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Thread: The worst personal ads ever thread

  1. #26
    Cyburbian Richmond Jake's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Jaxspra View post
    I just recently put a profile on Match.com; took it off after 3 days. It was horrible..the guys that contacted me were gross, any of the cute ones were never online....no different than the bars...I'd rather spend $35 in a bar having fun, than $35 on an internet site with gross guys that have long tongue fetishes.....hgughughugguhug at least I tried for a minute
    I still have a MySpace profile. But I only have one friend (a woman from high school that found me). Not even ZG will accept my invitation. Maybe I should invite Cyburbia to be a friend. Naw, Dan would probably decline.
    Annoyingly insensitive

  2. #27
         
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    Quote Originally posted by RichmondJake View post
    I still have a MySpace profile. But I only have one friend (a woman from high school that found me). Not even ZG will accept my invitation. Maybe I should invite Cyburbia to be a friend. Naw, Dan would probably decline.
    I still have a myspace profile...a few of my friends are on there, its an easy enough way for rach of us to chit chat, keep the others posted on whats goin on....the match.com thing did not work for me at all!!

  3. #28
    Corn Burning Fool giff57's avatar
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    I also have a myspace profile, not for dating though. I had to sign up to check something out once. my space dot com/tripartdan
    “As soon as public service ceases to be the chief business of the citizens, and they would rather serve with their money than with their persons, the State is not far from its fall”
    Jean-Jacques Rousseau

  4. #29
    Cyburbian SW MI Planner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by giff57 View post
    I also have a myspace profile, not for dating though. I had to sign up to check something out once. my space dot com/tripartdan
    Mine is /christine7681. Don't use it for dating, but for reconnecting with friends. You would think, but I don't know, that Myspace would be more real than the match.com or eharmony.com? It's free, more pictures, people can put comments. It just seems that people would put on a front on a specific dating website. Whereas, anyone looking at my profile can see me AND my crazy friends.

  5. #30
    Cyburbian Richmond Jake's avatar
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    I think this is mine. Damn, Kelly is ugly. She was ugly in high school, too.

    /85530044

    Mostly pics of the ZG and me. Guess that's what turns the women off from me.

    There are some hot babes in the extended network.

    I just deleted the 21-year old whore that asked me this afternoon. Dan, when did you add me?? That's funny. I don't care who you are.





    EDIT: My ears are burning, "Knock if off, Bubba."
    Last edited by Richmond Jake; 15 Jan 2007 at 5:56 PM. Reason: burning ears
    Annoyingly insensitive

  6. #31
    Cyburbian DetroitPlanner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by SW MI Planner View post
    I thought the same thing.



    Hey DP, I was thinking you should get in touch with the 43 year old from Detroit! Not sure if you fit the whole body hair thing or not, but she's Catholic!!

    Lets review:
    "As the psychologist John Bradshaw says, "Trace it, face it, erase it!" Intelligence is important. You don't need an advanced degree but there needs to be an interest in politics, art, current events...something! I am an animal lover. I don't understand people who don't like animals. What's not to like about unconditional love? Animal and child related charities are an interest. My heroes are people who champion the innocent, small and defenseless in the world. I want to be with someone who is secure in themselves and don't need the attention and adoration of many. No players please! Quality-not quantity is what I'm looking for. I guess that's why my social circle is small. But I'm working on expanding it! The truth is, I'm okay with my own company. However, I don't believe we were put here to be alone. That's why I'm here -to make new friends and hopefully find that special someone. Good luck in your search and God bless! P.S. At the risk of sounding shallow, excessive body hair is a turn-off. You must be willing to wax, shave or laser. No, I'm not kidding. Also, I'm attracted to thin men who stay in shape. No exceptions. I work hard to keep slender and fit and I expect the same in return. Call me picky but I don't care. It's what I like."

    hmmm anyone who begins by quoting a psychologist, and ends up declaring how demanding she is would not be a dream date by a long shot. She sounds like someone who spends her time looking for faults in others and proving them through psycho-babble.
    We hope for better things; it will arise from the ashes - Fr Gabriel Richard 1805

  7. #32
    Cyburbian SW MI Planner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by DetroitPlanner View post
    hmmm anyone who begins by quoting a psychologist, and ends up declaring how demanding she is would not be a dream date by a long shot. She sounds like someone who spends her time looking for faults in others and proving them through psycho-babble.
    Picky picky!!

  8. #33
    Cyburbian Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by RichmondJake View post
    I think this is mine. Damn, Kelly is ugly. She was ugly in high school, too.

