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Thread: Urgent!! X-mas poetry contest

  1. #1
    Cyburbian Trail Nazi's avatar
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    Urgent!! X-mas poetry contest

    Season Greetings!

    I need the help of the Throbbing Brains. I need a verse modeled after "Twas the night before Christmas" about Santa at a vacation without Mrs. Claus or the reindeer!

    Here is what has been written so far and needs to finished with his night out on the town with a lady of the tropics and some elf tossing! It is an contest and I am stuck. I am having a little trouble continuing the poem of Santa's actual frolic.

    Twas the night before Christmas
    And all through the air
    Santa was stressed
    And in a state of despair.

    "I work all year long
    For this magical night.
    But this year it's different.
    I don't feel all right."

    Santa then knew.
    It was there within reach.
    A little vacation,
    A stop at the beach.

    So Santa made his last stop
    At the cube of Maurice.
    "Ah, Jax Beach, here I come
    For a night of release."

    He released his eight reindeer
    To fly and go free.
    Then he reined a pink flamingo
    For his tropical spree.

  2. #2
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    LOL!!! Now I can die, I've seen 'urgent' and 'poetry contest' in the same sentence!!

    Let's see if I can help out...

    Crossing the Everglades
    the bird soon touched down
    near a clump of tall palm trees
    In this touristy town

    with a few margaritas
    under Santa's broad belt
    he then flew to Key West
    where the parrot heads dwelt

    Good Captain Morgan
    and Malibu rum
    made the jolly old elf
    feel so much less glum

    after sticking some singles
    in Bambi's waistband
    he jumped up on stage
    with karaoke mike in hand
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  3. #3
    Cyburbian Trail Nazi's avatar
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    Maister, you are an excellent poet!!! That works right in! Thank you!!!!

  4. #4
    Corn Burning Fool giff57's avatar
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    Maister, work this in:

    I like big butts and can not lie


    LOL
    “As soon as public service ceases to be the chief business of the citizens, and they would rather serve with their money than with their persons, the State is not far from its fall”
    Jean-Jacques Rousseau

  5. #5
    Cyburbian
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    Santa booked it to Jamaica
    The Atlantis, where else?
    Was so happy to see
    Not one single elf

    Off with the snow suit
    And into some jams
    Santa headed to the beach
    To work on his tan

    When all of a sudden
    The mediocre Bob Marley cover band got better
    The bartender leaped from his hammock
    To see what was the matter

    "On Corona, on Red Stripe
    On Tequila, on Vodka
    On Captain, on Miller
    On Heineken and Jaeger!"

    The bartender couldn't believe
    Were his eyes just deceiving?
    Could it be? Why's he here?
    Shouldn't he be in Cleveland?

    But there, at the bar, present and sitting at the rear
    Was Santa Claus in shorts
    With four shots of liquor
    And four lovely beers

    "Ho, Ho, Ho", said Santa after each shot he downed
    The bartender looked to see if anyone else was around
    But no one was there to witness this beautiful sight
    "Merry Christmas to all!", said Santa, "And to all a good night!"

  6. #6
    Cyburbian Floridays's avatar
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    Twas the night before Christmas
    Santa was home all alone
    He needed his homies
    So he picked up the phone.

    "My deer are asleep, my wife's at the mall,
    Let's hit the town, boys, and have a pub crawl!
    The beers at the pub are now 2-for-1
    We must drink up and have some fun!"

    So Santa and friends bellied up to the bar
    He said, "This is the most fun by far
    It's warm and dry and the barmaid's a hottie
    C'mere, honey, and bring me a toddy!"

    They tipped their glasses until last call
    On the way to the sleigh they did stumble and fall
    Santa picked some mistletoe to take to his spouse
    Hoping for forgiveness as he snuck into the house

    When up in the bedroom there arose such a clatter
    Santa raced upstairs to see what was the matter
    A suitcase was packed, the drawers were a mess
    Mrs. Claus was pissed, and he had to confess.

    "C'mon darlin, and give me a kiss and some hugs,
    I was just with the guys and we drank a few mugs.
    You were not here and I was bored out of my mind
    I promise in the future to be more loving and kind."

    She spoke not a word, but went straight back to work,
    And filled all the suitcases; then turned with a jerk,
    She said while laying her finger aside of her cheek,
    "I'm off to the islands, I'll be back in a week."

    She sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
    And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
    But he heard her exclaim, as she cruised a few miles,
    "I'll have Christmas my way... Carribean style!"

  7. #7
    Cyburbian Emeritus Bear Up North's avatar
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    Doesn't fit with your specific request, but I'll present it anyway. We used to sing this as kids.....

    'Twas the night before Christmas
    And all through the garage
    Not a creature was stirring
    Not even the Dodge

    The tires were hung
    On the garage wall with care
    Hoping St. Nickalaus
    Would fill them with air

    Bear In The 1950's Again
    Occupy Cyburbia!

  8. #8
    Cyburbian michaelskis's avatar
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    It was two weeks before Christmas,
    yet I do not care,
    all the lights are up,
    but the ground is still bare.

    Tonight is our office party
    and alcoholic drinks will be sipped,
    the secretary will be drunk,
    but still my spirit has dipped.

    Tomorrow they open the ice rink,
    and many couples will skate hand in hand,
    but I will be dressed as a vegetable ,
    because the costume needs to be manned.

    There is still time,
    and I just may find the spirit yet,
    But feeling bah humbug
    is something I would bet.
    Last edited by michaelskis; 10 Dec 2004 at 4:04 PM.

  9. #9
    Cyburbian PlannerByDay's avatar
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    Those are great.

    I can't even begin to try and top those.

    Thanks for the laughs all.

  10. #10
    Cyburbian Cardinal's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by michaelskis
    ...the secretary will be drunk,
    but still my spirit has dipped....
    Sorry to hear about your, er... problem. Have you tried Viagra?
    Anyone want to adopt a dog?

  11. #11
    Cyburbian PlannerByDay's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Cardinal
    Sorry to hear about your, er... problem. Have you tried Viagra?
    SNARFAL, holy crap I cant stop laughing.

  12. #12
    Cyburbian michaelskis's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Cardinal
    Sorry to hear about your, er... problem. Have you tried Viagra?
    No it is not that... I am reminded that it is not a problem most mornings, and at some inconvenient times. Just knowing that almost all of my friends are married, or will soon be... and they are all doing the "family holiday" thing.

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