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Poll results: El Guapo for US President in 2008

40. You may not vote on this poll
  • I vote for el Guapo

    19 47.50%
  • I vote against el Guapo

    22 55.00%
Multiple choice poll
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Results 26 to 38 of 38

Thread: I want to be your President in 2008

  1. #26
    Cyburbian Zoning Goddess's avatar
    Sep 1999
    400 miles from Orlando
    Overall, you're shaping up as a pretty good candidate. Can you address your views on development of mass transit?

  2. #27
    Cyburbian Richmond Jake's avatar
    Aug 2001
    The Emerald Coast
    Quote Originally posted by Zoning Goddess
    Overall, you're shaping up as a pretty good candidate....
    I promise to never talk about affairs of state with you again.
    Annoyingly insensitive

  3. #28
    Cyburbian Zoning Goddess's avatar
    Sep 1999
    400 miles from Orlando
    Quote Originally posted by RichmondJake
    I promise to never talk about affairs of state with you again.
    Duh, up front I said "no politics, no religion!!!". Thanks for keeping the peace.

  4. #29
    Cyburbian el Guapo's avatar
    Oct 2001
    My fellow Cyburbian's: All very good questions. I'll try to respond to each of them once I have a few minutes this weekend. I promise even more wacky fun positions on the critical questions of the day.

    Sisterceleste: Sticks and stones will break....
    el Guapo is a former 20 year +/- urban planner (just like you) who thought becoming an attorney was a good life choice.

  5. #30
    Jan 2003
    Santiago, Chile
    I vote for el Guapo for the fun factor... And besides if he becomes the president of the US he can give me a green card so I can go live there right?

    BTW what's the point on making a poll in which you can vote for and against eG? (I didn't vote for the 2 options, just for 1)
    Did NHP screw up the poll making it a multiple option poll?

  6. #31
    Cyburbian jordanb's avatar
    May 2003
    City of Low Low Wages!
    Quote Originally posted by Wanigas?
    What's with the funky math on the poll?
    Chicago election.

    The people who voted for el-guapo are the ones who see this as a joke. The people who voted against him are the ones who are taking him seriously.

    I voted for both.
    Reality does not conform to your ideology.
    http://neighborhoods.chicago.il.us Photographs of Life in the Neighborhoods of Chicago
    http://hafd.org/~jordanb/ Pretentious Weblog.

  7. #32
    Forums Administrator & Gallery Moderator NHPlanner's avatar
    Apr 1996
    New Hampshire
    Quote Originally posted by SkeLeton
    Did NHP screw up the poll making it a multiple option poll?
    Moderator note:
    I did not change the type of poll, just the end date.
    "Growth is inevitable and desirable, but destruction of community character is not. The question is not whether your part of the world is going to change. The question is how." -- Edward T. McMahon, The Conservation Fund

  8. #33
          Downtown's avatar
    Oct 2000
    Under a pile of back issue Plannings
    I have to say, aside from the items pertaining to gun control, I'm on board.

    Although if English is now our National Language, do we have to call you The Handsome?

  9. #34
    Aug 2001
    You'd get my vote, compared to what will be out there... but what about Mass Transit / alternative energies for transportation, Iran, and the environment?

  10. #35
    Cyburbian Plus
    Jun 2003
    Quote Originally posted by eG
    Riding Lawn Mowers They CAUSE sprawl. A tax upon them will stop the spread of needlessly huge lawns. Thus, I will request that Congress pass legislation placing a $2000 per mower Luxury tax on anything larger than a 24 push mower. Mandatory registration of riding mower will commence with a $100 per year use tax.
    From the AP Wire:
    Man Arrested for Drunken Mower Driving
    VERMILION, Ohio -- Police have arrested a man accused of operating lawnmower while drunk. Dondi Bowles, 50, was arrested about 9:45 p.m. Friday as he drove the mower on a sidewalk.

    Police said he had used the mower to drive to a store about a mile from his home and was arrested on his way back. Police had the lawn mower towed.

    Police said a breath test showed that Bowles' blood alcohol level was 0.144 percent, above Ohio's limit of 0.08 percent.

    Police said it was Bowels' third drunken driving related arrest in six months.
    Does this proves eG point ?

  11. #36
    Cyburbian el Guapo's avatar
    Oct 2001
    Ok, I do need to edit this plat form in light of some very good questions. Here are my real thoughts. No kidding, no joking, just real political thought from a "right-wing-nut-job."

