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Thread: The NEVERENDING Raising Children Thread

  1. #876
    Cyburbian wahday's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    So my 8 year old daughter was being her typical silly self on the way to school this morning. Nothing out of the ordinary. Well, I lost it when she couldn't get herself under control, smacked her in the leg, yelled at her, and made her cry. When we got to school I told her I was wrong and that I loved her. She forgave me, because that's what kids just do. But I probably ruined her day. I already emailed my wife and told her what happened. God it sucks being a parent sometimes. I feel like crap.
    Ooof! Been there and its not fun. But SW Mi Planner is right - kids are resilient and she has probably already forgotten about it. I think the ocassional incident like that is not really a problem. Its when that kind of reaction is the norm in the household that kids develop problems in how to resolve conflict or express their feelings when things get emotional. So, I woundn't sweat it. For every one time you lose your cool, there are probably a hundred times when you keep your head, talk it out and use all those important skills. She learns by example and I suspect most of thime, its a good one.

    I will also add that I read an op ed pice once on yelling at your kids that gave me comfort. The piece was a story about a woman who just lost it with her kids regarding some crayon-related incident (you can imagine a million scenarios around that topic can't you?) She yelled and did/said things she regretted and felt terrible about it. But upon reflection, she came to the realization that maybe its ok for kids to see you lose your cool once in a while. And the way she presented it I agreed with. I'm not advocating hollering at your kids all the time, but every once in a while we lose it and just maybe that is a valuable thing for kids to experience. To see and experience what it is like to push someone too far. Because reading those cues - that someone is getting annoyed or frustrated - are pretty important skills to have in the world. And sometimes we do push prople to far and those are the consequences. Doesn't feel that great, so maybe kids learn to be more sensitive and back off when mom/dad get their serious face on.

    I put my money on her not even thinking about it at this point in the day. But I hear you - I've been there, I've done that, and I've felt just terrible about it. But she will survive and so will you.
    The purpose of life is a life of purpose

  2. #877
    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    So my 8 year old daughter was being her typical silly self on the way to school this morning. Nothing out of the ordinary. Well, I lost it when she couldn't get herself under control, smacked her in the leg, yelled at her, and made her cry. When we got to school I told her I was wrong and that I loved her. She forgave me, because that's what kids just do. But I probably ruined her day. I already emailed my wife and told her what happened. God it sucks being a parent sometimes. I feel like crap.
    I know what you mean. We sometimes lose our cools, even when we are great parents (which I get the feeling you are) You apologized and she forgave you. Were the shoe on the other foot - she said something that hurt your feelings or slapped you and you forgave her, wouldn't that have been the end of it?

    Making a mistake, apologizing for it, and being forgiven by the ones you love most is sort of what families do every day. What's done is done. Although ice cream soothes most hurts.

    Or look at it this way, most days you are the teacher and she is the student. Today she was the teacher and you learn lessons on keeping your temper and forgiveness.

    She forgave you. Now you forgive yourself (which I know is harder)
    "I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

    ~ Otterpop ~

  3. #878
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by otterpop View post
    I know what you mean. We sometimes lose our cools, even when we are great parents (which I get the feeling you are) You apologized and she forgave you. Were the shoe on the other foot - she said something that hurt your feelings or slapped you and you forgave her, wouldn't that have been the end of it?

    Making a mistake, apologizing for it, and being forgiven by the ones you love most is sort of what families do every day. What's done is done. Although ice cream soothes most hurts.

    Or look at it this way, most days you are the teacher and she is the student. Today she was the teacher and you learn lessons on keeping your temper and forgiveness.

    She forgave you. Now you forgive yourself (which I know is harder)
    Very wise words. From each of you in fact.

    Funny thing is when I mentioned it to my wife, she suggested ice cream for dinner.

