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Thread: The worst personal ads ever thread

  1. #51
    Cyburbian Jen's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Zoning Goddess View post
    Sounds like she likes country decorating. Lots of lace, maybe a bucking bronco in the bedroom, antique kitchen tools... good luck, Dan!
    A bucking bronco with the sybian attachment right?


    I can appreciate the personals in "They call me Naughty Lola" so funny, bitter and probably true~!

    Planners, lets hear your "naughty lola's"
    Last edited by Jen; 18 Jan 2007 at 3:28 PM. Reason: changing attachments for implementation testing

  2. #52
    Cyburbia Administrator Dan's avatar
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    Well, my one-month run on JDate was a total and complete failure. After about a month, the results aren't promising. ...

    Of the 19 women I contacted first, NOT with form letters but rather with well-written prose

    * 13 never replied.
    * 2 rejected me.
    * 2 disappeared after a few emails
    * 1 blocked me without even reading my email!
    * 1 actually met me for a date. It went quite well, but I got a "no chemistry" email in the aftermath. Sad how so many expect instant chemistry.

    Of the 12 women that contacted me first:
    * 4 were scammers; one Russian, three Nigerian. JDate was very responsive, and removed the profiles soon after I reported them.
    * 4 were .... uhhh, big girls.
    * 1 was 4' 7" tall. Sorry, but that's waaaaay too short; 15 inches shorter than me!
    * 1 was a form letter from Israel.
    * 1 was very nice, but from Florida: long distance.
    * 1 was a long-distance contact from my hometown.

    Nobody hotlisted me. Nobody "Your Click!"ed with me.

    Because there aren't many Jewish women in my age group on JDate here in my area, I literally exhausted almost the entire potential dating pool. Okay, there's women that are ... uhhh, they have a lot more about them to love, but just like women generally won't date shorter men, I'm not attracted to women that are larger than me. Call me superficial.

    My conclusion: if you're in NYC, LA, Chicago or South Florida, JDate is a great way to meet other single Jews. Outside of those areas, the dating pool is limited, and those that are out there just don't write back. Also, my not being an attorney or doctor might have held me back.

  3. #53
    Cyburbian Planit's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Dan View post
    Well, my one-month run on JDate was a total and complete failure. After about a month, the results aren't promising. ...
    , my not being an attorney or doctor might have held me back.
    You may have just hit the nail on the head
    "Whatever beer I'm drinking, is better than the one I'm not." DMLW
    "Budweiser sells a product they reflectively insist on calling beer." John Oliver

  4. #54
    Cyburbian Mud Princess's avatar
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    Maybe you can find a shadchen in Ohio?

  5. #55
    Cyburbia Administrator Dan's avatar
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    Hoo boy. I loooove the ads where people have a laundry list of must-haves, but they're often things they can't provide themselves.

    In short ... "I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want", with almost nothing about her. I guess the "I wants" really say more than any checklist of cliches, though.

    Charismatic, cute girl-next-door seeks genuine gentleman
    NO PLAYERS. NO CREEPS. NO PSYCHOS! MUST BE MENTALLY FIT & CAPABLE OF EXCLUSIVITY!

    39-year-old woman
    Akron, Ohio, United States
    seeking men 29-58
    * Currently Separated
    Have kids: * Yes, and they live at home (2)
    Want kids: * Not sure
    Ethnicity: * White / Caucasian
    Body type: * Slender
    Height: * 5'7" (170cms)
    Religion: * Christian / Other

