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Thread: The NEVERENDING Raising Children Thread

  1. #276
    Unfrozen Caveman Planner mendelman's avatar
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    Proud daddy moments:

    My second son (5 month old) starting rolling over from his back this weekend and finally pulled his first full night of sleep.

    Now, if I can just stop his 20 month old brother from getting into our bed at 2am, it would be great.
    I'm sorry. Is my bias showing?

    Let's not be didactic in this profession, because that is a path to disillusion and irrelevancy.

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  2. #277
    Cyburbian SW MI Planner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by mendelman View post
    Now, if I can just stop his 20 month old brother from getting into our bed at 2am, it would be great.
    I won't mention that there are times that my five year old still creeps in in the middle of the night and I won't know it until she kicks me in the face at dawn. Good luck

    You are supposed to just get up, put them back in their bed, not say a word. If they get out and come in again, repeat. Try telling an exhausted parent that, I admit, most times it's easier just to let them stay in there....

  3. #278
    Cyburbian Planit's avatar
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    This weekend was Wee Ps birthday party. We didn't buy her much in the way of presents (a kidsize guitar and a Wii game) because we knew she would get a few from relatives (the grandmothers are he!! bent on spoiler her) and friends. Instead we had a pool party for 12 of her friends - in February.

    There's a Fairfield Inn in town that has an indoor pool and a meeting room next to it. With the economy as it is, the hotel is renting the pool and meeting room for $50for 4 hours, complete with cleanup. It worked out really well and was quite a novelty in the cold weather.
    "Whatever beer I'm drinking, is better than the one I'm not." DMLW
    "Budweiser sells a product they reflectively insist on calling beer." John Oliver

  4. #279
    Cyburbian wahday's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by SW MI Planner View post
    I won't mention that there are times that my five year old still creeps in in the middle of the night and I won't know it until she kicks me in the face at dawn. Good luck

    You are supposed to just get up, put them back in their bed, not say a word. If they get out and come in again, repeat. Try telling an exhausted parent that, I admit, most times it's easier just to let them stay in there....
    Indeed. The kids sleep upstairs. We're downstairs. There's only so many times I can make that climb in the middle of the night...

    Our daughter (3) still ends up in our bed about 20 - 30 percent of the time. But she is a pleasure to sleep with - a cuddler (her brother, by contrast, is an elbower) so its very hard to to kick her out. Things have improved recently, though, and she stays put more of the time. I think she just likes being with someone. When she convinces her brother to let her sleep in his bed, she always sleeps through the night.

    It also helps that we have a king sized bed...
    The purpose of life is a life of purpose

  5. #280
    Cyburbian zman's avatar
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    So... last week while my wife was out of town, I was wrought with worry about my dogs, their well-being, their happiness...

    Then the thought struck me... if I am so worried about the well being of my dogs how worried will I be if I have children...



    I fear I would be a wreck... and I do not want to be an over-protective parent, raising children who lack confidence and are afraid of everything...
    You get all squeezed up inside/Like the days were carved in stone/You get all wired up inside/And it's bad to be alone

    You can go out, you can take a ride/And when you get out on your own/You get all smoothed out inside/And it's good to be alone
    -Peart

  6. #281
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by zmanPLAN View post
    So... last week while my wife was out of town, I was wrought with worry about my dogs, their well-being, their happiness...

    Then the thought struck me... if I am so worried about the well being of my dogs how worried will I be if I have children...



    I fear I would be a wreck... and I do not want to be an over-protective parent, raising children who lack confidence and are afraid of everything...
    You'd be surprised at how resilient and strong children are. Although young children love their parents unconditionally, they also enjoy being independent and branching out on their own.

    Dogs on the other hand, are in constant need of attention and reassurance from their pack leader.

    Young, well-adjusted children enjoy the challenge and excitement of being away from mommy and daddy. Dogs just simply can't stand it.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  7. #282
    Cyburbian zman's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    You'd be surprised at how resilient and strong children are. Although young children love their parents unconditionally, they also enjoy being independent and branching out on their own.

    Dogs on the other hand, are in constant need of attention and reassurance from their pack leader.