    I had another talk with her after school and talked to her about losing our tempers, always trying to be a better person, etc. etc. We're all good.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  4. #879
    Cyburbian WSU MUP Student's avatar
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    This past weekend the weather was nice enough and my 19-month-old daughter walks well enough that we were able to do quite a bit of playing outside. She now loves playing outside, even if all she is doing is standing in the yard and holding onto a tree trunk, and absolutely hates going back inside. She even has a fit when she is just being put into into her stroller to go for a walk... oh well, I like being outside too.
    "Where free unions and collective bargaining are forbidden, freedom is lost." - 1980 Republican presidential candidate Ronald Reagan

  5. #880
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by WSU MUP Student View post
    This past weekend the weather was nice enough and my 19-month-old daughter walks well enough that we were able to do quite a bit of playing outside. She now loves playing outside, even if all she is doing is standing in the yard and holding onto a tree trunk, and absolutely hates going back inside. She even has a fit when she is just being put into into her stroller to go for a walk... oh well, I like being outside too.
    My daughters LOVE being outside. Which is good, because like you, my wife and I love being outside (except in the snow). I think part of it is that we severely restrict access to video games, the computer, etc. If they want to have fun, they almost need to go outside.

    When we got home from work and school yesterday, they were outside from 5:00 to 6:30, before we had dinner. I like it, because my daughters are loud.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  6. #881
    Cyburbian wahday's avatar
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    We have a family with 4 children visiting us. Last night was their first night here. I am NOT well rested... Nice family, though, and not as crazy as you might imagine a family of 6 could be. Still, everyone is displaced and the blow-up bed I chose lost all its air through the night. Vinyl on hardwood floors does not equal comfort.
    The purpose of life is a life of purpose

  7. #882
    Cyburbian ursus's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by wahday View post
    We have a family with 4 children visiting us. Last night was their first night here. I am NOT well rested... Nice family, though, and not as crazy as you might imagine a family of 6 could be. Still, everyone is displaced and the blow-up bed I chose lost all its air through the night. Vinyl on hardwood floors does not equal comfort.
    Do what I do: Sleep at the office! I can sleep sitting up. It's a skill I've developed over the years.

    All this talk about outside. The weather has been gorgeous and the kids have started digging the half of the back yard I haven't got in grass still. Trenching, damming, sleucing, it goes on and on. There's a little climbing in the cherry tree, some impromptu baseball, etc. but mostly it's my kids and about 6 others from the 'hood in and out digging and digging out there. Mrs. Ursus doesn't trust them. She says "they're diggin our graves out there...."
    "...I would never try to tick Hink off. He kinda intimidates me. He's quite butch, you know." - Maister

  8. #883
    Cyburbian wahday's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by ursus View post
    Mrs. Ursus doesn't trust them. She says "they're diggin our graves out there...."
    If any of them looks up at you with a mischevious grin, rubbing their hands together and saying "hello, father dear" then she might be right.
    The purpose of life is a life of purpose

  9. #884
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    My little one is 2 months old now and the weather is nice enough to go outside so I am trying to get her used to going for a walk outside rather than be stuck inside all day. She will tolerate it for about 10-15 minutes so far, but we're going to get there one way or another. RT loved being outside from the time she was a tiny baby.

    OTOH, Arabella had her two month checkup this morning and weighed in at 12 pounds and measured 23.75 inches. She also got her first shots today and I cried
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  10. #885
    Cyburbian WSU MUP Student's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by kjel View post
    OTOH, Arabella had her two month checkup this morning and weighed in at 12 pounds and measured 23.75 inches. She also got her first shots today and I cried
    When my daughter was about 2 months and we were at the doctors getting some shots, she squealed for a moment and then I cried and then because I was crying she started crying more and that just made me cry more. It was a chain reaction of tears. It was not a pretty sight...
    "Where free unions and collective bargaining are forbidden, freedom is lost." - 1980 Republican presidential candidate Ronald Reagan

