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Thread: Difficult dating

  1. #1
    Cyburbian
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    Difficult dating

    This is a spinoff from the Dating Thread and reflects some things that are happening in my life right now:

    Has anybody dated anyone that you would consider, on some level, inappropriate, or someone that, because of circumstances, made life very difficult? And not just because you didn't like them...

    Examples I can think of: Anybody ever date the boss? Any bosses ever date the staff? Anybody ever date someone significantly older or younger than you? Anybody ever dated someone that was of a different culture that circumstances made tough? Anybody ever dated the same person that a sibling (or parent) dated? Anybody ever date someone with significant bad blood between them and a good friend or family member?

    I suppose this could just devolve into Crazy Dating stories... make them entertaining!

  2. #2
         
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    Have dated someone significantly older...and it gets even worse...he is an on-again, off-again boyfriend of a friend of mine I'mthe bad guy in the situation, lets just say its not going anywhere and pretty much at the end...

  3. #3
    Cyburbian nerudite's avatar
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    I dated an Afghani man (and we even bought a house together). I don't know how I didn't recognize it in the beginning of the relationship, but toward the end the differences in our cultures became overwhelming. As an independent, out-going American, I was not the modest little homebody that he needed. That, and as he became increasingly upset with the US Government because of the first gulf war, the responses to the embassy bombing in Africa, etc., he would tend to take out stuff on me personally. In the end, it all became too much and I started to fear for my safety... and thus the break up. It was a big eye opener, and I don't want to get into the gory details, but let's just say that I'm happy that I live outside of the States, just because my chances of crossing paths with him are pretty darn slim now!

  4. #4
    Cyburbian SW MI Planner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by vaughan
    Examples I can think of: Anybody ever date the boss? Any bosses ever date the staff? Anybody ever date someone significantly older or younger than you? Anybody ever dated someone that was of a different culture that circumstances made tough? Anybody ever dated the same person that a sibling (or parent) dated? Anybody ever date someone with significant bad blood between them and a good friend or family member?!
    Let me guess, you (or a "friend", yah right) are dating your older German boss who is married to brother?

    just kidding. I've dated a bunch of losers, but thats about all the input I could offer.

  5. #5
    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
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    Yes. I dated this woman who I thought was separated from her husband. Turns out she wasn't. As a result, I am sort of persona non grata in Miles City.

    It was during my run as the "transitional boyfriend" for a string of women. You know, the guy a woman dates between the piece of sh** guy she was dating and the piece of sh** guy she is going to date in the near future. These women didn't have emotional baggage. They had emotional mini-storage units. Crazy times, but the benefits were nice.
    "I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

    ~ Otterpop ~

  6. #6
    Cyburbian zman's avatar
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    All I can say is that if I get a gut feeling of jealousy and that something is going on without me.... I am probably right.
    You get all squeezed up inside/Like the days were carved in stone/You get all wired up inside/And it's bad to be alone

    You can go out, you can take a ride/And when you get out on your own/You get all smoothed out inside/And it's good to be alone
    -Peart

  7. #7
    Cyburbian
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    Quote Originally posted by SW MI Planner
    Let me guess, you (or a "friend", yah right) are dating your older German boss who is married to brother?

    just kidding. I've dated a bunch of losers, but thats about all the input I could offer.

    I was trying to mix my "suggested difficult dates" up enough with the real situation that no one would know...

    Comically, you are dangerously close to the truth

  8. #8
    Cyburbian natski's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by SW MI Planner
    I've dated a bunch of losers, but thats about all the input I could offer.
    Same for me...

    Quote Originally posted by zmanPLAN
    All I can say is that if I get a gut feeling of jealousy and that something is going on without me.... I am probably right.
    Oh i can relate to this as well.

    I have learnt two very important things- dont date anyone from work EVER and if they live on the other side of the city and are of a way higher socioeconomic background than yourself, its not a good thing.
    "Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?" Zoolander

  9. #9
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    I made a vow to myself many years ago to never date a friend's friend, brother, cousin, etc. It will invariably be a disaster and then your friend gets mad at you because you don't like the guy.

  10. #10
    Quote Originally posted by zmanPLAN
    All I can say is that if I get a gut feeling of jealousy and that something is going on without me.... I am probably right.
    So true. I have the uncanny knack for being able to detect when two people around me are interested in each other, sometimes months before they ever get around to acting on it.

    Very rarely when someone tells me of their new b/f or g/f, am I surprised. (assuming I know both people beforehand). People think I am just being self-depricating when I say "she doesn't like me..she likes XXX", but more often than not, I am just being realistic.