    /85530044

    Mostly pics of the ZG and me. Guess that's what turns the women off from me.

    There are some hot babes in the extended network.

    I just deleted the 21-year old whore that asked me this afternoon. Dan, when did you add me?? That's funny. I don't care who you are.






    EDIT: My ears are burning, "Knock if off, Bubba."
    Thanks for sharing. I didn't know you were cruising.....

  9. #34
    Cyburbian Cal_Planner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Dan View post
    After seeing this profile, I knew I had to start this thread.
    so when do we get to critique your profile?
    Cheers!

  10. #35
    Cyburbian donk's avatar
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    I always check out the personals in the local free weekly newspaper, mostly for a laugh, epsecially the ones under other. the one that typically stands out is someone with an STD that states it in their ad, seeking same. Guess because it is in the newspaper, and there is no picture they are safe from being identified on the street.
    Too lazy to beat myself up for being to lazy to beat myself up for being too lazy to... well you get the point....

  11. #36
    Cyburbia Administrator Dan's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by DetroitPlanner View post
    hmmm anyone who begins by quoting a psychologist, and ends up declaring how demanding she is would not be a dream date by a long shot. She sounds like someone who spends her time looking for faults in others and proving them through psycho-babble.
    I had a girlfriend that was like that. Not necessarily picky, picky (although she did say she normally didn't date "short" (5' 10"/178cm tall, a bit taller than the average for a male in the US) guys like me), but someone who read a lot of self-help books, and used that fact to justify her "enlightenment", and also try to gain an upper edge in arguments. Fortunately, I didn't have to shave and wax my entire body for her.


    Here's a woman that write to me not too long ago. Not a terrible profile, but I'm wondering how she thought we had anything in common. Some excerpts (bolding mine):

    I love to laugh, have a great sense of humor. I am social and energized by being with people. I love God and try to live my life being kind and compassionate to all people. I work hard to not be judgmental and to not hold people's mistakes and pasts against them. My perfect match would be a man that is not intimidated by a strong, intelligent woman. A man who is ok with being an equal with his soulmate. Someone who accepts and appreciates the differences in one another. Someone who enjoys laughter, yet can be serious when needed to be. A man who is not afraid to show his genuine emotions. He must have a relationship with God.

    my religion:
    I love the Lord. He is the most important thing in my life. I believe that God is loving, merciful, forgiving and requires the same of us. He loves people exactly where they are.

    favorite things:
    I really like pasta and i really like steak. My favorite color has always been blue, although it is not one of the colors i look best in. When it is raining outside i like to sit on a porch swing and watch. I love shopping at Walmart.

    last read:
    I enjoy Beth Moore books and Francine Rivers books. Honestly though, i do not read a lot. It kind of bores me.


    Kind of generic, with liberal TMC (Too Many Cliches) and TMJ (Too Much Jesus), and props to Wal-Mart. She may be a nice, sweet woman, but what did she see in a Jewish guy who lived 50 miles away? Here's an excerpt from my profile:

    I converted to Judaism, and attend a Reform temple. I'm not overly religious. I'm open to meeting those of any faith, or none, but I don't want to be "saved." If you're very evangelical, or think I'm going to burn in Hell, we won't be a good match.

  12. #37
    Cyburbian Mud Princess's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Dan View post
    I'm wondering how she thought we had anything in common. ... She may be a nice, sweet woman, but what did she see in a Jewish guy who lived 50 miles away?
    Well, reading bores her, so maybe she didn't actually read your profile. And I'd bet she's not a good listener either.

  13. #38
    maudit anglais
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    Quote Originally posted by Cal_Planner View post
    so when do we get to critique your profile?

    Yeah - maybe a little constructive criticism cyburbia-style will help you meet better quality potential mates!

  14. #39
    Cyburbian Planit's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Mud Princess View post
    And I'd bet she's not a good listener either.
    Huh? Did you say something?
    "Whatever beer I'm drinking, is better than the one I'm not." DMLW
    "Budweiser sells a product they reflectively insist on calling beer." John Oliver

  15. #40
    Cyburbian Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Dan View post

    Kind of generic, with liberal TMC (Too Many Cliches) and TMJ (Too Much Jesus), and props to Wal-Mart. She may be a nice, sweet woman, but what did she see in a Jewish guy who lived 50 miles away?
    Don't people tend to follow some generic form they think will snag in potentials (Like guys say "I love walking on the beach and being romantic..."??), or do the exact opposite and tell it exactly like it is?

