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Thread: The NEVERENDING Raising Children Thread

  1. #601
    Cyburbian Raf's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Planit View post
    I had brothers growing up...this daugther thing is confusing the hell out of me.
    Trust me. I am in the same boat. I want my daughter to be strong, confident, know she can do anything and hang in with the boys, but at the same time be refined, gurlie, and well enjoy life...

    At the tender age of 5 i have a daughter this bright, yet can't sit still, loves sports like soccer and baseball, always wants to be active, but can be gurlie by putting on make up, dressing up like a princess and doing her weekly ballet class.

    Girls are confusing..
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  2. #602
    Unfrozen Caveman Planner mendelman's avatar
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    My 3.5 year old is a budding urbanist. This morning he decided that they (my wife, him and his two brothers) should walk to school. Halfway there he turned to her and said, "We don't need a car anymore, we can walk to school and home again".

    I'm so proud of my little pedestrian!

    Also, it helps that school is an easy 0.7 miles away on local neighborhood streets.
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails school pic.jpg  
    I'm sorry. Is my bias showing?

    The ends can justify the means.

  3. #603
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    I am now being chauffeured around town in my car by RT as she practices her driving after receiving 6 hours of driving lessons. It's weird being the passenger in my own car.

    I just paid the deposit to her university. It's hard to believe that we've arrived at that place. Where did the time go?
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  4. #604
    Cyburbian SW MI Planner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by cch View post
    My kindergartener is the opposite of an Alpha-female, and I am admittedly worried about what kind of easily-influenced teenager, desperate for acceptance, she could end up being.
    If it's any consolation, even though mine seems the opposite of yours, I too worry (immensly) about what kind of easily-influenced teenager, desperate for acceptance, she could end up being. The joys of parenting :/

    I have been so incredibly stressed and worried about my daughter lately. She can be sassy, headstrong, stubborn, and I can totally handle it, but her dad is having TONS of problems with her. She literally gets combative at his house when she doesn't get her own way. But, she ends up getting her own way, so he is just teaching her to continue that behavior (plus, than she doesn't get disciplined at all for her behavior). And because we have joint custody, with her being there 40% of the time, the incidents happen frequently. It has had me in tears multiple times the past week because I worry about her growing up to be a juvenile delinquent, and 2) because he just DOES NOT GET IT. She can be stubborn and sassy at my house, but no where near the behavior at her dads. She isn't like that anywhere else except for his house (not at my house, school, or daycare), so how does he not see that HE needs to make the changes to HIS parenting? I've tried talking to him (nicely and calmly) multiple times, as has his girlfriend (a social worker for CPS) and still he makes excuses for her (she's tired, hungry, blah blah blah). He won't accept responsbility for his actions (or lack thereof) plus he's teaching her to make excuses for her actions.

    I just don't know what to do anymore?! I don't think it's fair that she is punished at my house for something she did at HIS house, especially when there are no consequences there?! I asked, and he agreed to go to "family" counseling, but I told her dad that this is about HIM but I will do what I can to help. We tried this a few years ago, they told him it's about his parenting, but he still doesn't get it. I also requested we revise the schedule so she is with me more, and he is actually considering it. I told him I don't want child support (I dont get any now), I just want her in an environment where she understands right from wrong and the consequences attached. I guess as a last resort I petition for a change in custody/visitation. Blah, sorry for the rambling vent....

  5. #605
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by SW MI Planner View post
    I also requested we revise the schedule so she is with me more, and he is actually considering it. I told him I don't want child support (I dont get any now), I just want her in an environment where she understands right from wrong and the consequences attached. I guess as a last resort I petition for a change in custody/visitation. Blah, sorry for the rambling vent....
    Kids aren't stupid. She clearly doesn't see him as an authority figure. Just like when kids go to grandma's house, they know they can get away with more stuff. I think she's just acting out at his place because he doesn't do anything. I wouldn't worry about her long-term, unless she starts in on you the way she does with him.

    Based on everything you've said, he's never going to "get it". Push to have her more!!
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  6. #606
    Cyburbian SW MI Planner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    Kids aren't stupid. She clearly doesn't see him as an authority figure. Just like when kids go to grandma's house, they know they can get away with more stuff. I think she's just acting out at his place because he doesn't do anything. I wouldn't worry about her long-term, unless she starts in on you the way she does with him.

    Based on everything you've said, he's never going to "get it". Push to have her more!!
    Once in a while she certainly tries to push boundaries with me, but recognizes fairly quickly that she can't get away with 90% of the things she does at her dads. Often all I have to do is look at her, say "really?!" and she gets this look on her face (as if to say, oh crap, I'm at moms), says she's sorry and changes her tune.
    SO, life is fairly good in my household, and at daycare and school, so I'm holding out hope that it all works out in the end. And yes, definately pushing for more time.....