    Here’s a little about me [including the separated thing, so read on, please.] NO PLAYERS! NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE~ PERIOD! What do I look like? I am 5'7 and wear a 5-6. Just lost 25 pounds! I have blondish-brown hair that is long. It's naturally curly, though I like to wear it straight. I have bright green eyes, an attractive smile and dimples. I'm upbeat, intelligent, educated, kind, honest Christian seeking friendship with a financially-secure, kind-hearted, handsome, honest, gentle Christian man who is emotionally secure and well-adjusted. I have two children, 5 and 12, who are really neat kids. I also have cats. A true gentleman is what I seek. I hope to one day find THAT someone special. At this point, I am interested in getting to know someone exceptionally nice, with a nice family, great values and a positive outlook on life. Does “separated” sound scary? If so, you’re normal! I totally understand where you are coming from on the separation thing. Years ago, when I was dating, I found that there were quite a few guys still hung up on ex-wives or girlfriends. That’s surely a waste of time. The pending divorce wasn’t my choice, but (as I now see and my friends have been telling me for a LONG time) it is for the best. My spouse was unkind. Enough said. I’ve never been divorced so I don’t know how long these things take. I thought marriage was supposed to be forever. Yes, as a young girl, I even imagined Prince Charming galloping in on his stallion to carry me into the sunset happily ever after. I hope to someday find a guy who is really kind, adores me as much as I adore him and understands what commitment involves. I love hearing older couples talk about their 50 years together. Through good and bad, they manage to stay together and become even closer and are always kind and loving. That’s what I hope to find one day—a guy who is in love with me through and through who I know I can count on and who knows I feel the same way about him. Are you emotionally healthy? Do you have a relationship with God? If you have a problem with alcohol. drugs, the law, your ex-girlfriend or are in any way COMPLICATED, please pass over my profile. Or, if you think you are a player or have ANY ISSUES, please fly on by. I’m so serious about this. I’ve had enough “dysfunctional” to last five lifetimes and I’ve endured my share of healing other people’s “inner child.” If you have or might cheat on anything, including your taxes, then move along, please. Honesty is a MUST. Your heart has to be good. No one is perfect. I know that. I just want to share with a genuinely nice person who is for real! A whole person who has his head screwed on the right way, that’s what I hope to find. Nice and kind. If you swear like a sailor, throw things, hit people or walls, have been in/to jail, been arrested or otherwise institutionalized, or hear voices, please browse onward. I seek simple. Everyone has baggage, but I'm looking for someone who is fresh--without all the junk bad relationships leave. In other words, no hang-ups. Seriously, I’m looking for a guy who is nice-to-the-core. If you fake your personality when you’re on a date, we’re not right for each other. If you have manners and are kind, even when no one is looking, then I would like to learn more about you. Please tell me chivalry isn’t dead? I have friends with great husbands, so I know there are nice guys out there. Are they really all taken? I sure hope not.I love kids and maybe want to have another child (or two) with the right fellow someday. I’m sorry, but I’m really not interested in anyone who is divorced. I know that seems like a double standard, but I just can’t deal with ex-spouses. Been there, done that. Not fun. If you have an ex-girlfriend you just can’t quite get out of your head, pass by me. PLEASE, no rebounds. Ugh! Seriously, the whole ex thing is WAY too complicated. If you are widowed, that is fine. I seek a healthy, positive, uplifting, charismatic fellow! Thanks for visiting!

  6. #56
         
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    Quote Originally posted by Dan View post
    Hoo boy. I loooove the ads where people have a laundry list of must-haves, but they're often things they can't provide themselves.

    In short ... "I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want", with almost nothing about her. I guess the "I wants" really say more than any checklist of cliches, though.

    Charismatic, cute girl-next-door seeks genuine gentleman
    NO PLAYERS. NO CREEPS. NO PSYCHOS! MUST BE MENTALLY FIT & CAPABLE OF EXCLUSIVITY!

    39-year-old woman
    Akron, Ohio, United States
    seeking men 29-58
    * Currently Separated
    Have kids: * Yes, and they live at home (2)
    Want kids: * Not sure
    Ethnicity: * White / Caucasian
    Body type: * Slender
    Height: * 5'7" (170cms)
    Religion: * Christian / Other

