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Thread: The NEVERENDING Raising Children Thread

  1. #576
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    So we (my wife and I and the other parents) decided that our 2nd grader and her best friend in her class will be in separate rooms next year. They are the best of friends when not in the classroom, but are super-competitive in the classroom (and end up hurting each others feelings). Yes, they are frienemies. Girls can be so complicated.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  2. #577
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    My 15 year old son missed the bus today. He tried calling me, but I didn't hear the phone, so he got mad and threw his phone, breaking it. That's the second phone that he threw and broke, and I'm mad. (Not mad enough to throw things.) It's not like him to display anger like that, but I'm really irritated that he threw away more of my money.

    I'm calling a landscaper/farmer friend of mine to arrange a day of labor for my son.

  3. #578
    Cyburbian Veloise's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by ursus View post
    That reminds me...my daughter had a friend who liked to play a game she called "MIX-IT-UP". You cannot begin to imagine...pollypockets and little people and kitchen littles and all the teeny-tiny Barbie coutre, blocks, tea sets. That child was almost banned from my home. The game was forever turned into a hiss and a by-word.
    What's wrong with that? My brother had a toy gas station and plastic dinosaurs. We intermingled them. T-Rex's little arms were just the right size/configuration to hold a tiny can of motor oil, and Brontosaurus (yes, I know it has a new title, dunno what it is) had the perfect neck curve to be "drinking" the oil.

    Creative play. Sometimes the stack of rainbow rings can go on the spike in a different order or pattern.

  4. #579
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by ursus View post
    That reminds me...my daughter had a friend who liked to play a game she called "MIX-IT-UP". You cannot begin to imagine...pollypockets and little people and kitchen littles and all the teeny-tiny Barbie coutre, blocks, tea sets. That child was almost banned from my home. The game was forever turned into a hiss and a by-word.
    Quote Originally posted by Veloise View post
    What's wrong with that?
    Creative play is fine, as long as the toys are being respected. I'm not shelling out money on toys that are going to be treated like they're rocks. As long as the kids learn the difference, then go for it!!! Otherwise, your toys will be in the next gargae sale.
    Last edited by Gedunker; 17 Feb 2011 at 10:34 AM. Reason: fixed quote tag
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  5. #580
    Cyburbian Raf's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    Yes, they are frienemies. Girls can be so complicated.
    Funny, one of my daughter's good friends at school (kindergarten) is a frienemie, but mainly because they have the same Alpha female personality type. I blame me for the alpha female instinct. I can already picture my daughter being one of those mean girls
    Men do dumb $hit... it is what they do to correct the problem that counts.

  6. #581
    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
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    Last night my son was very frustrated and mad because we were on his case about some missing assignments (an ongoing issue). He dropped the f-bomb. I gave him a warning that the next one would cost him fifty cents for the cussing jar. Did the warning work? Nope. Several times nope. Now his allowance for the week goes to the cussin' jar. Oh, and he didn't speak to me for the rest of the night and part of the morning.

    We've discussed what will happen to the cussin' jar money. I think I might suggest we give it to the church. That would really p*ss the little bugger off.
    "I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

    ~ Otterpop ~

  7. #582
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by CPSURaf View post
    Funny, one of my daughter's good friends at school (kindergarten) is a frienemie, but mainly because they have the same Alpha female personality type. I blame me for the alpha female instinct. I can already picture my daughter being one of those mean girls
    My daughter's the same way. Major Alpha female personality (as is her friend). She gets it from us.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  8. #583
    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
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    Last week my son went on an overnight school trip. Before he left I asked him if he was excited about the trip. He said he was looking forward to it because he could get away from his momma fussing at him.

    After we dropped him off, my wife was very quiet. She said she missed him already and she fretted about him much of the evening - did the bus get there okay? Were kids going to be mean to him? was he going to be warm enough?

    I didn't tell my wife what my son had said. But I did tell him when I picked him up the next day how much his momma missed him.

    And, of course, by dinnertime they were fighting again. Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home.
    "I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

    ~ Otterpop ~

  9. #584
    Cyburbian zman's avatar
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    My wife stays home on Mondays with our son. Today, I got a text saying they were at the park down the street from our house. So at lunch time, I walked over there to meet them.

    My son, 17 months old, spotted me from across the park and excitedly toddled over to me. It was great! It totally made my day.

    Then we all walked back to the house for lunch. Stopping along the way to see a rabbit in the grass and then a cat on the fence.

