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Thread: The NEVERENDING Raising Children Thread

  1. #826
    Unfrozen Caveman Planner mendelman's avatar
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    SW - I'd probably just make the kids sleep on the floor and the two adults can have their own bed.
    I'm sorry. Is my bias showing?

    The ends can justify the means.

  2. #827
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by SW MI Planner View post
    Wow, I had forgotten I posted about sleeping arrangements, thanks all for your responses. I'm surprised by how many slept with parents, but coming from a small family wiht just a sister it's just not something I ever thought about. At least I feel validated that it's ok to sleep with the kids on vacations (or some other options).
    I was an only child and never slept with a parent. RT never really did either until we went on an extended trip to Asia. Most hotels their have the idea that a double occupancy room means 1 large bed and nothing else. So nearly all the places we stayed at we had to sleep in the same bed. It got interesting when we were in the village doing field work because we rented a house that had three rooms with three double beds and there were 9 of us so we ended up 3 to a bed. Trust me sleeping on the floor there was not an option nor was it safe.

    I can imagine how hard that would be to see your daughter struggling. It's tough to break into a new crowd/school but she is young and things will work out. Have you considered (or would she even be interested) in signing up for outside events - sports, girl scouts, 4H (do they even have that down there?). Maybe there are other activites she could be involved in that would help her meet some other people.
    Having moved when I was in 2nd and 5th grades having a group activity to get to know other kids outside of school was important as I was not that sociable. Girl Scouts and youth bowling were my activities. RT has moved in the 3rd and 8th grades but she's a natural social butterfly and is a very adaptive kid.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  3. #828
    Cyburbian Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    The kid's last driving lesson was today. Road test Monday and he should pass, then will have his full license. OH, and then I have to add him to our auto policy. Ack.

  4. #829
    OH....IO Hink's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Zoning Goddess View post
    The kid's last driving lesson was today. Road test Monday and he should pass, then will have his full license. OH, and then I have to add him to our auto policy. Ack.
    Can you hold it back until after March? We are driving through Florida then....
    A common mistake people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. -Douglas Adams

  5. #830
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Zoning Goddess View post
    The kid's last driving lesson was today. Road test Monday and he should pass, then will have his full license. OH, and then I have to add him to our auto policy. Ack.
    Most insurers have a young driver program that they can complete through your agent or online that will provide a bit of a discount. Him taking the driver's ed program should also help. I have RT rated as just an occasional driver so it's less than $20 per month for her, otherwise it's KA-CHING!
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  6. #831
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by SW MI Planner
    can imagine how hard that would be to see your daughter struggling. It's tough to break into a new crowd/school but she is young and things will work out. Have you considered (or would she even be interested) in signing up for outside events - sports, girl scouts, 4H (do they even have that down there?). Maybe there are other activites she could be involved in that would help her meet some other people.
    Quote Originally posted by kjel View post
    Having moved when I was in 2nd and 5th grades having a group activity to get to know other kids outside of school was important as I was not that sociable. Girl Scouts and youth bowling were my activities. RT has moved in the 3rd and 8th grades but she's a natural social butterfly and is a very adaptive kid.
    My girls are very adaptive, and I'm probably making it out to be worse than it is. I think part of it is my 3rd grader only tells me about the negative things that happen throughout the day, so that's all we're hearing. If something good happend, we almost have to force her to tell us what happened.

    We're still in the process of finding a permanent place to stay, not with family. Once we do, we do plan on getting both of them into outside school activities. Thanks!
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  7. #832
    Cyburbian Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Zoning Goddess View post
    The kid's last driving lesson was today. Road test Monday and he should pass, then will have his full license. OH, and then I have to add him to our auto policy. Ack.
    Whew! He passed his test today. Glad to finally have that hurdle out of the way.

  8. #833
    Cyburbian TerraSapient's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Planit View post
    Wee P has been having nightmares the last couple nights about Zombies - Zombie Dolphins, Zombie Doggies, Zombie Cars, Zombie Giraffes, Zombie Penguins.

    I don't know if ts has been channeling her zombie thoughts this way or its the d@mn Disney Channel's Wizards of Waverly Place show
    Here Planit! Get Wee P this duvet set. I'm sure it will make Wee P feel more secure.
    Occupy Your Brain!

  9. #834
    Cyburbian Emeritus Bear Up North's avatar
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    Tick Tick Tick

    Katie's son ("the thing that lives in the basement") and his live-in GF indicate that they will be moving to an apartment "within a year".

    That means that I can count on.....

