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Thread: Legitimate products that don't work

  1. #1
    Cyburbia Administrator Dan's avatar
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    Legitimate products that don't work

    No, I'm not talking about those exercise machines, diet supplements, "get rich in real estate" schemes, gasoline additives, genitalia enlargement pills, and other questionable products and schemes that are advertised on late night television. I'm talking about things that made by reputable companies, that are marketed and sold as legitimate products, that just don't work. My short list:

    Grass patch - the combination of grass seed and pulverized recycled paper that you spread over a bare spot in a lawn to get it to grow back. Dig up the old turf to the point where there's nothing but exposed bare soil, chop it up a bit, spread the patch, water regularly, and ... nothing. Never, ever worked for me. I have much better results with grass seed that's raked or ground into the soil.

    Lawn weed killers - again, a product that has never worked for me. The general herbicides like Roundup and Triple Shot are great for killing anything with roots, but the weed-and-feed products just seem to feed. Despite my textbook lawn care from the start of spring, and using them at their suggested intervals and application rates, crabgrass, chickweed and broadleaf weeds have taken over about a third of my front lawn. I'm digging it up and starting from scratch; sometimes, you have to destroy the village to save it.

    Over the counter allergy medicine - nope, doesn't work for me. Claritin only works in heavy doses; enough to make my throat very dry. Benadryl puts me to sleep, and only makes minor improvements to my stuffy, dripping nose. Everything else has the power of a placebo. I use the good stuff -- Zyrtec, which requires a prescription. It works; even better than allergy shots have ever worked.
    Growth for growth's sake is the ideology of the cancer cell. -- Edward Abbey

  2. #2
    Cyburbian jordanb's avatar
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    Every Microsoft product ever with the exception of Foxpro and OS/2.

  3. #3
    Cyburbian Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    I've been on every anti-anxiety med my doctor can think of, and none of them has worked for me.

  4. #4
    Cirrus's avatar
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    From what I hear, duct tape is not very good at repairing ducts.

  5. #5
    Cyburbian boiker's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by jordanb
    Every Microsoft product ever with the exception of Foxpro and OS/2.
    Which I believe was an IBM invention.

    A lot of stain remover products don't work even close to as advertised without discoloring or damaging the fabric.
    Dude, I'm cheesing so hard right now.

  6. #6
    Cyburbian Big Owl's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by boiker
    Which I believe was an IBM invention.

    A lot of stain remover products don't work even close to as advertised without discoloring or damaging the fabric.
    I'll add no scrubb oven cleaner

  7. #7
    Cyburbian jordanb's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by boiker
    Which I believe was an IBM invention.
    OS/2 was a joint venture. I believe Foxpro was made by a different company who was taken over by Microsoft too.

  8. #8
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    adhesives of all sorts never seem to stick to stuff you want it to and sticks to everything you don't want it to.
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  9. #9
    Cyburbian MD Planner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister
    adhesives of all sorts never seem to stick to stuff you want it to and sticks to everything you don't want it to.
    Yeah really! Like how come toothpaste sticks to the sink bowl like glue but it's always sliding off your toothbrush?
    He's a planner, he's a dreamer, he's a sordid little schemer,
    Seems to think that money grows on trees . . .

  10. #10
    Battery-operated coin sorters. My son got one for Christmas and the thing hasn't worked since the very first try. Total waste of money.
    Je suis Charlie

  11. #11

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    Quote Originally posted by Dan

    Over the counter allergy medicine - nope, doesn't work for me. Claritin only works in heavy doses; enough to make my throat very dry. Benadryl puts me to sleep, and only makes minor improvements to my stuffy, dripping nose. Everything else has the power of a placebo. I use the good stuff -- Zyrtec, which requires a prescription. It works; even better than allergy shots have ever worked.
    Haven't tried Zyrtec, but Claritin and Allegra are useless for me.

    Luckily, it appears that I am becoming less allergic-after 15 years-to the California Sea of Pollen I live in. Unfortunately, the asthma can be triggered a little bit (just a little bit) by exertion at other times of the year now.

  12. #12
    Cyburbian Planit's avatar
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    FoxPro was another company's product which MS bought. I had used v.4 and it was a great little DB program.

    Add any golf game enhancement training device - I guess that really falls into the 'late -night tv promo" category though.
    "Whatever beer I'm drinking, is better than the one I'm not." DMLW
    "Budweiser sells a product they reflectively insist on calling beer." John Oliver

  13. #13
    moderator in moderation Suburb Repairman's avatar
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    Oxyclean - absolutely worthless product.

