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Thread: The NEVERENDING Raising Children Thread

  1. #801
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Zoning Goddess View post
    Today I dropped the kid off for his first driving lesson with a professional instructor. No, he didn't get the one with the tits, he got a retired guy who he said "looks like a stoner". He had the kid master parking lot basics,learn the 3-pt turn, then had him drive around a residential neighborhood for awhile. Apparently the kid was doing so well, the guy had him drive back to the driving school. Across a busy bridge with lanes closed due to repairs/construction, then down the busiest road in town, at 2:30 in the afternoon. I don't care how good he did, I was so floored there was no way I could let him drive home as he wanted to do. That would have been panic attack time. Which is why I don't mind paying a professional to teach him.
    NJ actually mandates that the teenagers receive 6 hours of "professional" driving instruction. I really liked RT's driving instructor, he was in his 50s and as calm and collected as I could never be trying to teach her how to drive, especially on the Turnpike and Parkway. I gladly forked over the $200 for him in order to not have an anxiety attack teaching her how to drive so I totally understand where you are coming from. Start out slow when letting him practice, do the simple trips and travel during an off peak time. One thing that RT said was very helpful was that I pointed out the particular traffic hazards around town and how to navigate them safely.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  2. #802
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    Quote Originally posted by kjel View post
    NJ actually mandates that the teenagers receive 6 hours of "professional" driving instruction. I really liked RT's driving instructor, he was in his 50s and as calm and collected as I could never be trying to teach her how to drive, especially on the Turnpike and Parkway. I gladly forked over the $200 for him in order to not have an anxiety attack teaching her how to drive so I totally understand where you are coming from. Start out slow when letting him practice, do the simple trips and travel during an off peak time. One thing that RT said was very helpful was that I pointed out the particular traffic hazards around town and how to navigate them safely.
    I still remember my NJ driving instructor taking me out on Route 22 driving to Newark Airport and back for highway driving experience.
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  3. #803
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by JNA View post
    I still remember my NJ driving instructor taking me out on Route 22 driving to Newark Airport and back for highway driving experience.
    Yeah, my big wake-up call was merging onto I-4 in the middle of downtown Orlando at 15 + a month. Holy crap, that was scary. I guess I will have to take the kid to learn interstate driving.... since we don't have an interstate in this county, it's 45 min to the north of us. Oddly, that never occurred to me;I've just lived in places where the interstate is right there!

  4. #804
    NIMBY asshatterer Plus Richmond Jake's avatar
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    If all ya'll didn't learn to drive on the curvy, mountainous, two lane roads of northern California, ya'll ain't experienced nothing. That's where you learn to drive.

    I bet there's a song there...
    RJ is the KING of . The One

  5. #805
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Richmond Jake View post
    If all ya'll didn't learn to drive on the curvy, mountainous, two lane roads of northern California, ya'll ain't experienced nothing. That's where you learn to drive.

    I bet there's a song there...
    Lovely. Write it for someone else. Just don't sing it here.

  6. #806
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by JNA View post
    I still remember my NJ driving instructor taking me out on Route 22 driving to Newark Airport and back for highway driving experience.
    Route 22 is mostly a parking lot these days, at least between Watchung and the airport. I will have to say that the Route 22, 1 & 9 and I-78 interchange is one of the more wicked ones in NJ

    Quote Originally posted by Richmond Jake View post
    If all ya'll didn't learn to drive on the curvy, mountainous, two lane roads of northern California, ya'll ain't experienced nothing. That's where you learn to drive.

    I bet there's a song there...
    Lots of roads like that in Oregon and Montana which were my first two proving grounds for driving.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  7. #807
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Driving update this evening: kid has agreed to take the driving course where he took his first lesson last week. Thank god. I don't have to teach him, only take him out to practice.

  8. #808
    Cyburbian Plus Salmissra's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Zoning Goddess View post
    Driving update this evening: kid has agreed to take the driving course where he took his first lesson last week. Thank god. I don't have to teach him, only take him out to practice.
    That's the best way. My parents sent me to driving school rather than teach me themselves - which they had done with my two older sisters. However, by the time I was of an age to learn, we were living in the 'burbs of D.C. and the cold weather was new to all of us. I learned to drive on the Beltway in winter, baby!

