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Thread: My Platform - I'm Running for Congress ;)

  1. #1
    Cyburbian el Guapo's avatar
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    My Platform - I'm Running for Congress ;)

    El Feo got me to a thinkin'

    Arms - Every man and woman who is registered to vote, possesses a certificate of franchise, who is over the age of 18, not convicted of a felony, not a drug or alcohol abuser, not mentally ill, and not on the public welfare system shall be a member of the unorganized militia. They shall be required to have in primary residence or physical possession one M16A2 and 1000 rounds of 5.56mm ball ammo. Exceptions will be made for the handicapped or infirmed, they will have lighter guns or wheelchair mounted rocket launchers. These weapons will be inspected by the citizen for functionality annually. If a citizen qualifies annually at one of the many public shooting ranges they will be eligible for special tax breaks.

    Armed Forces - The armed forces of the United States exist to protect the nation and enforce its will. They do not exist as a platform for social experimentation. Thus, no person who is not necessary to the mission shall be accepted. Homosexuality is contrary to the mission of the armed forces and shall not be tolerated. We do not wish any homosexuals harm, it is just that true warriors are not the kind of people who do well in a politically correct environment. We would like them, our warriors, to concentrate on improving their techniques for killing enemies and screwing up the enemy's country. The armed forces will train with live ammo at all possible times. Ammo will be plentiful, and its use encouraged.

    Capital Crimes - The following shall be capitol crimes; treason, murder, rape, kidnapping, drug dealing, driving slow in the left lane, driving without insurance, driving while impaired, corruption while in public office.

    Central Government - The size of the Central Government shall be reduced to such a size that is only involved in such matters as defending the nation, space exploration and spying on our enemies and allies as we see fit. The rights and responsibilities that are stripped from the central government shall be returned to the people along with their taxes.

    Certificate of Franchise - A certificate from the federal government stating that you have performed your civic duty to your fellow citizens during your term of public service. It is required to vote and receive government benefits.

    Concealed Carry - It shall be the duty of all franchised citizens to carry a firearm when traveling.

    Democrats - As they are a danger to a well-functioning society, all registered democrats will be required to be register with the government and wear an armband displaying a donkey. This is a joke! Relax.

    Driving Slow in the Left Lane - We believe that all people found guilty of such offense be given one official warning - then hung by the neck until dead upon a finding of further infractions.

    Drugs, illegal - As much as it pains us to see someone throw their life down the sewer that is drugs, it is none the less their prerogative. The drug abuse problem in this nation should be combated by executions for drug dealers and faith-based programs for abusers. Marijuana should be decriminalized to allow the resources that are used to fight it to be returned to the taxpayers.

    English - The official language of the United States shall be English. To become a naturalized citizen you shall be comfortable in its use first. We will teach your children English in our schools. No school shall be eligible for a payment voucher if English is not the primary language of instruction.
    Foreign languages shall be taught in our school systems as an elective for English speaking students, as bilingual citizens are needed to fill positions in our intelligence agencies.

    Foreign Aid - We live an world that has troubles. Sometimes the United States is the only nation that has the resources to help. We believe that Foreign Aid should only be in the form of humanitarian supplies, and aid workers, not weapons or military aid. If you want troops declare war on us and we will send in the troops. You won't like the results.

    Hanging - We believe that when the state exercises its right to execute a criminal that has been convicted of committing a capitol crime; that that execution should be held on a set of gallows specially constructed for just such purpose; and that these gallows be located on the court house lawn in the county where such crime(s) were committed. We also think is should be mandatory for each child enrolled in the public school system of that county to witness such an execution, if they be above age 12. This will bestow these children with a sense of reality.

    Home - A citizen has the right to possess just about whatever they want in their own home. The day it leaves the house, explodes, shoots, discharges or the day they point it out the window at the neighbor - then we should arrest them and execute them after a fair trial. Just because you think they got something they shouldn't, have doesn't give you a right to take it away from them. "No Knock" searches are unconstitutional and wrong--period.

    Immigration - Welcome to America - provided you get a job and pay taxes just like us. If you want to bring the entire village with you make sure they all have a job also. We don't care what color you are or what god you worship. Welcome to America.