    You know, it is the simple things in life and I relish these moments with him.
    You get all squeezed up inside/Like the days were carved in stone/You get all wired up inside/And it's bad to be alone

    You can go out, you can take a ride/And when you get out on your own/You get all smoothed out inside/And it's good to be alone
    -Peart

  10. #585
    Cyburbian SW MI Planner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    My daughter's the same way. Major Alpha female personality (as is her friend). She gets it from us.
    My daughter is also the same way, and she gets it from me too. She has a good friend of hers that lives right next door to her (at her dads) and this girl has been in the same class the last few years. I think that we need to explore having them in different class rooms next year - they love to hate each other, and it seems like every other day I hear about how they are fighting.

  11. #586
    Unfrozen Caveman Planner mendelman's avatar
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    Geesh....girls! I'm glad I have only boys.

    Boys will just punch each other and than be over it.
    I'm sorry. Is my bias showing?

    Let's not be didactic in this profession, because that is a path to disillusion and irrelevancy.

    Six seasons and a movie!

  12. #587
    Cyburbian wahday's avatar
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    Ooof! I'm afraid I have one of these girls, too. And neither the wife nor I are really alpha personalities. It actually seems to come out primarily around two specific girls and they all three seem to love to hate each other. We had one of the Holy Terrors over the other day and there was much jealousy abounding. We asked the visiting girl what she and the Third Terror do when they get together. "Oh, we fight a lot!"' she responded, as if it were the most natural - and fun - thing in the world.

    She's 5 (our Terror) and she is mostly sweet and agreeable and pleasant. But when she gets ornery, look out! Lately, she has been testing ALL the boundaries - being defiant mainly, but also whiny and picking on her brother and picking fights with the rest of the household. I am remembering this same age with our son who had his own terrible tantrums and difficult behaviors, but they were indeed very different. Most of the daughter's tantrums and defiance center around getting (or not getting) "stuff" and/or "sweets" and/or "TV/videos" to say nothing of the horrifying experience that is "brushing teeth!"

    Where did this child come from anyway?!
    The purpose of life is a life of purpose

  13. #588
    Cyburbian Veloise's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by wahday View post
    Ooof! I'm afraid I have one of these girls, too. ...Lately, she has been testing ALL the boundaries - being defiant mainly, but also whiny and picking on her brother and picking fights with the rest of the household. I am remembering this same age with our son who had his own terrible tantrums and difficult behaviors, but they were indeed very different. Most of the daughter's tantrums and defiance center around getting (or not getting) "stuff" and/or "sweets" and/or "TV/videos" to say nothing of the horrifying experience that is "brushing teeth!"

    Where did this child come from anyway?!
    Maybe you need to implement the "do you want to brush with the red toothbrush or the blue one?" policy. Give her some little (perceived) battles to win.

    HTH

  14. #589
    Cyburbian wahday's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Veloise View post
    Maybe you need to implement the "do you want to brush with the red toothbrush or the blue one?" policy. Give her some little (perceived) battles to win.

    HTH
    Typically that strategy works pretty well. Our particular challenge these days centers on her testing the limits of our patience, expressed by a resounding "no!" when asked which toothbrush (or whatever it is we are trying to get her to agree to). My "well, it wasn't a yes or no question" response has not been going over so well either witnessed by the classic crossed arms and pout. The best is when she ignores all questions altogether and hunkers down for some good ole fashioned glaring! If it wasn't so frustrating to be on the front lines, it might actually be amusing.

    To be fair, she has been recovering from a sickness, so I think that is making her more defiant and grumpy than usual. Still, there are days when I am frighteningly close to rocking in the corner, muttering to myself.
    The purpose of life is a life of purpose

  15. #590
    Cyburbian cch's avatar
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    My kindergartener is the opposite of an Alpha-female, and I am admittedly worried about what kind of easily-influenced teenager, desperate for acceptance, she could end up being. She had a "best freind" she had known for a couple years, in preschool with her, in dance class, in after-school care, etc. It took awhile for my daughter to realize that girls like this particular girl want to be friends with "weak" girls because they are really bullys. Its a lot for a 6-year old to comprehend.

    This girl would pull my daughter off the monkey bars and laugh, take things from her, was a hibitual lier always trying to one-up all the other kids, and she even lied to other kids about my daughter being the one to steal things, etc. Teachers recognized how toxic their friendship was and eventually the "friend" was kicked out of after-school care primarily for the bullying towards my daughter.

    Of course, I think my daughter is a brilliant artist, and she was chosen for an accelerated reading program. Her knowledge and vocabulary blows people away when they learn she's only 6-years old. But, she also needs help in the social/emotional aspect of things. Removing this "friend" from her life has coincided with a huge improvement.

  16. #591
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by cch View post
    My kindergartener is the opposite of an Alpha-female, and I am admittedly worried about what kind of easily-influenced teenager, desperate for acceptance, she could end up being. She had a "best freind" she had known for a couple years, in preschool with her, in dance class, in after-school care, etc. It took awhile for my daughter to realize that girls like this particular girl want to be friends with "weak" girls because they are really bullys. Its a lot for a 6-year old to comprehend.

