Urban planning community

Poll results: Who is the biggest pain?

Voters
32. You may not vote on this poll
  • 1. Mr. Knowshisrights

    9 28.13%
  • 2. Mr. Irrelevant

    2 6.25%
  • 3. Mr. Loophole

    6 18.75%
  • 4. Mr. Anal

    3 9.38%
  • 5. Mr. Angermanagement

    1 3.13%
  • 6. Mr. Phonycalm

    2 6.25%
  • 7. Mr. Taxpayer

    7 21.88%
  • 8. Mr. Bigshot

    3 9.38%
  • 9. Mr. Honorandglory

    5 15.63%
  • 10. Mr. Connections

    9 28.13%
  • Other (explain below)

    12 37.50%
Multiple choice poll
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Results 51 to 65 of 65

Thread: Annoying Customer Awards

  1. #51
    Cyburbian
    Registered
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    Quote Originally posted by hilldweller
    I hate Mr. Tellittomyclient, a common breed of consultant who needs to reassure his clients constantly that he is not jerking them around. Mr. Tellittomyclient recently scheduled a meeting with me, called in sick, and sent his clients instead. He wanted them to have some face time with the big bad planning dept.
    I think I may have been this person before But only when my client is Mr. DoItMyWayNoMatterWhat

  2. #52
    Cyburbia Administrator Dan's avatar
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    Mar 1996
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    Upstate New York
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    Wow ... nobody has mentioned Mr. Militia.



    You know the guy. A wardrobe that consists almost entirely of camoflauge and Carhartt, and a face donned by a scruffy beard and a scowl, he's a Libertarian with a capital "L", He doesn't know why he has to go through all that s**t just to subdivide his property, because after all it is his property and in these here United States, a man has a right to own and sell his property as he should see fit. Damnit, you don't have to ask the government to give you permission to sell your guns, or your chainsaw, or your chipper-shredder, so why should you ask if you want to split it off and sell it to good people who he promises will put only nice single-wides on it? God help you if it's a 19 acre parcel, and the minimum lot size in his zoning district is 10 acres.

    Let's say you do field-check the site. Well, he won't like it if you have to step on the property, because damnit, it's his property, and he ain't giving nobody from the government permission to set foot on it. If you do, though, you'll be greeted by the sight of "project cars", metal sheds larger than the house itself, piles of scrap metal, maybe an old boat or two, and enough cords of firewood to get him through a decade-long nuclear winter.

    Mr. Militia is usually in a better mood around December. Why? Deer season!

    There's also Miss Arcana.



    Yes, it's always a woman, and she usually visits your office at 4:55, making what she feels is a simple request for information: the number of building permits for three bedroom, two bathroom houses built in a certain zip code between 1985 and 1995, or the number of single-parent households in a geographic area that defies Census boundary descriptions -- back to 1960 -- or aerial photos of a certain property -- every year possible going back to 1950, if possible, If you have the breakdown of agricultural acreage in active production in a certain town by crop type for every year from 1940 to 2000, or the estimated population of physically disabled residents in 2003 for every political subdivision in the county, that would be nice too. That information isn't collected? How could it not be? It's being asked for in a grant application packet, so it has to be compiled somewhere.

  3. #53
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
    Registered
    Sep 1999
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    400 miles from Orlando
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    13,796
    We have a Mr. Arcana. On staff. He has probably memorized the FL Statistical Abstract for the last 20 years. So we're covered there...

  4. #54
    Cyburbian Rumpy Tunanator's avatar
    Registered
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Intervention
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    4,475
    Quote Originally posted by SW MI Planner
    Wow, you guys have a lot of time on your hands today, ay?
    Seriously. Do you guys work there, or are you waiting for the grass to get high enough in someone's yard so you can go out and measure it and then give them a ticket?


    A guy once told me, "Do not have any attachments, do not have anything in your life you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you spot the heat around the corner."


    Neil McCauley (Robert DeNiro): Heat 1995

  5. #55
    Cyburbian Seabishop's avatar
    Registered
    Nov 2002
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    3,705
    Quote Originally posted by Zoning Goddess

    Mr. PropertyValues: anything, anything, the government or a developer or a neighbor wants to do is going to "lower" his property values. Of course, he has NO documentation to that effect.
    Yup, that's my #1. Although even if you did knock down his value by %20 he would still get 1 million for it when he bought it at $400,000.

