Urban planning community

+ Reply to thread
Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 46

Thread: Ask El Guapo

  1. #1
    Cyburbian Cardinal's avatar
    Registered
    Aug 2001
    Location
    The Cheese State
    Posts
    10,043

    Ask El Guapo

    Ann Landers is dead.

    Who will we turn to?

    El Guapo!

    He has enlightened us with his understanding of women, relationships, photoshop, the internet and armaments. I propose a new feature. Ask El Guapo!

  2. #2
    Cyburbian Cardinal's avatar
    Registered
    Aug 2001
    Location
    The Cheese State
    Posts
    10,043
    I'll go first.

    El Guapo,

    Recently, a friend of mine was on a long drive with his (now ex) girlfriend. Several hours into the drive she said "I was hoping that we could really talk during this drive." My friend considered turning up the radio but instead relied "Okay, go ahead." This apparently was not the response she wanted, and she hit him with the old "What are you thinking?" line. Women value honesty so he answered that he was thinking the car was getting good gas mileage on this trip. For some reason this, too, displeased her. He racked his brain and added that 1) northern Michigan was flatter than he had expected, 2) that they might make it to St. Catherine's by dinner time, and 3) that we were lucky to have such good weather. None of these were discussions she wanted to continue. He had left out his other thought, that the blond in the blue bikini next to them at the beach earlier that day had been really hot, but was pretty sure it would not be well received. Needless to say, the reminder of the drive was tense.

    My friend was wondering what he should have said. Did she want to talk sports? politics? Should he have mentioned the blond? If she wanted to talk, why didn't she just go ahead and talk instead of asking him to do the talking?

  3. #3
    Cyburbian GeogPlanner's avatar
    Registered
    Aug 2001
    Location
    Capital Region, NY
    Posts
    1,429
    nah...it's time that "savage love" made it's way into ann lander's old spot...

    http://www.citypages.com/savagelove/
    Information necessitating a change of design will be conveyed to the designer after and only after the design is complete. (Often called the 'Now They Tell Us' Law) - Fyfe's First Law of Revision

    We don't believe in planners and deciders making the decisions on behalf of Americans. -- George W. Bush , Scranton, PA -- 09/06/2000

  4. #4
    Cyburbian el Guapo's avatar
    Registered
    Oct 2001
    Location
    Samsara
    Posts
    5,075

    Ask El Guapo

    Remember - Always Remember - she is probing you with that question - looking for weaknesses in your shields. (Sorry, but when a Star Trek reference is appropriate I will not hesitate to use it) Women only do the let's talk thing when something is bothering them or they want an answer from you on a question that you have no clue they want answered.

    That question is a hard one to answer on the fly for most men. That is why the modern man harkens back to his Boy Scout days by always being prepared. Have at least three answers prepared and ready at all times. Mix them up. Never use the same one twice. Repeat only if you have developed new variants on the core answers.

    Keep these in the back of your mind. They should be something along the lines of the following:

    1. "Honey I was just thinking how wonderful my life is now that you are in it." Then start discussing your early relationship and how your love has grown even larger than you thought possible.

    2. "I was trying to figure out how we can {insert something she wants to do} on our budget. Sure, I may have to give up {something you want to do but know she will never let you do, or something you can't afford} because I want to see you happy."

    3. "I was thinking that I have never been so emotionally connected to someone in my life. I just feel we are so in tune with each other. Thanks for being who you are; the woman that completes me and allows me to communicate at the soul-level."


    Avoid the following answers:
    "I was thinking I miss my ex's nipples."
    "I was wondering if your Bridesmaid was large with my child the day of our wedding."
    "I think I might be curious about other men, namely your brother Seth."
    "I think OJ was innocent - Behatch."

    Michael, I hope this helps.

    If anyone has a question about the appropriate weapon/ordnance to use on a particular target/nation please post your question here.

    NEXT

  5. #5
    Cyburbian Planderella's avatar
    Registered
    Dec 1998
    Location
    NOLA
    Posts
    4,468
    Flirts

    El Guapo,

    Why do married men flirt with single women, particularly those who do not encourage such behavior from these men?

    Signed,

    Single but Certainly NOT Desperate
    "A witty woman is a treasure, a witty beauty is a power!"

  6. #6
    Cyburbian el Guapo's avatar
    Registered
    Oct 2001
    Location
    Samsara
    Posts
    5,075

    You are not going to like the answer.

    Genetics – remember men are hardwired by a million years of evolution to be distributors of little packets of genetic information. Nature demands this genetic information be available to as many as possible. Today’s modern man attracts a mate several ways –through the use of physical prowess, the accumulation of goods or by putting a spin on the female’s brain by using charms. Mostly through combinations of the aforementioned techniques is he allowed to donate his sequencing codes to posterity.

