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Thread: Cyburbia Group Dynamic

  1. #1
    Cyburbian Queen B's avatar
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    Cyburbia Group Dynamic

    Since we were talking about group dynamics in another thread, here is my question.

    At a Cyburbia social gathering "in person" Do you feel comfortable from the start or is there the hesitation like you are meeting people you don't know? And is it awkward to start talking about something that was in a thread or is that easier?

    I find the conversation abit hard to start. Generally we have alot of background info but it is as if we are not suppose to use that info in our conversation.

    Don't get me wrong I love to talk with you all and I wouldn't hesitate for a moment to call RJ and say I was on my way to visit get the guest room ready but I wouldn't feel like I could do that with most on the forum.

    We get on here and tell all about ourselves and even more than most would learn in person.

    What's your spin on this?
    It is all a matter of perspective!!!

  2. #2
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    The only time I felt at all funny is the first time I went to a FLae-fest and sisterceleste and I were wandering around the FL capitol looking for "H" and wife and we saw this couple sitting on the steps and she kept nudging me to go ask if they were "Cyburbians". That was a bit awkward. Then all was OK. Oh, then RJ showed up way late. But he was cute....

  3. #3
    NIMBY asshatterer Plus Richmond Jake's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Queen B
    .....
    At a Cyburbia social gathering "in person" Do you feel comfortable from the start or is there the hesitation like you are meeting people you don't know? And is it awkward to start talking about something that was in a thread or is that easier....
    Oh gawd, yes it was difficult. I didn't know these strangers.



    Quote Originally posted by ZG
    Oh, then RJ showed up way late. But he was cute....
    Smartass.

  4. #4
    Cyburbian Emeritus Bear Up North's avatar
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    When Katie and this Bear showed up at the "watering hole" in the hotel in downtown Kalamazoo-zoo, for Stanfest, we pulled up chairs at the bar. We sat right next to michaelskis and his lovely significant other. It was a bit awkward because both couples were wondering, "Is this a Cyburbia couple?"

    When I did not say anything to them, they finished their drinks and left the bar. Katie and I struck up a conversation with the bar maid. I said something about meeting "planners" at the bar and not knowing what they look like. She said, "Oh, he just left. he was sitting next to you."

    So I called michaelskis on the cell phone and the rest is planner history. We got back together, went through the awkwardness of first introductions, and had a great time. Katie had been nervous about both of us not being planners but all of that nervousness faded away as we all got to know each other better.

    Of course, this Bear and michaelskis had somewhat of an advantage because we had already conversed, many times, via this tool known as Cyburbia.

    Bear
    Occupy Cyburbia!

  5. #5
    Cyburbian abrowne's avatar
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    I've met only one Cyburbian in real life, and it was a friendly, easy encounter, I thought. *shrug*

  6. #6
    Cyburbian Budgie's avatar
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    I don't tend to have a problem getting acquainted. And I don't mind being the first to ask if someone is a Cyburbian. For example, in Loveland, I approach Prana after it became obvious to me that he was waiting for someone. Of course, I don't mind just showing up at the places that Cyburbians work (El Guapo and Zmanplan are examples). The first thing I ever said (yelled to be more precise) to Zoning Goddess in person was "Damn you're short." Jaxspra and I hooked up in my hotel lobby and at first she was (maybe we both were) a little impersonal, but it didn't take long to break down that barrier. Rumpy was sizing me up. We didn't know whether we should sniff eachothers crotch as an introduction. The first thing RJ and I talked about was booty and beer so that was a comfortable start. I was in his pool less than an hour later.

    I tend to be comfortable in both opening my home and accepting hospitality. Right, RJ, Queen B, Jaxspra and Prana. How about a Budgie coast to coast tour (AIB Cardinal) with party stops at Cyburbian's cribs?
    "And all this terrible change had come about because he had ceased to believe himself and had taken to believing others. " - Leo Tolstoy

  7. #7
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Bump. I’ve been thinking about some practical considerations related to interpersonal communications and was reminded of this older thread.

    I think the manner and context in which the communication occurs can make a huge difference. Based on a number of personality tests (Myers-Briggs, enneagram, etc) featured in the FAC over the years we’ve pretty well established that the majority of us here tend towards introversion. That means most Cyburbians will naturally feel a certain degree of discomfort meeting face to face with any human beings, Cyburbian or otherwise. My observation at various laefests has been that conversation typically is initiated by establishing the Cyber-connection with brief acknowledgement remarks (“Oh, you’re Bear Up North. Been working on DeNoc lately?” or “So you’re the infamous Maister? Funny, I pictured you to be much less slovenly and much more well-spoken in person.”). One factor, though, that becomes clear in person is that introverts tend to appear much more extroverted online than in life. Written posts can be carefully constructed and edited before anyone ever reads them. There’s no ‘edit’ button before hitting ‘submit’ and engaging our mouths.

