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Thread: Rumpy's Last Day Roast

  1. #1
    Gunfighter Mastiff's avatar
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    When I saw the pic... something kept telling me i'd seen it before. But where? Where could it have been? Then, I looked at his avatar again, and it hit me like a shot from the grassy knoll. He's... He's...

    LEE RUMPY OSWALD!




    Well, one thing is now certain. The shot couldn't have come from the book depository. Can you imagine someone from Rumpy's family getting near books? Oh the implications!
    -----------------------------------------------------------------
    C'mon and get me you twist of fate
    I'm standing right here Mr. Destiny
    If you want to talk well then I'll relate
    If you don't so what cause you don't scare me

  2. #2
    Cyburbian Queen B's avatar
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    Rumpy's Last Day Roast

    I'll start!

    Rumpy, what kind of guy leaves sunny Florida for How many Feet of snow?
    It is all a matter of perspective!!!

  3. #3
    Cyburbian The One's avatar
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    Ok....

    What's up.....someone give those of us who've been less than attentive lately some updates.....

    1. Who is this Rumpy you speak of.....
    2. Where is this person moving to? Seriously, where is the Rump's going?
    3. Should those of us in his new neighborhood be "worried?"
    4. What did Benoit Mandlebrot mean when he said "Plato turned science from the eye"
    Skilled Adoxographer

  4. #4
    NIMBY asshatterer Plus Richmond Jake's avatar
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    Rumpy has all the social skills of a cobra.

    Rumpy has no shame. He once asked the Pope where he bought his hats.

    There’s no middle ground with Rumpy—you either hate him or detest him.

    Rumpy has one of the most colorful personalities I know. He's green with envy, and there's a yellow streak down his back.

    I don't want to say Rumpy is immature, but the man can cuss like a 10-year-old.

  5. #5
    Super Moderator luckless pedestrian's avatar
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    what does Rumpy's name mean?

  6. #6
    Gunfighter Mastiff's avatar
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    Isn't he heading way up north to the snowy wasteland?!

    Maybe he's considering a new career in acting!

    -----------------------------------------------------------------
    C'mon and get me you twist of fate
    I'm standing right here Mr. Destiny
    If you want to talk well then I'll relate
    If you don't so what cause you don't scare me

  7. #7
    Cyburbian Rumpy Tunanator's avatar
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    Um, I'm not even sure I should return to work now.....

    Sounds like somebody is landing a plane in the backyard.
    A guy once told me, "Do not have any attachments, do not have anything in your life you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you spot the heat around the corner."


    Neil McCauley (Robert DeNiro): Heat 1995

  8. #8
    Cyburbian Budgie's avatar
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    I've got the perfect house warming gift. How about some flatware and stuff.












    Going to the well one more time for this one.
    "And all this terrible change had come about because he had ceased to believe himself and had taken to believing others. " - Leo Tolstoy

  9. #9
    Moving at my own pace....... Planderella's avatar
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    Lil Baby Jeebus will miss you!!!!!!!!

    "A witty woman is a treasure, a witty beauty is a power!"

  10. #10
    Cyburbian gicarto's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Queen B View post
    I'll start!

    Rumpy, what kind of guy leaves sunny Florida for How many Feet of snow?
    Nothing wrong with moving North. I did... ...Wait What the heck was I thinking!!
    Trying to get my grubby hands on as much stimulus money as I can.:D

  11. #11
    Cyburbian SGB's avatar
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    Time to re-introduce your new climate reality

    DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER in BUFFALO

    December 8:

    6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and I took my cocktails and sat for hours by the window, watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. I love snow!

    December 9:

    I woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!

    December 12:

    The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll d definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.

    December 14:

    Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to *20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

    December 15:

    20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. Should I consider a wood stove in case the electricity goes out? I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

    December 16:

    Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The neighbor laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

    December 17:

    Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the cat and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

    December 20:

    Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. freakin' snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

    December 22:

    Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.

    December 23:

    Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0.

    December 24:

    6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the girlfriend wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the freakin' snowplow.