  6. #56
    Cyburbian RandomPlanner's avatar
    Registered
    Mar 2005
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    Dibs on the Northeast
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    674
    Quote Originally posted by donk
    Mrs Owneverypieceofcrapland whose maiden name was Miss Taxsalenowgivemeapermit.

    Mrs Owneverypieceofcrapland thinks she is getting a good deal on a lot, and then finds out why no one else wanted it.

    Similarily, before she got married she thought buying tax forfeitures was a good idea....
    I had a Mr. Ownseverypieceofcrapnon-conformingadjoiningland who, of course, won't even consider combining them to conform before applying for all his variances and his building permit .
    He's also Mr. Ipayyoursalarywithmytaxmoney, and Mr. IfIcan'tgetthisapproved,I'mgoingtostoppayingmytaxesandthenyou'llhavetodealwiththeproperty! (that was my favorite part of the story.)
    How do I know you are who you think you are?

  7. #57
    Cyburbian zman's avatar
    Registered
    Apr 2004
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    Colorado
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    Quote Originally posted by Dan
    There's also Miss Arcana.
    Ooo.. Thanks Dan. I have to call her back today.
    You get all squeezed up inside/Like the days were carved in stone/You get all wired up inside/And it's bad to be alone

    You can go out, you can take a ride/And when you get out on your own/You get all smoothed out inside/And it's good to be alone
    -Peart

  8. #58

    Registered
    Oct 2001
    Location
    Solano County, California
    Posts
    6,468
    Quote Originally posted by RandomPlanner...
    I had a Mr. Ownseverypieceofcrapnon-conformingadjoiningland who, of course, won't even consider combining them to conform before applying for all his variances and his building permit .
    He's also Mr. Ipayyoursalarywithmytaxmoney, and Mr. IfIcan'tgetthisapproved,I'mgoingtostoppayingmytaxesandthenyou'llhavetodealwiththeproperty! (that was my favorite part of the story.)

    We definitely have a property that has bedeviled a series of Mr. OEPCL and potential Mr. OEPCLs: it's got freeway frontage but is effectively zoned for "marsh protection. CALTRANS sold the proeprty as highway commercial, which it most certainly ain't. We get a series of calls over the years. Oh no, it's another poor soul looking at the "hot dog lots" (named for the parcel shape)

  9. #59
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Just got off the phone again with a first cousin of Mr. Loophole, Ms. Legalobstructionist. After angrily doing a FOIA request, she recently learned that her next door neighbor, a "disreputable lowlife" whom she can't stand, was given a building permit to replace the stairs on his existing deck. Why ever would the city give that man a building permit?!!! Even more unfortunate is the fact that she has obtained a copy of the zoning ordinance and is now trying to use it to figure out any angle possible to demonstrate why the z.a. shouldn't have issued that permit...isn't a deck considered an "architectural projection" rather than a "structure" per se? No? Well, doesn't it also say in the ordinance that no building permit shall be issued for a property that has not gone through proper land division application procedures and did he in fact go through said review when he divided his land 7 years ago? Oh, another FOIA request? No problem, that's fine, she'll grind whatever grist the mill requires to achieve her goal of inconveniencing her terrible terrible nieghbor.
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  10. #60
    Cyburbian illinoisplanner's avatar
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    The Fox Valley
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    I've recently run into a lot of Mr. and Ms. I'mParanoidAboutMyNeighbors. The type of people that come in and call in every time they get a notice from the municipality about property maintenance issues, home occupations, or the like, thinking that their neighbors ratted them out on everything.

    One time a guy told me he had trouble sleeping because of a generic letter I sent to him and 300 other people; he thought was a result of his neighbor ratting him out.

    Another time, a cop came in because apparently this one lady had a restraining order against her neighbor, and thought the notice was because of this neighbor.
    "Life's a journey, not a destination"
    -Steven Tyler

  11. #61
    Cyburbian donk's avatar
    Registered
    Sep 2001
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    skating on thin ice
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    6,958
    I just ran into a new one

    Mrs Cantawaitaherturna the application and agreement are in the queue, yet that is not good enough for her.
    Too lazy to beat myself up for being to lazy to beat myself up for being too lazy to... well you get the point....

