Great quotes from your Commission or Council

[Suburb Repairman]

Sometimes a Commissioner or Council member says something during a meeting that really makes you laugh. Here is a quote from a sign variance from last night:

Commission Chair: I see that you wish to do a 272 s.f. sign when the ordinance allows 60 s.f, wish to make the sign 40' tall when the ordinance allows 16', and a pylon sign when the ordinance only allows monument signs, and your only justification is that the business needs more exposure and that it does not create a health or safety issue?

Applicant: Ummmm...

Commission Chair: I am really not trying to be facetious, but tell me, did you actually read the Sign Regulations before you requested this variance?

Applicant: Well... Ummmm...

Commissioner #2: [speaking quietly into microphone] There is no correct answer to that question.


It was absolutely priceless! I told the applicant at a site meeting that I did not see any way to justify such a variance and he blew me off.

[luckless pedestrian]

official: I know what I'm saying means that I'm changing my mind and I may change my mind again....


said without blushing, btw...

[Zoning Goddess]

Minister, trying to get a special exception for a church: "We intend to clean up the property, add landscaping, provide a playground for the children, and so on."

P&Z chairman: Yes, son, and you know, the road to you-know-where is also paved with good intentions.

P&Z member: Motion to deny.


A female P&Z member once called me up to the dais in the middle of a case, pointed at a guy who had just finished speaking, and whispered "Did you see the ass on that guy? Wow!"

[Whose Yur Planner]

The one thing you do not want to do is listen to a recording of a hearing. The stuff people say and the way they say it is incredible.

[Gedunker]

The one thing you do not want to do is listen to a recording of a hearing. The stuff people say and the way they say it is incredible. Aside from that, it is akin to fingernails on the blackboard. I already lived through the meeting oncte, why would I want to listen to it and put myself through that all over again?

[Planit]

I had a pastor requesting a sign variance and his justification was:

"We need to advertise God to people more than a 99 cent hamburger"

[RandomPlanner]

My car once broke down about 50' from a police department and when I went in(actually to ask for the phone) and told him what had happened, his exact quote was "I'm sorry - we don't help people anymore." (made me want to cry...)

[Richmond Jake]

..... I told the applicant at a site meeting that I did not see any way to justify such a variance and he blew me off.

Now you get to use the line, "I told you so."

[luckless pedestrian]

Now you get to use the line, "I told you so."

i actually love it when that happens -

my usual quote is:

you can hear from me or you can hear it from the Board at a public meeting, you pick...

[imaplanner]

A quote from an applicant at a commission meeting where they were reviewing a new development with many issues, one of which being a request for a minimum lot size for a septic system:

After talking about the height limitations - the applicant says "And now i'd like to jump right into the septic system"

[abrowne]

I recall seeing on TV a council meeting of the town I worked in. It was the last meeting of the summer and it was wrapping up and each councilmember was incessantly wishing everyone a good summer (meanwhile wasting everyone's time and HINDERING their enjoyment of summer). Just repeating like parrots, over and over, in agreement. And in the corner of the broadcast, barely visible, my boss was cracking up and giggling at the whole affair.

[michaelskis]

A job in the previous city at the Historic Architectural Review Board an applicant applied for approval of a 2 by 3 paper sign on the outside of their dollar store. (It was in a building that was about 150 years old)

When asked what is historic about the sign the applicant responded that it was an old piece of paper and he would use black maker.

I sat there in shock then one of the members made a motion to approve... and it passed.

[Mastiff]

This isn't a commissioner, but from a drama queen water customer who was upset. She wrote this in her letter to us:

"Do you doubt my intelligents?"

Yep... If I didn't before, I sure do now!

[nighthawk1959]

Comment from a council member, "I just do not see how a zoning request for LI, [light industrial], will fit an area plan that calls for future employment area." This member never did get it.

[Planit]

Said by a commissioner concerning the location of a bike route along the lake...


"That road is too curvy and I don't want our XXX County residents to feel bad when they hit some guy riding a bike."



(This BOC has many "unintentional comedic moments")

[Chet]

Chair Why on earth should we allow you're proposed Arby's to have 16% masonry when the architectural design guide clearly requires 50%?

Applicant's Architect Well... it's not like this is an upscale community like (*the other suburb)

Commission #2 Move to deny.

Commissioner #3 Second.

Chair By voice vote let the record show the motion carries unanimously. Code allows to reapply in 60 days if the resubmittal has substantial changes. Staff is directed not to place resubmittals on the agenda unless they affirm that substantial changes are in fact made.