    Hope the driving lessons and practice sessions turn out a smart driver!
    "We do not need any other Tutankhamun's tomb with all its treasures. We need context. We need understanding. We need knowledge of historical events to tie them together. We don't know much. Of course we know a lot, but it is context that's missing, not treasures." - Werner Herzog, in Archaeology, March/April 2011

  9. #809
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    I still remember being a bit scared when my Dad had me merge onto the Dan Ryan expressway in Chicago. The fact that that man trusted a 15 yr old kid on that road without having a heart attack is pretty impressive.
    Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule.

  10. #810
    Cyburbian WSU MUP Student's avatar
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    I grew up on a farm and had been driving tractors since I was about 8. When it was time to learn to drive an actual car, I took the driver's ed through my high school and never had any problems. However, a few months after getting my license, my dad sent me to the store in his truck which I had never driven before. It was a stick shift and I had completely burned up the clutch by the time I got to the store only a few miles away. Little did I know an automobile manual transmission doesn't operate like a tractor's and I cannot really go from reverse or neutral to 5th gear without bothering with the gears in between.
    "Where free unions and collective bargaining are forbidden, freedom is lost." - 1980 Republican presidential candidate Ronald Reagan

  11. #811
    Cyburbian DetroitPlanner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by WSU MUP Student View post
    I grew up on a farm and had been driving tractors since I was about 8. When it was time to learn to drive an actual car, I took the driver's ed through my high school and never had any problems. However, a few months after getting my license, my dad sent me to the store in his truck which I had never driven before. It was a stick shift and I had completely burned up the clutch by the time I got to the store only a few miles away. Little did I know an automobile manual transmission doesn't operate like a tractor's and I cannot really go from reverse or neutral to 5th gear without bothering with the gears in between.
    Ooops! Thats a lesson to learn the hard way!

    I had a similar experience, though citified. For several years prior to taking drivers ed I had worked as a Caddy. My brother's job was to open the pro shop in the morning so we would get there around 5 am, pull out the carts, set them up, then take a break. I literally had countless of hours of driving prior to taking driver's ed. In Detroit, back in the 1980's they had already started to economize. They had one instructor for about 25 students at a time. We were not allowed to drive on roads as they were afraid we would just steal the cars. We had to drive around inside a course set-up in the schoolyard. Making the 3 point turns, the parallel parking, was cake for me. The only thing the instructor would yell at me for was driving the car too fast! I guess when you have 5 cars in a fenced in schoolyard full of inexperienced drivers there would be reasons to freak out. Later the State got out of the driving instruction business, but the remnants of the old schoolyard remain!
    We hope for better things; it will arise from the ashes - Fr Gabriel Richard 1805

  12. #812
    Cyburbian Plus Whose Yur Planner's avatar
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    While I took driver's ed, I actually learned to drive from my cop father and my grandfather. My grandfather has the dubvious honor of getting a speeding ticket while in his 60s Needless to say, driving with me can be an interesting experience.
    When did I go from Luke Skywalker to Obi-Wan Kenobi?

  13. #813
    Cyburbian SW MI Planner's avatar
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    How do parents with both sex children deal with hotel rooms and vacations? Do you just have them share a bed? At what age would that not work out so much?

    The bf and I are taking our respective kids for a little vacation and reserving train tickets to Chicago for Spring Break, yay!!! The kids are 7 (girl, mine) and 10 (boy, his). At this point, we would each just sleep with our respective kids, but that seems kind of weird. Equally (or more) weird would be having the kids sleep in the same bed. I have no idea what is typical for this in a traditional family, much less a blended family.

  14. #814
    Cyburbian stroskey's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by SW MI Planner View post
    How do parents with both sex children deal with hotel rooms and vacations? Do you just have them share a bed? At what age would that not work out so much?

