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Poll results: Did Jesus have an old lady?

Voters
34. You may not vote on this poll
  • No way! It is exactly as written. Dude was stone cold celebate.

    5 14.71%
  • Maybe. But it is better if we don't upset him by speculating.

    0 0%
  • Maybe, but it doesn't lessen my faith either way.

    6 17.65%
  • Sure he did, all those old Jewish guys had one.

    8 23.53%
  • You are going to hell Mr el Guapo!

    5 14.71%
  • I'm not sure, let me look in my hat at this stone for a minute first.

    1 2.94%
  • Maybe he had a "companion" (PRIDE option)

    3 8.82%
  • Beats me!

    5 14.71%
  • The dude never even existed! (blame statler)

    1 2.94%
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Thread: I now pronounce you Mr. & Mrs. Jesus H. Christ

  1. #1
    Cyburbian el Guapo's avatar
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    I now pronounce you Mr. & Mrs. Jesus H. Christ

    Did Jesus take a wife?

    ...A leading US TV news reporter has said her network is taking a risk with a news special which asks whether Jesus Christ had a wife. ABC's Elizabeth Vargas said Jesus, Mary and Da Vinci, to be shown in the US on Monday night, was being made "as respectfully as we can". But she admitted: "You can't talk about this subject without intriguing people or offending people...
    Moreover, if he did, did she nag him? "All the other messiahs have 30 disciples, why do you only have 12?" or "I'm going to visit mys siter in Jordan, there better be a bunch of wine an bread here when I get back or so help me God...and good wine, not that cheap stuff like you tried to pass off at the Goldstein's bar-mitz-vah."

  2. #2
    Cyburbian SW MI Planner's avatar
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    I said it's a possibility, but doesn't lessen my faith anyway.

    Jesus H Christ: Anyone know what the "H" stands for?

  3. #3
    I think he's like the priest down in South America, everyone knows they have special lady friends that do womenly favors in addition to cooking and cleaning.

  4. #4
    Unfrozen Caveman Planner mendelman's avatar
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    "I shall smite thee, EG, Old Testament-style" sayth the Lord Your God.
    - Acts 17:20

  5. #5

    H

    Holy???

  6. #6
    Cyburbian El Feo's avatar
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    Two things:

    1. I say we should ask Allah. (sorry in advance for the blasphemy, muslims), and

    2. We all spend waaaayy too much time at Cyburbia and Drudge Report.

  7. #7
    Cyburbian Emeritus Chet's avatar
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    Re: H

    Originally posted by The Irish One
    Holy???
    So thats where the phrase "holy Christ" came from!

  8. #8
    Cyburbian Rumpy Tunanator's avatar
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    Well, of course he did, after a few glasses of wine he probally had the urge, to herbal.
    A guy once told me, "Do not have any attachments, do not have anything in your life you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you spot the heat around the corner."


    Neil McCauley (Robert DeNiro): Heat 1995

  9. #9
    Cyburbian el Guapo's avatar
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    OK Smarty: Then where did "tap dancing" come from, as in Jesus H. Tap Dancing Christ?

  10. #10
    Where did Jesus H. Christ on a crutch come from?

  11. #11
    Ok I got it, it was coming to me.

  12. #12
    PRIDE OPTION oh shit, that's good.

  13. #13
    Cyburbian martini's avatar
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    voted for beats me! Not even really sure if I care all that much either. No offense Chritians.
    You're more boring than you know.

  14. #14
    NIMBY asshatterer Plus Richmond Jake's avatar
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    Originally posted by el Guapo
    OK Smarty: Then where did "tap dancing" come from, as in Jesus H. Tap Dancing Christ?
    Remember the first 32 years of his life that are largely undocumented? Entertainer. Vaudeville.

  15. #15
         
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    Anyone ever see The Last Temptation of Christ? Who knew he was so into Motown?

  16. #16
    Cyburbian Emeritus Chet's avatar
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    Originally posted by The Irish One
    PRIDE OPTION oh shit, that's good.
    Well, that would be in line with the leadership in the Catholic Church...

  17. #17
    well speaking of Christ movies, I'm absolutely going to through all of my movie going money at Mel Gibsons the Passion. I'm not sorry Christians and Jews.

  18. #18
    Well, that would be in line with the leadership in the Catholic Church...
    You are so exCatholic, aren't you? They are gay, sorry Catholics

  19. #19
    NIMBY asshatterer Plus Richmond Jake's avatar
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    TIO - That's your seventh post in this thread--three of them in a row!!!! You whore (sorry whores).

  20. #20
    busted again! you cop, sorry cops.

  21. #21
    Cyburbian H's avatar
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    After I voted for the “sure he did” option I felt a weird “I’m going to hell” feeling go through my body.

    I am sorry. And I change my answer to “No way”.

    Now i am freaked out.
    "Those who plan do better than those who do not plan, even though they rarely stick to their plan." - Winston Churchill

  22. #22
    Cyburbian Jeff's avatar
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    I don't recall the bible ever saying he was celabate? Does it?

  23. #23
    Cyburbian Planderella's avatar
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    Anything is possible.
    "A witty woman is a treasure, a witty beauty is a power!"

  24. #24
    Cyburbian
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    I vote for pride option, 'cause I couldn't care less...and of course I did it in a childish way to annoy oversensitive christians (sorry oversensitive christians)

  25. #25
    Cyburbian DecaturHawk's avatar
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    That Da Vinci Code is so much BS. It amazes me that ABC or any news organization (or anyone) who takes themselves seriously would read that silly novel (Yup, folks, it is a novel, not a work of non-fiction) and take it for fact, or even advance the notion that it might be fact. The author relied on non-historical sources for his story; no responsible historian buys any of that nonsense (these sources come from the same school as the writers of the "Protocols of the Elders of Zion" and similar dreck).

    A good review of The Da Vinci Code can be read here.

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