Tomorrow the other half and I will have been dating 4 years-all from an online personals ad.
"They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin
Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO- HOO what a ride!'"
I did a little looksee on match and also myspace for people in my area. WOW. I might be in for a world of hurt! Actually I have been talking and hanging out with a friend of mine, so we shall see where it goes...
I did match for a bit...went out with a guy 2 times...he STILL calls, 6 months later...I have never returned one of is calls since the last date...guess he isn't going to get the point....but there are some cute guys on match...I am just not good at dates...even this guy we have only hung out at the same place each time we have seen each other...soon enough we'll do something else but I am fine with this for now...
Congrats Jax and SW MI Planner- hope it all goes well!
I kinda met someone from Myspace, but he is in europe on hols now, probably getting up to no good and well i doubt he will be interested when he gets back...
I have been swimming a whole heap at the pool lately, sometimes there is talent there, but yeah no guys approaching me yet...
I cant wait to travel to europe- gotta be some hot guys there!
"Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?" Zoolander
ok.. so im just getting out of a "stupid-long-distance-baby-momma drama" relationship. i knew him before we started dating. those circumstances should have been enough to keep me away... and it did for a while. but i got to "know" him (or what he wanted me to know!!) and i fell for the dude i thought he was NOW. the "CHANGED" man. well, to make a long story short, he was the same dude i kept my distance from back in the day. only now, i was emotionally attached and i couldnt (cant) for the life of me figure out how this happened.
im not the one to argue over the dumb stuff. i was ok with the long distance thing because when i commit, i commit. i was ok with the baby momma stuff because is something i knew nothing about and im not a investigator or the "Private-Eye", turn over every rock chick. i am very easy going, like to be happy, live in the good times, learn from the bad type of chick. i do speak my mind often, but not un-necessarily, i ALWAYS agree to disagree, and i know that you are not me so i cant treat you like "you should've known better" (although after time passes, so does that excuse.)
basically, what im saying is that dude did a 360 on me and after it was over still telling me he wants to stay in touch n that he loved it when we were happy and all that BULL!! lol. is amazing because now we dont speak at all.... NADA!! n he was upset with me because i was acting like WE COULDNT ASSOCIATE!! whats up with that?? anyways...
what i want to know is y do guys play games??? they ask for the drama free-accept me as i am chick but when u get it.... DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT??? y is it that men (some) when they get what they want, they fall apart... they cant handle it? and then have the nerve to blame it on you!!
men of cyburbia.... please.... PLEASE.. help me to understand. help me, to help you!! lol. because if i go back to being JUST like a man and using guys for whatever i wanted.... Im truly going to be alone.
--- i know i vented a bit, maybe a lot, but i just want to know why men cant just be honest. when they get what they want they become.... assholes. why??--
They don't know what they want, I don't think they intentionally play games (did I just say that????). I really don't. They have an idea in their head and when they get it they still aren't sure. Now obviously I am a chick, so i can't speak for the men but thats my opinion. And take it with a grain of salt because as stated above, i do go through men like a six pack of beer...I think I want something, get it and don't want it....has happened plenty of times.
Now if the guys could tell me this...meet a guy, they say they DON'T want a relationship...next thing you know they won't leave you alone...what is THAT?????
Honest nice guys do not always finish last. It is true that lots of women are attracted to "dangerous" or "exciting" guys. Or the games-playing pulls the wool over their eyes. (But I bet guys have the same problem with women playing games). Not me. I didn't even try to date for years in part because there didn't seem to be any honest nice guys. Now I've found one and he's a keeper!
Sorry, but asking me for relationship advice is like asking an Egyptian how to build an igloo. I have no clue what I'm doing. I try not to play games. Heck, I'm too stupid to intentionally play games. My first kiss was an accident for heaven's sake.
Really, though, it's all too complicated for me. I'd much rather say, "Hey there, <name>! I find you attractive! Would you like to go out some time?" And then you get to the point where you're "going steady," or "boyfriend/girlfriend," and you're all exclusive and all that.
Now, though, it seems that you have to flirt, and be subtle, and plot and scheme and you never actually know when you hit that point. There's no paperwork to sign, no fireworks, nobody throws a party. So you don't know if you're dating, or "talking," or "hanging out," or if you're exclusive (you may think you're exclusive, but they may not!). And then there's the Friend Zone. I seem to get into that one a lot. I don't participate in all the necessary (complicated) courtship rituals, so when the road splits, and one path goes to relationship, and the other goes to friendship, I constantly miss my exit.
Just a smidgeon of advice here.... we all know physical attraction is part of the package, but women just don't want to think they're being asked out just because they're attractive to someone. Common interests, fun factor, etc are better criteria.
One of my pet peeves about books with a romantic vein/twist: right before the hot guy makes love to the heroine for the first time, he always looks her in the eye and says "You're so beautiful." Sure, great reason to have sex, not "I love you" or "You fascinate me" or anything even remotely acknowledging that the woman has a personality....
'sides, I could never summon up enough courage to actually TELL HER the things that I feel. I mean, really, there's no way. Nope. Not a chance. She'll be one of those people getting those letters I discussed in whatever that other thread was.
Ya know, the more I think about it, the more I don't know if I'm really attracted to her after all.
Or perhaps I just waited too long to do anything, and we're moving into that Friend Zone. And that would be a shame. Well, for me at least. Most lady-folk are happy that I go away. I mean, what would a gal like her see in a guy like me?
Or maybe I just had a miserable day, and a miserable week, and seeing her will put my heart back in my throat again. Because really, I don't want to lose that feeling.
After going for so long and thinking that I wasn't even capable of loving, and then she came along right at the very moment that I needed someone to believe in... She's beautiful. She's intelligent. She's literary. She's got great taste in music and in soft drinks. She's hard-working and humble. And she laughs (sort of) at my corny jokes.
But it's something beyond that, too. She's got this smile that just kills me. She melts my heart and breaks it in the same second. She's got a story that intrigues me, and every time I learn something new, I want to know more. And in a way, she's restored my faith in humanity.
She also reminds me a lot of who I used to be, before I lost my way. And she reminds me of who I'd like to be again, if I weren't so terrified to actually live.
I'd be willing to walk away from everything I have, just for the chance to get to know her a little bit more.
I missed an opportunity once. I was riding down the Interstate, with the woman of my dreams sitting in the driver's seat next to me. We were headed back to my place after a date, and she looked at me, and said, "Your exit's coming up... should I just keep going?"
I thought about it for a second... I had a job. I had commitments. I didn't have any bags packed, and I didn't have a lot of money. I was terrified of what the road ahead of us would bring if we kept on, so I said no.
I regret it to this day.
I don't know where we would have wound up, or how we would have gotten by, but that's not the point. We could have had adventure. We could have experienced the world. We could have actually lived.
I'm not going to make that mistake again. I don't want to die and find out that my life is simply a collection of missed opportunities and what-ifs. Never again.
I guess the question is, am I willing to bare my soul again? Am I willing to step outside of my comfort zone? Am I willing to compete with another guy for her love? Am I willing to risk rejection (because as much as I try to say it doesn't hurt, it does)?
Heads up: you don't need to "bare your soul" on the first date. Communicate.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. It's really your call, but I'd take a shot.
Words from a novice.