El Feo got me to a thinkin'
Arms - Every man and woman who is registered to vote, possesses a certificate of franchise, who is over the age of 18, not convicted of a felony, not a drug or alcohol abuser, not mentally ill, and not on the public welfare system shall be a member of the unorganized militia. They shall be required to have in primary residence or physical possession one M16A2 and 1000 rounds of 5.56mm ball ammo. Exceptions will be made for the handicapped or infirmed, they will have lighter guns or wheelchair mounted rocket launchers. These weapons will be inspected by the citizen for functionality annually. If a citizen qualifies annually at one of the many public shooting ranges they will be eligible for special tax breaks.
Armed Forces - The armed forces of the United States exist to protect the nation and enforce its will. They do not exist as a platform for social experimentation. Thus, no person who is not necessary to the mission shall be accepted. Homosexuality is contrary to the mission of the armed forces and shall not be tolerated. We do not wish any homosexuals harm, it is just that true warriors are not the kind of people who do well in a politically correct environment. We would like them, our warriors, to concentrate on improving their techniques for killing enemies and screwing up the enemy's country. The armed forces will train with live ammo at all possible times. Ammo will be plentiful, and its use encouraged.
Capital Crimes - The following shall be capitol crimes; treason, murder, rape, kidnapping, drug dealing, driving slow in the left lane, driving without insurance, driving while impaired, corruption while in public office.
Central Government - The size of the Central Government shall be reduced to such a size that is only involved in such matters as defending the nation, space exploration and spying on our enemies and allies as we see fit. The rights and responsibilities that are stripped from the central government shall be returned to the people along with their taxes.
Certificate of Franchise - A certificate from the federal government stating that you have performed your civic duty to your fellow citizens during your term of public service. It is required to vote and receive government benefits.
Concealed Carry - It shall be the duty of all franchised citizens to carry a firearm when traveling.
Democrats - As they are a danger to a well-functioning society, all registered democrats will be required to be register with the government and wear an armband displaying a donkey. This is a joke! Relax.
Driving Slow in the Left Lane - We believe that all people found guilty of such offense be given one official warning - then hung by the neck until dead upon a finding of further infractions.
Drugs, illegal - As much as it pains us to see someone throw their life down the sewer that is drugs, it is none the less their prerogative. The drug abuse problem in this nation should be combated by executions for drug dealers and faith-based programs for abusers. Marijuana should be decriminalized to allow the resources that are used to fight it to be returned to the taxpayers.
English - The official language of the United States shall be English. To become a naturalized citizen you shall be comfortable in its use first. We will teach your children English in our schools. No school shall be eligible for a payment voucher if English is not the primary language of instruction.
Foreign languages shall be taught in our school systems as an elective for English speaking students, as bilingual citizens are needed to fill positions in our intelligence agencies.
Foreign Aid - We live an world that has troubles. Sometimes the United States is the only nation that has the resources to help. We believe that Foreign Aid should only be in the form of humanitarian supplies, and aid workers, not weapons or military aid. If you want troops declare war on us and we will send in the troops. You won't like the results.
Hanging - We believe that when the state exercises its right to execute a criminal that has been convicted of committing a capitol crime; that that execution should be held on a set of gallows specially constructed for just such purpose; and that these gallows be located on the court house lawn in the county where such crime(s) were committed. We also think is should be mandatory for each child enrolled in the public school system of that county to witness such an execution, if they be above age 12. This will bestow these children with a sense of reality.
Home - A citizen has the right to possess just about whatever they want in their own home. The day it leaves the house, explodes, shoots, discharges or the day they point it out the window at the neighbor - then we should arrest them and execute them after a fair trial. Just because you think they got something they shouldn't, have doesn't give you a right to take it away from them. "No Knock" searches are unconstitutional and wrong--period.
Immigration - Welcome to America - provided you get a job and pay taxes just like us. If you want to bring the entire village with you make sure they all have a job also. We don't care what color you are or what god you worship. Welcome to America.
