My wife’s uber-math-geek cousin stopped by this weekend. He’s a rocket scientist….literally. It’s always a strange experience talking to him because on the one hand he must think quite highly of me, as he’s always chomping at the bit to discuss the latest and greatest in number theory with me as if I was one of his peers. On the other hand, if presented with the equation ‘x + 7 = 12’, I couldn’t solve for x! He doesn’t seem to grasp this fact, though, and no matter how vehemently I proclaim my ignorance of all things mathematical he plows ahead with his protracted expositions on math theories, formulae and processes. Being the textbook pocket-protector stereotype, he has little concept of social cues and if his listener succumbs to glazed looks, frequent yawning, nodding off, or the occasional drool, it means nothing to him.

This visit, however, he actually brought up a topic I found interesting (minus all the math stuff). He was talking about the math theory behind multiple dimensions. He’s evidently working on some equations related to that Olde-freshman-dorm-room-conversation-with-roomie-at-2:00 a.m.-favorite…. “you know, what if there was an alternate dimension for every possible action we take or don’t take? Like, what if there was a universe that’s the same in all respects to this one except you didn’t step into the car the day you had that bad accident. How would that universe be different?”

Carrying on with the proud FAC tradition of trivializing the momentous, I thought I’d pose the question “How do you all feel so far about existing in the dimension where Rod Stewart ordered that bean burrito instead of the salad for lunch and got gassy on April 11, 1978?” How many of you wish you would have ended up in the salad dimension instead? I gotta tell you I’m having mixed feelings about this dimension so far. Sure I have a wonderful wife and a charming son in this dimension, but I somehow can’t shake this nagging feeling that I would have done better on the SAT’s a few years later if he hadn’t set that chain of causal events into motion!

So what are some other dimensions you wished you could experience? Does anyone wish they lived in a timeline where Abraham Lincoln delivered the Gettsyburg Address… and then did the chicken dance afterwards? How about that dimension where everything’s the same as this one except Cindy Lauper was the founder of death metal?