    Hereís a little about me [including the separated thing, so read on, please.] NO PLAYERS! NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE~ PERIOD! What do I look like? I am 5'7 and wear a 5-6. Just lost 25 pounds! I have blondish-brown hair that is long. It's naturally curly, though I like to wear it straight. I have bright green eyes, an attractive smile and dimples. I'm upbeat, intelligent, educated, kind, honest Christian seeking friendship with a financially-secure, kind-hearted, handsome, honest, gentle Christian man who is emotionally secure and well-adjusted. I have two children, 5 and 12, who are really neat kids. I also have cats. A true gentleman is what I seek. I hope to one day find THAT someone special. At this point, I am interested in getting to know someone exceptionally nice, with a nice family, great values and a positive outlook on life. Does ďseparatedĒ sound scary? If so, youíre normal! I totally understand where you are coming from on the separation thing. Years ago, when I was dating, I found that there were quite a few guys still hung up on ex-wives or girlfriends. Thatís surely a waste of time. The pending divorce wasnít my choice, but (as I now see and my friends have been telling me for a LONG time) it is for the best. My spouse was unkind. Enough said. Iíve never been divorced so I donít know how long these things take. I thought marriage was supposed to be forever. Yes, as a young girl, I even imagined Prince Charming galloping in on his stallion to carry me into the sunset happily ever after. I hope to someday find a guy who is really kind, adores me as much as I adore him and understands what commitment involves. I love hearing older couples talk about their 50 years together. Through good and bad, they manage to stay together and become even closer and are always kind and loving. Thatís what I hope to find one dayóa guy who is in love with me through and through who I know I can count on and who knows I feel the same way about him. Are you emotionally healthy? Do you have a relationship with God? If you have a problem with alcohol. drugs, the law, your ex-girlfriend or are in any way COMPLICATED, please pass over my profile. Or, if you think you are a player or have ANY ISSUES, please fly on by. Iím so serious about this. Iíve had enough ďdysfunctionalĒ to last five lifetimes and Iíve endured my share of healing other peopleís ďinner child.Ē If you have or might cheat on anything, including your taxes, then move along, please. Honesty is a MUST. Your heart has to be good. No one is perfect. I know that. I just want to share with a genuinely nice person who is for real! A whole person who has his head screwed on the right way, thatís what I hope to find. Nice and kind. If you swear like a sailor, throw things, hit people or walls, have been in/to jail, been arrested or otherwise institutionalized, or hear voices, please browse onward. I seek simple. Everyone has baggage, but I'm looking for someone who is fresh--without all the junk bad relationships leave. In other words, no hang-ups. Seriously, Iím looking for a guy who is nice-to-the-core. If you fake your personality when youíre on a date, weíre not right for each other. If you have manners and are kind, even when no one is looking, then I would like to learn more about you. Please tell me chivalry isnít dead? I have friends with great husbands, so I know there are nice guys out there. Are they really all taken? I sure hope not.I love kids and maybe want to have another child (or two) with the right fellow someday. Iím sorry, but Iím really not interested in anyone who is divorced. I know that seems like a double standard, but I just canít deal with ex-spouses. Been there, done that. Not fun. If you have an ex-girlfriend you just canít quite get out of your head, pass by me. PLEASE, no rebounds. Ugh! Seriously, the whole ex thing is WAY too complicated. If you are widowed, that is fine. I seek a healthy, positive, uplifting, charismatic fellow! Thanks for visiting!
    Dan, I like her profile...call me crazy but it sounds like she knows what she wants...I couldn't write a profile to save my life...perhaps the reason i didnt get a lot of winks/connections/traffic in the 3 days I was on Match.com.....

  7. #57
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Jaxspra View post
    Dan, I like her profile...call me crazy but it sounds like she knows what she wants...I couldn't write a profile to save my life...perhaps the reason i didnt get a lot of winks/connections/traffic in the 3 days I was on Match.com.....
    Yes, but still scary.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  8. #58
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Jaxspra View post
    Dan, I like her profile...call me crazy but it sounds like she knows what she wants...I couldn't write a profile to save my life...perhaps the reason i didnt get a lot of winks/connections/traffic in the 3 days I was on Match.com.....
    She's repetitive. But at least her grammar is good, and she spells correctly.

    It's a little weird that she expects guys into their 50's to not have a history. Kinda like my clueless SIL who refused to marry anyone who had kids because she didn't want her kids with a husband to compete with his kids for his inheritance.

  9. #59
    Zoning Lord Richmond Jake's avatar
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    I guess I'm too old to understand this on-line meeting, greeting, and then dating to get to know each other stuff.
    Oh wait....never mind, forget it....just keep moving past this incident everybody. Keep your eyes on the road. After all, I could be wrong.
    Annoyingly insensitive

  10. #60
    Cyburbia Administrator Dan's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Jaxspra View post
    Dan, I like her profile...call me crazy but it sounds like she knows what she wants...I couldn't write a profile to save my life...perhaps the reason i didnt get a lot of winks/connections/traffic in the 3 days I was on Match.com.....
    Why does "she knows what she wants" seem like a positive attribute by women? Personally, when I see these ads that say "I want, I want, I want", with a large number of conditions and demands, that reveal nothing about the person placing them, are annoying as hell. It tells me she has a selfish personality and is only interested in her needs. Do women really see that as a positive trait among other women?

