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Thread: The NEVERENDING Raising Children Thread

  1. #1051
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Hink View post
    53. I will be looking to retire about that time....
    Exact same age for me too! And exact same thoughts about retirement.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  2. #1052
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by TerraSapient View post
    Couldn't agree more! The Doc just got done saying, "in many other countries we don't see babies with this problem, mostly because in those cultures the mother wear's the baby around her waist for most of the time". Umm... so why can't we just continue doing that? He even brought up the comparison because we mentioned that we wear him a lot.

    Glad to hear your little girl didn't need antibiotics.

    --- I guess I should have put all this in the raising children thread. Oopsie. Where is Maister when we need him?
    Moderator note:
    Maister: razz'n frazz'n....
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  3. #1053
    Cyburbian Planit's avatar
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    I'll be 67 when the girl turns 26. I don't consider myself a late bloomer, I consider myself well practiced

    Hoping to retire when the girl gets out of college - in the year 2025 and I'll be 64.
    "Whatever beer I'm drinking, is better than the one I'm not." DMLW
    "Budweiser sells a product they reflectively insist on calling beer." John Oliver

  4. #1054
    Cyburbian TerraSapient's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    Moderator note:
    Maister: razz'n frazz'n....
    Thank you Maistro
    Occupy Your Brain!

  5. #1055
    NIMBY asshatterer Plus Richmond Jake's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by kms View post
    Happy Birthday to your eldest. How will you feel when your youngest turns 26??
    Don't know how I'll feel...I'll be 57 when the youngest turns 26.
    RJ is the KING of . The One

  6. #1056
    Cyburbian Raf's avatar
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    The holiday season is exemplifying my daughter's ungreatfullness when it comes to gift giving and receiving gifts. Yesterday, she went to a special event with a gift exchange. Granted, she didn't receive a gift like the other girls (they mostly all got jewelry and other foo-foo gifts) and she just got a solar powered snowman. She started to act-up and my wife was embarrassed by it. We explained to her that it was better to receive a gift than nothing at all, and others are less fortunate than she is, but in one ear out the other. I told my wife that i think we are sometimes part of the problem because she gets handed everything so far in life. Any ideas how to turn this around?
    Men do dumb $hit... it is what they do to correct the problem that counts.

  7. #1057
    Cyburbian ursus's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Raf View post
    The holiday season is exemplifying my daughter's ungreatfullness when it comes to gift giving and receiving gifts. Yesterday, she went to a special event with a gift exchange. Granted, she didn't receive a gift like the other girls (they mostly all got jewelry and other foo-foo gifts) and she just got a solar powered snowman. She started to act-up and my wife was embarrassed by it. We explained to her that it was better to receive a gift than nothing at all, and others are less fortunate than she is, but in one ear out the other. I told my wife that i think we are sometimes part of the problem because she gets handed everything so far in life. Any ideas how to turn this around?
    This is hard, and it's a challenge that differs with every kid. We try to make the kids earn stuff, but you can only really do that so much.

    We have had to kind of pound home how much it means when someone gives you something. I think kids can understand that any gift means a sacrifice from someone. And then you have to just play up how awesome it feels to see someone really like something you did for them or gave to them. Then they can translate that to their own feelings upon receiving something even if they didn't like it so much because they know how it will make the other person feel if they are happy about it.

    Long weird explanation of what we try to do. Emphasis on "try", there's not easy way to teach kids gratitude so you're not alone.
    "...I would never try to tick Hink off. He kinda intimidates me. He's quite butch, you know." - Maister

  8. #1058
    Cyburbian Brocktoon's avatar
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    At pre school they were reading the 12 Days of Christmas and everytime the teahcer read, "and a pear tree," my daughter would bust out laughing. After the 3rd time the teahcer stopped and asked my daughter what was so funny. Her response was " you said a Bear tree...that is silly bears are animals not trees." Thanksfully my daughter has a greqat sense of humor. Unfortunately she is already starting to hear what she wants to hear and not what is being said.
    "If you don't like change, you're going to like irrelevance even less" General Eric Shinseki