    Michalskis EG- Have you thought about a running mate for VP? - Yep, Chet Are you free? Mski, two right wing guys don't stand a chance in the postBush era. Plus I need to bring in another demographic or two to further round the ticket.

    My Platform (Further Updated):

    Abortion - You want to be a child murderer, go ahead - let's keep abortion legal in the US, but let's let the states decide their own laws. Disclaimer - Rape, Incest and in true cases of medical emergency are not murder for the selfish like abortion for birth control is.

    Alternative Energy - First the government should do no harm. That means getting out of the business of subsidizing oil and any other energy source. Warships escorting supertankers through the Straits of Hormuz are a subsidy. The cost should be billed to the oil company.

    Animal Abuse - True animal abuse - not hunting, fishing, farming or noodling - should be a felony. Cat Juggling is allowed. *C*o*c*k fighting, not the gay kind, and dog fighting are animal abuse.

    Arms - Every man and woman who is registered to vote, possesses a certificate of franchise, who is over the age of 18, not convicted of a felony, not a drug or alcohol abuser, not mentally ill, and not on the public welfare system shall be a member of the unorganized militia.

    Armed Forces - The armed forces of the United States exist to protect the nation and enforce its will. They do not exist as a platform for social experimentation. Thus, no person who is not necessary to the mission shall be accepted.

    Bicycles - Bicycles are a valid and DESIREABLE form of transportation and should be a class of vehicle which should be taken in to account whenever a new transportation projects are proposed at the state or local level. Vehicular cycling is the proper goal and bike lanes are ghettos. Hitting a bicyclist with a motor vehicle ought to be considered a serious crime for which jail is the likely punishment.

    [color=blue]Billboards and Pole Signs - Billboards are evil, violent, and abusive assults upon the sensabilities of good citizens. All billboards and pole signs shall be removed from America by 2012. If it is ruled a taking we should just pay these people off and consider it money well spent.

    Campaign Finance Reform - Only people should be able to give money to candidates. And they should only be allowed to give to candidates in the district in which the donor is registered to vote. You should be able to give as much as you want to any candidate in your district.

    Corporations are not people. But corporate directors and officers should be given the jail time for their corporation's crimes - if any.

    Capital Crimes - The following shall be capitol crimes; treason, murder, rape, kidnapping, drug dealing in quantity, driving under the influence (second offense), and corruption while in public office.

    Central Government - The size of the Central Government shall be reduced to such a size that is only involved in such matters as defending the nation, space exploration and spying on our enemies and allies as we see fit. Minor functions such as weights and measures, patent offices and other "standards" type functions should be allowed to continue. This includes things like the FDA and Treasury. The rights and responsibilities that are stripped from the central government shall be returned to the people along with their taxes.

    Certificate of Franchise - A certificate from the federal government stating that you have performed your civic duty to your fellow citizens during your term of public service. It is required to vote and receive government benefits. It will also be placed on your National ID card.

    Concealed Carry - It shall be the right - not a duty- of all franchised citizens to carry a firearm when and where they see fit. This includes during air travel.

    Corporate Welfare – None, never again, no more ever. Not even a little. If it can't survive in the market let it die. I don't care what the Koreans or Japanese are doing...get it?

    Cruel and Unusual Punishment I am for a constitutional amendment to repeal this stupid language. Sticking your Johnson in an infant child is cruel and unusual. I think society should be just and cruel back to the idiots that do these stupid things. Stupid and evil should hurt - a lot! We need more painful punishments in our society. Prison needs to be more than scary. It needs to be downright intimidating to even the meanest SOB.

    Driver License – Nobody drives until they are 18. You kill someone because you screwed up then you go to jail. If you get two DUI's we shoot you in the head.

    Drugs, Illegal - As much as it pains us to see someone throw their life down the sewer that is drugs, it is none the less their prerogative. The drug abuse problem in this nation should be combated by executions for drug dealers and faith-based programs for abusers. Marijuana should be decriminalized to allow the resources that are used to fight it to be returned to the taxpayers.

    English - The official language of the United States shall be English. To become a naturalized citizen you shall be comfortable in its use first. We will teach your children English in our schools. No school shall be eligible for a payment voucher if English is not the primary language of instruction.

