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Thread: The NEVERENDING Raising Children Thread

  1. #301
    Super Moderator luckless pedestrian's avatar
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    this is merely a vent and warrants no response:

    my 16 yo daughter now has a boyfriend - he's a nice looking fellow, a senior, an OUI from Homecoming last fall, a tennis player, an almost suspended license of speeding too many times, and is smitten with our daughter but other parents have said he's okay...

    ...so when she was an hour late from her first date "hiking" at the Nature Conservancy, and I went looking for her, and seeing his car not there, calling his house from a cell phone to find out from his Mom they were there, and, that our daughter needed to be home to go a French Conversation Club formed on our street FOR HER because SHE is going to France next month, and we had company over for our 10 yo's birthday dinner so I really didn't have time to go looking for her, well, you can say I was a little miffed, first scared, then mad, then I cried in the car - my husband was speechless he was so angry...she spaced is what she said - so I had to say when you go to Point A to Point B and I don't know what Point B is, I need a call and she is not to go to his house or ours with him unless a parent is home and she needs to keep her wits about her and not be irresponsible on a date and that if it happens again, we pick her up and bring her to where they are going and then pick her up afterwards...she said he feels bad about what happened and he also wants us to trust him even through his OUI so we'll see - I really want her to date in high school, she is 16, I had boyfriends by 16, and I have heard from other parents that he is a nice kid but I am worried that itís our daughter that canít think straight, and here she is, out during the day, hopefully no drinking and she still spaces? wth! Ė will she handle herself if the situation was more stressed?


  2. #302
    Cyburbian Plus dandy_warhol's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by luckless pedestrian View post
    this is merely a vent and warrants no response:

    my 16 yo daughter now has a boyfriend - he's a nice looking fellow, a senior, an OUI from Homecoming last fall, a tennis player, an almost suspended license of speeding too many times, and is smitten with our daughter but other parents have said he's okay...

    ...so when she was an hour late from her first date "hiking" at the Nature Conservancy, and I went looking for her, and seeing his car not there, calling his house from a cell phone to find out from his Mom they were there, and, that our daughter needed to be home to go a French Conversation Club formed on our street FOR HER because SHE is going to France next month, and we had company over for our 10 yo's birthday dinner so I really didn't have time to go looking for her, well, you can say I was a little miffed, first scared, then mad, then I cried in the car - my husband was speechless he was so angry...she spaced is what she said - so I had to say when you go to Point A to Point B and I don't know what Point B is, I need a call and she is not to go to his house or ours with him unless a parent is home and she needs to keep her wits about her and not be irresponsible on a date and that if it happens again, we pick her up and bring her to where they are going and then pick her up afterwards...she said he feels bad about what happened and he also wants us to trust him even through his OUI so we'll see - I really want her to date in high school, she is 16, I had boyfriends by 16, and I have heard from other parents that he is a nice kid but I am worried that itís our daughter that canít think straight, and here she is, out during the day, hopefully no drinking and she still spaces? wth! Ė will she handle herself if the situation was more stressed?

    i can see why you were/are upset. i don't think she spaced, she's testing her boundaries.

    not that you asked, but i think you just need to remind her of what's expected of her and what the repercussions will be if she doesn't follow the rules. and don't be afraid to follow through.

    when i was a freshman i got grounded for two weeks for getting a ride home from a senior and lying about it. learned my lesson on that one.
    In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. -Martin Luther King Jr.

  3. #303
    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    Junior demonstrated last night that at 3 years of age using two remotes he knows how to:. . .
    Maybe he could come over and show my wife how to do it.

    My son is seven and a half and he has it mastered pretty well.

    I keep the videos he is not reaady to watch in a box. He shows no interest in seeing them.
    "I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

    ~ Otterpop ~

  4. #304
    Cyburbian cch's avatar
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    Maister, I keep my daughter's DVDs in a cute portable case that looks like a ladybug. She knows all her movies are in there and has shown no interest in getting into my movies in the cabinet under the tv.

    LP, does your daughter have a cellphone? Maybe she needs one so you don't need to go to that much effort to track her down next time... Cause, there WILL be a next time. I did so much lying about my whereabouts when I was a teenager. I was never a freakin' hour late getting home, though. Sheesh... I don't blame you for being upset about that.

  5. #305
    Cyburbian SW MI Planner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by cch View post
    LP, does your daughter have a cellphone? Maybe she needs one so you don't need to go to that much effort to track her down next time... Cause, there WILL be a next time. I did so much lying about my whereabouts when I was a teenager. I was never a freakin' hour late getting home, though. Sheesh... I don't blame you for being upset about that.
    Cellphone, with restrictions, is a good idea!! I was the opposite cch, I never lied about where I was going, was always with people my parents knew, and didn't drink or do anything crazy in high school, yet I was always late I had, in my opinion, crazy curfews, like 10 on a weekend at 16. I think I could stay out until midnight for prom. But anyway, I never did anything but yet they were super strict. Then a few years later my sister comes along and her curfew is 1 on the weekends, etc. But whatever.....