  11. #61
    Member Nor Cal Planner Girl's avatar
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    Nor Cal Planner Girl

    Interesting thread Dan.... don't you know any nice female planners in your neck 'o the woods???

  12. #62
    maudit anglais
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    I still think we should see what Dan's profile looks like.

  13. #63
    Cyburbian donk's avatar
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    I actually had OK success with jdate, but the $$$ comment about the women is right on. Have not tired it again. Maybe I should.

    For the times I have tried online dating, i have only contacted 2-3 people, but had a much greater success with the ones that contacted me.

    Dan you should tell your rabbi, I am sure he knows of a good match maker that will help you out.
    Too lazy to beat myself up for being to lazy to beat myself up for being too lazy to... well you get the point....

  14. #64
    Quote Originally posted by Dan View post
    Why does "she knows what she wants" seem like a positive attribute by women? Personally, when I see these ads that say "I want, I want, I want", with a large number of conditions and demands, that reveal nothing about the person placing them, are annoying as hell. It tells me she has a selfish personality and is only interested in her needs. Do women really see that as a positive trait among other women?
    I agree. She goes through her littany of desires without giving her reader any idea about what she brings to the relationship. Probably a control freak, too. The self-centeredness reveals itself in the grammatically challenged "If you are widowed, that is fine." Run, Dan, run!
    Je suis Charlie

  15. #65
         
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    Quote Originally posted by Dan View post
    Why does "she knows what she wants" seem like a positive attribute by women? Personally, when I see these ads that say "I want, I want, I want", with a large number of conditions and demands, that reveal nothing about the person placing them, are annoying as hell. It tells me she has a selfish personality and is only interested in her needs. Do women really see that as a positive trait among other women?
    Well find yourself a wishy-washy one and I'll bet you'd be happy with a woman that knows what she wants. I can tell you I have gotten myself into relationships thinking that person was what I wanted and turned out not to be what I wanted at all (I have no idea what I want) and I have hurt a few people in the process.
    I don't know...all this online dating is making me crazy. I looked into eharmony yesterday after reading this thread, I think its a LOT better than match.com in many ways. You don't go sorting through pics to see who you would like to meet, the service matches you and starts communication for you. I have not registered but am thinking about it. Dan, do you want a woman that has no idea what she wants? Or just a woman thats open to something that may come along without any/lots of standards?
    ZG, your right, I don't think anyone is going to find a man in his 50's without some sort of past.

  16. #66
    Cyburbian Planderella's avatar
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    I didn't see anything wrong with the her ad, and I think that if I were a guy, I'd at least be curious about her. The woman is pushing 40, has kids, an ex-spouse, etc. She would have to know what she wants at this point in her life and is not afraid to voice those wants. I'd rather deal with that than someone who doesn't have a clue, which (to me) equates to immaturity.
    "A witty woman is a treasure, a witty beauty is a power!"

  17. #67
    Cyburbian Jen's avatar
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    I take it that you dont pay by the word to place a personal ad?

    The separated newly slender Mom with a jerk for a soon to be ex, wants a "nice to the core" never been married guy with no issues who has no kids but will want kids if she wants kids.

    Dan, i say go for it!

    I envision the single guy will have to give up his hot wheels for a sensible family car, find new hobbies, and learn to accept his second class status as stepdad with little authority as a parental unit.

  18. #68
    Cyburbian cch's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Mastiff View post
    Anyone else think the dude from eHarmony is wayyyyyyyyyyyy creepy?
    I think it is creepy the way 90% of the couples in those commercials look like siblings, to me. They seem to have similar features.

  19. #69
    Cyburbian biscuit's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Jen View post
    I take it that you dont pay by the word to place a personal ad?

    The separated newly slender Mom with a jerk for a soon to be ex, wants a "nice to the core" never been married guy with no issues who has no kids but will want kids if she wants kids.