    Drawers getting closed.
    Cupboard doors being closed.
    Dirty towels not inhabiting the bathroom floor. Next to dirty underwear.
    Food that disappears, almost as if by magic.
    Lights turned OFF. (Who'da thunk?)
    Dishes all stacked in the dishwasher.
    Dirty pots and pans cleaned and hanging in the correct place.
    Empty pizza boxes somehow making it to the trash can.

    Looks like I have a "happy dance" in my future.

    Bear
    Occupy Cyburbia!

  10. #835
    OH....IO Hink's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Bear Up North View post
    Katie's son ("the thing that lives in the basement") and his live-in GF indicate that they will be moving to an apartment "within a year".

    That means that I can count on.....

    Drawers getting closed.
    Cupboard doors being closed.
    Dirty towels not inhabiting the bathroom floor. Next to dirty underwear.
    Food that disappears, almost as if by magic.
    Lights turned OFF. (Who'da thunk?)
    Dishes all stacked in the dishwasher.
    Dirty pots and pans cleaned and hanging in the correct place.
    Empty pizza boxes somehow making it to the trash can.

    Looks like I have a "happy dance" in my future.

    Bear
    You'll miss it when it is gone... At least that is what they always say...
    A common mistake people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. -Douglas Adams

  11. #836
    Cyburbian Planit's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by TerraSapient View post
    Here Planit! Get Wee P this duvet set. I'm sure it will make Wee P feel more secure.
    Oh terrific! Her birthday is in a couple weeks.

    On second thought, that would probabaly give me nightmares.
    "Whatever beer I'm drinking, is better than the one I'm not." DMLW
    "Budweiser sells a product they reflectively insist on calling beer." John Oliver

  12. #837
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    What would you consider the minimum appropriate age for letting your kids watch the movie 'Star Wars' (you know, the original 1977 one)?
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  13. #838
    Cyburbian TerraSapient's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    What would you consider the minimum appropriate age for letting your kids watch the movie 'Star Wars' (you know, the original 1977 one)?
    1 day old. You cannot withhold the pleasures of Star Wars from any human being. That is practically criminal.

    Says the woman without any wee ones yet
    Occupy Your Brain!

  14. #839
    Forums Administrator & Gallery Moderator NHPlanner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    What would you consider the minimum appropriate age for letting your kids watch the movie 'Star Wars' (you know, the original 1977 one)?
    I started showing them to my sons at age 3. Casey loves Star Wars...and is already bugging me about going to see the 3D versions in the theater. Wes typically doesn't have the attention span for the films, but stims (arm flapping and vocal stims) like a madman during the podrace scenes in Ep I.
    "Growth is inevitable and desirable, but destruction of community character is not. The question is not whether your part of the world is going to change. The question is how." -- Edward T. McMahon, The Conservation Fund

  15. #840
    Cyburbian Raf's avatar
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    Bullying

    Question for the throbing brain:

    How do you as a parent deal with bullying? Over the last few weeks my daughter has been dealing with a gal from her class. My daughter can be a bully herself at times as she has an alpha female personality, but at the same token she is caring for others and likes to "talk" it out and is very expressive of her feelings. This other gal also has a dominating personality. At the beginning of the year they were the best of friends but she than left. "the bear" as i call her was devastated, but moved on and starting playing with her friends she made back in Kindergarten. This gal was new to the school, so my wife and i suspect that she took the girl "under her wings".

    For whatever reason the girl came back mid-way through the year. We have met the girl's mother once. On her comeback, things just haven't been the same, simply because "the bear" prefers to play with her other friends, and even the guidance councilor who is assigned to my daughter to help with her social issues mentioned that the two just don't "click". Over the course of the last few weeks it has gotten worse. We have directed my daughter to just "walk away" and go find and adult to help with the situation. She came home a few weeks ago and told us that the other girl called her "ugly" and she started crying because she mentioned she is constantly trying to get her in trouble and is not listening to her repeated attempts to leave her alone.

    On Friday everything came to a head. My daughter, being frustrated with the lack of respect of communication, finally slapped the other girl. Now, i know violence is not the solution to anything, but as a parent i was torn because 1) the girl has constantly harassed her and 2) the school punished her by sitting out the Monday recesses in the principal's office. She has been on a sticker chart to track behavior over the last few weeks and her punishment was she didn't earn a sticker (not to mention the fact that when she did it, she received an award for outstanding language arts performance for the trimester and recognition at an assembly, which soured my mood since i surprised her by going). I am sort of glad she put this girl in her place (yanno, playground rules) but again, different time, different era and i did not ever tell that that was okay, because she should never hit another child, and that was the message we sent her.