    Environment - Well, I guess I'm in favor of having one. No really, I believe that if you mess it up you need to clean it up, and that you shouldn't be allowed to transfer the burden of your environmental waste on to your neighbors. At the same time, unless you can prove it actual damages or a real hazard you need to shut up until you have proof.

    Felons – Lose their right of franchise and second amendment rights forever.

    FEMA - #1, No one should be dumb enough to trust the government to protect them in times of trouble. We shouldn't abolish FEMA because it has performed well in past disasters. We SHOULD expect that FEMA may have to tell some people the free ride is over and to get the hell out of the hotel rooms and get jobs and that your town is gone - Find a new one. We SHOULD expect the states and localities to be able to handle 90% of all local disasters. Also those idiots in N.O. who participated in what appears to be one of the most corrupt state and local governments -EVER- should be lined up against a wall and shot once thier contributing corruption in proven to a jury of their peers. Also - when your city is destroyed you don't have a reasonable expectation that the rest of America is obligated to rebuild you. We just have an obligation to help you find a new city. Do you hear that Kalifornia, Florida, and Lousiana? NO - You choose to live under the sea. Now don't act suprised when your local and state corrupt government let you down and the feds prove to be not much help and the levies fail.

    Franchised Citizens These citizens shall have in a secure, government provided, gun vault at their primary residence, or in their physical possession one M16A2 and 5000 (increased since 2002) rounds of 5.56mm ball ammo. If a citizen qualifies annually at one of the many public shooting ranges they will be eligible for special tax breaks.

    Foreign Aid - We live a world that has troubles. Sometimes the United States is the only nation that has the resources to help. I believe that Foreign Aid should only be in the form of humanitarian supplies, and aid workers, not weapons or military aid.

    Foreign Language Skills Foreign languages shall be taught in our school systems as an elective for English speaking students, as bilingual citizens are needed to fill positions in our intelligence agencies.

    Foreign Policy – Walk softly and carry a big stick. The Bush doctrine of preemption is rational and valid.

    Gas Tax - The taxes collected on gasoline and diesel sales shall be the only funds allowed to be spent on state and federal road and bridge programs. No more subsidizing the road hunger with the “general fund.”

    Gay Rights - Quit with the parades and the in-your-face political action and I can see the state civil sanctions of limited domestic partnerships. Gay Couples, while not the ideal family unit in my view, should be able to adopt kids out of foster or institutional settings. They need to pass the same screenings as other adoptive families.

    Gun Control – The right of a free people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed. You don't get to have guns if you have a felony, are a proven domestic abuser or otherwise mentally ill, violent, or prone to a documented loss of self control.

    Hanging - I believe that when the state exercises its right to execute a criminal that has been convicted of committing a capitol crime; that that execution should be held on a set of gallows specially constructed for just such purpose; and that these gallows be located on the court house lawn in the county where such crime(s) were committed. We also think is should be mandatory for each child enrolled in the public school system of that county to witness such an execution, if they be above age 12. This will bestow these children with a sense of reality and catch them before their 'at-risk' teen years.

    Hockey – Honestly, who really cares? You can't see the damn puck. (Well I can't anyway. Just kidding. Play your silly skater games).

    Home - A citizen has the right to possess just about whatever they want in their own home short of nuclear weapons. The day it leaves the house, explodes, shoots, discharges or the day they point it out the window at the neighbor - and then we should arrest them and execute them after a fair trial. Just because you think they got something they shouldn't, have doesn't give you a right to take it away from them.

    Illegal Immigration – Find a local police station. Tell the cop you are an illegal. Show him a prepaid one way ticket back to wherever you are from. Give him your full real name. Get fingerprinted. Fly back home the next day. Send the US embassy a letter applying for a visa. Wait for an answer and we’ll get you back in the US legally. Sorry for the delay, but it is only fair.

    Immigration - Welcome to America - provided you get a job and pay taxes just like us. If you want to bring the entire village with you make sure they all have a job also. We don't care what color you are or what god you worship. Welcome to America. The children of illegal immigrants shall NOT be give US citizenship.

    Iran - Their leader is wacky. He may get them nuked. If we know they are about to nuke Israel we need to nuke their nuclear infrastructure in a manner which minimizes civilian deaths.