    Jury Duty - A citizen must be registered to vote, have a certificate of franchise, have a high school diploma, and have a clean criminal history to be qualified to perform jury duty. Jury service will be reimbursed at each citizen's normal rate of pay. The citizen has already paid for the privilege of sitting on a jury. It should not be an additional hardship on them or their employer. Juries have the right to jury nullification of unjust laws.

    Juvenile Justice - All sentences shall involve some form of caneing. A single cane stroke upon the bare back on the courthouse lawn may be traded for each week in jail at the juvenile prisoner's request.

    Prison Reform - The conditions of our nations prisons shall be no better and no worse than those conditions that the men and women of our nation's armed forces endure while in basic training. Prison shall be one long discipline and conditioning exercise. No one shall leave prison with out earning a GED unless otherwise retarded. No one who is a clear threat shall be allowed back into society. They shall be exiled from the USA to our territory on Johnson Atoll.

    Motor Voter - Shall be repealed. No one shall be able to register to vote unless they travel to the courthouse. Registering to vote while in line to receive welfare benefits is an affront to working Americans.

    Public Service - All citizens shall serve their government from the age of eighteen to twenty in order to earn their franchise. This service may take the form of either service in the armed forces or a WPA or Internal Peace Corp type service. The certificate of franchise shall be awarded on the twentieth birthday. Conscientious objectors and the lazy will be exempt from service. However they shall not be awarded a certificate of franchise nor ever be able to collect welfare or other government benefits.

    Randy Weaver/Waco - People have a right to be left alone. If a citizen wants to sit in a compound, think traitorous thoughts, collect guns and generally be a bad neighbor then leave them alone. Don't ask them to cut barrels off of shotguns unless you really need short barreled shotguns. The day these people leave their compounds and break the law - then arrest them. Otherwise, leave them alone as they are leaving you alone. This country was founded by isolationistic freaks. We should honor that linage.

    Registering to Vote - Proof of Citizenship and a Certificate of Franchise shall be required for voter registration.

    Schools - All children have a right to an education provided by a either a Public School, Private School, Parochial School, Home School - it doesn't matter - We the taxpayers, through the government, will give all parents a voucher for their child's share of the State provided funding. It is their choice of how their child gets educated. Corporal punishment is authorized and encouraged. If a child is disrupting the education of others that child shall be removed from the school until such time as the student has proven him or her self ready to learn again. We will not teach all children, only those that want to learn and play by the rules.

    Spanking - Spanking by parents to enforce their rules is encouraged. Pamphlets explaining how to perform this lost art will be sent home with all public school children. There is a difference between a spanking and child abuse. Responsible parents shall teach you the difference.

    Taxes - All American citizens and residents shall pay 10 percent of their gross earnings to the federal government. No more, no less. No deductions, No loopholes, No accountants needed. No State shall be allowed to tax at a rate higher than 1/2 the rate the federal government charges.

    Citizens who qualify with their government-issued M16 shall be eligible to pay at the 9% tax rate instead of the 10% tax rate. Corporations shall pay a tax equal to 20% of their total corporate dividend earnings and 10 of their annual payroll. No loopholes, no overseas development credits. The payroll tax shall be abolished.

    Unorganized Militia - Every man and woman who is registered to vote, possesses a certificate of franchise, who is over the age of 18, not convicted of a felony, not a drug or alcohol abuser, not mentally ill, and not on the public welfare system shall be a member of the unorganized militia. This is not a voluntary membership. These class of citizens enjoy the freedoms of our society and are expected to defend it.

    Warriors - members of our armed forces shall be taught how to be warriors, not freaking peace keepers. We can train lawyers to keep the peace. The men and women of our armed forces shall have one set of conditioning standards and they shall all be taught how to kill the enemy and how to screw up his country.

    Welfare - Sometimes good citizens need a hand up. With a dignified program of nationwide community safe houses families will have a safe place to live while rebuilding their lives. The rules will be strict, but the homes will be safe and allow a family to get back on their feet through the promotion of hard work and discipline. Residence shall be limited to three years over a lifetime.

    :h

  2. #2
    Cyburbian El Feo's avatar
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    Slow day at work, Guap?

    Still, I'm down with most of the patform - but I'd like to discuss the government issue hardware. Sign me up!
    Last edited by El Feo; 09 Oct 2002 at 3:33 PM.
    "The fanatical Muslims despise America because it's all lapdancing and gay porn; the secular Europeans despise America because it's all born-again Christians hung up on abortion; the anti-Semites despise America because it's controlled by Jews. Too Jewish, too Christian, too Godless, America is also too isolationist, except when it's too imperialist." -- Mark Steyn

  3. #3
    Cyburbian Tom R's avatar
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    ?