    Hey, this could be fun, what would Cyburbians put in a personals ad?

  16. #41
    Cyburbian Richmond Jake's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Zoning Goddess View post
    ...Hey, this could be fun, what would Cyburbians put in a personals ad?
    Good idea. Have at it; you go first.

  17. #42
    Cyburbian
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    Quote Originally posted by Zoning Goddess View post
    Don't people tend to follow some generic form they think will snag in potentials (Like guys say "I love walking on the beach and being romantic..."??), or do the exact opposite and tell it exactly like it is?
    Has anybody read They Call Me Naughty Lola? It's a collection of personals from the London Review of Books, where people tend to post brutally self-deprecating or simply bizarre ads:

    Eager-to-please woman, 36, seeks domineering man to take advantage of her flagging confidence. Tell me I'm pretty, then watch me cling.
    I like my women the way I like my kebab. Found by surprise after a drunken night out, and covered in too much tahini. Before long I'll have discarded you on the pavement of life, but until then you're the perfect complement to a perfect evening. Man, 32. Rarely produces winning metaphors.
    They call me Naughty Lola. Run of the mill beardy physicist -- male, 46.
    More examples are available at NPR and Simon & Schuster.

  18. #43
    Gunfighter Mastiff's avatar
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    Anyone else think the dude from eHarmony is wayyyyyyyyyyyy creepy?
    -----------------------------------------------------------------
    C'mon and get me you twist of fate
    I'm standing right here Mr. Destiny
    If you want to talk well then I'll relate
    If you don't so what cause you don't scare me

  19. #44
    Cyburbian Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by RichmondJake View post
    Good idea. Have at it; you go first.
    Single female, 40's, one teenager. Don't need the angst of men who say "single male, home alone, Friday night". Must like romantic walks on the beach, hanging out with my smart-ass friends, and turning off the football game when I get needy.

    OK?

  20. #45
    Cyburbian Richmond Jake's avatar
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    Single male, age 50, two sons (the youngest, a teenager who lives with his mother). Must enjoy Major League Baseball (preferably the San Francisco Giants), the NFL (49ers), travel, poolside Margaritas, BBQed steaks, soaking in a hot tub with a glass (or two) of red wine, cooking together, and the Sunday paper followed by eggs benedict with sparkling wine.

  21. #46
    Cyburbian Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by RichmondJake View post
    Single male, age 50, two sons (the youngest, a teenager who lives with his mother). Must enjoy Major League Baseball (preferably the San Francisco Giants), the NFL (49ers), travel, poolside Margaritas, BBQed steaks, soaking in a hot tub with a glass (or two) of red wine, cooking together, and the Sunday paper followed by eggs benedict with sparkling wine.
    Boy, are you picky!

  22. #47
    Cyburbian DetroitPlanner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Dan View post
    Kind of generic, with liberal TMC (Too Many Cliches) and TMJ (Too Much Jesus), and props to Wal-Mart. She may be a nice, sweet woman, but what did she see in a Jewish guy who lived 50 miles away? Here's an excerpt from my profile:
    Maybe she sees you as a guy with a good job? Heck her writing style was driving me nuts. Are those complete sentances?
    We hope for better things; it will arise from the ashes - Fr Gabriel Richard 1805

  23. #48
    Cyburbian Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by DetroitPlanner View post
    Maybe she sees you as a guy with a good job? Heck her writing style was driving me nuts. Are those complete sentances?
    Sounds like she likes country decorating. Lots of lace, maybe a bucking bronco in the bedroom, antique kitchen tools... good luck, Dan!

  24. #49
    Cyburbian gicarto's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Mastiff View post
    Anyone else think the dude from eHarmony is wayyyyyyyyyyyy creepy?
    Absolutly. I don't like eHarmony at all.

    I am trying to write a good profile to try the online dating thing again. This time I am going to leave all of the small stuff for later. I read on a website last night to try and write your profile the way you would talk to someone on a first date. Any thoughts?
    Trying to get my grubby hands on as much stimulus money as I can.:D

  25. #50
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by gicarto View post
    Absolutly. I don't like eHarmony at all.

    I am trying to write a good profile to try the online dating thing again. This time I am going to leave all of the small stuff for later. I read on a website last night to try and write your profile the way you would talk to someone on a first date. Any thoughts?
    Be yourself and be specific about what you are looking for without coming across like a creep, psycho, or a$$hat.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

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