    At home she revealed that this other girl has threaten her that she was going to "beat her up". Also she didn't want to go to school any more because the other girl was there. This is completely out of character with my daughter and she loves going to school. Spoke with the school official yesterday and they mentioned that they will be practicing "keeping them separated" but quite frankly at a small school i find this really hard to achieve. Are there any additional steps i can take to curb this bullying. I just don't want this incident and this girl to really bring my daughter down. She is smart and focused and i don't want this to get out of hand.
    follow me on the twitter @rcplans

  16. #841
    Cyburbian wahday's avatar
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    Wow, that’s a tough one. I was wondering first of all how old these kids are. I think that may shed some light on what is in the range of “appropriate” in terms of this kind of behavior. Not that any of it sounds appropriate, but a 5 year old saying and doing these things versus a 13 year old calls for a different kind of intervention. I’m assuming they are on the younger side…

    My daughter has a similar but I think less troubling dynamic with another girl at school. We are friends with the parents and I would call them more frenemies than outright enemies. But the manipulation and intimidation these girls can get into at such a young age can be pretty disturbing. Definitely the physical contact is a no-no. Its an understandable impulse, but not the way to resolve anything.

    I notice in your description that there is no mention of the teachers – just the counselors and the administration. Are these girls in the same class? It seems to me that these other folks (counselors and admin) are not present enough during the day to see something coming down the pike and to be able to head it off or facilitate resolution before it gets nasty. The teachers are the front line on things like this. The others are for support after things happen. IMO. At my kids’ school, the teachers are around and present on the playground and in class and because it is small enough they can be attentive to issues like this and intervene earlier to help them find better ways to resolve. They also facilitate a lot of actual, real discussions between the parties in such conflicts. For it really to mean anything, I think these conversations need to happen right away and not at some later time when feelings have changed.

    Sorry I have no real good answer for you. If it helps, in the big picture, I expect both of them will grow out of this. But that doesn’t make the present any more manageable and its terrible to see your kid not wanting to go to school because of some intimidation fear. That the home and your interactions with your daughter continue to reinforce more acceptable ways of resolving conflict is really important. Children need to see good behavior modeled about a gazillion times sometimes before they internalize it. But if they never see it, they never develop those skills at all.
    The purpose of life is a life of purpose

  17. #842
    Cyburbian Raf's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by wahday View post

    Sorry I have no real good answer for you. If it helps, in the big picture, I expect both of them will grow out of this. But that doesn’t make the present any more manageable and its terrible to see your kid not wanting to go to school because of some intimidation fear. That the home and your interactions with your daughter continue to reinforce more acceptable ways of resolving conflict is really important. Children need to see good behavior modeled about a gazillion times sometimes before they internalize it. But if they never see it, they never develop those skills at all.
    Thanks...more so just needed to vent and what not. BTW my daughter is 6, we are talking 1st graders here. Same class, and the teacher is involved, but we have this feeling that she has been working with both children, however, this is sort of can't be there for everything. Uggh. This is really just burning me simply because i go into protection mode more so than anything else and at the same token i hate to bring this up, but a bit of "class" seems to also be at play here in between the two parenting styles of my wife and I and the other parent. (i.e. this mom seems to not be "with it", as in, umm how to put this nicely, doesn't share similar values to other parents we associate with at the school, considering that this is the most "diverse" school in the district, as in the most poorer/esl students in our district, thus our school has a clear divide between the have's and the have not's).
    follow me on the twitter @rcplans

  18. #843
    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
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    I really have nothing I can really offer CPSURaf and wahday's comments covered it pretty well. Besides I have a boy, which is an entirely different dynamic when it comes to bullying.

    In previous posts I have expressed frustrations with school's bullying policies. Part of my frustration is we've seen to it that my son has the skills to deal with physical bullying, so when it comes to that, I would just as soon the school get out of his way and let him deal with it.

    We recently had a problem with a kid in his class who hit my son (not a hard punch, but defintely unwarranted) and who offered to fight my son and to have his older brother come to the school to beat my son up. My son didn't retaliate (though I wish he had). I warned the teacher for a second time to separate them and ended up getting called to the principal's office for pointing out to his teacher that my son could handle the situation in any way he deemed necessary with my full approval.

    In the principal's office it became clear that mostly I was there so they could tell me how it was going to be handled and not in a way that was going to benefit my son really. They gave me the sad story of how the bully boy had a bad family life and last year was in a terrible car accident that left him physcially and mentally damaged. I guess I'm not such a nice person. Basically I don't give a damn about the bad breaks the little snot has had. But they did separate the two of them, which is good.

    Sometimes I think the schools, which I suppose are trying to limit their liability, do the kids and the parents a disservice by not letting the kids settle it themselves. Sometimes a slap in the face or a punch in the mouth is all that is needed to settle a dispute between little kids. As children get older, that is not necessarily the best solution, but it is out there.

    The school's method of a stern lecture followed by forced insincere apologies solves nothing.