    The bf and I are taking our respective kids for a little vacation and reserving train tickets to Chicago for Spring Break, yay!!! The kids are 7 (girl, mine) and 10 (boy, his). At this point, we would each just sleep with our respective kids, but that seems kind of weird. Equally (or more) weird would be having the kids sleep in the same bed. I have no idea what is typical for this in a traditional family, much less a blended family.
    My sister was 5 years older than me and we went on several vacations throughout the years. My parents always got rooms with two beds for us kids so we would have a room and they would have a room - either that or a multi-room suite. I never had my own hotel room but I never had to share a bed with my sister, either.
    ______________

    My wife is talking about us having children *at some point soon*. She's a special education teacher so she always talks about how you should have children before the man is 30 to prevent various problems. I am 29ish and she is 27 so I told her that time is rapidly approaching - faster than either of us know it. That and we have a big trip planned this summer, Christmas 2012, and then Vegas spring 2013 in which she'll want to drink. Did this ever stop anyone from having kids? Both our parents and siblings had children older than her target of 30 so I know she'll be okay with it if it plays out that way, but still it frightens me a bit. We go on trips regularly, even if it's just a weekend out of town and we enjoy eating out all the time so the prospect of a children limiting us frightens me. We're both still rather carefree (as carefree as you can be while both working full-time and paying a mortgage) but I know it's on her mind. The weird thing is yesterday she said "I like our dogs better than kids" so that got me thinking if she was serious about her target or not. On the other hand we don't know where we want to be in 5 years so we don't want to bring kids into that and then have to settle for something less than what we want. Did anyone else think these things or was it just "yup - let's have kids now". How much time went into the decision.
    I burned down the church to atone for my transgressions.

  15. #815
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by SW MI Planner View post
    How do parents with both sex children deal with hotel rooms and vacations? Do you just have them share a bed? At what age would that not work out so much?

    The bf and I are taking our respective kids for a little vacation and reserving train tickets to Chicago for Spring Break, yay!!! The kids are 7 (girl, mine) and 10 (boy, his). At this point, we would each just sleep with our respective kids, but that seems kind of weird. Equally (or more) weird would be having the kids sleep in the same bed. I have no idea what is typical for this in a traditional family, much less a blended family.
    When I was a kid, my mom and sister would share a bed, my brother and dad shared a bed, and I always got the rollaway bed. When RJ and I have travelled with my kid, he and I share a bed and the kid gets the other. Although one time we got a guesthouse through VRBO so he could have his own space (sofa bed) in a separate room.

    You might try the VRBO or similar route if you're going to be in Chicage more than a few days, or an all-suites hotel, where you and the BF could have the bedroom, one of the kids could have the sofa bed, and get a rollaway for the other kid. Also, some hotels are setting up in a more kid-friendly way, with a bedroom for the adults and bunk beds for the kids; there are a lot of those here in FL, mostly Holiday Inns, I think.

    If you end up in a traditional room, you're better off each sharing a bed with your own child.

  16. #816
    OH....IO Hink's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by stroskey View post
    My sister was 5 years older than me and we went on several vacations throughout the years. My parents always got rooms with two beds for us kids so we would have a room and they would have a room - either that or a multi-room suite. I never had my own hotel room but I never had to share a bed with my sister, either.
    ______________

    My wife is talking about us having children *at some point soon*. She's a special education teacher so she always talks about how you should have children before the man is 30 to prevent various problems. I am 29ish and she is 27 so I told her that time is rapidly approaching - faster than either of us know it. That and we have a big trip planned this summer, Christmas 2012, and then Vegas spring 2013 in which she'll want to drink. Did this ever stop anyone from having kids? Both our parents and siblings had children older than her target of 30 so I know she'll be okay with it if it plays out that way, but still it frightens me a bit. We go on trips regularly, even if it's just a weekend out of town and we enjoy eating out all the time so the prospect of a children limiting us frightens me. We're both still rather carefree (as carefree as you can be while both working full-time and paying a mortgage) but I know it's on her mind. The weird thing is yesterday she said "I like our dogs better than kids" so that got me thinking if she was serious about her target or not. On the other hand we don't know where we want to be in 5 years so we don't want to bring kids into that and then have to settle for something less than what we want. Did anyone else think these things or was it just "yup - let's have kids now". How much time went into the decision.
    Well having kids is a personal decision. Once you have kids you won't be going on as many trips or going on the weekends as much. You will be dedicating more time and money to your family. That is a choice that shouldn't be taken lightly, so it is very frightening. For us, we knew that we wanted to have kids when we were young. We don't have much money now, but we will when we retire, so we put off traveling until then. I wanted to retire and not have my kids in the house still. It is a huge decision. Probably the biggest in your life. It will change your life. Don't let anyone fool you that you will have the same life, but with kids. Your priorities once you have kids will change because they have to. (For the better I think, but to each their own).