  9. #1059
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Raf View post
    The holiday season is exemplifying my daughter's ungreatfullness when it comes to gift giving and receiving gifts. Yesterday, she went to a special event with a gift exchange. Granted, she didn't receive a gift like the other girls (they mostly all got jewelry and other foo-foo gifts) and she just got a solar powered snowman. She started to act-up and my wife was embarrassed by it. We explained to her that it was better to receive a gift than nothing at all, and others are less fortunate than she is, but in one ear out the other. I told my wife that i think we are sometimes part of the problem because she gets handed everything so far in life. Any ideas how to turn this around?
    We struggle with this as well and are constantly reminding our daughters how well they have it, compared to when my wife and I were kids. And it's not just with gifts either, but even experiences, like traveling and going to museums, attractions, festivals, etc. I guess I just hope that the constant reminding will register with them as they become teenagers and young adults.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  10. #1060
    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
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    In the thrid grade, my son hit a patch of ice and slid into a pole at school. Broke two teeth, which the dentist glued back on. We knew a root canal was in the future for him. He had one last year and today he had a second one to clear up an infection.

    It is so hard to watch your kid go through something like that. It wasn't so much the actual tooth work that was so painful and terrifying for him, but all the contraptions the endodontist put in the mouth to do his job that had my son in tears and on the verge of a pain attack. He was hyperventilating. And the multiple X-rays.

    I don't want to go through a root canal, but, like most parents, I would have switched places with him if I could have.

    The dendodontist's assistant was remarkably unsympathetic. After it was all over and done, she told my son "Why are you still crying? It is all over." Geez, I dunno why. Maybe because he is 11 yrs old, had one of these root canals already and his mouth is ful of metal digging into his gums, and he hurts despite a couple of shots of novacaine.
    "I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

    ~ Otterpop ~

  11. #1061
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Raf View post
    The holiday season is exemplifying my daughter's ungreatfullness when it comes to gift giving and receiving gifts. Yesterday, she went to a special event with a gift exchange. Granted, she didn't receive a gift like the other girls (they mostly all got jewelry and other foo-foo gifts) and she just got a solar powered snowman. She started to act-up and my wife was embarrassed by it. We explained to her that it was better to receive a gift than nothing at all, and others are less fortunate than she is, but in one ear out the other. I told my wife that i think we are sometimes part of the problem because she gets handed everything so far in life. Any ideas how to turn this around?
    Like ursus said, every kid is different and needs a different approach. I am glad that you and your wife addressed her behavior and that it was embarrassing, she's old enough to understand if she's told that the next time she does that she will be made to leave the party-and do leave if it comes to that. If you think one of the underlying causes is that everything (non-essential items) is given to her easily then start saying NO and make her "earn" it through work around the house, good grades, community service, a matched purchase, etc. RT never really had this issue but I said NO and continue to say NO to many things-she thinks a lot harder about wanting/getting something when her own efforts/resources are involved. Sometimes it was because I couldn't genuinely afford it, other times because it was something she wanted but didn't need and I had other priorities.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  12. #1062
    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Raf View post
    The holiday season is exemplifying my daughter's ungreatfullness when it comes to gift giving and receiving gifts. . . . She started to act-up and my wife was embarrassed by it. We explained to her that it was better to receive a gift than nothing at all, and others are less fortunate than she is, but in one ear out the other. I told my wife that i think we are sometimes part of the problem because she gets handed everything so far in life. Any ideas how to turn this around?
    If you find the answer, please share it. Not for my son. For my wife. I dread the gift-giving days (birthdays, Mother's Day, anniversary and Christmas). She finds fault in any gift. Basically, I can give her a pair of gold earrings or a gift card. Anything else is just an exercise in grief.
    "I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

    ~ Otterpop ~

  13. #1063
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by otterpop View post
    If you find the answer, please share it. Not for my son. For my wife. I dread the gift-giving days (birthdays, Mother's Day, anniversary and Christmas). She finds fault in any gift. Basically, I can give her a pair of gold earrings or a gift card. Anything else is just an exercise in grief.
    My mother was like that about every damn holiday. One Mother's Day my ex and I took her (and RT) to a lovely brunch to a place about an hour outside of Portland just past Multnomah Falls which we planned to stop by on our way back home.. We had a nice brunch and afterwards we took a tour around the property and while sitting out on the huge veranda she was a little sulky. I asked her if she was ok and she said "well you should have gotten me some flowers too!" I guess the $50/person price tag wasn't enough. Not awesome. Her and her petulant self got an offer of cash or nothing for Christmas that year with the explanation that nothing else seemed to be satisfactory. I wrote her a check with the agreement there would be no complaining.

