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Thread: The NEVERENDING Raising Children Thread

  1. #951
    Cyburbian DetroitPlanner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by otterpop View post
    Yeah, my first visit to the police station didn't go so well. But then I was 19 and drunk.
    Several of my boys from High School were assigned to the same firehouse here in Detroit. I visited the place drunk one night when I was about 19. @ that time some of the firemen had had a few pops as well. We spent about a half hour running up the stairs and sliding down the pole. I don't recall much else about that night, but it was great fun!
    We hope for better things; it will arise from the ashes - Fr Gabriel Richard 1805

  2. #952
    Cyburbian Richmond Jake's avatar
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    Both of my sons called and wished me a happy father's day. I worry about my youngest. He moved to North Dakota. He admits to struggling with drug abuse issues. This dad worries.
    Annoyingly insensitive

  3. #953
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Richmond Jake View post
    Both of my sons called and wished me a happy father's day. I worry about my youngest. He moved to North Dakota. He admits to struggling with drug abuse issues. This dad worries.
    Glad to hear they called. Not so great news from your younger one, but at least he admits there is a problem. Having had several family members struggle with drugs and alcohol that was the turnaround point for them. Just be there, but don't enable or excuse their actions/behavior.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  4. #954
    Cyburbian Plus Salmissra's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by otterpop View post
    My big brother has a lot to be proud of late. His daughter had a lot of things to overcome that was none of her fault and she not only persevered; she achieved greatly in spite of her challenges.
    His daugther was born with Mobius syndrome, which is a birth defect that results in the absence of the sixth and seventh facial cranial nerve. These nerves control eye movements and facial expressions. Children born with this defect often cannot speak or have great difficulty doing so. They also live their lives incapable of exhibiting facial expressions.
    When she was young, my brother worked with her to teach her how to speak. Her doctors were astonished that she was able to not only learn to speak but to speak well. This was no doubt in a large part due to my brother's efforts.
    She graduated from high school at the top of her class. She got scholarships to LSU and San Francisco University, studying psychology, then went on to Brown for her masters, and this month graduated with her Ph.D in psychology from Tufts University. Soon she will go on to a position as a professor at Oregon State University- Corvallis. Also she married a great guy.
    He was a crappy big brother when I was a kid, but I gotta give him credit for being a Hall of Fame dad.
    It sounds like your big brother is a great dad! Your niece is lucky she had him for a dad - I don't think she'd be so far along if he hadn't put in the time and effort to get her started off on the right foot.
    "We do not need any other Tutankhamun's tomb with all its treasures. We need context. We need understanding. We need knowledge of historical events to tie them together. We don't know much. Of course we know a lot, but it is context that's missing, not treasures." - Werner Herzog, in Archaeology, March/April 2011

  5. #955
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    We had our first incident of "Creeper Alert" in our new neighborhood.

    My 9 year old was out riding her bike yesterday afternoon and this gray hatchback was slowly going down the street, pulling into multiple driveways along the way. My daughter said he had a camera, but she couldn't tell what he was doing. Smartly, she just went inside to tell my wife. I told my wife maybe it was the local assessing department updating pics of new homes, but she didn't think so.

    I'm proud of my daughter because she trusted her instincts. We've had the stranger talk with her and her sister before, but it was good to have it reinforced.

    I've always talked to them about the difference between being nice to strangers and trusting strangers. Hopefully, this douchbag doesn't roll through my neighborhood again, or he'll have some explaining to do.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  6. #956
    Cyburbian Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    My "kid" is 19 so maybe we no longer qualify for this thread, but..... I am thoroughly pissed that I was at Office Max yesterday and they had a sign inside that they were looking for people for the copy center (not in the paper or on monster) and the kid just blew it off. His excuse tonight: "You have no idea how rejected I felt when I applied at X, Y, and Z, and they said "You have no experience."" For gods sake, he's smart, can be personable, has to just keep trying, like none of us has ever been "rejected".

  7. #957
    Cyburbian Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Waiting for the scream-fest when he discovers I shut down the Netflix streaming account. Hope RJ isn't hoping for a good night's sleep.

    Well, that was ugly.
    Last edited by Zoning Goddess; 13 Jul 2012 at 9:34 PM. Reason: kid found out he was blocked from netflix

  8. #958
    Cyburbian michaelskis's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    We had our first incident of "Creeper Alert" in our new neighborhood.

    My 9 year old was out riding her bike yesterday afternoon and this gray hatchback was slowly going down the street, pulling into multiple driveways along the way. My daughter said he had a camera, but she couldn't tell what he was doing. Smartly, she just went inside to tell my wife. I told my wife maybe it was the local assessing department updating pics of new homes, but she didn't think so.
    I was thinking the same thing about the assesing dept. But that is smart of her to be skeptical. You should call the city just to check.