  12. #62
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    18,486
    Quote Originally posted by donk
    I just ran into a new one

    Mrs Cantawaitaherturna the application and agreement are in the queue, yet that is not good enough for her.
    Her husband, Mr. CantWaitHisTurnButNowThatHeGotHisTheWorldCanPissOff was in here several years ago and COULD......NOT.......STAND......WAITING......TWO.....ENTIRE.......WEEKS.....FOR......A......ZONING........BOARD.......MEETING. Was calling up every day to b*tch about how the city was a wart on the arse of progress by imposing this two week delay for his variance request - why can't the city issue the building permit FIRST, conditioned on him getting his variance? What do you mean they might say no? Don't even bother attempting to explain statutory public notification requirements, that's all just fancy soundin' words to give the guv'mint an excuse to persecute him. He gets his variance to build his pole barn conditioned on him removing a derelect shed within 30 days of completing his pole barn....good thing we weren't in as big a hurry as him, cuz it took nearly a YEAR of persistent enforcement activity to get this this jerk to remove the shed after the pole barn was finalled!
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  13. #63
    Gunfighter Mastiff's avatar
    Registered
    Oct 2001
    Location
    Middle of a Dusty Street
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    6,404
    Quote Originally posted by Planderella
    "Mr. BenevoleNOT" - He claims to work for a number of causes and various underrepresented people, but will join his neigbors in a fight to keep "those people" out of his neighborhood.
    Wow. Nice time for this thread to reappear. I had a preacher... come in with a neighbor to complain about a community garden going in behind their houses. A community garden, for pete's sake! Because, as noted in the quote, it will bring in "those kind of people." I said... "What kind of people? Hungry people?"

    I swear, if I'd have known he was a minister, I'd have slugged him. Self-rightous prick... And, oh yeah, they're all coming to the council meeting tonight. I found this from the book of Luke:

    12 Then said he also to him that bade him, When thou makest a dinner or a supper, call not thy friends, nor thy brethren, neither thy kinsmen, nor thy rich neighbours; lest they also bid thee again, and a recompence be made thee.
    13 But when thou makest a feast, call the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind:
    14 And thou shalt be blessed; for they cannot recompense thee: for thou shalt be recompensed at the resurrection of the just.

    Someone coming tonight is going to read it... It will amuse me. Being a preachers kid has advantages.
    -----------------------------------------------------------------
    C'mon and get me you twist of fate
    I'm standing right here Mr. Destiny
    If you want to talk well then I'll relate
    If you don't so what cause you don't scare me

  14. #64
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Just got off the phone with a long forgotten friend - Captain FOIA. He hadn't darkened our doorstep for years and I was secretly hoping he moved away. No such luck.

    95% of the FOIA requests we get are for old permits, inspection reports, or various letters and notices generated by the department. Captain FOIA never requests any of that. No, he's only interested in obtaining data that would support his deeply held conviction that the gubmint's Out To Get Him. Most of the nonexistent documents he requests are along the lines of "show me the list the city maintains of property owners they've selectively singled out for so-called 'blight violations' or unreasonable increases in property assessments". Naturally, telling the guy no such lists exist only reinforces his conviction that we're 'holding out' on him.

  15. #65
    Cyburbian wahday's avatar
    Registered
    May 2005
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    New Town
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    Quote Originally posted by Mastiff View post
    Wow. Nice time for this thread to reappear. I had a preacher... come in with a neighbor to complain about a community garden going in behind their houses. A community garden, for pete's sake! Because, as noted in the quote, it will bring in "those kind of people." I said... "What kind of people? Hungry people?"

    I swear, if I'd have known he was a minister, I'd have slugged him. Self-rightous prick... And, oh yeah, they're all coming to the council meeting tonight. I found this from the book of Luke:

    12 Then said he also to him that bade him, When thou makest a dinner or a supper, call not thy friends, nor thy brethren, neither thy kinsmen, nor thy rich neighbours; lest they also bid thee again, and a recompence be made thee.
    13 But when thou makest a feast, call the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind:
    14 And thou shalt be blessed; for they cannot recompense thee: for thou shalt be recompensed at the resurrection of the just.

    Someone coming tonight is going to read it... It will amuse me. Being a preachers kid has advantages.
    Nice! But you know, they weren't worried about the hungry people - its all those College-Educated-Urban-Hipster-Farmer-Wannabes that will just ruin the neighborhood! That and the Aging-Hippie-Boomers. I can't think of a worse fate...
    The purpose of life is a life of purpose

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