    Young, well-adjusted children enjoy the challenge and excitement of being away from mommy and daddy. Dogs just simply can't stand it.
    Okay. That makes sense. I reckon I'll have to see how things go when they happen.
    You get all squeezed up inside/Like the days were carved in stone/You get all wired up inside/And it's bad to be alone

    You can go out, you can take a ride/And when you get out on your own/You get all smoothed out inside/And it's good to be alone
    -Peart

  8. #283
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    First day back in the office after a trip to Myrtle Beach.

    Drove there and back from Michigan with my 5 1/2 and 2 1/2 year old daughters.

    I have officially reached the next level of "Parental Patience".
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  9. #284
    Cyburbian Planit's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post

    I have officially reached the next level of "Parental Patience".

    Welcome to that next level.

    Did you hear your fathers voice coming out of you too. Things like "Don't make me stop this car!" or "We're going to play the quiet game for the next 150 miles."
    "Whatever beer I'm drinking, is better than the one I'm not." DMLW
    "Budweiser sells a product they reflectively insist on calling beer." John Oliver

  10. #285
    Cyburbian wahday's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Planit View post
    Welcome to that next level.

    Did you hear your fathers voice coming out of you too. Things like "Don't make me stop this car!" or "We're going to play the quiet game for the next 150 miles."
    Don't forget "What did I just say?!" and "If I hear one more complaint, so help me..."

    A friend's mom actually did stop the car once and made us all get out and stand on the shoulder crying while she threatened to "make us walk home." It was very effective. And memorable. And scary.

    I haven't gone there. Yet.
    The purpose of life is a life of purpose

  11. #286
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    I came home this evening to find R.T. in tears. After some gentle inquiry she told me that a friend of hers that is a junior committed suicide last night. It took me back to when I was the same age in the same grade and a girl I knew killed herself. Dried the tears, lots of hugs, a warm bath, comfort food for dinner, and she seemed a bit perked up.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  12. #287
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by kjelsadek View post
    I came home this evening to find R.T. in tears. After some gentle inquiry she told me that a friend of hers that is a junior committed suicide last night. It took me back to when I was the same age in the same grade and a girl I knew killed herself. Dried the tears, lots of hugs, a warm bath, comfort food for dinner, and she seemed a bit perked up.
    I'm not even sure how I could begin to explain to a teenager the notion of suicide. Good luck kjel.

    On a lighter note.....yesterday, my kindergartener said NO ONE would be her friend. Today, apparently EVERYONE is her friend. The life and times of a 5 year old.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  13. #288
    Cyburbian
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    Quote Originally posted by kjelsadek View post
    I came home this evening to find R.T. in tears. After some gentle inquiry she told me that a friend of hers that is a junior committed suicide last night. It took me back to when I was the same age in the same grade and a girl I knew killed herself. Dried the tears, lots of hugs, a warm bath, comfort food for dinner, and she seemed a bit perked up.
    I'm so sorry. Watch her for a couple of days & try to get her to talk to you some more. I'm also sorry that you have the experience to help her through this.

  14. #289
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by kms View post
    I'm so sorry. Watch her for a couple of days & try to get her to talk to you some more. I'm also sorry that you have the experience to help her through this.
    She has a tender heart. Naturally I will watch her the next few days and let her go to the funeral if it is an open one. My heart goes out to the boy's family.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  15. #290
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    That's very sad kje. Suicides are perhaps the most difficult deaths to deal with and being a teen probably makes it all the more difficult.

    On a lighter note we were running an errand across town last night and Junior said for the very time "are we there yet?" Yes, a cross-town trip!

  16. #291
    Cyburbian SW MI Planner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by kjelsadek View post
    I came home this evening to find R.T. in tears. After some gentle inquiry she told me that a friend of hers that is a junior committed suicide last night. It took me back to when I was the same age in the same grade and a girl I knew killed herself. Dried the tears, lots of hugs, a warm bath, comfort food for dinner, and she seemed a bit perked up.
    I'm sorry, that's a horrible thing to experience, especially at that age (any age actually).