  11. #886
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by WSU MUP Student View post
    When my daughter was about 2 months and we were at the doctors getting some shots, she squealed for a moment and then I cried and then because I was crying she started crying more and that just made me cry more. It was a chain reaction of tears. It was not a pretty sight...
    When my oldest got her last shots before kindergarten, my wife and I had to physically restrain her so the nurse could give the shots. She was so afraid, she started crying from the fear. When the shots were finally given, she stopped crying, and I started laughing.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  12. #887
    Cyburbian Planit's avatar
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    When Wee P went for her first shots, I remember she looked at me with one of those "What in the hell are you letting them do" looks on her face and then started crying.
    "Whatever beer I'm drinking, is better than the one I'm not." DMLW
    "Budweiser sells a product they reflectively insist on calling beer." John Oliver

  13. #888
    Cyburbian Raf's avatar
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    My daughter took shots like a champ. Never a tear. Now.. needles frighten her at the ripe old age of 6,

    My son, different story. We take him for shots and usually bring his leon (lion in spanish) and his blanket. He typically starts to cry than burries his head in the blanket and clutches his leon. It's the worse
    Men do dumb $hit... it is what they do to correct the problem that counts.

  14. #889
    Cyburbian SW MI Planner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    When my oldest got her last shots before kindergarten, my wife and I had to physically restrain her so the nurse could give the shots. She was so afraid, she started crying from the fear. When the shots were finally given, she stopped crying, and I started laughing.
    Mine was the same way, and while I was holding her arms down, she looked at me, sobbing, and said "Mommy, please don't let them hurt me". Broke my heart.

  15. #890
    Cyburbian WSU MUP Student's avatar
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    This weekend we took our daughter (19-months-old) out to dinner on Saturday night. We have never taken her out to a restaurant for dinner time before but we didn't have much in the house to cook, neither of us felt like going to the grocery store, and we just wanted out of the house. Our daughter did really good. She remained calm for the entire dinner, granted, we weren't in the restaurant long, maybe 35 minutes total, but it was still a minor victory for us. She did so well that Sunday morning my wife agreed to walk up to a local place for brunch with my daughter and I. We were inside that restaurant for about 45 minutes and it also worked out really good. It helped that we could sort of wheel her stroller and right up to our table and not have to deal with the the fuss of putting her in a highchair and that she could occupy herself with a pile of macaroni, cantaloupe, and strawberries.

    Yes, these may seem like pretty mundane accomplishments, but it's nice for us to know that we can actually go out to eat with her on occasion (after she was no longer an infant who would sleep through everything we sort of gave up on that).
    "Where free unions and collective bargaining are forbidden, freedom is lost." - 1980 Republican presidential candidate Ronald Reagan

  16. #891
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by WSU MUP Student View post
    This weekend we took our daughter (19-months-old) out to dinner on Saturday night. We have never taken her out to a restaurant for dinner time before but we didn't have much in the house to cook, neither of us felt like going to the grocery store, and we just wanted out of the house. Our daughter did really good. She remained calm for the entire dinner, granted, we weren't in the restaurant long, maybe 35 minutes total, but it was still a minor victory for us. She did so well that Sunday morning my wife agreed to walk up to a local place for brunch with my daughter and I. We were inside that restaurant for about 45 minutes and it also worked out really good. It helped that we could sort of wheel her stroller and right up to our table and not have to deal with the the fuss of putting her in a highchair and that she could occupy herself with a pile of macaroni, cantaloupe, and strawberries.

    Yes, these may seem like pretty mundane accomplishments, but it's nice for us to know that we can actually go out to eat with her on occasion (after she was no longer an infant who would sleep through everything we sort of gave up on that).
    Our girls never stopped us from eating out. They've been eating out since they were weeks old. Granted, there have been some stressful times, as well as a handful of times we've walked out of restaraunts because of their behavior. Those were fun nights.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  17. #892
    Cyburbian wahday's avatar
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    For a while, we had a rapidly growing list of restaurants we could no longer go to because our daughter vomited in them and our shame was just too much. She was just one of those little kids. At 6, she can hold it down now, but as a pre-toddler, there seemed to be as much coming up as going down.

