessed to what had happened.
"I'm a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are."
- Homer Simpson
Most of the mishaps I've witnessed involve over zealous canines and consumable vegetable and meat products.
"And all this terrible change had come about because he had ceased to believe himself and had taken to believing others. " - Leo Tolstoy
Family stories tell of a year when Old grandma had arsnic and flour to close together and she got into the arsnic but couldn't get the gravy to thincken right!
One of my fav's, my extended family from my second marriage was upset about the divorce because no one knew how to make gravy. So I was required to come and make gravy for them. My new extended family lived only three doors down.
It was hilarious going from one family to the next.
Old family = choas nothing on time. Many people running around not knowing what to do next.
New family = mother in law had a list prepared of the things that needed to be put in when and taken out when. House quiet people sitting around reading the paper until the meal was ready. they thought it was odd that I would go down and fix gravy. Just for the record I like the chaos better.
Last year... My father in law requested that I make him an apple pie. It was a beautiful pie. I put it in the trunk and went back for another batch of food and the cat got up in the trunk and took a big bite out of it. I decided not a huge deal I would just cut out that part and all would be well. I got the pie into the house and to the basement where I cut out the bad part. As I was coming up the stairs with cut out piece my father in law asked what I was doing. I told him I had to try the pie before I could let him have it. He asked how it was. I said fine. He said well had it over and let him try. I looked up at my mother in law with a look of horror on my face as she mouthed to me "Give it to him and don't say a word" I did and he loved it!!!
It is all a matter of perspective!!!
WOW.... THAT'S the stuff I wanted to hear while starting this thread.I could write a book on the dysfunctional goings on of my in-laws (or for that my matter my own family) at holidays. Some of the more memorable fights in recent memory:
1. Father-in-law gets obnoxiously sauced and some family member politley suggests he's had enough is a perennial holiday favorite ("no, YOU'RE the one that's drunk if you think I am....").
2. Brother-in-law gets obnoxiously sauced and publicly announces his wife is already too fat and will not be eating anything.
3. Mother squares off with mother-in-law over how stupid it is to make gravy without giblets.
4. Brother decides to turn touch football into full contact sport when brother-in-law is receiver.
5. Dog licks the turkey, mother-in-law wipes it off and doesn't tell anyone, unaware that the act was witnessed by mother who dutifully announces this fact after everyone has already sat down to eat a few bites.
Holidays at the Maister abode are always fun for all.
You got any room at the table, Maister?
You get all squeezed up inside/Like the days were carved in stone/You get all wired up inside/And it's bad to be alone
You can go out, you can take a ride/And when you get out on your own/You get all smoothed out inside/And it's good to be alone
-Peart
Mom's first Thanksgiving with Dad. 1949. Mom had never made a turkey dinner, having grown up in Denmark. Her mother-in-law and sister-in-law invited themselves but studiously avoided providing any asisistance. Mom did not realize that the 18# bird needed to be defrosted before baking, thus planting the seeds of my Mom's utter disdain for my Grandmother and Aunt.
Mom's red cabbage side dish has become a tradition at my in-laws.
I have seen
old ships sailing
like swans asleep
OHHH this is a sensitive subject for me... just let me say that things did not go so well with a family member and a several glasses of wine. Did I mention that I had a friend from Japan who went home with me and it was going to be her first American Thanksgiving.
I will just say I don’t bring people home for holiday’s after that event.
My in-law decided she didn't want to make turkey because she didn't have a nesco big enough to make one. She decided that she was going to make a ham, not thinking she would have the same problem. To wash the ham instead of placing it in the sink or bathtub she decided to use a washed garbage can. Then she decided to cook it. She told the story after every one had eaten.
Yum.
“I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward.” - Thomas Edison
My BIL's step mother sprayed the ENTIRE turkey with PAMTM Cooking Spray. (After all, look at the pretty picture of the golden brown bird on the can -- it must work, right?). Turns out, NO. The enitre bird was a pasty white dead flesh even though it was fully cooked. They even took it out the the garage to singe it with a blow torch. The pasty white flesh was then blistered pasty white flesh.
When I was 19 and very much a hippie, I invited my long hair boyfriend, whose hair was a flaming orange color, to dinner. My wonderful, very southern-country grandparents stared at him through the whole meal. I think they thought he was a Martian.
You darn tootin', I like fig newtons!
When I was in high school, my brother, sister, and I got into the liquor cabinet before dinner one year, and ended up arfing our entire thanksgiving dinner off the dock into the lake behind our house. Along with most of our cousins, who were equally decadent.
