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Thread: The NEVERENDING Dating Thread

  1. #226
    Gunfighter Mastiff's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Jen View post
    Oh come on, since when is a smiley a requirement? I know they help but really, remember eG and his snarky posts followed by a .

    Besides IIRC that one can disable the smilies on this board, so where does that leave one? correction one can only disable smilies in their own post

    What does your job have to do with anything?
    Smileys aren't required, but they do serve a purpose. Yes, eG did use them for a different purpose, but if you want to make a joke and don't use one, it can easily be taken the wrong way in a written medium.

    My job? Nothing... It's of little import. I just happened to be reading late, but even though Dan mentioned it, no one really called him on it anyway... I think it was a low shot, so I said so.
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  2. #227
          Downtown's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Dan View post
    A question to the throbbing brain: what's the most polite yet honest way to tell someone that is overweight that I'm not attracted to them?
    Listen, just say "I appreciate the effort, but I'm not interested." you don't owe them anything further than that.

    You are entitled to be attracted to whomever it is you're attracted to. And there is a big difference between a woman who is up twenty lbs from her "ideal" and bigger than you.

    That said, I was not remotely attracted to my husband when I first met him. I wasn't un-attracted, but he "wasn't my type". at all. and it wasn't until after almost a year of being friends that i became interested.

    and here we are, almost 10 years, three kids, two dogs later, and usually really, really happy.

  3. #228
    Cyburbian natski's avatar
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    Well that whole conversation went down like a lead balloon- Dan i think all the women here were trying to help in a nice way- advice is a personal thing- it can be taken or left.

    BTW I saw 2nd Hot Train Guy last night, i was dancing to "footloose" and he was leaving the pub i should have walked after him but i didnt.
    Good news was he was having a good look at we while he was walking and kept on turning around- even drove the wrong was to have another look.

    Ah well hope he is there again next week...
    "Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?" Zoolander

  4. #229
         
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    Dan - Yes there are plenty of us out thee that are in between "large and smart" and "thin and dumb" - plenty. Maybe you need to look elsewhere than the computer. Not sure where but maybe physical attraction is most important to you and honestly there is no physical attraction to a monitor and keyboard.
    There are plenty of great girls out there that don't use online dating services and still try the old fashioned tried and true methods...its working, believe me.

    And onto a different dating topic - I ahve myslef a new date this evening Not someone I would have picked out across a room but someone that I have tons of friends in common and he is a "good guy" ...so I will keep ya all posted and let ya lknow how it goes...

  5. #230
    Cyburbian Plus Salmissra's avatar
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    Dan - a polite note that simply thanks them for writing but no date is pending, or something to that effect, is fine. You don't have to provide any details as to way you're not interested.
    I met my husband on-line, but not through a service. We both played on-line games and met in character. It was months before we found out we lived in the same metroplex (granted 35 miles apart) and another couple of months before we made the choice to meet. Considering our characters in the game were very different from our real selves, it was very interesting to meet the man behind the mask.
    A little over five years later, we're still together. And my name here is the name of my on line character from the game.

    Jaxspra - good luck and have fun tonight!
    "We do not need any other Tutankhamun's tomb with all its treasures. We need context. We need understanding. We need knowledge of historical events to tie them together. We don't know much. Of course we know a lot, but it is context that's missing, not treasures." - Werner Herzog, in Archaeology, March/April 2011

  6. #231
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    It's 3am....and my "date" just left. (for you residents of the gutter, nothing happened!) Although I am not sure that he qualifies as an actual date at times lol. Anyways....so this was the second time he came to my house for dinner with me and my daughter. It was margarita and fajita night and we watched the Rutgers football game too. Dinner was great, the game was very exciting, and conversation is plentiful as always. He and Emily washed dishes without me having to ask, we had dessert and tea, and then we just basically hung out the rest of the night. He asked me if I liked basketball and I said of course and so he suggested that the three of us go to a Nets game and so we picked out and bought tickets for the game against the Pistons on the 16th. So it seems I/we have another "date".
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  7. #232
         
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    Well the date was alright, it was actually a lot of fun. He really is a great, nice guy, but not a ton of attraction on my end . I too, am very picky, but it isnt all about looks, I am not really sure what it is...hence the reason I am probably still single....