    I think you have too much time on your hands.
    WALSTIB

  4. #4
    Cyburbian el Guapo's avatar
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    Re: ?

    Originally posted by Tom R
    I think you have too much time on your hands.
    No, I wrote that back when the Clintonistas were in occupation. I have mellowed much since then. And today has been a productive day for the taxpayer.

  5. #5
    Cyburbian Emeritus Chet's avatar
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    What's your position on Abortion? And please don't say "crouching down with the bent wire hangar".

  6. #6
    Cyburbian el Guapo's avatar
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    That is a tough one. One which I have given much thought and have not yet fully coalesced in my mind a firm and leak free position. I also have zero religious basis for my beliefs on this subject. I tend to disbelieve whatever Rome tells me, even though I was raised a Catholic. I have refrained from discussing it here because it is such a hot button issue and I didnít want to troll on issues that could end up getting people truly angry.

    But, here goes: I believe it to be murder personally because I believe that human life begins at conception and that we have a duty to protect the defenseless. I think it should be illegal except in the three case of rape (proven), incest and the life of the mother. (we can talk about these three exceptions later).

    Do I believe the nuts are right to kill abortion doctors? No! Do I believe that most on the other side truly believe in being pro-choice, yes. Only a small percentage are really lazy murderers who donít give a shit about the life they ended because it was a bother. Too many in our society believe they can escape the consequences of their actions because they see people everyday who get away with things. This is the most egregious example of placing personal convenience above oneís beliefs.

    I believe that most people that get abortions donít really believe they are killing a human being for their personal convenience. They see it as a medical procedure. Some see it differently down the road. While Iím not a woman (as far as I know), I was once faced with being part of a decision on this very issue and thus the life of a human being was in our two hands. I thank whatever deity there may be that we made the pro-life (harder and better) decision together. That person is alive and a high functioning and healthy member of society today. I couldnít have lived with the knowledge that I was a murderer or even aided in one.

    The issue is never going to be solved in our lifetimes. But then again if I bTurk put our minds to it, we could end up really causing harm to the fabric of society.

    And remember - You asked!

  7. #7
    Cyburbian Habanero's avatar
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    Position on media.. I'm beginning to think they need to see where sometimes it's not all about "getting the story". If they can't be honest about why the lead singer of Drowing Pool died I don't think they need to announce the exact location and itinerary of anyone in power after a terrorist attack.
    When Jesus said "love your enemies", he probably didn't mean kill them.

  8. #8
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    EG:
    I wish you would run though I wouldn't ( and geographically couldn't) vote for you. It least it's crystal clear where you stand -- and I like the driving slow in the left lane bit. There is no one running for dog catcher much less Congress who is willing to take a firm position on anything. Your candor would be ... very different.

  9. #9
    Cyburbian el Guapo's avatar
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    The master plan.

    Thanks. My plan is to truly run for some state representative or city office someday and tell the uncensored truth throughout the entire campaign. I will be brutally blunt. I won't get elected, but I will be deeply satisfied.

    When people ask me what I am going to do for them personnally when I get to capitol city I'll shout back that they are selfish asses that need to solve their own problems. I'll tell unions they suck and Chambers of Commerce that they are myopic. I'll burn more bridges than the Nazi's did in early 1945.

    When asked my postition on an issue I'm going to use words that don't need parsing. Words like No and Yes and for and against. I'm going to tell people that they really should't elect me because I will do the following: And then I'll tell them what I plan on doing. I'll tell them that I am against pork and won't trade a vote so my district can get some.

    I'll get maybe two votes, but it will be a hell of a time. I'm looking forward to screwing with the media also.

    I am going to make a great grumpy old man someday.

  10. #10
    Moving at my own pace....... Planderella's avatar
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    I'm guilty of at least 2 of your capital crimes so I guess I'll be an outlaw under your regime.
    "A witty woman is a treasure, a witty beauty is a power!"

  11. #11
    Cyburbian el Guapo's avatar
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    Originally posted by Planderella
    I'm guilty of at least 2 of your capital crimes so I guess I'll be an outlaw under your regime.
    Please tell me you don't drive slow in the left lane? Please say it aint so?!?!?!

