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Thread: The NEVERENDING Dating Thread

  1. #201
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    I realize that both men and women fib on those sites, but I can imagine how someone who's been forthright could be appalled at being quizzed about their weight. Plus, it's so subjective; what's overweight to one person may be "average" to another.

    Obviously, if you find someone a total turn-off, don't go there. But if their face seems attractive or even neutral to you, you should give it a try. You may end up having so much fun you don't care so much about a little extra weight.

    And keep in mind, Dan, you are not required to see them naked on the first date!

  2. #202
    Cyburbian sisterceleste's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Zoning Goddess View post
    Obviously, if you find someone a total turn-off, don't go there. But if their face seems attractive or even neutral to you, you should give it a try. You may end up having so much fun you don't care so much about a little extra weight.
    Are you talking from personal experience?
    You darn tootin', I like fig newtons!

  3. #203
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by sisterceleste View post
    Are you talking from personal experience?
    I wasn't going to go here, and discussed it with RJ tonite; he is not my usual physical "type"; but you of all people know I really liked him online and wanted to meet him. And that's worked out pretty darned well.

  4. #204
    Cyburbian Cal_Planner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Zoning Goddess View post
    I wasn't going to go here, and discussed it with RJ tonite; he is not my usual physical "type"; but you of all people know I really liked him online and wanted to meet him. And that's worked out pretty darned well.
    I've been searching the threads trying to find the story of how it all came together. I'd love to hear all about it! Just point me in the thread's direction (if it exists and I'm not obnoxiously nosey)...........
    Cheers!

  5. #205
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Cal_Planner View post
    I've been searching the threads trying to find the story of how it all came together. I'd love to hear all about it! Just point me in the thread's direction (if it exists and I'm not obnoxiously nosey)...........
    Geez, it's a long story.... somewhere there's a Cyburbia Couples thread that has some of the story. RJ moved to FL and I dragged sisterceleste to Tallahassee one weekend to meet him and H (and Mrs H) and things evolved from there.

  6. #206
    NIMBY asshatterer Plus Richmond Jake's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Cal_Planner View post
    I've been searching the threads trying to find the story of how it all came together. I'd love to hear all about it! Just point me in the thread's direction (if it exists and I'm not obnoxiously nosey)...........
    The story is scatterd like a shot gun blast thru these threads....and we've received the wrath.

    Short story from my side:
    1. Divorce
    2. Flirting
    3. Help from several Cyburbians to land a job in Florida
    4. Flirting
    5. Got the job and moved
    6. Flirting
    7. Alefest arranged by ZG in Tallahassee
    8. Flirting (although she was pissed at me for my behavior on the way to Tally...I was late and then she got pissed....well, that's another story)
    9. Hovering over submit button
    10. Two person pre-Alefest in suburban Orlando
    11. Alefest in St. Augustine

    The story continues……

    What did I leave out ZG?

  7. #207
    Cyburbian Cal_Planner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Wanigas? View post
    You are going to die as a very lonely man.
    I have to disagree with this statement. Why settle? There are plenty of slender and intelligent women out there.

    As a woman who has had great experience with online dating, I say be picky!

    My solution in the past for letting people know upfront what my preferences are is to explictly state in my profile that I prefer men who are 6'1" and above. I also state that I prefer men who have an athletic build.

    I'm physically fit and 5'10" and prefer someone who is likewise fit and a few inches tall than me. I regularly wear heels - putting me at about 6'.

    I had no problem finding plenty of intelligent men fitting those parameters. Being so explicit has worked well for me and has screened out most of the men who don't fit that profile.

    Good Luck Dan! Online dating is fun and great for us non-bar types........

    EDIT: as for those winks, I don't think they warrant a reply. Where is the thought in clicking on a button

    as for thoughtful notes from a woman you are not attracted to, an easy reply is "Thanks for your thoughtful email but I don't think we are a match."

    Quote Originally posted by RichmondJake View post
    7. Alefest arranged by ZG in Tallahassee
    10. Two person pre-Alefest in suburban Orlando
    11. Alefest in St. Augustine
    thanks for sharing!

    So, when is the next Alefest? Sounds like fun!

    I could host in the bay area............

    Edit: Is forum flirting like in person flirting, only more public?
    - and did you two get teased endlessly before you finally hooked up?
    Last edited by NHPlanner; 30 Nov 2006 at 11:46 PM. Reason: double reply
    Cheers!

  8. #208
    Cyburbian Plus
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    Quote Originally posted by Cal_Planner View post
    - and did you two get teased endlessly.... ?
    Simply yes they did, both individually and collectively, because before long they would take over a thread like this one.
    I know because I helped some.