    Anyway you slice it the genetic goal of all men is to deliver the goods intact to the target and then move on to a newer, more exciting target. Preferably one with young healthy features. You don’t get genetic points for hanging out with the old lady and watching a video. Incidentally, this is why men make better gunners, bombers and missile launchers – genetics – we like hitting multiple targets. Straiffing is the term.

    So, when a modern man is flirting he has no choice – he is wired that way. Please be understanding and know that his remaining faithful to his mate goes against millions of years of evolutionary principles and that he is making a great effort by spending more than a week with her. Reassure him that many young girls would be glad to receive his data.

    And cut the guy some slack, its not like he gave her a phone number.

  7. #7
          Downtown's avatar
    Registered
    Oct 2000
    Location
    Under a pile of back issue Plannings
    Posts
    3,174

    pointless lying

    Dear El Guapo -

    Why do some contractors, engineers and architects feel compelled to lie about a facet of their project? Do they think that we aren't going to bust their lame ass? I just don't get this.

  8. #8
    Cyburbian Planderella's avatar
    Registered
    Dec 1998
    Location
    NOLA
    Posts
    4,468

    Re: pointless lying

    Originally posted by KMateja
    Dear El Guapo -

    Why do some contractors, engineers and architects feel compelled to lie about a facet of their project? Do they think that we aren't going to bust their lame ass? I just don't get this.
    And to piggback off of this question, please include married men who lie about their marital status! Thank you.
    "A witty woman is a treasure, a witty beauty is a power!"

  9. #9
    Cyburbian Emeritus Chet's avatar
    Registered
    Aug 2001
    Location
    South Milwaukee
    Posts
    8,935

    Dear El Guapo

    I smoke after sex. Any advice?

  10. #10
    Cyburbian Planderella's avatar
    Registered
    Dec 1998
    Location
    NOLA
    Posts
    4,468

    Re: Dear El Guapo

    Originally posted by bturk
    I smoke after sex. Any advice?
    Although I'm not El Guapo, my answer would depend on WHAT you smoke after sex!
    "A witty woman is a treasure, a witty beauty is a power!"

  11. #11
          Downtown's avatar
    Registered
    Oct 2000
    Location
    Under a pile of back issue Plannings
    Posts
    3,174
    bturk: "I smoke after sex. Any advice? "

    You mean, like out your ears? Yes. I can see how that would be a problem.

  12. #12
    Cyburbian el Guapo's avatar
    Registered
    Oct 2001
    Location
    Samsara
    Posts
    5,075

    Liars, damn liars, and Developers

    Neither the contractor, engineer, architect or married man think they are lying. They all think they are telling the truth in the moment as it is called for. This is called situational ethics. Plus, they think they have right on their side in these situations. After all the development related types are paying your wages (I love hearing that one) and the married man is just cutting through the complications and distilling his relationship status to that of unattached – in order to better serve you. Thus they are saving you time by telling you what they think you want to hear. The fault is clearly yours. If you were not putting out the “lie to me big boy” vibe they wouldn’t feel the need to make up stories to tell you. They would much prefer to give you a straight answer to all of your inquires. Shame on you ladies for forcing men to lie.

  13. #13
    Cyburbian el Guapo's avatar
    Registered
    Oct 2001
    Location
    Samsara
    Posts
    5,075

    Bturk

    After sex my suggestion is a lipton raspberry diet iced tea on the rocks and a Marlboro Red or two. If it was really great sex - Perhaps a Camel unfiltered and a PowerAid.

    Stay away from weed and crack and tomato juice after sex.


    While in the military I was in a unit where certain uncouth members wore a t-shirt that said: Bomb Disposal - We leave a smoking hole. I, of course, never sported such a garment.

  14. #14
    Cyburbian el Guapo's avatar
    Registered
    Oct 2001
    Location
    Samsara
    Posts
    5,075

    Planderella

    I'm sensing a theme - care to share? Our counselors are standing by.


    Doesn't anyone have an ordnance related question?

  15. #15
    Cyburbian Emeritus Chet's avatar
    Registered
    Aug 2001
    Location
    South Milwaukee
    Posts
    8,935

    Dear Planderella and KMateja

    No ruining the set-ups!

  16. #16
          Downtown's avatar
    Registered
    Oct 2000
    Location
    Under a pile of back issue Plannings
    Posts
    3,174

    Dear Hot Psycho Guy, Rod

    Didn't mean to ruin the bump, set, spike groove that you and E.G. got going!