    As for the 30 thing. There is a much smaller chance that you will have "issues" for a guy over 30 than a woman. Studies have shown that at 30 the risk for women to have complications, early babies, autism, and a slew of other diseases raises slowly until 35, and every year after that it is much greater. Multiples are also more common in "older" women. So if you have any multiples in your family you are just asking for twins/triplets/etc. Women were built to have kids at 15-20. It just turns out that most are not financially fit or ready at that time (who would have guessed).... evolution is funny in that way.

    I have not heard of any risks for men over 30, but will ask the wife about it.
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  17. #817
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by stroskey View post
    That and we have a big trip planned this summer, Christmas 2012, and then Vegas spring 2013 in which she'll want to drink. Did this ever stop anyone from having kids?
    Stop them? Heck no, that has caused many of them to have kids!
    ďDeath comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.Ē

  18. #818
    Cyburbian Plus dandy_warhol's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by SW MI Planner View post
    How do parents with both sex children deal with hotel rooms and vacations? Do you just have them share a bed? At what age would that not work out so much?

    The bf and I are taking our respective kids for a little vacation and reserving train tickets to Chicago for Spring Break, yay!!! The kids are 7 (girl, mine) and 10 (boy, his). At this point, we would each just sleep with our respective kids, but that seems kind of weird. Equally (or more) weird would be having the kids sleep in the same bed. I have no idea what is typical for this in a traditional family, much less a blended family.
    My mom and sister shared a bed. My dad and brother shared a bed. And I got to sleep between two chairs.

  19. #819
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    Quote Originally posted by SW MI Planner View post
    How do parents with both sex children deal with hotel rooms and vacations? Do you just have them share a bed? At what age would that not work out so much?

    The bf and I are taking our respective kids for a little vacation and reserving train tickets to Chicago for Spring Break, yay!!! The kids are 7 (girl, mine) and 10 (boy, his). At this point, we would each just sleep with our respective kids, but that seems kind of weird. Equally (or more) weird would be having the kids sleep in the same bed. I have no idea what is typical for this in a traditional family, much less a blended family.
    You sleep with your daughter and he sleeps with his son, and be glad that you don't have a son and he doesn't have a daughter. Will they let you add a roll away bed for a few more dollars?

  20. #820
    Cyburbian wahday's avatar
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    To the issue of kids sharing beds, I have not been in the position of having opposite sex kids from different families, but at their age, it doesnít seem like a big deal to me. If they are ok with it. A good childhood friend had a blended family much like the Brady Bunch (3 from her, 3 from him) but they were ALL BOYS! So, those issues really didnít come into play. More of an issue was preventing them from breaking thingsÖ

    My kids sometimes share a bed in hotels, but usually each sleeps with a parent (and we often switch off for some sense of fairness). This is largely because they canít seem to share such close quarters without getting in a fight or otherwise causing problems. But at home they do share a room. He is 11, she is 6. They enjoy sleeping with us and so do I. Its very sweet.

    VRBO is also a good option. Depending on the time of year and where you are going, it may actually not be any more expensive than a hotel. Especially if you are staying a few days and factor in the added savings of being able to cook meals instead of eating out every meal. We just did this in Moab and had a great time.

    As to Stroskeyís concerns about having kids, I would say also that before I had children I would look at other young families and think that there was no way I could handle all of that. But then I realized that kids donít come out at 5 years old with all the joyous and terrible behavior that comes with that. You do get a chance to warm up and grow into the whole concept. But it is a big change, I wonít lie. Still, I know plenty of parents who value their grownup time out with each other, going to movies, seeing live music. Many of these folks have families around to help watch kids or a trusted babysitter(s) so it is doable. Especially if these are hours the kids are asleep, you really arenít sacrificing any valuable family time. The reality, though, is people are often just too tired after a day with the little ones to rally for a night out. But it is doable. It just depends on how hard you want to work to establish those possibilities. I will also say that having children introduces a new set of entertaining and joyous experiences that you are not privy to yet. I say that a little tongue in cheek, but not entirely. It really is an awesome experience...