    BTW since this is the Dating Thread -
    What's a .... ah forgetaboutit.
    Last edited by JNA; 30 Nov 2006 at 11:50 PM.
    Oddball
    Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves?
    Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here?
    Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?
    From Kelly's Heroes (1970)


    Are you sure you're not hurt ?
    No. Just some parts wake up faster than others.
    Broke parts take a little longer, though.
    From Electric Horseman (1979)

  9. #209
    NIMBY asshatterer Plus Richmond Jake's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Cal_Planner View post
    thanks for sharing!

    ...snip...

    Edit: Is forum flirting like in person flirting, only more public?
    - and did you two get teased endlessly before you finally hooked up?
    I don't think we were ever teased or pressured. We just seemed to be the right people, at the right place, at the right time. What we do know is that without Cyburbia, we would have never met. Our thanks again, Dan.

    I know this doesn't make sense. Confuses us sometimes.

    I can hear many of you now: There they go again. So, I'm done now.


    Oh yes, there have been a few PMs back and forth....for some time now.

    Don't believe JNA for a second...a minute maybe....
    Last edited by Richmond Jake; 30 Nov 2006 at 11:59 PM. Reason: typo...and PM comment

  10. #210
    Cyburbian Cal_Planner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Michele Zone View post
    I have observed that men of very high IQ seem to fairly frequently focus overly much on "looks" and/or other things which boil down to treating women like sex objects, even when they espouse ideals to the contrary.........
    Just my 2 cents worth.

    Quote Originally posted by dobopoq View post
    Make up is all about getting attention. When women wear lots of makeup, men are attracted not to the makeup, but to the message that they hope it implies: "I'm looking to get it on". But when you get up close, it's pretty disgusting. Leave make up to the mortician. As Scorpios know, sex and death have lots in common.
    maybe you two should hook up?!

    Cheers!

  11. #211
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    I did a little internet dating several years ago, before I got together with the Mr. (who I wasn't attracted to at first: he weighs less than me!)

    Anyway, my internet dates were fairly average for blind dates. That is, they were bad, but not torture.

    Dan, why don't you be forthright in your profile about your height/weight/build, and say that you prefer to date women who are smaller than you are? There is really no way to quiz someone about their weight without totally turning them off, even if they are "average". Also, it gives these women the benefit of the doubt, what the hell does average mean anyway? Dating is hard enough, why load it up with more angst than needed? Just offer the information about yourself so the ladies can infer whether they might attract you.

    Good luck!

  12. #212
    Cyburbian Michele Zone's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Dan View post
    Do you believe that intelligence has an inverse correlation with physical attractiveness, because that's the impression I'm getting.

    No, I don't date pretty airheads. They're boring. I'm not looking for arm candy. Why do people assume that if you're not attracted to overweight women, then you must be looking for a size 0 waif or a Playboy centerfold? It's the same as saying if women don't want to date someone shorter than they are, then they must be looking for basketball players. There ARE people in the middle, you know.
    Dan, I'm just trying to be helpful (and regretting it already, for several reasons).

    You harp a lot on the weight, height, hair, etc. of women. You have many fine qualities but the way you talk about women isn't one of them. You routinely say pretty dreadful things about women, and not just when you are expressing your frustration with your dating situation. (You actually used to be worse about it.) So I am not at all surprised that it gets interpretted as "Dan wants a size 0 waif and/or Playboy centerfold".

    Elsewhere, I have recently seen a discussion amongst intelligent, well-educated women about the phenomenon of beautiful women intentionally trying to make themselves more "plain". In that discussion, someone mentioned a study that moderately pretty women are taken more seriously at work and do better with their careers than really beautiful women. Several women noted that they were "petite and cute" or similar and this was an obstacle to being taken seriously at work. Given that you are undoubtedly chatting up educated career women, the odds are good that many of them intentionally downplay their looks for those and other reasons. Also, you are 40. If you are checking out women anywhere near your age, most people put on a few pounds as they get older. So the older you get, the harder it will be to find someone who isn't "too fat" in your eyes.

    Anyway, since nothing I have ever said in the past seems to have been very helpful to you and since I don't care to be the target of further crass remarks a la Cal_Planner, I think I will bow out of this "let's help Dan beat a dead horse" discussion.

  13. #213
    Cyburbia Administrator Dan's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Future Planning Diva View post
    Dan, why don't you be forthright in your profile about your height/weight/build, and say that you prefer to date women who are smaller than you are?
    I am. I say something like "Just as women are attracted to taller men, I'm most attracted to women that are smaller than me." Still, that doesn't seem to work as a filter.