Jury Duty - A citizen must be registered to vote, have a certificate of franchise, have a high school diploma, and have a clean criminal history to be qualified to perform jury duty. Jury service will be reimbursed at each citizen's normal rate of pay. The citizen has already paid for the privilege of sitting on a jury. It should not be an additional hardship on them or their employer. Juries have the right to jury nullification of unjust laws.
Juvenile Justice - All sentences shall involve some form of caneing. A single cane stroke upon the bare back on the courthouse lawn may be traded for each week in jail at the juvenile prisoner's request.
Prison Reform - The conditions of our nations prisons shall be no better and no worse than those conditions that the men and women of our nation's armed forces endure while in basic training. Prison shall be one long discipline and conditioning exercise. No one shall leave prison with out earning a GED unless otherwise retarded. No one who is a clear threat shall be allowed back into society. They shall be exiled from the USA to our territory on Johnson Atoll.
Motor Voter - Shall be repealed. No one shall be able to register to vote unless they travel to the courthouse. Registering to vote while in line to receive welfare benefits is an affront to working Americans.
Public Service - All citizens shall serve their government from the age of eighteen to twenty in order to earn their franchise. This service may take the form of either service in the armed forces or a WPA or Internal Peace Corp type service. The certificate of franchise shall be awarded on the twentieth birthday. Conscientious objectors and the lazy will be exempt from service. However they shall not be awarded a certificate of franchise nor ever be able to collect welfare or other government benefits.
Randy Weaver/Waco - People have a right to be left alone. If a citizen wants to sit in a compound, think traitorous thoughts, collect guns and generally be a bad neighbor then leave them alone. Don't ask them to cut barrels off of shotguns unless you really need short barreled shotguns. The day these people leave their compounds and break the law - then arrest them. Otherwise, leave them alone as they are leaving you alone. This country was founded by isolationistic freaks. We should honor that linage.
Registering to Vote - Proof of Citizenship and a Certificate of Franchise shall be required for voter registration.
Schools - All children have a right to an education provided by a either a Public School, Private School, Parochial School, Home School - it doesn't matter - We the taxpayers, through the government, will give all parents a voucher for their child's share of the State provided funding. It is their choice of how their child gets educated. Corporal punishment is authorized and encouraged. If a child is disrupting the education of others that child shall be removed from the school until such time as the student has proven him or her self ready to learn again. We will not teach all children, only those that want to learn and play by the rules.
Spanking - Spanking by parents to enforce their rules is encouraged. Pamphlets explaining how to perform this lost art will be sent home with all public school children. There is a difference between a spanking and child abuse. Responsible parents shall teach you the difference.
Taxes - All American citizens and residents shall pay 10 percent of their gross earnings to the federal government. No more, no less. No deductions, No loopholes, No accountants needed. No State shall be allowed to tax at a rate higher than 1/2 the rate the federal government charges.
Citizens who qualify with their government-issued M16 shall be eligible to pay at the 9% tax rate instead of the 10% tax rate. Corporations shall pay a tax equal to 20% of their total corporate dividend earnings and 10 of their annual payroll. No loopholes, no overseas development credits. The payroll tax shall be abolished.
Unorganized Militia - Every man and woman who is registered to vote, possesses a certificate of franchise, who is over the age of 18, not convicted of a felony, not a drug or alcohol abuser, not mentally ill, and not on the public welfare system shall be a member of the unorganized militia. This is not a voluntary membership. These class of citizens enjoy the freedoms of our society and are expected to defend it.
Warriors - members of our armed forces shall be taught how to be warriors, not freaking peace keepers. We can train lawyers to keep the peace. The men and women of our armed forces shall have one set of conditioning standards and they shall all be taught how to kill the enemy and how to screw up his country.
Welfare - Sometimes good citizens need a hand up. With a dignified program of nationwide community safe houses families will have a safe place to live while rebuilding their lives. The rules will be strict, but the homes will be safe and allow a family to get back on their feet through the promotion of hard work and discipline. Residence shall be limited to three years over a lifetime.