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Thread: Baby Anxiety

  1. #1
    Cyburbian the north omaha star's avatar
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    Baby Anxiety

    Hello Throbbing Brain,

    Are any of the other first-time fathers experiencing any high levels of anxiety because of the baby's pending arrival? Some days I'm real excited and already planning fishing trips in South Dakota and other days, I worry a great deal. Any tips from the veterans?
    I am recognizing that the voice inside my head
    is urging me to be myself but never follow someone else
    Because opinions are like voices we all have a different kind". --Q-Tip

  2. #2
    Unfrozen Caveman Planner mendelman's avatar
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    As your fellow to be first-time father, I really haven't had any anxiety, so far. Actually, I'm probably too laid back about it. I really have no real idea about what's coming. Academically, sure, but realistically, not so much.

    I'm mostly mildly concerned about whether we can buy a house in the next couple months or stay with our current apartment.
    I'm sorry. Is my bias showing?

    The ends can justify the means.

  3. #3
    Cyburbian Flying Monkeys's avatar
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    Tips:

    It will be nothing like you imagined.

    It will be better than you imagined.

    There is nothing else you will do in your career, or your life, that will equal fatherhood, strive to be the best. (From my father-in-law years ago).

    This is the freakiest experience you will ever have.

    Do everything for your wife, you guys will remember this forever, and how you act will be remembered forever.

    Enjoy it all, most of us get few great life experiences like this one.

    (Pretty sappy, but true)
    What’s in a name? – Your reputation….:)

  4. #4
    Cyburbian Planit's avatar
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    Perfectly normal NOS. Going through the same stuff four years later too.

    I remember one time specifically i was sitting on the sofa thinking - Oh $h!t, I going to be responsible for this little one and ten minutes later I was already taking her to a Braves game in my mind. Now at 4, I'm scared about if I have her in the right pre-school program and even farther out about what kind of guy is going to take her to the prom.

    She's the greatest thing in the world (most of the time) and by having these thoughts, you're going to fine.

    Congrats and good luck
    "Whatever beer I'm drinking, is better than the one I'm not." DMLW
    "Budweiser sells a product they reflectively insist on calling beer." John Oliver

  5. #5
    Cyburbian the north omaha star's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Flying Monkeys View post
    Tips:

    It will be nothing like you imagined.

    It will be better than you imagined.

    There is nothing else you will do in your career, or your life, that will equal fatherhood, strive to be the best. (From my father-in-law years ago).

    This is the freakiest experience you will ever have.

    Do everything for your wife, you guys will remember this forever, and how you act will be remembered forever.

    Enjoy it all, most of us get few great life experiences like this one.

    (Pretty sappy, but true)
    That is some good advice. I'll keep that in mind.
    I am recognizing that the voice inside my head
    is urging me to be myself but never follow someone else
    Because opinions are like voices we all have a different kind". --Q-Tip

  6. #6
    Cyburbian cch's avatar
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    It is not just the dads who get the anxiety. When I was going to my dr. appointments in the third trimester, and there were posters and pictures of babies all over the waiting room, I would suddenly feel sick to my stomach and dizzy, worried that I somehow couldn't hack caring for one of those. I had virtually no experience with newborns before. And then there were the worries that something would go wrong during labor and all that. Well, something did go wrong, there were complications, but I was still too excited to be scared. And everything worked out wonderfully.

    Just remember:
    They grow up so super fast, so enjoy it and don't stress.
    It doesn't matter if the house is in perfect order.
    Watching your child learn new things is the most rewarding thing a person can ever experience (IMO).
    That first time they hug you and tell you they love you makes all the sleepless nights so very worth it. And, the sleepless nights really don't last all that long, in hindsight.

    I'm sure you and Mrs. NOS will be wonderful parents. Enjoy it.

  7. #7
    Cyburbian Michele Zone's avatar
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    The short essay Welcome to Holland is about having a kid with a disability. But I suspect most parents can relate to it to some degree.

  8. #8
    The inability to control something that is so important is pretty dang stressful -- so it's perfectly okay to worry a little. I remember those feelings very well, indeed. Funny thing is, my son was born five weeks early and this caused a great deal of concern for our families. Oddly, Mrs G and I weren't nearly as worried for him as seemingly everyone else was. Either we were deluding ourselves, or we had some sense that it would all be okay in the end (which it mostly was)

    Now, as he approaches his tenth birthday, it's all new concerns. But that's a story for a different thread.
    Labor is prior to, and independent of, capital. Capital is only the fruit of labor, and could never have existed if labor had not first existed. Labor is the superior of capital, and deserves much the higher consideration.
    Abraham Lincoln

  9. #9
    Cyburbian wahday's avatar
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    Flying Monkeys said it very well!

    Fatherhood rocks! And while it is definitely human to want to plan ahead, anticipate what is coming, and prepare appropriately, all of that pretty much goes out the window upon baby's arrival. Because, yes, it is nothing like what you expect (while still being tremendous, difficult, exhilirating, and more). Parenthood is messy (in more ways than one) and an awkward life transition, but if you have a sense of humor, humility and are an earnest soul, all will go fine. Better than fine, in fact.

    I'm a father two times now and while the second go around is a good deal easier in some respects (the transition from childless to parent is more traumatic than becoming a parent again) its just amazing how different the experiences can be, even though they share most of the same genes. You think you know how to deal with a situation from the last kid, only to find the next one has some brand new surprises for you.

    My overall advice is to have a sense of humor - no one really knows what they are doing when they become a parent, and yet it is the most natural thing in the world. If you can look at yourselves and (as my wife and I do often) say "Holy crap, what the hell were we thinking!? What did we get ourselves into!" and admit one's neuroses (and being a parent certainly brings these out), it lightens the load and makes for a great experience.