I once saw a show about "food artists" - the people who prepare and take pictures of all the food you see in tv and print media. Half the stuff they put on food to make it look better to the camera isn't even edible.......turkeys are browned with hairspray and a blowtorch, WD40 gets put on steaks to make it glisten....pretty disgusting stuff. Sounds like your BIL's mother was a professional.
People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor
When my wife and I hosted our first T-day dinner (with both of our families), everything went really well. Until, that is, it became time to mash the potatoes. We searched high. We searched low. No potato masher to be found.
The only store open in town was sold out.
Guess what we got about a dozen of that Christmas?
All these years the people said he’s actin’ like a kid.
He did not know he could not fly, so he did.
- - Guy Clark, "The Cape"
Oh, I know one almost everyone has done at some point.......cooking the turkey with the giblets still tied up in the bag inside.
People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor
You know...you can mash with a blender or a fork...When my wife and I hosted our first T-day dinner (with both of our families), everything went really well. Until, that is, it became time to mash the potatoes. We searched high. We searched low. No potato masher to be found.
The only store open in town was sold out.
Guess what we got about a dozen of that Christmas?
Information necessitating a change of design will be conveyed to the designer after and only after the design is complete. (Often called the 'Now They Tell Us' Law) - Fyfe's First Law of Revision
We don't believe in planners and deciders making the decisions on behalf of Americans. -- George W. Bush , Scranton, PA -- 09/06/2000
Have y’all ever seen the footage on those video programs where the dumb, drunk redneck nearly blows himself up while attempting to fry a turkey? Well, I was that redneck a couple of years back.
Lets just say that you should always account for displacement when figuring out how much oil to put in the deep fryer.
Last edited by biscuit; 23 Nov 2004 at 12:25 PM.
I am the designated turkey fryer in our family with 5 years consecutive of no incidents and good turkey. I use water displacement for measuring then air dry the turkey to avoid too much splatter. Most fryers only have enough capacity to fry smaller birds under 15lbs or so.
My first T-day with my wife (then fiance) was exciting as the turkey went for a ride and spilled juices everywhere, but it never touched the ground! To this day the dogs still lick the cabinets ocassionally.
At Zman's suggestion, I will add the following historical Oldies But Goodies:I could write a book on the dysfunctional goings on of my in-laws (or for that my matter my own family) at holidays. Some of the more memorable fights in recent memory:
1. Father-in-law gets obnoxiously sauced and some family member politley suggests he's had enough is a perennial holiday favorite ("no, YOU'RE the one that's drunk if you think I am....").
2. Brother-in-law gets obnoxiously sauced and publicly announces his wife is already too fat and will not be eating anything.
3. Mother squares off with mother-in-law over how stupid it is to make gravy without giblets.
4. Brother decides to turn touch football into full contact sport when brother-in-law is receiver.
5. Dog licks the turkey, mother-in-law wipes it off and doesn't tell anyone, unaware that the act was witnessed by mother who dutifully announces this fact after everyone has already sat down to eat a few bites.
Holidays at the Maister abode are always fun for all.
6. 15 minutes before dinner is served burnt food sets off smoke alarm creating a pleasantly scented smoke ambiance for the feast to follow.
7. Brother-in-law breaks rabbit ears on tv set flailing around after ref makes the "worst 'f(*^ing call I've ever seen in my life" during annual Lions/Bears game.
8. Police knock on door during dessert to nicely ask whoever (father-in-law) blocked the neighbor's driveway (almost entirely) to move their car ("aw hell, it's only a few feet over. They can't get around that?.....")
9. Grandpa takes a photo of the family sitting around the table right before the feast. After the film is developed it is discovered to be a double exposure (you digital age kidz are too young to remember this) of last years camping trip. There sitting prominently over where the turkey should be located is my cousin's dog 'Mitzi"......
Tell you guys what - grandma is now in a nursing home. I will see if I can borrow the dog-turkey photo and scan it so y'all can see it.
There is a mishap of some sort every year! Maybe this year will be different - I don't expect my brother-in-law will attend this year and he's usually a bountiful source of holiday mayhem.
Last edited by Maister; 10 Nov 2005 at 11:54 AM.
People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor
Thank you, even more laughs...
I love 'em. Last year I was in Memphis for Thanksgiving. I was checking out Cyburbia from my grandfather's computer when my dad came in. (He was seeking refuge from his In-laws) and I told him your stories. He thought they were the funniest things he ever heard too!
I ask again:
Is there room at your table this year, Maister? I bring some Crown Royal...
You get all squeezed up inside/Like the days were carved in stone/You get all wired up inside/And it's bad to be alone
You can go out, you can take a ride/And when you get out on your own/You get all smoothed out inside/And it's good to be alone
-Peart
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