    Planning and other shop talk is a dominant theme at laefests, although not exclusively so. Once a certain number of beverages have been consumed, lowered inhibitions set the stage and the conversation content at that point pretty much resembles the topics of discussion one can find in the FAC (though with less factiousness)
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  8. #8
    Cyburbian Budgie's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    Bump. I’ve been thinking about some practical considerations related to interpersonal communications ....
    You and I need to have a few beers together. We relish deep thoughts on very diverse topics. When we have that beer, we need someone taking detailed minutes.
    "And all this terrible change had come about because he had ceased to believe himself and had taken to believing others. " - Leo Tolstoy

  9. #9
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Although I have only met a few casual Cyburbians, I have met other people I've met and cultivated "friendships" with online and nearly everyone says I am pretty much the same in person as online. Generally I just like people and really don't suffer from much awkwardness even when meeting people for the first time.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  10. #10
    Cyburbian michaelskis's avatar
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    I had no problem... even less when I noticed this guy in U of M gear sitting down the bar from us as we waited for Bear and Katie...

    I enjoy meeting new people, so I find that I have absolutely no issue with meeting people in person. Just as long as it is a well lit public place... that serves beer.

    That reminds me... where is Stanfest this year... I am taking this year off of organizing it, but if it is in the Midwest, I am there....
    Invest in the things today, that provide the returns tomorrow.

  11. #11
          Downtown's avatar
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    Back in the day, when children and work didn't take 97% of my brain power and energy, when I was *really* active on Cyburbia, I think it would have been different. NHPlanner was in town one Christmas, and even though I'd never met him in person, I had no reservations about inviting him over to the house, and meeting my family.

    GeogPlanner is pretty involved in the local planning scene, and I kind of felt like he was an old college friend when I met him at local event a few years ago.

    And it didn't feel weird to meet TSC either.

    The crazy one was finding out who Mud Princess was - I'd known her through work for a couple years and had no idea who she *really* was! It was like figuring out a super hero's secret identity!

    I think Maister is right - the more outgoing you are, the easier its going to be. I generally make myself too familiar with people anyway, and can prattle on about anything, so it seems it woulg be easier for me.

  12. #12
    Cyburbian
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    I'm bad at meeting up with people I've never met. I took MrTresmo to an alumni football game party for my undergrad school and was afraid to say anything. I don't know what the fear is, that they'll yell at me and say go away? That doesn't even make sense. But the fear is still there.

    Once I somehow am introduced to people, whether I do it or they do, I'm fairly talkative. Not incredibly chatty, though. I haven't mastered the art of schmooze but I am getting better.

  13. #13
    Cyburbian Plus PlannerGirl's avatar
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    No problem at all as I have met several of the other Mods and Cyburbia folks over the years. I love to put names to faces to a VOICE (do we all read aloud with that persons voice in our head?).

    As always when you are going to be in the DC area give me a yell
    "They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin

    Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO- HOO what a ride!'"

  14. #14
    Cyburbian boiker's avatar
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    Its almost always a slightly awkward experience. That being said, it's easy to get past that. We're all planners, we all have war stories.
    Dude, I'm cheesing so hard right now.

  15. #15
    Cyburbian graciela's avatar
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    Funny, I think I am just the opposite. I have never met any Cyburbians but I am very active on a different forum and I go out of my way to find/chat with people from that forum when I know that they are going to be at an event. I have made many friends from that other forum and now we make sure and plan things where we can get together an chat about our common interests (which is why we are all at that forum in the first place).

    I am also a HUGE extrovert (ENTJ) and I don't worry so much about my posts which is why they suck compared to what the rest of you post.
    Responsible Beverage Server since March 26th, 2008

  16. #16
    Cyburbian tsc's avatar
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    I don't think it is weird...I think I actually met Downtown before I realized it.

    I met Geogplanner through job connections as well.

    It is different though to go to a bar and meet people...if you don't know who they are. I run a local chapter of GreenDrinks ...and I think the awkwardness is just finding the people...not once you meet them. It isn't like they have P-L-A-N-N-E-R written on their forehead.... although that might not be a bad idea for the furture.
    "Yeehaw!" is not a foreign policy

    Renovating the '62 Metzendorf
    http://metzendorf.blogspot.com/

  17. #17
    Cyburbian DecaturHawk's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by michaelskis View post
    That reminds me... where is Stanfest this year... I am taking this year off of organizing it, but if it is in the Midwest, I am there....
    I thought we decided on Chicago ... any Chicagoland Cyburbians out there interested in organizing?
    SOME say the world will end in fire, Some say in ice.
    From what I’ve tasted of desire
    I hold with those who favor fire.
    But if it had to perish twice, I think I know enough of hate
    To know that for destruction ice
    Is also great
    And would suffice.

    Robert Frost (1874–1963) (From Harper’s Magazine, December 1920.)