  12. #12
    Moving at my own pace....... Planderella's avatar
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    Oh Goodness no! In fact, the punishment should be something slow and torturous....so they'll know how those who get stuck behind them feel.
    "A witty woman is a treasure, a witty beauty is a power!"

  13. #13
    Cyburbian Plus PlannerGirl's avatar
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    Can i carry a bull whip and not a gun? trust me one snap to the nuts then to the forhead and teh person is down till someone can tie him up

    i just dont wany blood in my space
    PG
    "They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin

    Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO- HOO what a ride!'"

  14. #14
    Cyburbian Habanero's avatar
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    Good idea PlannerGirl, I'd like spurs.. or maybe a belt, like Pootie Tang. : )
    When Jesus said "love your enemies", he probably didn't mean kill them.

  15. #15
    Cyburbian Plus PlannerGirl's avatar
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    i think we should have our pic of weapons as long as we are proficent with them and not a danger to anyone else

    its alot harder for a kid to hurt themselves with a whip

    and cleaning is SO much easier
    "They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin

    Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO- HOO what a ride!'"

  16. #16
    Cyburbian el Guapo's avatar
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    I'm smart enough to know that I need to change my platform. Any weapon capable of breaking the skin.

    No One Expects PlannerGirl and the Whip of Testicular Death!


  17. #17
    Cyburbian Plus PlannerGirl's avatar
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    Falls out of her chair laughing till she crys

    thank god i did not have the hot cocoa to my lips

    and loose the collar on her-tops dont wear collars...course she could be a switch...

    ah but i digress


    i have actualy been to a womens safety class where they teach women to use whips to protect themselves

    PS ok so i can use a whip but not spell
    sue me
    "They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin

    Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO- HOO what a ride!'"

  18. #18
    Gunfighter Mastiff's avatar
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    Originally posted by PlannerGirl
    and loose the collar on her-tops dont wear collars...course she could be a switch...
    Mastiff wants to know how you came by this information...
    -----------------------------------------------------------------
    C'mon and get me you twist of fate
    I'm standing right here Mr. Destiny
    If you want to talk well then I'll relate
    If you don't so what cause you don't scare me

  19. #19

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    Except for the gun fetish (I really don't want to have to travel with a gun. Seems a little silly, sorry) You have a purity of vision, El Guapo. Not sure there would be much room for me in your Reich, but it was a good read, anyway.

  20. #20

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    Also, isn't it just Christian political correctness ( the only kind of political correctness that has ever killed millions is religious political correctness, be it the Christian, Islamic, or Marxist Leninist variety) that gays cannot be warriors? Given that they have a history of being just that?

  21. #21
    Cyburbian el Guapo's avatar
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    Tell me of this big Gay army you have learned of.

    Beats me if it's Christian PC. I was not then, nor am I now a "Christian." So it must just be the rantings of a mad-man who thinks that Gays openly serving are counter productive to a warrior culture. Have you ever been in a warrior culture?

    BTW Ė I and most other conservatives are sick of arguments and allusions associating conservatives with genocide and Nazi's and such. It gets old. Did you notice the part in there where I said I donít wish them ANY harm? I donít. I just feel the armed forces are more effective without openly gay members.

  22. #22
    Cyburbian Emeritus Chet's avatar
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    Re: Tell me of this big Gay army you have learned of.

    Originally posted by El Guapo
    Beats me if it's Christian PC. I was not then, nor am I now a "Christian." So it must just be the rantings of a mad-man who thinks that Gays openly serving are counter productive to a warrior culture. Have you ever been in a warrior culture?
    ...But what about the Warriors in the Gay Culture? I'm sure they're FABULOUS!

  23. #23
    Cyburbian el Guapo's avatar
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    BTURK!

    You Sir are a Mad Man - I want to party with you Sunshine. (right after the conservatives kill all people but the Aryans, of course) How was that for playing into a stereotype?

  24. #24
    Cyburbian Emeritus Chet's avatar
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    And what pray tell...

    ... does your Platform think of Religious ummmm "expression"?

    (BTW - This is something like a Catholic Rorschach test)

  25. #25
    Cyburbian el Guapo's avatar
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    Bahhhh!

    Thou shalt not doink children.

    (Its not my Religion anymore.)

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