    This girl would pull my daughter off the monkey bars and laugh, take things from her, was a hibitual lier always trying to one-up all the other kids, and she even lied to other kids about my daughter being the one to steal things, etc. Teachers recognized how toxic their friendship was and eventually the "friend" was kicked out of after-school care primarily for the bullying towards my daughter.

    Of course, I think my daughter is a brilliant artist, and she was chosen for an accelerated reading program. Her knowledge and vocabulary blows people away when they learn she's only 6-years old. But, she also needs help in the social/emotional aspect of things. Removing this "friend" from her life has coincided with a huge improvement.
    This is a complicated issue and I've been giving it more thought since Junior has started school this year. On the one hand, you'd like to see your children learn how to meet new people and forge their own associations and friendships, but OTOH you want to avoid having them allying themselves with children that are bad influences (such as the situation you describe). I guess what I'm saying is 'what's the best way to give one's children both the tools and willingness to identify and avoid 'bad' associations as early as possible?

    Like I said, though, this IS a complicated issue, because kids don't typically fall squarely into 'good' or 'bad' categories.

  17. #592
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by cch View post
    My kindergartener is the opposite of an Alpha-female, and I am admittedly worried about what kind of easily-influenced teenager, desperate for acceptance, she could end up being. She had a "best freind" she had known for a couple years, in preschool with her, in dance class, in after-school care, etc. It took awhile for my daughter to realize that girls like this particular girl want to be friends with "weak" girls because they are really bullys. Its a lot for a 6-year old to comprehend.

    This girl would pull my daughter off the monkey bars and laugh, take things from her, was a hibitual lier always trying to one-up all the other kids, and she even lied to other kids about my daughter being the one to steal things, etc. Teachers recognized how toxic their friendship was and eventually the "friend" was kicked out of after-school care primarily for the bullying towards my daughter.

    Of course, I think my daughter is a brilliant artist, and she was chosen for an accelerated reading program. Her knowledge and vocabulary blows people away when they learn she's only 6-years old. But, she also needs help in the social/emotional aspect of things. Removing this "friend" from her life has coincided with a huge improvement.
    You have to teach her to stick up for herself and also just keep an eye on those type of friends. I was much like your girl through junior high school until I finally had it with my "friend" and told her if she hit or touched me one more time I was going to knock her out. It really did change the dynamic of the friendship going into high school and really was an indicator for what was to become of her as an adult.

    Thankfully RT has a very good sense of self and does not take crap from anybody. She probably could have been a "mean girl" but I've tried hard to soften that edge and teach her that she has to be kind to everyone but not necessarily like them or associate with them. Another key was finding activities that she loved that had a supportive and encouraging environment/leadership. As for the drama....I have a strict no drama policy at home and in my life in general, and tell her that it's ok to just walk away rather than get in the middle of something stupid.

    I sincerely hope these lessons stick as she goes off to college in the fall
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  18. #593
    Cyburbian zman's avatar
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    Heck, I see this with my 17 month old son. He seems to get pushed around by the other toddlers sometimes and is not as rambuctious. Even when he falls or trips he tends to whine more.
    While I don't want a mean, tough, bully of a kid, I do want him to "toughen up" a bit and at least be a little less emotional and passive. I was emotional and passive as a kid and being a boy, it can be tough gorwing up like that.


    However, he does seem to be studious, likes to sit on his own and read (look at pictures) and is an all around calm and placid kid, compared to other kids who are more difficult.

    Maybe it is too early and I fret too much as a young parent.

    Speaking of which, time to pick him up!!! Boys night in!!
    You get all squeezed up inside/Like the days were carved in stone/You get all wired up inside/And it's bad to be alone

    You can go out, you can take a ride/And when you get out on your own/You get all smoothed out inside/And it's good to be alone
    -Peart

  19. #594
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by kjelsadek View post
    You have to teach her to stick up for herself and also just keep an eye on those type of friends. I was much like your girl through junior high school until I finally had it with my "friend" and told her if she hit or touched me one more time I was going to knock her out. It really did change the dynamic of the friendship going into high school and really was an indicator for what was to become of her as an adult.

    Thankfully RT has a very good sense of self and does not take crap from anybody. She probably could have been a "mean girl" but I've tried hard to soften that edge and teach her that she has to be kind to everyone but not necessarily like them or associate with them. Another key was finding activities that she loved that had a supportive and encouraging environment/leadership. As for the drama....I have a strict no drama policy at home and in my life in general, and tell her that it's ok to just walk away rather than get in the middle of something stupid.

    I sincerely hope these lessons stick as she goes off to college in the fall
    Although my oldest is just shy of 8, I also see some "mean girl" in her, and we've also tried to soften that edge. But on the flip side she can be the most caring, loving girl in the world. There's just something about the dynamics of young girls/women that I don't understand.