    Quote Originally posted by btrage
    On a lighter note.....yesterday, my kindergartener said NO ONE would be her friend. Today, apparently EVERYONE is her friend. The life and times of a 5 year old.
    We went to a bday party a month ago and there were two kids that were not being nice to my daughter, trying to exclude her and being kind of mean. The one kid she plays with a lot, the other she just met. My daughter seemed to just shrug it off, but I was in tears and had to walk away. It hurt my feelings so bad. Later she said they were not being nice and I just tried to explain that is why we need to be nice to everyone and treat everyone the same.

  17. #292
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by SW MI Planner View post
    We went to a bday party a month ago and there were two kids that were not being nice to my daughter, trying to exclude her and being kind of mean. The one kid she plays with a lot, the other she just met. My daughter seemed to just shrug it off, but I was in tears and had to walk away. It hurt my feelings so bad. Later she said they were not being nice and I just tried to explain that is why we need to be nice to everyone and treat everyone the same.
    My wife and I tend to not try and sugarcoat things with our daughter. I've told her many times that sometimes people are just plain mean and that not everyone is going to like her. Just like how daddy doesn't necessarily like everyone at work, but I still have to go to work. It may not help her 5-year old mood swings, but I don't want her growing up thinking that she needs to be everyone's friend or that everyone should want to be her friend.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  18. #293
    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    My wife and I tend to not try and sugarcoat things with our daughter. I've told her many times that sometimes people are just plain mean and that not everyone is going to like her. Just like how daddy doesn't necessarily like everyone at work, but I still have to go to work. It may not help her 5-year old mood swings, but I don't want her growing up thinking that she needs to be everyone's friend or that everyone should want to be her friend.
    I have taken the same tack with my son. He really gets bothered about people being mean to him - even kids he doesn't really like. He will ask me why? What can you say?

    "Son, the world is mostly nice people, but there are a lot of a**h**** too. Don't let the bastards get you down." That seems like harsh advice for a seven year old.

    Fortunately, if you treat your children with love and respect and let them know you think they are great people to be proud of, then they reassured that they must be okay.

    So when some kid is mean to my son, I reassure my son, then I get in my car, drive over to the little bastard's house and run over his Hot Wheels that he left in the driveway.
    "I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

    ~ Otterpop ~

  19. #294
    Cyburbian SW MI Planner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    My wife and I tend to not try and sugarcoat things with our daughter. I've told her many times that sometimes people are just plain mean and that not everyone is going to like her. Just like how daddy doesn't necessarily like everyone at work, but I still have to go to work. It may not help her 5-year old mood swings, but I don't want her growing up thinking that she needs to be everyone's friend or that everyone should want to be her friend.
    Oh, I said that too She can be headstrong and stubborn (wow, wonder where she gets it), and mean sometimes so I wanted to use it as a lesson on why its important to treat everyone with kindness and respect. She wasn't even fazed by it, she just shrugged it off. I was the one that had my feelings hurt.

  20. #295
    Cyburbian cch's avatar
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    My daughter has a little enemy who is both in preschool and in dance class. This girl has told my daughter she's not "pretty enough" (for what? I don't know), that her jacket is ugly, that she doesn't want to play with her, etc. Funny how when I see the girl's mom she seems to have the impression that our girls are great friends. But, I've explained to my daughter how some kids are just mean and they are gonna have a harder time in life, in general. And that I'm pretty sure even as the girl is saying those things she doesn't actual believe them to be true.

    On another note, concerning my 4-year old, yesterday at preschool she somehow fell off a cot (which is only like 5" off the ground!) and hit her face on the floor, knocked out an upper front tooth, banged up her gums bad enough that the other upper front tooth may end up falling out, and cut her lower teeth all the way through, right below her lower lip. They used glue on her, instead of stitches. And, her adult teeth will be coming in in a couple of years. But, this is so upsetting and her story and the preschool's story doesn't exactly jive. Thankfully they have surveillance cameras there, and we'll be watching the video this afternoon to see what exactly happened.

    I'll never find a daycare/preschool I can trust, and it breaks my heart.