    On a different note, we are getting into the formative years with your oldest, and when we tell him to do something or ask a question, the appropriate response is yes sir, no sir, yes ma' am, no ma'am . I admit this might be way old school, but in today's society, I fear that there is too much bad out there not to run a strict house.
    "A long habit of not thinking a thing wrong, gives it a superficial appearance of being right, and raises at first a formidable outcry in defense of custom. Time makes more converts than reason." - Thomas Paine Common Sense.

  9. #959
    Cyburbian
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    Quote Originally posted by michaelskis View post
    ...we are getting into the formative years with your oldest, and when we tell him to do something or ask a question, the appropriate response is yes sir, no sir, yes ma' am, no ma'am .
    Good for you. My kids address elders as "Sir" and "Ma'am". I'll make them address me as "Ma'am" when they're getting mouthy. I was raised by a former Marine and Southerner (or Midwesterner, depending who you ask. ". "Sir" and "Ma'am" was expected, and we were never permitted to refer to Mom using a pronoun.

  10. #960
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Zoning Goddess View post
    Waiting for the scream-fest when he discovers I shut down the Netflix streaming account. Hope RJ isn't hoping for a good night's sleep.

    Well, that was ugly.
    My nephew has been giving my mom and her husband a run for quite a while, being disrespectful, mouthy, not helping around the house, thinking the world revolves around him, being disruptive, feeling he can come and go as he pleased, etc. and then thought it was ok to come back and act sweet as sugar until the whole cycle started again. He turned 18 during the last quarter of his senior year and so the hammer came down: house keys were taken away so he had to be in the house by curfew or he had to find somewhere else to sleep, all gaming systems were removed from the house and the computer had restricted access, nothing beyond food and shelter were provided to him. He did graduate high school in June and after publicly cussing out my mom we as a family decided that he needed to move out, several offers from various extended family were made but he chose to move in with a friend.

    I am not saying to put him out but at this point you are only enabling the situation. He didn't want to go to the regular high school, then he didn't want to go to the alternative school, finally he got his GED and drivers license after a lot of pushing and prodding. He still gets to sit at home, play video games, sit on the internet, watch movies all day, and doesn't do much else that is positive for you on a consistent basis.

    You have to be firm, tell him you have 30-60 days to get a job or enroll in school or both. There will be no more internet or games. He will keep his room acceptably clean. He will help out around the house. If he doesn't then he needs to fully understand the consequences of not doing so. if he doesn't want to go to school send him to Job Corps so he can learn a job skill, some life skills, a stipend, and learn how easy he's had it. Take a visit to the local military recruiter as well and talk about opportunities in the service.

    RT and I had a come-to-jeebus meeting at the end of the spring semester after a year of lackluster academic performance. I can't justify that much expense out of my budget for mediocrity. The agreement is she moved home, enrolled in community college at her expense for the upcoming year, she reimburse me for the three courses she got C's and D's in, and worked full time in summer/part time during the semester. She also decided to speak to a Navy recruiter on her own to see what opportunities she might have there if she felt that now was not the time for her to be in college. I provide shelter, food, her cell phone, and health insurance. The rest is up to her. Like I told her, "I can't want it for you, you have to want it for yourself."

    You have to parent the kid you have, not the one you wish you had.

    Hang in there.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  11. #961
    Cyburbian dandy_warhol's avatar
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    I wasn't sure where to put this...

    ..but it is about our attempt to raise a child. On Sunday, July 8th I found out that I had lost another pregnancy, this time at 16wks. Apparently the baby had died on July 4th but we didn't find out until a trip to the ER on Sunday. We are heartbroken. This is our 3rd loss in 1 1/2 years. There was no obvious cause of the fetal demise (such a cold, medical term) but it was different from the first 2 losses. Which means that either I have horrible luck or something more complex is going on.

    No amount of bunnies will fix the sadness and heartbreak that I feel. Today is my first day back in the office and I just want to go home. Fighting with HUD over a 30-yr old loan and getting yelled at by City Council members just seem so pointless.



    Sorry for being so heavy but wanted to share with my "friends".

  12. #962
    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by dandy_warhol View post
    ..but it is about our attempt to raise a child. On Sunday, July 8th I found out that I had lost another pregnancy, this time at 16wks. Apparently the baby had died on July 4th but we didn't find out until a trip to the ER on Sunday. We are heartbroken. This is our 3rd loss in 1 1/2 years. There was no obvious cause of the fetal demise (such a cold, medical term) but it was different from the first 2 losses. Which means that either I have horrible luck or something more complex is going on.