    Just last week we went to a place we haven't been since then. This made us all, including our 11 yo son, sigh with nostalgia "remember when she puked all over that table over there? Good times..."
    The purpose of life is a life of purpose

  18. #893
    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
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    Houdini in the making

    My son's 3rd quarter book report was the biography of Harry Houdini. Now my son repeatedly has asked me to tie him up so he can hone his escape artist skills.

    I have mixed feelings about it. Of course it is amusing and he enjoys the challenge. Maybe it is a great skill to have should he ever get kidnapped. But on the other hand, tying your son to a chair is the sort of thing that can get you a visit from Child Protective Services.

    I haven't had anyone ask me to tie them up since, well, that woman from Tucson. She was one crazy twisted chick.
    "I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

    ~ Otterpop ~

  19. #894
    My daughter is getting braces today and I and Mrs G have never had any experience with them. Fellow Cyburbia 'rents: what do I need to know? (She's 12yo, BTW.)
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  20. #895
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Gedunker View post
    My daughter is getting braces today and I and Mrs G have never had any experience with them. Fellow Cyburbia 'rents: what do I need to know? (She's 12yo, BTW.)
    My kids don't have them, but I did have them when I was your daughter's age. Granted this was 20 years ago, so I'm sure techniques/procedures/etc. have changed since then. I didn't "hate" having braces. I actually ate many of the foods you were told not to eat for fear of disloding the braces. The worst was the day or 2 after the monthly visits where they would adjust/tighten the braces. My teeth would be so sore, it would be difficult to eat.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  21. #896
    Cyburbian Planit's avatar
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    I wore braces for a couple years, then retainers. Dad was a dentist too.

    Wee P is 9 and she got braces about 3 months before her 9th birthday. She has Mrs. P's mouth structure and we are trying to avoid surgery later in life. Different procedures for different problems - overbite, underbite, narrow jaw, etc. You can get full braces, partial braces, palate extenders, headgear, etc.

    G'dunk is correct that your teeth will be sore for a couple days after monthly adjustments. We always get a milkshake on the way home from the orthodontist.

    PM me for specific information. I asked alot of questions when we started the consultation.
    "Whatever beer I'm drinking, is better than the one I'm not." DMLW
    "Budweiser sells a product they reflectively insist on calling beer." John Oliver

  22. #897
    Thanks, btrage and Planit for the observations. Mrs G has been shepherding this (I get most of the rest of the medical aspects for the kids), so I thought I'd check in so I have a better idea what she/we are in for. I believe she's getting the tops straightened, followed by some jaw stretching/reconfiguring, and last the bottom teeth. Her dentist is already concerned about her wisdom teeth ... poor kid.
    On pitching to Stan Musial:
    "Once he timed your fastball, your infielders were in jeopardy."
    Warren Spahn

  23. #898
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Shouldn't every home produced in the last century have had a split bedroom plan? Or maybe put the kids in a guesthouse in a corner of the back yard? Preferably with no electrical plugs or internet connection? There is little more disconcerting than crashing on the couch for the evening and hearing someone screaming "You motherf*cker!" Blah blah blah. My nerves are on their last ends. Why the kid keeps conversing with people who have to yank his chain is beyond me.

  24. #899
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Would this be the absolute best or worst book to buy for an inquistive and high-spirited 12 year old nephew?

    http://www.amazon.com/Backyard-Balli.../dp/1556523750
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  25. #900
    Cyburbian wahday's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    Would this be the absolute best or worst book to buy for an inquistive and high-spirited 12 year old nephew?

    http://www.amazon.com/Backyard-Balli.../dp/1556523750
    That's a tough call. I think its pretty cool and falls in line with other recent favorites like the Dangerous book for Boys, etc. Living where I do, the fire danger is an ever-present concern for parents in temrs of allowing them to play with matches out back, but that aside, I want to build a tennis ball cannon...
    The purpose of life is a life of purpose

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