    Me? I am happy that someone took the time to think about me enough to gift me something. One of my most treasured "gifts" is a handwritten note/sketch from my partner the year we were both unemployed and had a dollar between us. I carry it in my wallet
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  14. #1064
    Cyburbian TerraSapient's avatar
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    MW and I met another lesbian couple a few weeks ago at a LGBT parents group outing. I am seriously amazed by these women. They have one boy who is their own, and they are fostering 4 others, all ages 5 years to 3 months old. They have been doing this for years. They take in kids who need help and often are in emergency situations, care for them, feed them, clothe them, buy them clothes and take them on outings. It was such a breath of fresh air to meet such warm-hearted and selfless people.

    They are doing it right.

    It really inspired us. Someday we would like to do the same.
    Occupy Your Brain!

  15. #1065
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by otterpop View post
    In the thrid grade, my son hit a patch of ice and slid into a pole at school. Broke two teeth, which the dentist glued back on. We knew a root canal was in the future for him. He had one last year and today he had a second one to clear up an infection.

    It is so hard to watch your kid go through something like that. It wasn't so much the actual tooth work that was so painful and terrifying for him, but all the contraptions the endodontist put in the mouth to do his job that had my son in tears and on the verge of a pain attack. He was hyperventilating. And the multiple X-rays.

    I don't want to go through a root canal, but, like most parents, I would have switched places with him if I could have.

    The dendodontist's assistant was remarkably unsympathetic. After it was all over and done, she told my son "Why are you still crying? It is all over." Geez, I dunno why. Maybe because he is 11 yrs old, had one of these root canals already and his mouth is ful of metal digging into his gums, and he hurts despite a couple of shots of novacaine.
    I'd first tell the dentist that was unacceptable and then, if that didn't effect a change, find a new dentist. What I had to do when my kid was 7. We soon found a wonderful pediatric dentist.

  16. #1066
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by TerraSapient View post
    MW and I met another lesbian couple a few weeks ago at a LGBT parents group outing. I am seriously amazed by these women. They have one boy who is their own, and they are fostering 4 others, all ages 5 years to 3 months old. They have been doing this for years. They take in kids who need help and often are in emergency situations, care for them, feed them, clothe them, buy them clothes and take them on outings. It was such a breath of fresh air to meet such warm-hearted and selfless people.

    They are doing it right.

    It really inspired us. Someday we would like to do the same.
    I have a good friend who struggled with infertility so she and her husband decided to be foster parents a few years ago. They've fostered over 25 kids so far, adopted 3 of them and are in the process of adopting #4. They do exactly the same as the couple you met in the hopes that they remember the good experiences and family times even if they are short lived. She has a lot of rage at the foster system in our state because it's hell bent on reunification or kinship care even if it isn't in the best interest of the child.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  17. #1067
    Cyburbian wahday's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by TerraSapient View post
    MW and I met another lesbian couple a few weeks ago at a LGBT parents group outing. I am seriously amazed by these women. They have one boy who is their own, and they are fostering 4 others, all ages 5 years to 3 months old. They have been doing this for years. They take in kids who need help and often are in emergency situations, care for them, feed them, clothe them, buy them clothes and take them on outings. It was such a breath of fresh air to meet such warm-hearted and selfless people.

    They are doing it right.

    It really inspired us. Someday we would like to do the same.
    That's pretty awesome. I had a girlfriend of many years (and who I am still friendly with) whose father was a big shot at Catholic Charities in NYC. They were a BIG family (11 kids) but there were always at least 15 in the house when she was growing up because they had a lot of foster children moving through. In fact, she just adopted a child through the foster care program this last year.