    Israel - I can't say as I blame them for their current hard-line positions. The Arab world has fostered the confrontation between the Palestinians and the Israelis for decades. Palestine needs a homeland and part of that needs to be in Jordan and Egypt and Saudi Arabia as well as the Gaza Strip. Israel should keep Jerusalem.

    Journalism - Modern journalism is broke and MORE corrupt than the worst government. Journalist should have a code of ethics - set by a pannel of their peers - those journalists that are adjuticated to have failled to abide by that code should be barred from government property and from being published for five years. A jury of ordninary citizens picked at random shall sit upon the pannel of inquisitors.

    Jury Duty - A citizen must be registered to vote, have a certificate of franchise, have a high school diploma, and have a clean criminal history to be qualified to perform jury duty. Jury service will be reimbursed at each citizen's normal rate of pay. The citizen has already paid for the privilege of sitting on a jury. It should not be an additional hardship on them or their employer. Juries have the right to jury nullification of unjust laws.

    Juvenile Justice - All sentences for violent crimes shall involve some form of caneing. A single cane stroke upon the bare back on the courthouse lawn may be traded for each week in jail at the juvenile prisoner's request.

    Legal Drinking Age Will be set at 18 if you are already enlisted in the military. If you are old enough to die for your country, your old enough to enjoy a cold beer or glass of wine. If you are too much of a chicken *p*o*o*p to serve your country then the drinking age will be 25 for those losers.

    Mass Transit - This is an area where limited government support makes sense. However mass transit doesn't make sense everywhere. Whenever possible there should be competing privately managed mass transit systems within a community.

    Mosques as places of refuge in time of war - If you hide in a mosque and shoot at our troops we will level the mosque from the sky.

    Motor Voter Law - Shall be repealed. No one shall be able to register to vote unless they travel to the courthouse. Registering to vote while in line to receive welfare benefits is an affront to working Americans.

    National ID Cards – Are a good idea. Make them tough to get and mandatory for employment. Require they be shown when applying for a job, welfare and when voting. Wait, these are called passports and any citizen can get one.

    Oil - Oil is not evil! People in the oil insdustry are not evil. In fact they are a key piece of our national economy and shouldn't appologize for helping to give us a great standard of living. On the other hand, they don't deserve subsidies, nor do they have the right to pollute. The cost of emissions control maintenance for all cars should be provided - for the life of the vehicle - by a tax that included in the cost of the gas/diesel.

    "No Knock" Searches - Unconstitutional and wrong--period.

    Nuclear Power - Cool

    Polygamy - I don't give a damn. If that is what your wack job religion calls for who am I to question it as long as everyone is over 18.

    Prayer in Schools - No official sanctioned prayers are proper. Personal expressions of faith are proper.

    Prison Reform - The conditions of our nation’s prisons shall be no better and no worse than those conditions that the men and women of our nation's armed forces endure while in basic training. Prison shall be one long discipline and conditioning exercise. No one shall leave prison with out earning a GED unless otherwise retarded. No one who is a clear threat shall be allowed back into society. They shall be exiled from the USA to our territory on Johnson Atoll.

    Public Libraries - These are good and necessary functions of local or state governments. They should be funded locally and reflect local values.

    Public Service - All citizens shall serve their government from the age of eighteen to twenty in order to earn their franchise. This service may take the form of either service in the armed forces or a WPA or Internal Peace Corp type service. The certificate of franchise shall be awarded on the twentieth birthday. Conscientious objectors and the lazy will be exempt from service. However they shall not be awarded a certificate of franchise nor ever be able to collect welfare or other government benefits.

    Registering to Vote - Proof of Citizenship and a Certificate of Franchise shall be required for voter registration. Your national ID card will do as well.

    Riding Lawn Mowers – They CAUSE sprawl. A tax upon them will stop the spread of needlessly huge lawns. Thus, I will request that Congress pass legislation placing a $2000 per mower Luxury tax on anything larger than a 24” push mower. Mandatory registration of riding mower will commence with a $100 per year use tax.

    Right to Die[/b] Prove to a JURY of your peers that you are rational and that you know the consequences and we should allow you to die in peace. We'll even let your spouse shoot, poison, or smother you if that is your wish.

    Schools - All children have a right to an education provided by a either a Public School, Private School, Parochial School, Home School - it doesn't matter - We the taxpayers, through the government, will give all parents a voucher for their child's share of the State provided funding. It is their choice of how their child gets educated. Corporal punishment is authorized and encouraged. If a child is disrupting the education of others that child shall be removed from the school until such time as the student has proven him or her self ready to learn again. We will not teach all children, only those that want to learn and play by the rules.

