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Thread: The Temporary Never Ending Joke Thread [Temp 2]

  1. #1
    Cyburbian
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    The Temporary Never Ending Joke Thread [Temp 2]

    Ok, it's time for some jokes to help pass the time while our regular forum is down, so I leave you with this, and many apologies if you had read this one before, but keep'em comming.

    These are from a book called Disorder in the Court. These are things people actually said in a US court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

    Q. What is your date of birth?
    A. July 15th
    Q. What year?
    A. Every year.
    ---------------
    Q. What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    A. Gucci Sweats and Reeboks
    ---------------
    Q. This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    A. Yes.
    Q. And in what way does it affect your memory?
    A. I forget.
    Q. You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
    ---------------
    Q. How old is your son? The one living with you?
    A. 38 or 35 I can't remember which.
    Q. How long has he lived with you?
    A. 45 years.
    ---------------
    Q. What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
    A. He said where am I, Cathy?
    Q. And why did that upset you?
    A. My name is Susan.
    ---------------
    Q. Do you know if your daughter has even been involved in voodoo or the occult?
    A. We both do.
    Q. Voodoo?
    A. We do.
    Q. You do?
    A. Yes, Voodoo.
    ---------------
    Q. Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    ---------------
    Q. The youngest son, the twenty two year old, how old is he?
    ---------------
    Q. Were you present when your picture was taken?
    ---------------
    Q. So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    A. Yes.
    Q. And what were you doing at that time?
    ---------------
    Q. She had 3 children, right?
    A. Yes
    Q. How many were boys?
    A. None
    Q. Were there any girls?
    ---------------
    Q. How was your first marriage terminated?
    A. By death.
    Q. And by whose death was it terminated?
    ---------------
    Q. Can you describe the individual?
    A. He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Q. Was this male, or a female?
    ---------------
    Q. Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    A. No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    ---------------
    Q. Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A. All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
    ---------------
    Q. All your responses must be oral, ok? What school did you go to?
    A. Oral
    ---------------
    Q. Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A. The autopsy started at around 8.30pm
    Q. And Mr. Dennington was dead at that time?
    A. No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
    Q. Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    A. No
    Q. Did you check for blood pressure?
    A. No.
    Q. Did you check for breathing?
    A. No.
    Q. So then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    A. No
    Q. How can you be sure, Doctor?
    A. Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q. But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    A. Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

  2. #2
    Unfrozen Caveman Planner mendelman's avatar
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    Why is American beer like having sex in a canoe?

    It's f**king close to water.
    I'm sorry. Is my bias showing?

    Let's not be didactic in this profession, because that is a path to disillusion and irrelevancy.

    Six seasons and a movie!

  3. #3

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    Heres a bit of a surreal joke for you;

    Q: What did St Patrick say when he drove the snakes out of Ireland?
    A: ?Are you alright in the back there??

  4. #4
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Some fun tonguetwisters for you to try at the next council meeting (say 'em fast):

    I'm not the fig plucker I'm the fig plucker's son and I won't pluck figs till the fig plucker comes.

    A box of biscuits; a box of mixed biscuits; and a biscuit mixer

    The sixth sheik's sixth sheep's sick.

    A Catholic joke:
    A cardinal wakes the Pope up in the middle of the night and says, "Your Holiness, please get up. I have some good news and some bad news." The Pope says, "What's the good news?" Cardinal replies, "Jesus Christ himself is on the phone right now and wants to talk to you." Pope says, "That's wonderful! What could the bad news possibly be?" Cardinal says, "He's calling collect - from Salt Lake City!"
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  5. #5
    Cyburbian michaelskis's avatar
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    :banana: Am I the only one who finds it funny that we have a Temporary, Never Ending thread? :owned:
    Invest in the things today, that provide the returns tomorrow.

  6. #6
    Cyburbian
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    Originally posted by michaelskis@Jan 27 2005, 11:13 AM
    :banana: Am I the only one who finds it funny that we have a Temporary, Never Ending thread? :owned:
    :lol: now that I look at it... it's ridiculous! :P But it's supposed to mean the temporary version of the never ending joke thread of the regular forums. :rolleyes: :poke:

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