    I expect your wife would know better than me, but I was not aware that having children over 30 was such a high risk. I do think that Autism risks increase notably over 30 and Down Syndrome risk increases notably after 40. Aside from that, I think most of the risks are to the mother and not the children (increased risk of hereditary breast cancer, ectopic pregnancies and diabetes, which in its gestational form does put the fetus at a very high risk). However, I donít have a single family friend in my current pantheon who had a child before 30 and they are all healthy. Not exactly a scientific study though, I realize. My wife was 32 and 37 when we had our kids. I know a number of people who have had children in their early 40s as well. Interestingly, one of the other things that does increase in your 40s is the chance of having twins. Now THAT is an experience...

    We decided to have children around the time my father-in-law was declining and we knew he was not going to last much longer. We talked about the possibility and then, without getting into too many details, decided to "see how it goes." We were pregnant within the month. And alcohol may or may not have been involved...
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  21. #821
    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by wahday View post
    And alcohol may or may not have been involved...
    Indeed. While alcohol consumption by the mother-to-be during pregnancy is frowned upon, I wonder what are the statistics as to the percentage of babies conceived while the parents-to-be had a snoot-full. I know in our case we can pinpoint the day our son was conceived. We had been fighting for a couple days - about the fact she wasn't yet pregnant (hey I was doing my part with no complaints ). We went to the town's centennial celebration, where we had more than our share of the local microbrews. After the fireworks show, we went home. About nine months later we had a boy.

    Let us not discount the effects of alcohol to impair women's judgement that having children with us is somehow a good idea!
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  22. #822
    Cyburbian WSU MUP Student's avatar
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    Today I discovered that bringing your 17-month-old daughter in to the office for the first time is a good way to win some brownie points with the bosses and any female in the building within earshot of a giggling little girl.
    "Where free unions and collective bargaining are forbidden, freedom is lost." - 1980 Republican presidential candidate Ronald Reagan

  23. #823
    Cyburbian Planit's avatar
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    Wee P has been having nightmares the last couple nights about Zombies - Zombie Dolphins, Zombie Doggies, Zombie Cars, Zombie Giraffes, Zombie Penguins.

    I don't know if ts has been channeling her zombie thoughts this way or its the d@mn Disney Channel's Wizards of Waverly Place show
    "Whatever beer I'm drinking, is better than the one I'm not." DMLW
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  24. #824
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Planit View post
    Wee P has been having nightmares the last couple nights about Zombies - Zombie Dolphins, Zombie Doggies, Zombie Cars, Zombie Giraffes, Zombie Penguins.

    I don't know if ts has been channeling her zombie thoughts this way or its the d@mn Disney Channel's Wizards of Waverly Place show
    That sucks. We've never had to deal with nightmares with our girls.

    With our recent relocation, our girls obviously started at a new school. It's a charter school run by the same parent company as the one where we used to live, which has been good. Our youngest started Kindergarten this past fall, so the new school wasn't really a big deal.

    Our 3rd grader is still having a hard time with the change. There was an older girl bullying her a little, which we put a stop to with the teacher's help. No big deal really. And she hasn't been able to form any close friendships so far. She went to a b-day party a couple of weeks ago and had a good time. But then comes home yesterday and says 2 of the girls at the party told her they don't want to be her friend. She had a real close friend where we moved from, and she's still looking for that replacement.

    This was my biggest fear when we moved - how it would affect her at school on the social side. It doesn't help that the school they go to seems to have a disproportionate # of male students, as well as what appears to be a lot of "problem students".

    If we get the house we're trying to get, we'll seriously consider putting them into the public school system. It would be another new school, but I think it may be for the best, based on what I know of the district.

    Needless to say, as a dad, it kills me seeing my daughter unhappy because of a decision I made. I know we're only 6 months in and it will get better. But it still sucks.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  25. #825
    Cyburbian SW MI Planner's avatar
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    Wow, I had forgotten I posted about sleeping arrangements, thanks all for your responses. I'm surprised by how many slept with parents, but coming from a small family wiht just a sister it's just not something I ever thought about. At least I feel validated that it's ok to sleep with the kids on vacations (or some other options).

    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    Needless to say, as a dad, it kills me seeing my daughter unhappy because of a decision I made. I know we're only 6 months in and it will get better. But it still sucks.
    I can imagine how hard that would be to see your daughter struggling. It's tough to break into a new crowd/school but she is young and things will work out. Have you considered (or would she even be interested) in signing up for outside events - sports, girl scouts, 4H (do they even have that down there?). Maybe there are other activites she could be involved in that would help her meet some other people.

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