    Sidewalks First- Then if there is any money left over you can build the road.

    Spanking - Spanking by parents to enforce their rules is encouraged. Pamphlets explaining how to perform this lost art will be sent home with all public school children. There is a difference between a spanking and child abuse. Responsible parents shall teach you the difference.

    Social Security - In 2009 all citizens shall go to SocialSecurity.com and either choose to stay in the old dead system or enroll thier contributions in to any number of private plans. Citizens also have the right to opt out entirely. However, those opting out and those selecting a private plan can't come whining back to Uncle Sugar when they are broke and poor. Uncle Sam will hand those people a "Sucks to be You" pamphlet explaining why they will be allowed to starve.

    Socialized Medicine - No thanks.

    Sustainability - Sure, whenever possible. Call me a nut, but I think the market can deliver sustainability in many ways when the tax rates goes down and we quit moving money to support big auto/truck transportation networks based on an oil-subsidy economy. This nation would do well to reinvest in our rails and get the trucks off of the highways as much as possible. Passenger and freight rail service should be encouraged. Energy Tax Rate breaks should be given to those folks investing in conservation measures.

    Taxes - All American citizens and residents shall pay 10 percent of their gross earnings to the federal government. 15% in time of war. No more, no less. No deductions. No loopholes. No accountants needed. No State shall be allowed to tax at a rate higher than 1/2 the rate the federal government charges. Citizens who qualify with their government-issued M16 shall be eligible to pay at the 9% tax rate instead of the 10% tax rate. 13% in time of war. Corporations shall pay a tax equal to 20% of their total corporate dividend earnings and 10 of their annual payroll. No loopholes. No overseas development credits. The payroll tax shall be abolished.

    Unorganized Militia - Every man and woman who is registered to vote, possesses a certificate of franchise, who is over the age of 18, not convicted of a felony, not a drug or alcohol abuser, not mentally ill, and not on the public welfare system shall be a member of the unorganized militia. This is not a voluntary membership. These classes of citizens enjoy the freedoms of our society and are expected to defend it.

    Voting – To vote you must have served your country for at least 2 years and have passed a basic core competency test, be current with your taxes and never have been convicted of a felony AND SHOW A PHOTO ID.

    Welfare - Sometimes good citizens need a hand up. With a dignified program of nationwide community safe houses families will have a safe place to live while rebuilding their lives. The rules will be strict, but the homes will be safe and allow a family to get back on their feet through the promotion of hard work and discipline. Residence shall be limited to three years over a lifetime.

    I challenge all Cyburbians to write out their own 2008 Presidential Platform. I found it a meaningful and worthwhile exercise. Join me if you feel like rising to the challenge. I especially challenge jordanb to articulate his positions.
    Last edited by el Guapo; 17 May 2006 at 1:25 AM.
    el Guapo is a former 20 year +/- urban planner (just like you) who thought becoming an attorney was a good life choice.

  12. #37
    Gunfighter Mastiff's avatar
    Oct 2001
    Middle of a Dusty Street
    I shouldn't be so surprised at how many of your platforms with which I agree... "The Bush doctrine of preemption is rational and valid" is alright, even though I disagree that he is properly following his own doctrine. I wouldn't mind picking over a few of your points with you one day...

    I'd hope you'd add in the return of public stocks, I think the death for DUI is harsh (If I had more time I'd explain why...), and erm, I can see the puck.

    But I'd sure vote for you over anyone I've seen in recent years.
    C'mon and get me you twist of fate
    I'm standing right here Mr. Destiny
    If you want to talk well then I'll relate
    If you don't so what cause you don't scare me

  13. #38
    Cyburbian imaplanner's avatar
    May 2004
    Like Mastiff- I find that we actually agree on quite a few things. I like how you have detailed your positions on so many things.

    Although I have some questions on some things I am particularly curious on one thing you said- as I wrote a paper once in college on this issue- why you believe that Israel should keep Jerusalum? Perhaps if responding here is too much of a thread hijack you can pm me. I don't intend to argue with you so much as I am just curious.

    I am also curious if you could explain more why you feel the need for all law abiding citizens to be required to have an automatic weapon on premises.

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