    Kel

  17. #17
    Cyburbian Planderella's avatar
    Registered
    Dec 1998
    Location
    NOLA
    Posts
    4,468
    No comment bturkish delight! LOL :blah
    "A witty woman is a treasure, a witty beauty is a power!"

  18. #18
    Cyburbian Plus PlannerGirl's avatar
    Registered
    Mar 2002
    Location
    Va
    Posts
    4,604
    El Guapo,

    Do us young whipper snapper planners HAVE to turn in to old stuffed shirts? Are we doomed to be old and crabby with many red pens sticking out our pocket protectors.

    *ducks and hides*
    D
    "They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin

    Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO- HOO what a ride!'"

  19. #19
    Cyburbian el Guapo's avatar
    Registered
    Oct 2001
    Location
    Samsara
    Posts
    5,075
    "Bturkish delight "- well there go the Milwaukee Kitties! Damnit!

  20. #20
    Cyburbian Planderella's avatar
    Registered
    Dec 1998
    Location
    NOLA
    Posts
    4,468

    Re: Planderella

    Originally posted by El Guapo
    I'm sensing a theme - care to share? Our counselors are standing by.


    Doesn't anyone have an ordnance related question?
    No thanks El Guapo.......everyone now knows that I'm a Married Man Magnet which has harlot implications. This does not set well with me as I was raised as a VERY GOOD Catholic girl in a proper Southern setting. **ducking for inevitable lightning strike as I type this**
    "A witty woman is a treasure, a witty beauty is a power!"

  21. #21
    Cyburbian Plus PlannerGirl's avatar
    Registered
    Mar 2002
    Location
    Va
    Posts
    4,604
    Hands Planderella a lighting rod
    "They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin

    Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO- HOO what a ride!'"

  22. #22
    Cyburbian Plus PlannerGirl's avatar
    Registered
    Mar 2002
    Location
    Va
    Posts
    4,604
    Did someone forget ti give the Great Guap his meds?
    "They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin

    Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO- HOO what a ride!'"

  23. #23
    Cyburbian el Guapo's avatar
    Registered
    Oct 2001
    Location
    Samsara
    Posts
    5,075

    Re: Re: Planderella

    Originally posted by Planderella


    No thanks El Guapo.......everyone now knows that I'm a Married Man Magnet which has harlot implications. This does not set well with me as I was raised as a VERY GOOD Catholic girl in a proper Southern setting. **ducking for inevitable lightning strike as I type this**
    I'm very proud of you for keeping your morals intact. I hope you find happiness with a nice bachelor.

    I was looking for a nice catholic redheaded farm girl when I met my Hindu academic wife. Life can sideswipe you when you least expect it.

    I know there is someone wonderful out there for you. Remember - Jesus loves the kittens, so don't harm them.

  24. #24
    Cyburbian Planderella's avatar
    Registered
    Dec 1998
    Location
    NOLA
    Posts
    4,468
    **Wiping tears of (fill in the blank with preferred emotion)**
    Thank you El Guapo for sharing your infinite wisdom and profound spirituality with mere mortals such as myself.
    "A witty woman is a treasure, a witty beauty is a power!"

  25. #25
    Cyburbian el Guapo's avatar
    Registered
    Oct 2001
    Location
    Samsara
    Posts
    5,075
    Originally posted by PlannerGirl
    El Guapo,

    Do us young whipper snapper planners HAVE to turn in to old stuffed shirts? Are we doomed to be old and crabby with many red pens sticking out our pocket protectors.

    *ducks and hides*
    D
    PlannerGirl, Looking into my crystal ball - I see....
    I'm not sure you will ever become a cranky old anything. You are destined to move to a secluded spot on the shore facing the Great Barrier Reef with a planner from Florida. There I sense happy water dogs and a wicked fast internet connection hooked up to a server the size of a can of ale. Strangely the kitten population in the area thrives. I see a man with a grin and an FAICP tattoo cleaning fish and bitching about the built environment.

+ Reply to thread
Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast

More at Cyburbia

  1. I am el Guapo
    Introduce Yourself
    Replies: 40
    Last post: 15 Nov 2007, 12:28 AM
  2. Thank you El Guapo
    Cyburbia Issues and Help
    Replies: 12
    Last post: 18 Jul 2006, 5:29 PM
  3. What about this El Guapo
    Friday Afternoon Club
    Replies: 6
    Last post: 26 Nov 2003, 5:27 PM
  4. Especially for El Guapo
    Friday Afternoon Club
    Replies: 1
    Last post: 25 Aug 2002, 8:53 PM