    A question to the women here that are condemning me for being superficial - would you date a man that is shorter than you? I'm not talking dinner and a movie, but an all-out relationship? Are most of the men you date taller than you? Do you find tall men more attractive than short men? If you answered no, yes, and yes ... well, pot, kettle, you know.

    (FWIW, no, I'm not short.)

  14. #214
    Cyburbian AubieTurtle's avatar
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    I broke up with my last girlfriend a little over a month ago and have just reactivated old profiles I had on dating sites. What amazes me is how little attention woman who contact me pay to what I've written. For the most part I'm pretty open to dating different types of women but I made it totally clear that I don't date women who live in the suburbs. Not only is it in my description but also in my profile headline. I could understand if someone who was somewhat outside of the age or height range I listed contacted me since I didn't mention anything about it specifically in the description but really, totally ignoring what someone made totally clear was a deal breaker is just rude. For those women I don't feel the slightest bit of guilt in ignoring the email without a reply. Anyone else that doesn't seem like a fit gets a polite response and best wishes for finding that special someone.
    As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron. - H.L. Mencken

  15. #215
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Dan View post
    I am. I say something like "Just as women are attracted to taller men, I'm most attracted to women that are smaller than me." Still, that doesn't seem to work as a filter.

    A question to the women here that are condemning me for being superficial - would you date a man that is shorter than you? I'm not talking dinner and a movie, but an all-out relationship? Are most of the men you date taller than you? Do you find tall men more attractive than short men? If you answered no, yes, and yes ... well, pot, kettle, you know.

    (FWIW, no, I'm not short.)
    1. I think you need to be more specific about the size woman you are seeking. I have seen a number of profiles that explicitly say what they are looking for size wise without being rude.

    2. Yes I would date a man shorter than me and have before. I am 5'9" and a size 24 and I dated Joe who was 5'6" with a muscular build for a year and a half, and yes I wore heels! There never was an issue with size or height differences. I've learned long ago not to pay much attention to physical attributes so long as a person takes an interest in how they dress and they pay attention to their personal grooming.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  16. #216
    Cyburbian SW MI Planner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Dan View post
    A question to the women here that are condemning me for being superficial - would you date a man that is shorter than you? I'm not talking dinner and a movie, but an all-out relationship? Are most of the men you date taller than you? Do you find tall men more attractive than short men? If you answered no, yes, and yes ... well, pot, kettle, you know. (FWIW, no, I'm not short.)
    Please know that I am not condemning you, but do think you sound a little superficial.

    If I could design my own man, I would want someone between 6'0" and 6'2" and 200-225 pounds. Brown hair, blue eyes, muscular but meaty. Most importantly, he would be nice, polite, respectful, faithful, etc. Would I vary from this - the physical part, hell ya! The personality part - hell no! I would date a short guy, a chubby guy (not obese though probably). I don' t know, like I said before, I am the type of person that finds other people more attractive when I get to know them (or more unattractive as I get to know them if they are jerks).

  17. #217
    Cyburbia Administrator Dan's avatar
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    Wow ... almost all the standard responses that I've seen in almost every online discussion where a man admits that he's not attracted to larger women is in this thread.


    1) Because a man isn't attracted to large women, he's only looking for skinny waifs/****-on-a-stick/Barbie/supermodel types, if he doesn't want to date an overweight woman, he must be looking for a dumb trophy.

    Wanigas: "You are going to die as a very lonely man." (Implies that I'm extremely picky, and/or the dating pool is limited to women of just two extremes.)

    MZ: "My personal conclusion is that many of them have not had the opportunity to be involved with someone of roughly similar IQ thus have had the unfortunate experience that most relationships are about as deep and meaningful as sleeping with a talking blow-up doll (aka "an air head")."

    (Other threads on Cyburbia.)

    What, there's nobody in between? There's only large and smart, and twig-like and dumb?

    No, I'm not extremely picky. No, I"m not looking for model types. In fact, I find myself more attracted to plainer women and accessible, "cute" women that are pleasant on the eyes, much more so than teh hottiesorz.


    2) Accusations of being an Internet male.

    MZ: "Also, you are 40. If you are checking out women anywhere near your age, most people put on a few pounds as they get older. So the older you get, the harder it will be to find someone who isn't "too fat" in your eyes."

    ZG: "You may end up having so much fun you don't care so much about a little extra weight." (emphasis mine)

    A few extra pounds don't bother me, and I don't think someone is fat if they're 10 or 15 pounds above their ideal weight. However, when that "few" is "40" or "50", it's a problem with me.


    3) You should focus at what's on the inside, you'll get over it given enough time to fall in love, etc.

    ZG: "But if their face seems attractive or even neutral to you, you should give it a try. You may end up having so much fun you don't care so much about a little extra weight."