    Some peoples guts have sh** for brains, but my guts are Mensa material. Just wish my brains had some guts.

  11. #11
    Cyburbian Emeritus Bear Up North's avatar
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    I was a senior in high school and "Linda" and this Bear were going out together. She was also a senior and she had a little sister.....a sophomore.....named Cindy. Yeah, you guessed it.....Linda and I eventually went in different directions and Cindy and I became an item.

    At least for awhile. When I graduated we drifted apart.
    _____

    My second wife and I worked together in the same office for a number of years. I was her boss but she wasn't about to take orders from her hubbie. We both got smart and she moved on to a different job.

    Bear
    Occupy Cyburbia!

  12. #12
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    [QUOTE=vaughan]
    Examples I can think of: Anybody ever date the boss? Any bosses ever date the staff? Anybody ever date someone significantly older or younger than you? Anybody ever dated someone that was of a different culture that circumstances made tough? Anybody ever dated the same person that a sibling (or parent) dated? Anybody ever date someone with significant bad blood between them and a good friend or family member?
    [QUOTE]

    Jesus...is this ever my expert thread.

    Never dated a boss.....dated a professor though and no it was not for the A in the class. He was (and still is) a genuinely nice man who was not from the area we were in. It had more to do with a bottle of wine, a wonderful fish dinner, and some great music; oh and the hurricane that blew through preventing me from driving home. It was somewhat awkward since the college was in a smallish town where gossip is a great pastime. We are still good friends to this day and are married to other people.

    I dated a man from Iraq when I was 21. My mother vehemently opposed this relationship and it was made worse by the fact that she worked in the same building as he did and had to see him everyday. It lasted 18 months and we split because his family opposed us getting married. My mom was relieved for a while....

    Met first husband after the Iraqi man....my mom was a little nicer towards him since he was a professional and well educated. We married but she seemed ok with it and liked that he was able to reign in my wild ways of that era. We were married 8 years. The end didnt have much to do with cultural differences, we were just going different directions. He was not particularly religious although a he was a Muslim, we successfully integrated two sets of holidays and no conflict arose from cultural differences since we were both open minded.

    I dated a Nigerian man after this for about a year which was pretty interesting because he was very superstitious about a lot of things. He was educated and always treated me wth respect. My mom met him before she passed away and totally loved him. Living in the South one still encounters open racist sentiments and we were at Red Lobster celebrating my birthday and an old white man stared at us nastily for a while and said something crude to us as he walked out. He returned to Africa after about a year's time and is still there.

    Final chapter is my second husband. He is an Israeli Palestinian Christian. His brother-in-law introduced us in the restaurant that the family owns. My husband was so embarassed but my b-i-l was determined to play matchmaker and gave him my phone number which he copied off my check I wrote for payment (slick!). He called about 2 months later and we started dating and eventually married. His parents did not know because they feel like they have lost two children to America and he didn't want to hurt them. All the in-laws here in America are wonderful to me and my daughter. Since we are all Christian there is no religious tensions and as most of them have been here 20 years they are pretty Americanized. The only thing that gets on my nerves is that they are a very touchy-feely-huggy family.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  13. #13
    Cyburbian Otis's avatar
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    Well, yes I dated my boss for a while. We were peers in the organization, I had just left a bad marriage, and she came on strong to me, so I thought, "Why not? She's very good looking, smart, fun." After a while I left the organization, and she was promoted to the boss position (she told me by saying, "Do you know who you just kissed? The new Director of XYZ!"). She invited me back to help with a special project and then to stay on in a full time job. I did stay for a while and we kept dating. I noticed a certain pattern between her and other co-workers and decided there was something strange going on. I eased out of the relationship, and eventually married the current Mrs. O (as opposed to the former Mrs. O.).

    A friend sent me newspaper clipping saying that she had been fired from her organization for sexual harassment. The guy making the claim got a half million dollars from the organization in settlement. And to think I did it for free....

  14. #14

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    I not only dated someone much younger (21 years), but married her. And its great.

    Of all the potentially disastrous possibilities you mentioned, I think age is the last one to worry about. I know a handful of couples with big age diferences and they are all really good for each other. Kindred spirits can overcome age differences.

  15. #15
    Cyburbian zman's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by zmanPLAN
    All I can say is that if I get a gut feeling of jealousy and that something is going on without me.... I am probably right.
    To follow up, I had this jealous feeling only once, and on that occassion it was justified.