Applicant's Architeect *gulp* *blink*

[beach_bum]

Planner: The applicant is proposing 40' lots down from 50' lots...

Councilman: Why are they reducing lot sizes? I know people that can't move up in our community (affluent suburb) !

Planner: They are revisioning the project for the current economy.

[H]

[circa 2004] Commissioner: "Bike lanes, why do we need those? Does anyone actually still ride bikes anymore?"

[chrisinmd]

One of the zoning lawyer got into an argument with a concilmember at a hearing and the Councilmember, said "If I want to make Monday, Tuesday I can do it." The lawyer stopped arguing,

[mike gurnee]

Local steel mill taken over by international firm, asking for a tax break.

Council member: The last time I had any dealings with the Japanese, I was shooting at them."

[TOFB]

Chair Why on earth should we allow you're proposed Arby's to have 16% masonry when the architectural design guide clearly requires 50%?

Applicant's Architect Well... it's not like this is an upscale community like (*the other suburb)

Commission #2 Move to deny.

Commissioner #3 Second.

Chair By voice vote let the record show the motion carries unanimously. Code allows to reapply in 60 days if the resubmittal has substantial changes. Staff is directed not to place resubmittals on the agenda unless they affirm that substantial changes are in fact made.

Applicant's Architeect *gulp* *blink*

Priceless. Mine go more like this, when considering the same thing (16% masonry versus required 50%)

Commissioner No. 1: "I love their fries"

Commissioner No. 2: "I love the shakes"

[Chet]

Priceless. Mine go more like this, when considering the same thing (16% masonry versus required 50%)

Commissioner No. 1: "I love their fries"

Commissioner No. 2: "I love the shakes"

Not a month went by that I had aldermen/alderwomen trapsing in asking, "When are we gonna get a Taco Bell?" The guy that owned the regional franchise had no interest in coming to our fair city, since he had us surrounded by TB's in the towns all around us. Try explaining that market concept twice a year to a 55 year old council member with an 8th grade edumacation and 4,000 constituents.

[Veloise]

I'm always struck by the contrast between what's said by the high-paid experts and this [non-working] planner, sitting on fair city's board of zoning appeals.

BZA member
I have a question. What's the projection on customers coming to this new development once the grocery store is open, once the [Rx chain] - we can call it a [Rx chain] now - once other sites have been filled and buildings are completed and open and fully functional?

Applicant's traffic expert
Well I don't know much about the customers but what we did from a traffic perspective is we estimate the amount of traffic so sometimes there's - I don't know if that's kind of what you're getting at - is how many cars will come there?

BZA member
Do we see an increase in traffic - say a percentage of destination based trips on the [state trunk line] and [cross street] headed toward this development?

Applicant's traffic expert
Yes, we do a trip generation study so we take the square footage of each type of land use so certain land uses generate more traffic. Obviously like [Rx chain], grocery stores, gas stations would generate more traffic than even a retail center. So, for this site - there's like, a ITE trip generation manual is what we use. There's a standard manual and we put in those numbers and there's rates associated with that so as far as a percentage I don't know but for this small - this three, the pharmacy the grocery store and the shopping center, on a daily basis 4,800 new trips - 4,860 is our number in the report. We did this in three phases so I don't have a grand total amount. Then we have more restaurant and shopping center space in a phase two - that's another 8,550 new trips daily and then shopping centers and condominiums in phase three - that's another 3,010 trips in our analysis.

[Planit]

At last night's Planning Board meeting:

PB Vice-chair: How long will it take your dept. to complete this plan?
Me: We should be able to complete it within 90 days.
PB VC: Why so long? Can't you do it quicker?
Me: We need finish these revisions you've made tonight, have a final workshop with the BOC and this board as they requested, and hold at least one public input meeting prior to it going to the BOC.That is in additional to the BOC work program we've been assigned.
PB VC: Work program? Please send that to me so we can reprioritize it for you.
Me; This is the annual work program set by the BOC in January.
PB VC: But what if it doesn't match what we want you to do?
Me: The BOC set it, but I'll be happy to send it to you.


This guy thinks we are his department...can you tell?

[Queen B]

During the Public Meeting for the Regs one of my Planning Commissioners says, Sir we understand that you do not agree with these reguslations. "They provide us with staff to give us their opinion but it is our choice whether we want to listen to them or not.

You just come and ask us and we will probably let you do what you want even if it doesn't agree with these regulaitons. We have common sense."