    Dan, i say go for it!

    I envision the single guy will have to give up his hot wheels for a sensible family car, find new hobbies, and learn to accept his second class status as stepdad with little authority as a parental unit.
    All that and no sex... If only I were single again!


    I've had friends try J-Date with varying degrees of success. One was a buddy of mine who swore off gentiles for a short time and started dating Jewish girls exclusively. I think he met a few through J-Date but eventually fell off the Chosen People's Wagon and ended up with a Presbyterian. A female colleague of mine tried J-Date for a while but found that she either knew many of the guys from growing up or were Orthodox Jews (she isn't) which is the predominant sect around these parts.

  20. #70
    Cyburbian Bubba's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by biscuit View post
    I've had friends try J-Date with varying degrees of success.
    Not exacly J-Date, but a buddy of mine met his (now) wife at a singles function at a Jewish community center, I believe - seems to have worked out well for him (he'd dated at least one other woman for a while that he met the same way).
    I found you a new motto from a sign hanging on their wallÖ"Drink coffee: do stupid things faster and with more energy"

  21. #71
    Cyburbian dandy_warhol's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Jaxspra View post
    I looked into eharmony yesterday after reading this thread, I think its a LOT better than match.com in many ways. You don't go sorting through pics to see who you would like to meet, the service matches you and starts communication for you. I have not registered but am thinking about it.
    fyi, i know you're not looking for lesbian love, but e-harmony doesn't offer same-sex matching. the founder is an evangelical christian. so...do with the info what you want.


    fwiw, my sister and BIL met on match.com.

    i used match.com when i was in NYC and used it more as an opportunity to meet guys and go out and do fun thing in NYC than to make a love connection. i met some really nice guys on it but nothing blossomed romantically.

    i read a book once on how not to stay single (i was a diff. person then) and one of the key points was you need to date a lot. the more people you meet and go on dates with the better your odds that you'll find someone. another point was don't limit yourself by imposing limitations (within reason) on who you will date. don't count someone out because they have curly hair or are "too short" or "too tall".
    In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. -Martin Luther King Jr.

  22. #72
    Cyburbia Administrator Dan's avatar
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    Jeebus, take me now.

    40-year-old woman
    seeking men 38-49
    Relationships: * Currently Separated
    Ethnicity: * White / Caucasian
    Smoke: * Daily

    for fun:

    iam an outgoing person and i can be romanic too if i find the right man i love the outdoods camping hiking canooning i love to travel to

    About my life and what I'm looking for

    i am very easy going person i am looking for a man that can be honest with thereself and to me trust is a very stong word for me if u dont have no trust then there no realenship i can be very romanic if i find the right person

  23. #73
    Unfrozen Caveman Planner mendelman's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Dan View post
    Jeebus, take me now.i am very easy going person i am looking for a man that can be honest with thereself and to me trust is a very stong word for me if u dont have no trust then there no realenship i can be very romanic if i find the right person
    Nice run-on sentence. I also like the "all-lowercase" and spelling.

    I often heard people say that you will be a successful writer if you write liek you speak and speak like you write.

    Though, I think this is not exactly what they had in mind.
    I'm sorry. Is my bias showing?

    The ends can justify the means.

  24. #74
    Gunfighter Mastiff's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Dan View post
    i love the outdoods camping hiking canooning...
    I'm not sure what "canooning" is... but it sounds sexy to me!
    -----------------------------------------------------------------
    C'mon and get me you twist of fate
    I'm standing right here Mr. Destiny
    If you want to talk well then I'll relate
    If you don't so what cause you don't scare me

  25. #75
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Dan View post
    Jeebus, take me now.

    40-year-old woman
    seeking men 38-49
    Relationships: * Currently Separated
    Ethnicity: * White / Caucasian
    Smoke: * Daily

    for fun:

    iam an outgoing person and i can be romanic too if i find the right man i love the outdoods camping hiking canooning i love to travel to

    About my life and what I'm looking for

    i am very easy going person i am looking for a man that can be honest with thereself and to me trust is a very stong word for me if u dont have no trust then there no realenship i can be very romanic if i find the right person
    Just your type, she spells like many Cyburbians...

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