  7. #607
    Cyburbian
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    Quote Originally posted by SW MI Planner View post
    Once in a while she certainly tries to push boundaries with me, but recognizes fairly quickly that she can't get away with 90% of the things she does at her dads. Often all I have to do is look at her, say "really?!" and she gets this look on her face (as if to say, oh crap, I'm at moms), says she's sorry and changes her tune.
    SO, life is fairly good in my household, and at daycare and school, so I'm holding out hope that it all works out in the end. And yes, definately pushing for more time.....
    The sad truth is that you are going to have to parent your way, and he'll parent his way. I know just how you feel; I really don't get any disciplinary support from my ex. He simply laughed off any attempts on my part to have consistent, supportive parenting. He also laughs off any misbehavior on the kids' part, even with the time he had to pick up our daughter from the police station!

    Your daughter is smart, and she's going to learn good behavior from you. Mine did (so far).

  8. #608
    Cyburbian Planit's avatar
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    Okay, I know it's techincally wrong to post just links, but this is valuable information for us parents with younger children - particually girls. So CPSURaf, SWMiPlanner, btrage, wahday, cch and those with similar yonug ones PAY ATTENTION:


    Sex Ed for an eight year old

    http://minnesota.publicradio.org/dis.../wits-sweeney/



    Mrs. P is now officially terrified of "the day"
    "Whatever beer I'm drinking, is better than the one I'm not." DMLW
    "Budweiser sells a product they reflectively insist on calling beer." John Oliver

  9. #609
    Cyburbian TerraSapient's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Planit View post
    Sex Ed for an eight year old

    http://minnesota.publicradio.org/dis.../wits-sweeney/



    Mrs. P is now officially terrified of "the day"
    That was the best way to spend 10 minutes at 8:00am ever!

  10. #610
    Cyburbian wahday's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Planit View post
    So CPSURaf, SWMiPlanner, btrage, wahday, cch and those with similar yonug ones PAY ATTENTION:


    Sex Ed for an eight year old

    http://minnesota.publicradio.org/dis.../wits-sweeney/
    Well, now I feel totally unprepared!

    My son asked these question early on and some our friends still remember overhearing he and some girls at a park discussing the details when they were about 5/6 years old. The girls were speculating about how it all works, and then my son comes out with all this technical information and the correct terms for all the parts and shocks them all. The friend that overheard it expressed a combination of horror and wonderment that he had all the facts straight. I was proud. Almost as proud as when he told the other pre-school kids on the playground that there was no Santa Claus. We had to tell him to stop with that one.

    Despite all of that, it does seem so different talking about this with a girl...
    The purpose of life is a life of purpose

  11. #611
    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
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    Ah, I remember telling my son about the facts of life. He was 6, I believe. After I was done, he was silent for a moment, then said something like: "Ewww. I am never going to do that!"
    "I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

    ~ Otterpop ~

  12. #612
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    I guess my approach is one of delivering age appropriate and correct information to RT. When she was little it was more about knowing what was inappropriate behavior. When puberty started setting in it was more about body changes, feelings, etc. There's a great book for girls called "The Care & Keeping of You" which is geared to the 9-12 year old set that was quite helpful in explaining things.

    Middle school and high school have been about mechanics, pregnancy process, physical health, emotional health, prevention, etc. I live in the real world and understand that your kid isn't going to do (or not do) something just because you tell them to. Education and information plus an honest and open relationship has been the key for us. I answer questions fully and honestly, use myself as an example (good & bad), and yeah it's crazy awkward at times but you have to do it because if you don't one of your kid's friends will

    Now that she's getting ready to go to college I know that I won't be able to keep tabs on her as much as I do too, but I sincerely hope that all the groundwork that's been laid will serve her well. She's already broached the subject of birth control methods for when she goes to college and what makes the most sense for her. I am glad that she feels comfortable enough to come to me and have that conversation well ahead of the time when a situation might occur and not on the back end when a whole lot of issues come into play.

    Believe me, it's hard to let go.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  13. #613
    Cyburbian dandy_warhol's avatar
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    When I was 7 or 8 my mom sat me down and talked with me about it all. She was very factual and even drew pictures. Unfortunately she's not the best artist. Maybe that explains my fascination with mushrooms...

  14. #614
    Cyburbian wahday's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by dandy_warhol View post
    Maybe that explains my fascination with mushrooms...
    Great, now I have to get another coffee (cause its all over the screen)!

    My vote for post of the day
    The purpose of life is a life of purpose

  15. #615
    OH....IO Hink's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by dandy_warhol View post
    When I was 7 or 8 my mom sat me down and talked with me about it all. She was very factual and even drew pictures. Unfortunately she's not the best artist. Maybe that explains my fascination with mushrooms...
    I love it


    My parents sat me down and had me watch an educational video. It was awful. I plan to be much more "hands on" than my parents were. I think the facts are much better to go with than the fear.
    A common mistake people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. -Douglas Adams

  16. #616
    Cyburbian WSU MUP Student's avatar
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    I never had a sex talk with my parents. I did however grow up on a farm and saw all sorts of animals in action first-hand as well as when the vet would come out to inseminate the cows so I probably understood more than I realized rather early on.