    Get ready - your life is about to have meaning...
    The purpose of life is a life of purpose

  10. #10
    Cyburbian Flying Monkeys's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by wahday View post
    Flying Monkeys said it very well!

    Fatherhood rocks! And while it is definitely human to want to plan ahead, anticipate what is coming, and prepare appropriately, all of that pretty much goes out the window upon baby's arrival. Because, yes, it is nothing like what you expect (while still being tremendous, difficult, exhilirating, and more). Parenthood is messy (in more ways than one) and an awkward life transition, but if you have a sense of humor, humility and are an earnest soul, all will go fine. Better than fine, in fact.

    I'm a father two times now and while the second go around is a good deal easier in some respects (the transition from childless to parent is more traumatic than becoming a parent again) its just amazing how different the experiences can be, even though they share most of the same genes. You think you know how to deal with a situation from the last kid, only to find the next one has some brand new surprises for you.

    My overall advice is to have a sense of humor - no one really knows what they are doing when they become a parent, and yet it is the most natural thing in the world. If you can look at yourselves and (as my wife and I do often) say "Holy crap, what the hell were we thinking!? What did we get ourselves into!" and admit one's neuroses (and being a parent certainly brings these out), it lightens the load and makes for a great experience.

    Get ready - your life is about to have meaning...

    That was what I meant or should have said!!! I love that... "Get ready - your life is about to have meaning." and become messy, and not completly in your control.

    But it sounds like most of us would not trade fatherhood/motherhood for anything.
    What’s in a name? – Your reputation….:)

  11. #11
    Cyburbian Queen B's avatar
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    My best baby advice.
    Make sure you and your wife sleep when the baby sleeps.

    Enjoy!
    It is all a matter of perspective!!!

  12. #12
          Downtown's avatar
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    I know I'm not a father, but just wanted to throw in some additional perspective:

    - it isn't productive to fight with your spouse over who is getting more sleep. and it doesn't do any good to count how much sleep you're getting. Accept the exhaustion and roll with it the best you can.

    - that said - when you ARE feeling particularly tired, just remember that your wife is getting just as little sleep as you are, with the added whammy of recovering from a medical event that was extremely traumatic to her body AND if she's nursing, she's actually expending more energy on lactation than she did when she was pregnant. just things to keep in mind.

    that said - congratulations! that you're even concerned is an excellent mark that you'll be a great dad!

  13. #13
         
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    "Get ready - your life is about to have meaning" sums parenthood up better than anything else I have heard.
    I got pregnant when I decided to go back college and was about 21 hours from finishing (24), was not married at the time, knew having a child was a very big deal but figured, like everything else it would fall into place. I can actually remember saying to my mother "I have had Maggie (my dog) for the past four years and take perfect care of her, I can handle a baby on my own"...its not always easy to laugh at ourselves but not a day goes by that I don't remember that statement...WAAAAKKKKKEEEE UP time!!
    9 years later my son(s) are the only things in this world that keep me going day after day. I often wonder what I would be doing if they weren't here and I realize whatever it would be wouldn't mean anything. The job, the house, whatever money I make, none of it would mean anything if they weren't here to share it with me.
    I wouldn't change a single choice I have made in having my boys, parenthood is my sole purpose in my life.
    NOS - it will not be whatever it is you expect, it will be better, nothing can prepare you for the awesome responsiblity of being a parent and nothing in the world can prepare you for the love you will feel for that child. Congratulations, best wishes and best of luck!!!!

  14. #14
    Cyburbian Seabishop's avatar
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    Keep in mind no one ever feels "ready" to have kids. Congratulations.

    Oh, and just because you have a kid doesn't mean you have to go pawn your guitar.

  15. #15
    Cyburbian martini's avatar
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    ...and then they start TALKING. And soon enough, they even start making sense. My favorite quote from my daughter so far:

    "I'm not a magazine, don't look at me! I'm a person!"

    Yep, real, actual quote from a 2.5 year old.

    I can't echo enough what others have said. Being a father two times over now, I've been thrown through the ringer. My wife and I often just look at what we 'made' and shake our heads in disbelief.
    You're more boring than you know.

  16. #16
    Cyburbian cch's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by martini View post
    "I'm not a magazine, don't look at me! I'm a person!"

    Yep, real, actual quote from a 2.5 year old.
    .
    OFF TOPIC -
    For about a month now, the last thing my 2 1/2 year old says as we tuck her into bed at night has been "I'm gonna teach the ants how to walk." We just say "Okay, have fun teaching those ants how to walk." and kiss her goodnight.

  17. #17
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    1. Relax.
    2. Sleep when the baby sleeps.
    3. The baby is much more durable than you think it is.
    4. You WILL make mistakes.
    5. No two babies are alike.
    6. Sleep when the baby sleeps.
    7. Don't go overboard on the visitors the first week home. Might have to fight the grands on this one!
    8. Allow one grandma/aunt to come help for a week. It makes all the difference in the world having someone with experience around!
    9. Don't pay too much attention to the baby books about development.
    10. Have fun, enjoy your time with the baby, it goes by so fast!
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  18. #18
    Cyburbian
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    When the baby cries at night, resist the temptation to turn on the lights, pick up the baby and talk. Leave on a nightlight, go in quietly and do what needs to be done. Teach baby that night time is for sleeping.

    Also, when baby naps, don't try to buffer noise. Watch TV, run the vacuum, well, if you are not resting, too.

    You are going to surprised at how much you can love one person! It's the best.

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