  8. #233
    Cyburbian dandy_warhol's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Jaxspra View post
    Well the date was alright, it was actually a lot of fun. He really is a great, nice guy, but not a ton of attraction on my end . I too, am very picky, but it isnt all about looks, I am not really sure what it is...hence the reason I am probably still single....

    no reason that you can't just go out and have fun with this guy. you don't need to marry him or even think about marrying him at this point. just get to know him and have a good time.
    In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. -Martin Luther King Jr.

  9. #234
         
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    Quote Originally posted by dandy_warhol View post
    no reason that you can't just go out and have fun with this guy. you don't need to marry him or even think about marrying him at this point. just get to know him and have a good time.
    The exact reason I am going out with him again But on the same hand it isn't fair to lead someone on. He does like me and is interested in mor ethan just going out and having fun....

  10. #235
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Jaxspra View post
    The exact reason I am going out with him again But on the same hand it isn't fair to lead someone on. He does like me and is interested in mor ethan just going out and having fun....
    As long as you don't string him along after a few dates if you still aren't feeling him.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  11. #236
    Unfrozen Caveman Planner mendelman's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by kjelsadek View post
    ....if you still aren't feeling him.
    This could be taken sooo many ways.

    If she was feeling him, would she feel differently on him...um...in him...um...concerning her relationship to him as a romantic interest. (whew)
    I'm sorry. Is my bias showing?

    The ends can justify the means.

  12. #237
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by mendelman View post
    This could be taken sooo many ways.

    If she was feeling him, would she feel differently on him...um...in him...um...concerning her relationship to him as a romantic interest. (whew)
    jeez....who's mind is in the gutter?
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  13. #238
    Cyburbian donk's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by kjelsadek View post
    jeez....who's mind is in the gutter?

    mine is.
    Too lazy to beat myself up for being to lazy to beat myself up for being too lazy to... well you get the point....

  14. #239
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    Just my 2 cents. I've had blind dates with guys off the internet (not dating sites, but just free chatrooms, some 9 years ago) and they always seemed too eager to fall in love. So, I kind of knew I'd end up with someone I met the old-fashioned way. When I met my husband it was at a bar, but it was through a really old acquantance. It is possible to meet people, without cheesy pick-up lines. And all of my serious relationships were forged when I least expected, or even wanted, it.

    I have dated guys shorter than me (one seriously) and I have dated guys on the chubby side, if they treated me well and made me feel good when I was with them. My husband wasn't the typical guy I went for. I always prefered tall, athletic guys, who dressed a little edgy (hey, who doesn't?), but he is just a couple inches taller than me, and on the stocky side, wears the most boring clothes of any man I've ever known, and he was a little chubby when we met, with a receeding hairline. But, I got to know him, he made me happy, and we've been together 8 year now. After putting on weight together, we've taken it off together, and now he is more ripped than I've ever seen him. And I was thin when we met, but now I'm much more toned and in shape than at any other point in our relationship. Just cause somebody may be on the heavy side now, doesn't mean things won't change.

    Personality is much more important when you're looking for a life partner, than physical appearance, assuming they aren't completely sloopy or unhygienic.

  15. #240
    NIMBY asshatterer Plus Richmond Jake's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Jaxspra View post
    The exact reason I am going out with him again But on the same hand it isn't fair to lead someone on. He does like me and is interested in mor ethan just going out and having fun....
    Okay, unattached Cyburbians, she's off the market again. Keep walking.

  16. #241
         
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    Quote Originally posted by RichmondJake View post
    Okay, unattached Cyburbians, she's off the market again. Keep walking.
    Ha ha!
    Just like a man, not listening - I am ON the market, not interested in the guy, just gonna go out with him one more time and see how it goes...I am pretty sure I already know.....

  17. #242
    Cyburbian donk's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Jaxspra View post
    Ha ha!
    Just like a man, not listening - I am ON the market, not interested in the guy, just gonna go out with him one more time and see how it goes...I am pretty sure I already know.....
    So when are you making the trek north, or should I plan a trip south?

    Maybe we can be eachother's safety nets, when the younger is 45 and if we are both still single, we will meet on top of a mutually convenient wal~mart.
    Too lazy to beat myself up for being to lazy to beat myself up for being too lazy to... well you get the point....