    If this was the first time it happens, you talked to her and take her word for it that it won't happen again. Maybe she did space, maybe she was embarrassed to have to say her parents wanted her home, or whatever. You called it to her attention, and now trust her to make it right. If she doesn't, time for more serious consequences.

  6. #306
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Maister get a special case that Junior can hold his movies in and put the grown up movies out of reach.

    lp the rant is completely warranted. Although I have a different opinion on dating, 15-16 is old enough to know where you are supposed to be at the appointed time. I don't think she spaced and I think as dandy pointed out she's testing her boundaries. A world class chewing out by you probably made her think a minute yesterday. If she doesn't have a phone, I would consider getting her one-the rule with R.T. is that if I call she must answer the phone. I'd also rethink her letting her ride with the young man due to his driving issues.

    On a side note, we were all teenagers and some of us were pretty slick (or at least we thought so!) when it came to letting parents know where we were or what we were doing. Like cch I always came home on time because if I was late then I would not be getting out the house except for school/church for a long time.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  7. #307
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    lp, your daughter may also be trying to please the new boyfriend (more likely than "spacing out"); if he wanted to go by his house, she probably didn't say anything about being late, not wanting to sound like a "child" being monitored by her parents. Boyfriend needs to know up front what the rules are, from you or Mr lp.

  8. #308
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    As the parent of two young daughters.......I'm cringing at the above posts.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  9. #309
    Cyburbian Planit's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    As the parent of two young daughters.......I'm cringing at the above posts.
    Me too! I'm scared to death.
    "Whatever beer I'm drinking, is better than the one I'm not." DMLW
    "Budweiser sells a product they reflectively insist on calling beer." John Oliver

  10. #310
    Super Moderator luckless pedestrian's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    As the parent of two young daughters.......I'm cringing at the above posts.
    Quote Originally posted by Planit View post
    Me too! I'm scared to death.
    well, she is our first of three kids (girl, 10 and boy 4.5) so we just need to get used to all of this new layer of letting go... ...and did I mention that she's pretty and is in good shape?

    it's funny, when they are little you are so thrilled with dressing them up and remarking on how pretty they are and then suddenly you say uh-oh to how pretty they are...

    my husband however is not moving on too well (he can still barely speak about it - there were just so many layers to the day, it wasn't as simple as being an hour and a half late) and thinks we should ground her but I think we need to move forward and see how she does with him this weekend...it's sad too because we honestly rarely disagree about how to handle the kids (his delivery isn't as nice as mine but we are usually saying the same thing)
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Mae @ Maddy's 2.09 2.jpg   Mae @ Maddy's 2.09.jpg  


  11. #311
    Unfrozen Caveman Planner mendelman's avatar
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    Currently, as the father of two very young boys, I say you better cringe about the future btrage and Planit.
    I'm sorry. Is my bias showing?

    Let's not be didactic in this profession, because that is a path to disillusion and irrelevancy.

    Six seasons and a movie!

  12. #312
    Cyburbian Planit's avatar
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    Well thank goodness the mendelboys are at least a couple states away (for right now)
    "Whatever beer I'm drinking, is better than the one I'm not." DMLW
    "Budweiser sells a product they reflectively insist on calling beer." John Oliver

  13. #313
    Cyburbian Plus
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    What do you think about this -

    Teach Your Kids to Break the Rules
    Five survival skills they'll use the rest of their life.
    http://lifestyle.msn.com/your-life/f...9831&GT1=32001


    1) Sneak snacks into a movie theater
    2) Question teachers
    3) Learn how to tell a white lie
    4) Pee in the woods
    5) Bend the rules when playing sports
    Oddball
    Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves?
    Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here?
    Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?
    From Kelly's Heroes (1970)


    Are you sure you're not hurt ?
    No. Just some parts wake up faster than others.
    Broke parts take a little longer, though.
    From Electric Horseman (1979)

  14. #314
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by JNA View post
    What do you think about this -

    Teach Your Kids to Break the Rules
    Five survival skills they'll use the rest of their life.
    http://lifestyle.msn.com/your-life/f...9831&GT1=32001
    I'll agree with the first 4 but not the last one. I don't agree with playing dirty in any area of life.

  15. #315
    Cyburbian
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    I only agree with #4, which, is you think about it, is #1.

    I can think of sensible, honorable and honest ways to handle each of the other four without bending the rules. Those ways can teach anyone how to handle rules that don't always seem to be fair.