    That Mr. Clean Auto-Dry car wash stuff. Car was covered in water spots.

    Verizon Wireless - can you hear me now? NO!!! BECAUSE YOU DROPPED MY F%^&ING CALL AGAIN!!! contract expires in 8 months

    "Oh, that is all well and good, but, voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country."

    - Herman Göring at the Nuremburg trials (thoughts on democracy)

  14. #14
    Cyburbian Floridays's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Zoning Goddess
    I've been on every anti-anxiety med my doctor can think of, and none of them has worked for me.
    Have you tried Effexor? Works for me.

  15. #15
    Cyburbian Seabishop's avatar
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    Electric razors.

    Those "Code Search" programs that are supposed to help you search government documents.

  16. #16
    Cyburbian Michele Zone's avatar
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    Lots of stuff that is supposed to be "hypo-allergenic" gets a bad reaction from me. I am looking to move away from some mainstream products and find more "alternative" alternatives.

  17. #17
    Cyburbian Plus PlannerGirl's avatar
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    most hair products-Suave is NOT as good as Paul Mitchell but they both suck. Right along with many many others.

    No scrub toilet bowl cleaners-hellooooooo maybe you have enough bleach to kill a whale but your still not touching the pink color that develops in my bowl.

    girlie hygine products-nope none of them are leak proof, comfortable etc

    Basement sealers, pumps etc-you got a wet basement you ALWAYS have a wet basement. It may be LESS wet but its wet and that mold spot is gonna keep showing through the paint no matter how many layers of kilz etc you put on it.
    "They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin

    Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO- HOO what a ride!'"

  18. #18
    Cyburbian PlannerByDay's avatar
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    The spring loaded mechanical mole traps. The one you put over a mole tunnel, and when the mole goes through the tunnel pushing up the blockage you created in his/her tunnel it is supposed to be impailed by up to 8 sharp tines.

    Just reset mine over lunch. NOPE no dead mole down there. What a scam?

    Poof $16 bones up in smoke

  19. #19
    Cyburbian Mud Princess's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by PlannerGirl
    most hair products-Suave is NOT as good as Paul Mitchell but they both suck. Right along with many many others.
    "Anti-frizz" hair products. Ha! My hair looks like a rat's nest today.

  20. #20
    Cyburbian
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    Quote Originally posted by PlannerByDay
    The spring loaded mechanical mole traps. The one you put over a mole tunnel, and when the mole goes through the tunnel pushing up the blockage you created in his/her tunnel it is supposed to be impailed by up to 8 sharp tines.

    Just reset mine over lunch. NOPE no dead mole down there. What a scam?

    Poof $16 bones up in smoke
    The moles have a mole in the company that makes those traps... So they know how to avoid them.

  21. #21
    Cyburbian donk's avatar
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    Low /no fat cookies. I eat a box and still gain weight. Same thing with light beer, I drink a dozen and am just as drunk as if I drank regular beer.
    Too lazy to beat myself up for being to lazy to beat myself up for being too lazy to... well you get the point....

  22. #22
    Cyburbian Coragus's avatar
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    This isn't a very common item, but when putting together miniatures, sometimes I have to drill pilot holes into pewter and pin parts in place. There's a small, handheld drill that is supposed to work like a charm, which is great because my next smallest option is a 12 volt cordless drill. However, after a few turns, the resistance gets too much and the drill bit in the small drill starts to spin. As a result, I get a pilot hole and still have to use the 12 volt cordless. More than once I've accidently pushed too hard and put the hole through a minature's limb.

    Oh well, I just call that battle damage!
    The cookies are worth the drive

  23. #23
    Cyburbian
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    Brand New Taylor Made R-7 Driver!

  24. #24

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    Quote Originally posted by donk
    Low /no fat cookies. I eat a box and still gain weight. Same thing with light beer, I drink a dozen and am just as drunk as if I drank regular beer.

    LOL! Maybe that's my problem. I still am fat even though I mostly eat low fat ice cream-a pint at a time

    Of course, the package of M&Ms don;t help, either.

  25. #25
    Cyburbian
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    Paracetamol....God I hate that, well it actually does work to some extent, headaches are relieved, everything would be just fine, except it causes me nausea and stomach ache. And that's why I preffer aspirin, and I don't get reflux or anything like it with it.

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