    December 25:

    Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the @#$%^& slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The girlfriend says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to kill her.

    December 26:

    Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here?


    December 27:

    Temperature dropped to -10 and the pipes froze.

    December 28:

    Warmed up to above -5. Still snowed in.

    December 29:

    10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave-in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

    December 30:

    Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars for the bump on his head. The girlfirend went home to her mother. 9" predicted.

    December 31:

    Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling!

    January 8:

    I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
    All these years the people said he’s actin’ like a kid.
    He did not know he could not fly, so he did.
    - - Guy Clark, "The Cape"

  12. #12
    Cyburbian Mud Princess's avatar
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    LMAO. Nice job, SGB!

  13. #13
    Cyburbian Trail Nazi's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Budgie View post
    I've got the perfect house warming gift. How about some flatware and stuff.












    Going to the well one more time for this one.
    Spoons are such a fantastic housewarming gift for Rumpy!

    What will poor RJ do without his Rumpy? I will no longer be able to see transportation documents for the state with his name in it. Sniff....sniff.

    Rump(y) roast does sound yummy for dinner.

  14. #14
    Cyburbian donk's avatar
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    Do they make 'shine where you are going?

    If not why the heck are you going there?
    Too lazy to beat myself up for being to lazy to beat myself up for being too lazy to... well you get the point....

  15. #15
    Cyburbian biscuit's avatar
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    There’s no middle ground with Rumpy—you either hate him or detest him.
    Not true. I’ve heard from several sources that he
    can also be reviled.

    Rumpy has one of the most colorful personalities I know. He's green with envy, and there's a yellow streak down his back.
    Nothing a shower can't take of. Do they have those in North Florida.

    I don't want to say Rumpy is immature, but the man can cuss like a 10-year-old.
    That's certaintly not fair to the 10-year-olds out there.

  16. #16
    NIMBY asshatterer Plus Richmond Jake's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Budgie View post
    Going to the well one more time for this one.
    I can't take it anymore, you've baited me.
    (This one's for the newbies who are unfamiliar with spooning.)

    Rumpy, your memories of Florida should last you a lifetime. Good luck, Bud.


  17. #17
    Cyburbian Trail Nazi's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by RichmondJake View post
    I can't take it anymore, you've baited me.
    (This one's for the newbies who are unfamiliar with spooning.)

    Rumpy, your memories of Florida should last you a lifetime. Good luck, Bud.

    Most evil, RJ. We will miss the spooning opportunities of Rumpy. I feel the love.

  18. #18
    Cyburbian Emeritus Bear Up North's avatar
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    Oh, I haven't been to a Rump Roast in ages. What do we set the temperature at? Do we add salt and pepper? Tobasco?

    OK.....

    What is Rumpy's favorite Henry Mancini song?

    "Spoon River."

    What is Rumpy's trademark "look"?

    Bad sandals.

    What is Rumpy's secret career objective?

    Underwear model for "Soldier Of Fortune" magazine.

    Now that Rumpy is returning to town, what will be the first thing that the good people of Buffalo do?

    Leave.
    _____

    Seriously.....good luck you weirdo.

    Beary
    Occupy Cyburbia!

  19. #19
    Cyburbian michaelskis's avatar
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    I personally feel bad for the guy... he just gets use to all the warmth and sun of Florida, and now he will need to re-acclimate to this:
    Not my monkey, not my circus. - Old Polish Proverb

  20. #20
    Cyburbian Plus
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    Don't feel too sorry for Rumpy;
    because he will be better off without being around RJ corrupting influences.

    OR

    Is it that RJ will be better off without Rumpy's corrupting influences.



    Could you find a Cyburbian that knows the difference ?
    Last edited by JNA; 13 Feb 2007 at 9:19 PM.
    Oddball
    Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves?
    Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here?
    Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?
    From Kelly's Heroes (1970)


    Are you sure you're not hurt ?
    No. Just some parts wake up faster than others.
    Broke parts take a little longer, though.
    From Electric Horseman (1979)

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