  16. #316
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
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    Although I don't have a problem with #4, I don't think that you need to teach your kids those kind of skills. My philosophy with my kids was to:

    1. Teach them that it's wrong to cheat, lie, steal, etc.
    2. Teach them that it's o.k. to question and disagree with adults/superiors when it's done respectfully.
    3. Teach them there are times when it's difficult to do that.
    4. Teach them that they need to accept that there are sometimes consequences that seem more severe than the offense warrants but that's just the chance they're taking.
    5. Teach them that if they get caught, 'fess up or the consequences will always be worse.
    ďDeath comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.Ē

  17. #317
    Cyburbian
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    Well said, ofos.

  18. #318
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    I'm cool with the first four but not the last one.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  19. #319
    Cyburbian SW MI Planner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by kjelsadek View post
    I'm cool with the first four but not the last one.
    Same here. And I too like ofos' list.....

  20. #320
    Cyburbian Seabishop's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    As the parent of two young daughters.......I'm cringing at the above posts.
    Me too. It's scary thiking about how much my friends and I were (unsuccessfully) focused on girls even in middle school. I'm devising a plan to give them head gear, back braces and severe acne throughout their teenage years.

  21. #321
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    Quote Originally posted by Seabishop View post
    Me too. It's scary thiking about how much my friends and I were (unsuccessfully) focused on girls even in middle school. I'm devising a plan to give them head gear, back braces and severe acne throughout their teenage years.
    What about bad hair and glasses ?
    Oddball
    Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves?
    Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here?
    Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?
    From Kelly's Heroes (1970)


    Are you sure you're not hurt ?
    No. Just some parts wake up faster than others.
    Broke parts take a little longer, though.
    From Electric Horseman (1979)

  22. #322
    Cyburbian AnvilPartners's avatar
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    I'm already preparing...

    I have a son 15 and a daughter 12...I'm already working on what I'm going to tell the kids that date my daughter...I think it's going to go something like this...

    Takes young man aside, puts arm on his shoulder...

    "You see that little girl in there...yep, she's my reason for living, she's my whole world...she's the only reason I'm living right now -- so I can take care of her and make sure she's happy and OK...I love her more than anything I could ever say or you could ever think of, and if you remember one thing I'm telling you, remember this...I don't mind going back to prison..."
    "Sometimes you have to get medieval with it...hammer, sparks, sweat, the whole nine yards...so don't forget your asbestos suit."
    Aphorisms on Public Hearings, Planning Guild Handbook (2001).

  23. #323
    Super Moderator luckless pedestrian's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by AnvilPartners View post
    ...I don't mind going back to prison..."
    LOL - my husband threatens our daughter with him having a gun cleaning night when he comes to pick her up - and our friend who happens to be the Police Chief has threatened her that he will join him - so the 2 of them sititng at the table saying

    hello, no, really, come on in and take a seat, wanna beer, uh, no? okay...

    this boy did ask her what time she needs to be home tonight because he at least knows he needs to redeem himself by having a clue because she does not!

  24. #324
    Cyburbian Queen B's avatar
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    Hormones somehow fog the brain. Or is it that the teen believes they are thinking clearly.

    We have had bouts of lying. My responce is always "is that the best you can do?"
    It really insults me if they can't even come up with a plausable lie.

    Don't get me wrong I don't want them to lie.

    But at least try to make up a story that might be possible.
    The eldest of the two said she thought she had been dreaming about the officer pulling her over , while she had a passenger in the car.

    The youngest said she had gone over to a friends house and fell asleep on the couch. ( The first day she got to drive to school). No she went 15 miles more to be with her boyfriend. OK we probably would not have known if she had gotten her self home after the end of the game. But NO she was over 1 1/2 hours after the game...

    Ok, didn't realize I was going to be ranting.
    It is all a matter of perspective!!!

  25. #325

    'Teaching Moments'

    My son has always been a good student, frequently A-B honor roll and he's missed All-A honor roll by a point here or there. He set a goal of being the first boy in his class to make the All-A honor roll. So ....

    We had parent-teacher conferences yesterday and his teacher said 'good news, bad news' and I replied 'PE'. Yup, he had All-A honor roll scores in every subject but PE and therefore doesn't get recognized. (And shouldn't in my opinion.) He was positively crest-fallen when he learned the news.

    We turned it into a teaching moment: he proved to himself that he can do the academic work to get there, but he can't slouch off anywhere. Still, Mrs G and I now worry that his previously-concealed frustration with PE may become open disdain and lead to real problems.

    Thinking back on my own primary school years, I never, ever had to hand in a written assignment in PE (or its ugly step-children Health and Driver's Ed). The times have indeed changed.

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