    Jaxspra: "but maybe try to get to know one or two of the women you find you are very compatible with and see where it goes"

    Donk: "I'd say unless someone is waaaaaaay out there they deserve a chance. "

    Would you insist that gay people broaden their spectrum, and force themselves to be romantically attracted to members of the same sex? Probably not, unless you're a fundamentalist Christian. Would you see their inborn preference as "wrong?" Probably not, again unless you're a conservative Christian. If that's the case, why is it fine to persuade heterosexual men to be less "superficial" and "sizeist?" Why is it acceptable to condemn heterosexual men for their preferences?

    Just as a gay man or woman cannot be converted or persuaded to become heterosexual, I cannot force myself physically attracted to someone that is larger than me. I tried. Believe me, I've dated larger women and waited to find myself physically attracted to them. It just doesn't happen. All the talk of "thinking for yourself" and "looking at what's on the inside" does nothing to make her seem more attractive to me, much as I want it to.


    4) Because a man is not attracted to large women, he views women as sexual objects or playthings.

    MZ: "I have observed that men of very high IQ seem to fairly frequently focus overly much on "looks" and/or other things which boil down to treating women like sex objects, even when they espouse ideals to the contrary."

    I don't quite know how how to respond to this argument. In MZ's case, it seems like a classic case of the biased sample fallacy.


    In short, I believe I have a reasonable, not-unrealistic expectation of what women I date should be like.

  18. #218
    Cyburbian Michele Zone's avatar
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    Please leave me out of the rest of this conversation as I don't want any part of it. Thanks.

  19. #219
    Cyburbian Jen's avatar
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    For the most part I think women are more forgiving or less rigid when it comes to the different body types of men.

    In my dating past, I've dated talls, and shorts and I would have dated again the hefty dude from Staten Island but I was just visiting the area. I remember he was a great dancer but I couldnt keep up with his moves on the dance floor, then some other gal cut in on me and I watched them tear it up.

  20. #220
    Cyburbian RandomPlanner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by AubieTurtle View post
    ...For the most part I'm pretty open to dating different types of women but I made it totally clear that I don't date women who live in the suburbs. Not only is it in my description but also in my profile headline...
    I love this because it's so insane, and it makes total sense to me! (and I mean that in a good way). When friends have tried to fix me up, I have been known to ask about the housing situation. And if the guy that "just had a new house built" or "lives in this great new development" obviously he isn't for me! A dream is to restore an old home (probably more than one in my lifetime), so that's something I want to share with my partner. And I think that's a totally valid reason for not being interested.

    To respond to the Dan/weight issue, I am not offended by your weight preference. You're just not that into certain people -- it happens. And maybe it's your loss or maybe it's theirs or maybe you're meant to be single. Either way, that happens too.
    How do I know you are who you think you are?

  21. #221
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    Quote Originally posted by Wanigas? View post
    You are going to die as a very lonely man.
    As opposed to wishing for death because you settled for the wrong woman...

    Truthfully, that comment was not called for... if you don't have anything productive to add, you might just save it.
    -----------------------------------------------------------------
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  22. #222
    Cyburbian Jen's avatar
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    Wanigas' comment made me laugh, I took it as a joke. ANnyway Dan had already revisited this thread after it was posted and commented on it, why ddo you feel the need to interject now?

  23. #223
    Gunfighter Mastiff's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Jen View post
    Wanigas' comment made me laugh, I took it as a joke. ANnyway Dan had already revisited this thread after it was posted and commented on it, why ddo you feel the need to interject now?
    I just read it. Pardon me for having work to do... If it was a joke, then he should consider a or a or even a .

    Lacking that, I took it as serious. So assuming it was serious, then yeah, I have a problem with it. Dan came to the people on the board asking for some suggestions on a problem he's having, not to have people dump on him...
    -----------------------------------------------------------------
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    I'm standing right here Mr. Destiny
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    If you don't so what cause you don't scare me

  24. #224
    Cyburbian Jen's avatar
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    Oh come on, since when is a smiley a requirement? I know they help but really, remember eG and his snarky posts followed by a .

    Besides IIRC that one can disable the smilies on this board, so where does that leave one? correction one can only disable smilies in their own post

    What does your job have to do with anything?
    Last edited by Jen; 01 Dec 2006 at 3:33 PM. Reason: was mistaken bout smilies

  25. #225
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    People can't control who they are attracted to. For me personally, I am attractedto people who take care of their bodies. The more overweight someone is, the more likely they are to have medical problems. I do not want the stress of deadling with that. Plus, I am a very active person and I found a mate who is in line with that same idealogy. No problems either way. You are attracted to who you are attracted to.

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