  21. #296
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by cch View post
    My daughter has a little enemy who is both in preschool and in dance class. This girl has told my daughter she's not "pretty enough" (for what? I don't know), that her jacket is ugly, that she doesn't want to play with her, etc. Funny how when I see the girl's mom she seems to have the impression that our girls are great friends. But, I've explained to my daughter how some kids are just mean and they are gonna have a harder time in life, in general. And that I'm pretty sure even as the girl is saying those things she doesn't actual believe them to be true.

    On another note, concerning my 4-year old, yesterday at preschool she somehow fell off a cot (which is only like 5" off the ground!) and hit her face on the floor, knocked out an upper front tooth, banged up her gums bad enough that the other upper front tooth may end up falling out, and cut her lower teeth all the way through, right below her lower lip. They used glue on her, instead of stitches. And, her adult teeth will be coming in in a couple of years. But, this is so upsetting and her story and the preschool's story doesn't exactly jive. Thankfully they have surveillance cameras there, and we'll be watching the video this afternoon to see what exactly happened.

    I'll never find a daycare/preschool I can trust, and it breaks my heart.
    Coming from a daycare vet, that does sound like a lot of damage from a 5" fall. It makes you wonder if something else happened and someone isn't telling the full truth. Not that it's necessarily the daycare's fault (4-year olds can get into trouble by themselves), but it still seems funny.

    They daycare that we've used in the past has had live webcams, so that provides a little bit of reassurance. They're also quite expensive.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  22. #297
    Cyburbian cch's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    Coming from a daycare vet, that does sound like a lot of damage from a 5" fall. It makes you wonder if something else happened and someone isn't telling the full truth.
    We watched the surveillance video last night. As my daughter was on her knees on the cot but near the edge, a teacher walked by and nudged the corner of the cot with her foot to straighten it out, it seemed. She didn't communicate with my daughter at all, or even look down towards her. My daughter was completely caught off guard and lost her balance and fell face first to the floor without even having a chance to try to catch herself or break her fall with her hands.

    It obviously wasn't malicious or abusive. But it was careless and stupid. DCFS is investigating.

  23. #298
    Cyburbian Jen's avatar
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    Poor bean! How is she doing?

    Sorry you have to go through all that!

  24. #299
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Children's access to DVD/VHS

    Junior demonstrated last night that at 3 years of age using two remotes he knows how to: 1) turn on the television, 2) turn on the DVD player, 3) open the DVD player, 4) put in a disc, 5) close the DVD player, 6) turn on the sound unit. I wasn't really watching him and was reading the paper when he attempted to put on a Bob the Builder DVD. Normally he asks for help but last night he figured it was time to do it all himself. The only step he missed was switching from television to video mode. I'm guessing it is only a matter of weeks or even days before he figures that out.

    This prompted a discussion with Mrs. Maister about what we may or may not wish to do in restricting Junior's access to certain movies and how to restrict that access. Right now he is almost never alone for more than a minute or two and would have little chance to watch more than, oh say, 30 seconds of the opening sequence of 'Saving Private Ryan'! There will come a time, though, when Junior will be left alone for longer periods of time and it occurs to me he may not always restrict his viewing simply to Barney and Dora the Explorer. I'm not so naive as to think his curiosity won't compel him to watch some of the adult fare with have on our video shelves (get yer minds out of the gutter, we don't have any of THOSE kinda movies....that's why Al Gore invented Youtube)

    I'm wondering how the Parents of Cyburbia have dealt with the video access issue? Has anyone gone so far as to resort to a special locked cabinet? Hide the videos? At what age did you have to take steps to restrict your kids' access and what did you do?

  25. #300
    Cyburbian Planit's avatar
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    Proper videos within her access, improper vidoes put out of reach. She wanted to show us she could do it herself a couple years ago. The biggest rule (and she is actually respects the rule) is that she has to ask first, but then she can do it. This was after she had put the dvd in upside down or didn't hit the video button or something else. I showed her how to turn on the TV and the dvd player, et cetera so nothing would get broken or turn the TV to the espanol feature.
    "Whatever beer I'm drinking, is better than the one I'm not." DMLW
    "Budweiser sells a product they reflectively insist on calling beer." John Oliver

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