    I've had talks with her and told her that sometimes by letting others make decisions, she's the one that is still "leading". And the more she lets others "lead", the more they'll respect her and want to be around her.

    Quote Originally posted by zmanPLAN View post
    Heck, I see this with my 17 month old son. He seems to get pushed around by the other toddlers sometimes and is not as rambuctious. Even when he falls or trips he tends to whine more.
    While I don't want a mean, tough, bully of a kid, I do want him to "toughen up" a bit and at least be a little less emotional and passive. I was emotional and passive as a kid and being a boy, it can be tough gorwing up like that.


    However, he does seem to be studious, likes to sit on his own and read (look at pictures) and is an all around calm and placid kid, compared to other kids who are more difficult.

    Maybe it is too early and I fret too much as a young parent.

    Speaking of which, time to pick him up!!! Boys night in!!
    Although I don't have a boy, I would say it's too early to worry. I too, was a shy, passive boy, but now I'm a loud, sonofabitch!
    Last edited by mendelman; 03 Mar 2011 at 8:12 AM.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  20. #595
    Unfrozen Caveman Planner mendelman's avatar
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    Yeah, zman, relax. It is way too early, and I should know as the father of 1.5, 2.5 and 3.5 year old boys.
    I'm sorry. Is my bias showing?

    Let's not be didactic in this profession, because that is a path to disillusion and irrelevancy.

    Six seasons and a movie!

  21. #596
    Cyburbian Planit's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    Although my oldest is just shy of 8, I also see some "mean girl" in her, and we've also tried to soften that edge. But on the flip side she can be the most caring, loving girl in the world. There's just something about the dynamics of young girls/women that I don't understand.

    Do we have the same daughter? Dealing with the same traits here.

    I had brothers growing up...this daugther thing is confusing the hell out of me.
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  22. #597
    Cyburbian Veloise's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by cch View post
    My kindergartener is the opposite of an Alpha-female, and I am admittedly worried about what kind of easily-influenced teenager, desperate for acceptance, she could end up being. ...
    Life happens. My mother was concerned because I wanted to fit in and be part of the crowd. (This was when I was provided with white anklets to wear, while my peers were in knee socks or Peds.) She even voiced the opinion that I would be prone to take up smoking -- smoking!! -- in a misguided attempt to join the "in" crowd.

    Fast forward a decade or four. No more issues about being mild-mannered or easily misled.

    HTH

  23. #598
    Cyburbian zman's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by mendelman View post
    Yeah, zman, relax. It is way too early, and I should know as the father of 1.5, 2.5 and 3.5 year old boys.
    I think I will....

    Not a big deal, man.
    You get all squeezed up inside/Like the days were carved in stone/You get all wired up inside/And it's bad to be alone

    You can go out, you can take a ride/And when you get out on your own/You get all smoothed out inside/And it's good to be alone
    -Peart

  24. #599
    Cyburbian Fat Cat's avatar
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    Fat Cat

    We had all boys, and we always wanted a daugher, now that we have a grandaughter, we realize that we were given what we could handle. And she is a good kid. Boys are pretty straight forward, and football or ball glove is a big deal. However we go to all of her soccer and volley ball games and her violin concerts, so we get to enjoy watching her, but then we can go home and she is happy that we were there. Every since she was a little kid she would put up sticky notes on her bedroom wall of things that she had or wanted to do, a very methodical and always thinking person. It will be interesting to watch her when she is an adult

  25. #600
    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by zmanPLAN View post
    Heck, I see this with my 17 month old son. He seems to get pushed around by the other toddlers sometimes and is not as rambuctious. Even when he falls or trips he tends to whine more.
    While I don't want a mean, tough, bully of a kid, I do want him to "toughen up" a bit and at least be a little less emotional and passive. I was emotional and passive as a kid and being a boy, it can be tough gorwing up like that.

    Much as the others have already chimed in, I wouldn't worry if I was you. When he was a little fellow my son had similar experiences.

    We put him in karate classes when he was 6. He is now a brown belt in tai quon do. Late last year, when some kid was picking on him and then tried to push him off a retaining wall at the school playground my son knocked him to the ground, bloodying his lip. One good punch transformed him from target of bullies to the 4th grade badass. He has had no trouble with anyone since then.

    I still have the voicemail of his call to me after the incident, which I play from time to time. I have never heard him happier and more proud of himself.

    When your son gets a little older, if it seems appropriate, you and your wife might consider getting your son martial arts training. It is good exercise, a confidence builder and gives him the skills to take care of himself while at the same time instructing him on the moral discipline to use his skills properly. Besides, a little guy looks so cute in his gi.
    "I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

    ~ Otterpop ~

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