  18. #243
         
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    Quote Originally posted by donk View post
    So when are you making the trek north, or should I plan a trip south?

    Maybe we can be eachother's safety nets, when the younger is 45 and if we are both still single, we will meet on top of a mutually convenient wal~mart.
    Sounds like a plan!!!

  19. #244
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    Quote Originally posted by Dan View post
    A question to the throbbing brain: what's the most polite yet honest way to tell someone that is overweight that I'm not attracted to them?

    Why do I ask? Well, on match.com, I often get winks and messages from women whose profiles show that we're very compatible, and that we share a common mindset. However, she might list her body style as "average" with only photos showing only a chubby face and nothing blow the neck, or she checks the "few extra pounds" category. I don't like to ignore messages, so I try to reply. However, I don't want to offer the "I don't think we're a good match" BS. When I tell the "average" women with the face-only or FGAS photos that I'm reluctant to correspond more because I don't know if they're average as in weight-height proportionate, or average as in the fat advocacy "the typical woman in the US is a size 18" argument, I usually get angry responses.

    In the real world, there are a few women that have been making overtures, but again they're large. If I say "not interested," and they ask why, how do I politely tell them?
    Politely, I don't think you can tell them. There is no polite way to tell a woman you think she is fat. I completely understand your points and understand your dilemma, but there is no way for you to politely say you don't want to date them because of their appearance. The best way to combat finding average-sized potential dates who don't get they they are big is to emphasize the whole healthy lifestyle, outdoor activities, fitness element. If you like to go on 10 mile hikes in the mountains (or whatever activity), then it is not unreasonable for you to want someone to do it with you (someone who will not die after ten minutes). I'm sorry I kind of went around the whole question, but there is no way for you to do that politely...aside from the BS you don't want.

    My sig other's feelings on dating:

    "I don't like dating. It's just a lot of effort."

    He's a catch. Really.
    Last edited by Maister; 07 Dec 2006 at 9:23 AM. Reason: double post

  20. #245
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Hmmm....it was Indian night at my house...dinner for my new friend again. He is now in the basement helping my daughter do laundry after the two of them having cleaned up after dinner The NJ Nets tickets we ordered last week came yesterday so it will be NBA night and dinner out next weekend!
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  21. #246
    Cyburbian Jen's avatar
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    Hmmm....it was Indian night at my house...dinner for my new friend again. He is now in the basement helping my daughter do laundry after the two of them having cleaned up after dinner
    [suspicious old lady]and this doesn't make your a little nervous? forgive my misplaced apprehension but who does your new friend think he's dating? [/SOL]

    But I'm sure he's good company, just be careful.

  22. #247
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Jen View post
    [suspicious old lady]and this doesn't make your a little nervous? forgive my misplaced apprehension but who does your new friend think he's dating? [/SOL]

    But I'm sure he's good company, just be careful.
    Nope not nervous, they get on fabulously well and there is nothing weird going on their. He has a handful of nieces and nephews her age and he misses them greatly being far away from home.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  23. #248
    Cyburbian donk's avatar
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    I think I have a date next wednesday.

    I am not sure if it just to chat about being a planner or a real date though.

    Should I take her suggestion to have it on valentine's day as a hint? Her other suggestion was a Friday night.
    Too lazy to beat myself up for being to lazy to beat myself up for being too lazy to... well you get the point....

  24. #249
    Cyburbian natski's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by donk View post
    I think I have a date next wednesday.

    I am not sure if it just to chat about being a planner or a real date though.

    Should I take her suggestion to have it on valentine's day as a hint? Her other suggestion was a Friday night.
    Have you taken her out before? I find it would be weird if you guys hadnt and she had requested you take her out VD?
    "Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?" Zoolander

  25. #250
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    Quote Originally posted by natski View post
    Have you taken her out before? I find it would be weird if you guys hadnt and she had requested you take her out VD?
    Kinda like the Seinfeld episode, when Jerry has a first date with a girl and finds out it is her birthday that day .

    Donk, I think she suggested V-day just to see how you react, trying to get a feel for how you feel about her. If you said "naw... that is a night for couples to go out." then she'd know you aren't interested in being a couple with her. So, how did you react?

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