    No amount of bunnies will fix the sadness and heartbreak that I feel. Today is my first day back in the office and I just want to go home. Fighting with HUD over a 30-yr old loan and getting yelled at by City Council members just seem so pointless.



    Sorry for being so heavy but wanted to share with my "friends".
    Dandy,

    I am so, so sorry, I don't know what more I could say? My sympathies to you and your family at this sad time.
    "I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

    ~ Otterpop ~

  13. #963
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by dandy_warhol View post
    ..but it is about our attempt to raise a child. On Sunday, July 8th I found out that I had lost another pregnancy, this time at 16wks. Apparently the baby had died on July 4th but we didn't find out until a trip to the ER on Sunday. We are heartbroken. This is our 3rd loss in 1 1/2 years. There was no obvious cause of the fetal demise (such a cold, medical term) but it was different from the first 2 losses. Which means that either I have horrible luck or something more complex is going on.

    No amount of bunnies will fix the sadness and heartbreak that I feel. Today is my first day back in the office and I just want to go home. Fighting with HUD over a 30-yr old loan and getting yelled at by City Council members just seem so pointless.



    Sorry for being so heavy but wanted to share with my "friends".
    I'm so very very sorry to hear about your loss.
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  14. #964
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by dandy_warhol View post
    ..but it is about our attempt to raise a child. On Sunday, July 8th I found out that I had lost another pregnancy, this time at 16wks. Apparently the baby had died on July 4th but we didn't find out until a trip to the ER on Sunday. We are heartbroken. This is our 3rd loss in 1 1/2 years. There was no obvious cause of the fetal demise (such a cold, medical term) but it was different from the first 2 losses. Which means that either I have horrible luck or something more complex is going on.

    No amount of bunnies will fix the sadness and heartbreak that I feel. Today is my first day back in the office and I just want to go home. Fighting with HUD over a 30-yr old loan and getting yelled at by City Council members just seem so pointless.



    Sorry for being so heavy but wanted to share with my "friends".
    Words mean nothing at a time like this. I wish I could just give you a hug.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  15. #965
    Cyburbian wahday's avatar
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    So sorry, Dandy! We went through a similar scenario though the third time it stuck. But its heavy and difficult and disturbing and there's not much more to say except that it looks like Cyburbia's got your back. My thoughts are with you!
    The purpose of life is a life of purpose

  16. #966
    Cyburbian ursus's avatar
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    I wish there were something to say. We're all thinking of you, and wishing it had gone differently.
    "...I would never try to tick Hink off. He kinda intimidates me. He's quite butch, you know." - Maister

  17. #967
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
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    Echoing all the above thoughts, we're here for you as much as we can be.
    “Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

  18. #968
    Forums Administrator & Gallery Moderator NHPlanner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by dandy_warhol View post
    ..but it is about our attempt to raise a child. On Sunday, July 8th I found out that I had lost another pregnancy, this time at 16wks. Apparently the baby had died on July 4th but we didn't find out until a trip to the ER on Sunday. We are heartbroken. This is our 3rd loss in 1 1/2 years. There was no obvious cause of the fetal demise (such a cold, medical term) but it was different from the first 2 losses. Which means that either I have horrible luck or something more complex is going on.

    No amount of bunnies will fix the sadness and heartbreak that I feel. Today is my first day back in the office and I just want to go home. Fighting with HUD over a 30-yr old loan and getting yelled at by City Council members just seem so pointless.



    Sorry for being so heavy but wanted to share with my "friends".
    My thoughts and prayers with you dandy. I know how hard this can be. My wife lost 3 pregnancies before we were successful with our 2 boys.
    "Growth is inevitable and desirable, but destruction of community character is not. The question is not whether your part of the world is going to change. The question is how." -- Edward T. McMahon, The Conservation Fund

  19. #969
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    *hugs*hugs*hugs*
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  20. #970
    Cyburbian WSU MUP Student's avatar
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    Dandy - There is not much left that I can express that hasn't been said here already. My thoughts are with you though.
    "Where free unions and collective bargaining are forbidden, freedom is lost." - 1980 Republican presidential candidate Ronald Reagan

  21. #971
    Cyburbian hilldweller's avatar
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    I'm very sorry dandy.

  22. #972
    Cyburbian dandy_warhol's avatar
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    Thank you all for the kind words. They are truly appreciated.

  23. #973
    OH....IO Hink's avatar
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    You know you will always have support here. I am so sorry for your loss...
    A common mistake people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. -Douglas Adams

  24. #974
    Cyburbian Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Oh dandy, I am so sorry to hear this news. Please keep the faith; I'm yet another one who had a child after 3 miscarriages.

  25. #975
    Cyburbian
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    I'm sorry to hear this.

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