  18. #18
    NIMBY asshatterer Plus Richmond Jake's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by boiker View post
    Its almost always a slightly awkward experience. That being said, it's easy to get past that. We're all planners, we all have war stories.
    I'll never forget at the Philly APA when dandy and I were walking in one direction in the convention center and you in the other...we spotted you and she yelled out, "Hey, boiker, we're going to the Mutter Museum. You coming with us?"

    Not much hesitation on your part and we spent the afternoon exploring Philly. And we hardly knew each other....nice memory.


    That was you, right?

  19. #19
    Cyburbian Budgie's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by RichmondJake View post
    I'll never forget at the Philly APA when dandy and I were walking in one direction in the convention center and you in the other...we spotted you and she yelled out, "Hey, boiker, we're going to the Mutter Museum. You coming with us?"

    Not much hesitation on your part and we spent the afternoon exploring Philly. And we hardly knew each other....nice memory.
    How quickly we forget San Antonio? We all hung out in San Antonio and I felt like I was with a bunch of old high school buds.... Dandy, remember the word recognition game thingy we played at that outdoor mexican restaurant with many a beer flowing. The New Orleans crowd was a hoot.
    "And all this terrible change had come about because he had ceased to believe himself and had taken to believing others. " - Leo Tolstoy

  20. #20
    Cyburbian dandy_warhol's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by RichmondJake View post
    I'll never forget at the Philly APA when dandy and I were walking in one direction in the convention center and you in the other...we spotted you and she yelled out, "Hey, boiker, we're going to the Mutter Museum. You coming with us?"

    Not much hesitation on your part and we spent the afternoon exploring Philly. And we hardly knew each other....nice memory.


    That was you, right?
    Quote Originally posted by Budgie View post
    How quickly we forget San Antonio? We all hung out in San Antonio and I felt like I was with a bunch of old high school buds.... Dandy, remember the word recognition game thingy we played at that outdoor mexican restaurant with many a beer flowing. The New Orleans crowd was a hoot.
    i think that sense of familiarity is one of the best things about Cyburbia. eventhough most of us don't really know each other we can still be comfortable around each other. and people from NOLA always know how to liven up a party. (i remember sitting outside that mexican restaurant, but that's about it. too much beer flowing to actually remember what we did. )

    for me the hardest part is not calling everyone by their Cyburbian nickname. though it does feel a bit strange to be around non-cyburbians and having to introduce Cyburbians. "Clare, this is my friend Budgie, err, <Budgie's real name>, we met on the internet."
    In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. -Martin Luther King Jr.

  21. #21
    Cyburbian jsk1983's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by DecaturHawk View post
    I thought we decided on Chicago ... any Chicagoland Cyburbians out there interested in organizing?
    What exactly is involved in planning a Lae Fest? I live in Chicago so I thought I'd volunteer. Your thinking next summer I assume?

  22. #22
    Cyburbian DecaturHawk's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by jsk1983 View post
    What exactly is involved in planning a Lae Fest? I live in Chicago so I thought I'd volunteer. Your thinking next summer I assume?
    Summer tends to be the best time. All you need to do is poll Cyburbians about a date to meet, find a place (preferably with a beer garden) and publicize the location and time. It is also somewhat of a tradition to include a walking tour or some such of the area (i'm sure that Chicago Cyburbians have a lot of great ideas). That's pretty much all there is to it. Anything else to add, michaelskis?
    SOME say the world will end in fire, Some say in ice.
    From what I’ve tasted of desire
    I hold with those who favor fire.
    But if it had to perish twice, I think I know enough of hate
    To know that for destruction ice
    Is also great
    And would suffice.

    Robert Frost (1874–1963) (From Harper’s Magazine, December 1920.)

  23. #23
    Cyburbia Administrator Dan's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by jsk1983 View post
    What exactly is involved in planning a Lae Fest? I live in Chicago so I thought I'd volunteer. Your thinking next summer I assume?
    Not that much, really. Usually, Laefests (once called Alefests, but a typo by Chet put an end to that years ago) are held in brrewpubs or beer bars where it's fairly easy to hold a conversation above any background din. There's an annual Stanfest held every summer in southwestern Michigan, where there are a high concentration of Cyburbians.

  24. #24
    Cyburbian jsk1983's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Dan View post
    Not that much, really. Usually, Laefests (once called Alefests, but a typo by Chet put an end to that years ago) are held in brrewpubs or beer bars where it's fairly easy to hold a conversation above any background din. There's an annual Stanfest held every summer in southwestern Michigan, where there are a high concentration of Cyburbians.
    I assume from DH's post that Stanfest is suppossed to be in Chicago. Any Stans wish to confirm this?

  25. #25
    Cyburbian natski's avatar
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    Well i hope to propose a laefest (all things going well) in 2009- not sure where, but jan/feb/march time frame.

    Yes i know it will be cold.. meh oh well

    I have only officially met one Cyburbian, and we were at a formal dinner thingy, so not the best time to chat etc, but i think if (when) i meet more cyburbians i will be fine- im not too out going etc but find it easy to say g'day to people
    "Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?" Zoolander

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