    Guess I am just an old-school, knuckle-dragging Neanderthal when it comes to schoolyard bullying.
    "I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

    ~ Otterpop ~

  19. #844
    Cyburbian TerraSapient's avatar
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    Tip from a woman who use to be a girl who had to deal with bullies:

    Put in her a martial arts class or something where she can gain confidence over her physical abilities. The point not being to teach her to fight, but to teach her that she can defend herself. If she knows she can judo chop then she may be less intimidated by the other girl. It sounds to me like "getting beat up" is what she is afraid of. Teach her how to not be afraid by teaching how to stick up for herself. Most junior martial arts school teach kids strict moral codes too about self defense and when it is okay to use it.

    It may just give her the confidence she needs to tell the other girl to get lost and for the other girl to know she means it.
    Occupy Your Brain!

  20. #845
    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
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    Today my son will make his first confession, as preparation for First Communion. He got a late start (age 10), has a bad temper, cusses and has bent a commandment or two. I told him to just hit the highlights, but it could still take a while.

    I suggested he might want legal counsel to be present. My wife rolled her eyes. My son's salvation depends on minimizing his bad influences, of which my wife feels I am one of them.
    "I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

    ~ Otterpop ~

  21. #846
    Cyburbian Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    I've voiced my frustration before that my kid got kicked out of h.s. in 11th grade for truancy, and I didn't have a clue until he'd skipped a couple months and his h.s. never called me. They just threw him away. He's not dumb. Anyway, 2 yrs of him hemming and hawing, took the assessment test to get the GED twice, took some test prep and quit. Today we went to the tech h.s.that gives the test to see about him taking the GED next week and the counselor we know was out, and they said have to take the test again for "real-time"results. He did, and then another counselor called and said they had never seen anyone here with such high test scores.I guess a bit of studying paid off. He's on schedule to take the GED in early March.

    It is still weirding me out that I was such a great student and we're having to force my kid to get a GED.

  22. #847
    Cyburbian
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    ZG your son spent the last few weeks preparing for some things and he's doing well. Those are great confidence boosters; I hope that he surprises himself and exceeds more of his expectations.

  23. #848
    Cyburbian Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by kms View post
    ZG your son spent the last few weeks preparing for some things and he's doing well. Those are great confidence boosters; I hope that he surprises himself and exceeds more of his expectations.
    Thanks,and keeping my fingers crossed. We're meeting with the counselor tomorrow and hope all goes well.

    Actually, I should just say he needs to get his s*it together and get his GED and a job to pay for his f*ckng video games and upcoming car insurance.

    But he was really happy when I told him about the call from the counselor about his hgh scores.
    Last edited by Zoning Goddess; 14 Feb 2012 at 11:07 PM. Reason: kid has to pay bills

  24. #849
    Cyburbian SW MI Planner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Zoning Goddess View post
    Actually, I should just say he needs to get his s*it together and get his GED and a job to pay for his f*ckng video games and upcoming car insurance.
    Well, that may work Don't be weirded out about the GED - sure it's probably not what you would have planned on but at least he went back to get it. And I agree with kms maybe the high schools and accomplishment will give him a boost.

    I love my kid more than anything, but man can she get me fired up. She is a sweet and loving kid, but she's always been assertive, outgoing, and strong-willed. I think those are good qualities except for when she is adds the mouthy, emotional, and dramatic. She's relatively well behaved at my house but I'm also pretty tough on her (her dad has issues with her because he has no boundaries, no discipline, no consistency). This morning she got mouthy with me about a note that got sent home to all kids about show and tell (she's in second grade, eight years old), and then had a meltdown because her backpack was too heavy. I do my best to always remain calm with her to try to teach her coping skills, how to chill out, relax, etc. but sometimes it's hard because quite often I get to the tipping point where I'm also about to have a meltdown as well. (Beyond teaching her how to chill out she also gets in big time trouble for the attitude). I worry if it's like this now, how it'll be when she's 12 or 14 or 16. I'm sure the emotions and sassiness is probably normal with girls (I'm hoping at least a little!) but I feel like it's all up to me to to raise a happy, healthy, and productive child/adult, and I don't want to screw it up. No pressure there

    Our high school had a thirteen year old kid that hung himself last week. Thirteen. This scares the shit out of me.

  25. #850
    Cyburbian dandy_warhol's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Zoning Goddess View post
    Thanks,and keeping my fingers crossed. We're meeting with the counselor tomorrow and hope all goes well.

    Actually, I should just say he needs to get his s*it together and get his GED and a job to pay for his f*ckng video games and upcoming car insurance.

    But he was really happy when I told him about the call from the counselor about his hgh scores.
    Fingers and toes crossed!

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