    Maybe I should move my family to a farm to avoid having the sex talk with my own daughter?
    "Where free unions and collective bargaining are forbidden, freedom is lost." - 1980 Republican presidential candidate Ronald Reagan

  17. #617
    Cyburbian Plus Veloise's avatar
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    "zoning" at 4:19



    Thanks for finding, Giff!

  18. #618
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    I hate prom. When did it get to be this expensive??

    Tickets are $80 per person
    Dresses are a minimum of $250 (I'm making RT buy this herself)
    Shoes
    Hair
    Mani/Pedi

    Shoot me now.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  19. #619
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by kjelsadek View post
    I hate prom. When did it get to be this expensive??

    Tickets are $80 per person
    Dresses are a minimum of $250 (I'm making RT buy this herself)
    Shoes
    Hair
    Mani/Pedi

    Shoot me now.
    Be glad you don't have 2 daughters. Wait, be glad you're not Ursus!!

    Holy crap that man's gonna be broke after prom/weddings. We need to start a fund for him.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  20. #620
    Cyburbian ursus's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    Be glad you don't have 2 daughters. Wait, be glad you're not Ursus!!

    Holy crap that man's gonna be broke after prom/weddings. We need to start a fund for him.
    Oh you should see the bill around my place when the seasons change and everybody has to just have different clothes! Your average family I don't think has to budget for new flip-flops, but around the ursus household, it's a necessity!

    I have actually been planning strategies for proms/weddings/bailing people out of jail/ etc. for quite some time.....when I say planning strategies I mean, of course, lying awake some nights just saying "Holy Crap" over and over again!!!!
    "...I would never try to tick Hink off. He kinda intimidates me. He's quite butch, you know." - Maister

  21. #621
    Cyburbian Plus Veloise's avatar
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    Home ec classes

    S-e-w-i-n-g a prom gown should be an option.

    My niece's then-BFF was from a "modest" household, so the popular strapless skin-displaying attire had to be covered up. Sis-the-doc made the kid a prom dress that looked...nice. Better than one worn with a T-shirt. Niece decried the idea of a ho-made dress until the BFF went wild with appreciation for the finished product.

    HTH

    (picks up evening clothes at the thrift shoppes)

  22. #622
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    We'll be doing duct tape prom dresses.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  23. #623
    Cyburbian cch's avatar
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    That duct tape prom attire competition is soooo cool! I would be so proud if either of my daughter's attempted to do that.

    So far my 6-year old is totally leaning towards being the type of girl who would never expect or desire an extravagent wedding or anything overly girly. She loves how her dad and I got married inexpensively, on a beach with no guests. She also hails from a long line of non-prom attendees.

    As for the birds and the bees... we sometimes watch Teen Mom on MTV together. She has made her own observations while watching, about why having a baby when you are young is not a good thing, and she seems serious about wanting to be old enough to have a job (owning a bakery) and to live on her own, and married to a guy who is all grown up and helpful, before she has a baby. After trying to wrap her head around why any teenage girl would want to have a baby, when it takes so much time and money, I explained to her that there are ways girls can make sure they don't have babies till they are older, but sometimes girls don't think about that stuff, especially the girls who really like hugging and kissing their boyfriends, and think they will always be with their boyfriends and never break up. Of course, then she was pressing me to explain the ways to make sure it doesn't happen. I finally told her that a lot of it has to do with not hugging and kissing your boyfriend too much (which made her laugh, like she thought I was kidding), and there is also medicine you can take, if you know you aren't ready to be a mommy. But I ended up saying she doesn't need to think about those things yet.

    Then a couple weeks later, out of the blue, she asked if she can take that medicine now. I asked her "what medicine?" and she said "The medicine so I don't have a baby till I am old enough."

  24. #624
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by cch View post
    .....So far my 6-year old is totally leaning towards being the type of girl who would never expect or desire an extravagent wedding or anything overly girly. She loves how her dad and I got married inexpensively, on a beach with no guests. She also hails from a long line of non-prom attendees. .....
    Mine was like this at that age too. Then she grew up to be 17 and it was all over
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  25. #625
    Cyburbian Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    [QUOTE=Hink_Planner;584829
    I plan to be much more "hands on" than my parents were. I think the facts are much better to go with than the fear.[/QUOTE]

    I thought so, too, but it didn't work out that way.

    My mom never told my sister and me anything about sex. My 2 best friends and I ended up at the mall newsstand in junior high and bought "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask" and passed it around. Talk about an eye-opener.

    My only child ended up being a boy. I got him a good book about puberty when he was 11 or 12 and said "Ask me or call your uncle if you have any questions". I'm such a chicken sometimes.

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