    Another family we know was interested in adoption and ended up working with foster care in Texas where they live. They went from wondering if they could handle one kid to adopting 4 siblings at once!! They are an amazing family with some really great kids that now have a loving, solid home. They came and stayed with us this past summer. Man, that was a lot of kids!

    Lastly, I grew up with someone I still keep in contact with who went through the foster system and was adopted by a family in our town. He's a great guy. For all the challenges and problems associated with the foster care system, there are a lot of kids who end up in great families (or reunited with their birth parents) who live great lives and turn into great adults. Thanks to families like the one you met...
    The purpose of life is a life of purpose

  18. #1068
    My daughter now has a "MARA" (mandibular anterior repositioning appliance) in her mouth to correct her overbite. She's been a real trooper through the braces/stretchers, etc. BUT I am terrified of sticking a sharp instrument in her mouth to adjust the thing every other day. My wife is too unsteady and nearly blind as a bat, so it's going to fall on me.
    On pitching to Stan Musial:
    "Once he timed your fastball, your infielders were in jeopardy."
    Warren Spahn

  19. #1069
    Cyburbian Planit's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Gedunker View post
    My daughter now has a "MARA" (mandibular anterior repositioning appliance) in her mouth to correct her overbite. She's been a real trooper through the braces/stretchers, etc. BUT I am terrified of sticking a sharp instrument in her mouth to adjust the thing every other day. My wife is too unsteady and nearly blind as a bat, so it's going to fall on me.
    We got to do that to spread our daighters palate. Bright lights &, reading, glasses helped alot. I got to turn it every night. Might think of giving her a tyenol the first couple days as thats when it will be the most sore.
    "Whatever beer I'm drinking, is better than the one I'm not." DMLW
    "Budweiser sells a product they reflectively insist on calling beer." John Oliver

  20. #1070
    Quote Originally posted by Planit View post
    We got to do that to spread our daighters palate. Bright lights &, reading, glasses helped alot. I got to turn it every night. Might think of giving her a tyenol the first couple days as thats when it will be the most sore.
    Thanks for the tips, Planit!
    On pitching to Stan Musial:
    "Once he timed your fastball, your infielders were in jeopardy."
    Warren Spahn

  21. #1071
    I forgot report cards came home Wednesday, so last night I went searching my 7th grade daughter's backpack. Found the envelope, opened it and saw A, B, B, A, F, A. Not just an F, but a resounding 52% (on a scale of 100) F.

    Her trip to Washington, DC this Spring is now OFF although she will have to help raise funds so her classmates can go. Her computer is now OFF unless she is using it for homework supervised by me or her mom. Her chances at finishing junior high with her Catholic school classmates is in serious JEOPARDY. Her hope to graduate Catholic high school seems decidedly UNLIKELY.

    And I'm only half as angry about it as my wife.
    On pitching to Stan Musial:
    "Once he timed your fastball, your infielders were in jeopardy."
    Warren Spahn

  22. #1072
    Cyburbian michaelskis's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Gedunker View post
    I forgot report cards came home Wednesday, so last night I went searching my 7th grade daughter's backpack. Found the envelope, opened it and saw A, B, B, A, F, A. Not just an F, but a resounding 52% (on a scale of 100) F.

    Her trip to Washington, DC this Spring is now OFF although she will have to help raise funds so her classmates can go. Her computer is now OFF unless she is using it for homework supervised by me or her mom. Her chances at finishing junior high with her Catholic school classmates is in serious JEOPARDY. Her hope to graduate Catholic high school seems decidedly UNLIKELY.

    And I'm only half as angry about it as my wife.
    Let me guess... she is failing geography.

    Something is strange with that report card though. She is all A's & B's in the other subjects, but bombing one in particular? Is there something going on in the classroom that is causing her issues? Did she miss particular assignments? Is there a conflict with the teacher?

    I am not saying that it is not her fault, but I am saying that it might not be a bad idea to explore more into the reason that she is getting an F, find the factors that are contributing to it, and help her adapt to those factors to improve her grade or work with the school to address any possible external factors that she cannot adapt to.

