Much has been said, here in the hallways of Cyburbia, Ltd., about the planned invasion of Canada. Since that little military jaunt northward is inevitable, let's take a look at how our former good neighbor will look after the invasion:
We have to determine how we divvy-up those giant provinces. The Maritimes will be easy.....they are all about the size of a typical New England state, anyway.
Quebec and Ontario are probably worthy of becoming a number of smaller states. Let's take the tobacco-growing southwestern Ontario region and call it Erie. The areas adjoining Lake Ontario.....why, let's call it Upper Canada. Take the area north of Toronto and call it Cottageland.
St. Lawrence will be the long, skinny state that abuts the river of the same name. The far northern areas of both Quebec and Ontario we can keep as a single state, perhaps called Resource. (After all, that's why we are invading, right?)
Northwestern Ontario will have to change to Superior. The Prairies will have to be divided between north and south.....farm belt/cities and more resources. Need some names.
I am thinking that North Washington is a nice (and appropriate) name change for British Columbia.
What the hey....they already have a "dollar". If we assume that the US dollar goes to the current value of the Canadian dollar we will instantly have ample funds to balance the budget, send everybody in Kalamazoo to college, and invade some more countries. Perhaps Chile.
Most "Hollywood" films are now made in Canada. This invasion could ultimately lead to increased production costs in Toronto and Vancouver, so we may need to look at filming New York City-scapes in......Warsaw?
BTW.....the classic rock group, The Guess Who, will have to change the name of their tune from "She's Come Undone" to "We've Come Undone". "American Woman" is OK the way it is.
Canadian Tire has gotta go. Most Canucks probably want it to go, anyway. How about "McFormerColonyNowUS Tire"?
First of all, we need to study the rules of Canadian Football. Is there anything worth saving? Then, let's look at hockey. We probably will have to increase public funding for hockey in the new states.....they need to be educated in how it is played (and how Stanley Cups are won).
A name change for Vancouver's hockey team may be necessary.
It is probably open for debate as to whether or not we should annex Winnipeg. We may have to leave it be.
Any other ideas.....you people are planners.....what's the plan?