    After which I dated seemingly immature women:

    -One who still had a huge stuffed animal and Pooh fascination. I know some women are like this, but this was a very childish facsination. Also, some of you know my consternation with neo-puritan ideals and this girl personified those on a profound level. Plus, I had to explain a lot of stuff to her and I do not do well with that.

    -The other was a fun girl, but decidedly innocent. This was part summer "romp" and her using me as an outlet to "break out of her shell" in college (which can be fun ). Things began to slip downward one night when she hid in a closet in my buddy's house with the notion that if I went looking for her, then I liked her. Oh, and then she freaked out one night over nothing and fled my apartment. I finally said "F*^% It", and went to sleep.

    Right now, in my current situation, everything is falling nicely into place.
    You get all squeezed up inside/Like the days were carved in stone/You get all wired up inside/And it's bad to be alone

    You can go out, you can take a ride/And when you get out on your own/You get all smoothed out inside/And it's good to be alone
    -Peart

  16. #16
    Cyburbian cch's avatar
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    For nearly 3 years in college I dated a guy from Laos. He migrated over here when he was 5 years old. At first I was intrigued by his life, how his family escaped by swimming across the Mekong River in the middle of the night, and how he had to learn english (his parents still didn't really know it), and the parties they threw when someone got married or had a baby were so cool and full of tradition and lots of great outfits and food (some of it freaked me out, though). But, I was usually the only anglo at these events, and I got some weird stares from the laotian girls. Once a girl started speaking their native language (called ThaiDam) to my guy and I could tell she was talking about me. He later told me she wondered why he would want to date a white girl. We also got a lot of looks from strangers. For some reason, an asian girl with a white guy seems to be more acceptable than a asian guy with a white girl. Random guys would look at us together, in the mall or somewhere, and whisper "chink" or other names, and it would be uncomfortable for both of us. But my family was cool with him, though my brother gave me some crap, and his family was cool with me. But by the time our relationship ended he had dropped out of school, was deep in debt and I felt he was trying to change me into the obedient, barefoot in the kitchen type of woman his brothers ended up with. There were traditions and ideas I just couldn't get use to. He would scold me for resting my feet on a pillow cause pillows are for your head. He would get mad at me if we were at someone's house and I didn't offer to help in the kitchen. And he and his brothers were getting wrapped up in get-rich-quick schemes, trying to live the american dream without doing any hard work. I ended it.
    Last edited by cch; 13 Jun 2006 at 2:14 PM.

  17. #17
    Cyburbian Plus PlannerGirl's avatar
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    This is DC I have had my share of much older guys living in Gtown looking for young arm candy. heck as long as both folks know its not serious it was fun, well until he got serious and I said good bye.

    Ive dated Chinese, latin, short stint with a guy that turned out to be very into support for the PLO-not good for a budding Jew!!! THAT was an ugly fight/break up


    Now with someone 9 years older than me and we are very happy
    "They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin

    Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO- HOO what a ride!'"

  18. #18
    NIMBY asshatterer Plus Richmond Jake's avatar
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    Difficult dating: Seeing someone on a regular basis that lives 400-miles away. It's a six-hour drive or a one-hour flight (not including the drive to and from the airports). Oh, and she's much younger than me.

  19. #19
    Cyburbian donk's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by PlannerGirl
    Ive dated Chinese, latin, short stint with a guy that turned out to be very into support for the PLO-not good for a budding Jew!!! THAT was an ugly fight/break up

    I would have expected it to be the leather vs lace debate. That seems like a more difficult hurdle to overcome.
    Too lazy to beat myself up for being to lazy to beat myself up for being too lazy to... well you get the point....

  20. #20

    Difficult?

    Try down right impossible. Trying dating a hell of a nice gal, but who is bi-polar and off her medications. Nothing like riding the ole mood-swing pendelum!
    Forechecking is overrated.

  21. #21
    I dated a muslim woman when I was in grad school. It was not the best situation: she was very co-dependent, had twice attempted suicide (with the scars to show for it), and she had a temper not to be trifled with. I think I was attractive to her because I could provide a greencard. Her dad won out by arranging her marriage to the son of his architectural business partner. Last I heard she was happily living in TO with a couple kids.

    I sometimes look back and realize how unbeleivably luck I am that it didn't work out.

  22. #22
          Downtown's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Gedunker
    I sometimes look back and realize how unbeleivably luck I am that it didn't work out.
    I fervently feel this way about all my prior relationships until I met my husband.

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