    A friend of mine had a similar issue. Their son had a similar report card. After several weeks of looking into it, they found out that their son was sitting in front of a bully and was having serious issues paying attention in class because of it. They had to find out from a friend of their son's because he would not tell them. They spoke to the Teacher about the situation, who decided to rearrange everyone's desks and the bully ended up front and center. It took two weeks afterwards for their son to catch up to the rest of the class and ended up with an A in the second half of the year.
    Not my monkey, not my circus. - Old Polish Proverb

  23. #1073
    Quote Originally posted by michaelskis View post
    Let me guess... she is failing geography.
    Math, actually.

    She's a very smart kid but she's lazy. Assignments are not getting turned in; she's not showing her work; this has been a pattern -- last four math grades were C, C, D, C, B; and, she was warned that the DC trip was a reward for good grades/behavior that could be withheld. She also knows the computer is a privilege, not a right.

    She knew all she had to do was ask her teacher or us for help and we would get it for her. She didn't. She wanted to dance and now she has to pay the fiddler.
    On pitching to Stan Musial:
    "Once he timed your fastball, your infielders were in jeopardy."
    Warren Spahn

  24. #1074
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Gedunker View post
    Math, actually.

    She's a very smart kid but she's lazy. Assignments are not getting turned in; she's not showing her work; this has been a pattern -- last four math grades were C, C, D, C, B; and, she was warned that the DC trip was a reward for good grades/behavior that could be withheld. She also knows the computer is a privilege, not a right.

    She knew all she had to do was ask her teacher or us for help and we would get it for her. She didn't. She wanted to dance and now she has to pay the fiddler.
    Like I tell RT...you have to try hard to get an F because if you are doing the bare minimum you can pass the class. I wouldn't let her go to DC and I agree with taking her computer privileges away also. She needs to put her time into completing her math assignments...it's one thing if you are having issues conceptually, it's another thing altogether when there is no effort involved. The rest of her grades shows she is entirely capable.

    RT is lazy too and had a lackluster freshman year at college. I told her that I don't pay good money for those kinds of grades and if there was a repeat performance she would be returning home and going to the community college and paying out of pocket for it as well as reimbursing me for the Ds. Guess what? She moved home, got a job, paid me back, enrolled in community college, has come out of her own pocket $750 + books each semester and has a 3.5 GPA. She also has a much greater appreciation of the quality public school education she received as compared to many of her fellow students at the community college. This morning we were discussing her transfer plans and she suggested that she keep continuing to pay out of pocket for the same amount at the 4 year school because she felt that it keeps her honest in getting good grades and staying committed to her education.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  25. #1075
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by kjel View post
    Like I tell RT...you have to try hard to get an F because if you are doing the bare minimum you can pass the class. I wouldn't let her go to DC and I agree with taking her computer privileges away also. She needs to put her time into completing her math assignments...it's one thing if you are having issues conceptually, it's another thing altogether when there is no effort involved. The rest of her grades shows she is entirely capable.

    RT is lazy too and had a lackluster freshman year at college. I told her that I don't pay good money for those kinds of grades and if there was a repeat performance she would be returning home and going to the community college and paying out of pocket for it as well as reimbursing me for the Ds. Guess what? She moved home, got a job, paid me back, enrolled in community college, has come out of her own pocket $750 + books each semester and has a 3.5 GPA. She also has a much greater appreciation of the quality public school education she received as compared to many of her fellow students at the community college. This morning we were discussing her transfer plans and she suggested that she keep continuing to pay out of pocket for the same amount at the 4 year school because she felt that it keeps her honest in getting good grades and staying committed to her education.
    My older son was a smart but unmotivated student. When he went off to college on my $$, he had a great time but performed poorly. I stopped paying and he came home. Couldn't live under house rules so he was "invited" to find his own place. After several years of slowly succeeding in retail, he went back to school on his own dime. Straight A's, graduated cum laude in finance. Don't despair, most of them come around eventually. I did too.
    “Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

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