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Thread: The NEVERENDING Raising Children Thread

  1. #1101
    Cyburbian wahday's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    Our 6 year old is also obsessed with skirts/dresses, even in Michigan winter weather. The only downside is that she is still learning that when you wear skits/dresses you can't lay on the ground with your legs up in the air. And she also puts holes in her tights/leggings on a regular basis.
    Hahaha! This was last year's experience. Now, our daughter won't wear ANY dresses or skirts. I had to prevent her from going to school a few weeks ago just in a pair of transparent tights (underwear fully visible). I explained that they go under skirts or dresses and you could see the gears turning - should I relent and wear a skirt or dress or just change completely into pants? She chose pants.

    She has a very fashionable older friend who has given her tons of clothes we could never afford, but now she won't wear any of them. I'm sure the moment those all become too small she will want to wear them again...
    The purpose of life is a life of purpose

  2. #1102
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    I finally scored some points on the "My Mom's not as stupid as I think" scale. The kid was applying for a job at a pawn shop. He finally absorbed my mantra that "you need to walk in there looking like someone who already works there". He wore khakis and a green polo shirt. Surprise! Everyone there was wearing khakis and a green polo shirt. Even if he doesn't get the job, he's learned something.

  3. #1103
    Cyburbian SW MI Planner's avatar
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    Backstory: My ex lets my daughter (9 years old) get away with pretty much anything she wants and so she can be mouthy and disrespectful to him and his family. He doesn't discipline her, hardly ever. With him, it's always someone else's fault and he is basically teaching her this same attitude. She's a little melodramatic and has temper tantrums on occasion at my house (in my opinion typical girl drama) but hasn't had problems with me or at daycare or school really. The ex and I have joint custody, with me 60% of the time, but I worry so much about how her behavior at his house will affect her in the long run. It borderline consumes me, though I try to not reflect that to her at all.

    So then last night she was VERY mouthy to her grandmother (my ex-husbands mom) right before I picked her up from school so I grounded her last night and tonight. A half hour later she says she wants to die. I stay calm and just kind of ignore her because she's still coming off the attitude from her grandmother. Later on before bed I ask her if she meant what she said and she said sometimes. I ask her why she feels that way and she says because she's always in trouble. And I tried to reason with her (as much as you can at 9) that she isn't "always" in trouble, but only when her behavior or attitude warrants it. She says also because her (kind of) step brother called her a brat, and because we won't play games with her sometimes. I kind of feel she was stretching to come up with reasons and being melodramatic, but how do you know?! I don't want to ignore warning signs, but I also don't want to freak out and *make* it a problem if it isn't. How are you supposed to know what's normal hormonal girl crap and what's not, when at almost 40 I have a hard time dealing with it sometimes?

    I practically cried myself to sleep last night. I already worry about her attitude and behavior, and now I worry that I should be worried about her mental health. Parenting is seriously the hardest thing out there, so much pressure to not screw everything up.

  4. #1104
    Cyburbian Masswich's avatar
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    My six year old told me that sometimes voices in her head tell her things. I asked her what kinds of things and she said things like "Go have a snack" or "Get up!" I suppose if that's all they tell her that's OK. Of course, she also thinks that her stuffed animals and Santa are real, so maybe she isn't going to be an axe murderer ("the voices told me to do it.")

  5. #1105
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by SW MI Planner View post
    Backstory: My ex lets my daughter (9 years old) get away with pretty much anything she wants and so she can be mouthy and disrespectful to him and his family. He doesn't discipline her, hardly ever. With him, it's always someone else's fault and he is basically teaching her this same attitude. She's a little melodramatic and has temper tantrums on occasion at my house (in my opinion typical girl drama) but hasn't had problems with me or at daycare or school really. The ex and I have joint custody, with me 60% of the time, but I worry so much about how her behavior at his house will affect her in the long run. It borderline consumes me, though I try to not reflect that to her at all.

    So then last night she was VERY mouthy to her grandmother (my ex-husbands mom) right before I picked her up from school so I grounded her last night and tonight. A half hour later she says she wants to die. I stay calm and just kind of ignore her because she's still coming off the attitude from her grandmother. Later on before bed I ask her if she meant what she said and she said sometimes. I ask her why she feels that way and she says because she's always in trouble. And I tried to reason with her (as much as you can at 9) that she isn't "always" in trouble, but only when her behavior or attitude warrants it. She says also because her (kind of) step brother called her a brat, and because we won't play games with her sometimes. I kind of feel she was stretching to come up with reasons and being melodramatic, but how do you know?! I don't want to ignore warning signs, but I also don't want to freak out and *make* it a problem if it isn't. How are you supposed to know what's normal hormonal girl crap and what's not, when at almost 40 I have a hard time dealing with it sometimes?

    I practically cried myself to sleep last night. I already worry about her attitude and behavior, and now I worry that I should be worried about her mental health. Parenting is seriously the hardest thing out there, so much pressure to not screw everything up.
    We're not dealing with ex-spouses, and our 9 year old daughter will occasionally pull the "I hate my life" card on us. She has recently started yelling at us when we are trying to talk to her about how she acted, her behavior, etc. I'm not too worried because I chalk it up to her stubbornness, which she gets directly from my wife and I.

    Dealing with divorced parents, your boyfriend and the (kind of) step-brother is the type of situation I never had to deal with, so I can't imagine what it's like for a 9 year old. But knowing how melodramatic my 9 year old is, I wouldn't worry too much.

    Just make sure the two of you get some serious alone time and that she knows you're her best friend. And to be honest, if your ex is being this big of a douche, don't be afraid to throw him under the bus a little so that your daughter knows she has you as the responsible parent. And try not to be overly hard on her for things she may do with him. You can't control his behavior, so try to understand why she may be acting that way around him, and give her some leniency.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  6. #1106
    Cyburbian ursus's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Masswich View post
    My six year old told me that sometimes voices in her head tell her things. I asked her what kinds of things and she said things like "Go have a snack" or "Get up!" I suppose if that's all they tell her that's OK. Of course, she also thinks that her stuffed animals and Santa are real, so maybe she isn't going to be an axe murderer ("the voices told me to do it.")
    I always joke about the "voices in my head" and I always have...but in a real way, I hear them as voices. She's probably a little ADD? It comes with the territory. To sort out the myriad of things going on in your head when you're ADD, sometimes you literally do "hear" it all in voices. Not like in the psycho-killer way - I don't think.

    For truly complicated work that requires my full attention - like math - I have to talk OUT LOUD. Not even in a whisper, but fully talk to myself. Then all the noise between my ears stops and I can focus only on what's audible from my own mouth. Several of my kids have to do this too. Tell your daughter ursus and his kids said " HEY! WELCOME!"

    ....and @ SW : ditto what btrage said. You're right on about 9 year olds. There's a lot of emotions there, and the confusion and situations probably get overwhelming. You're there for her. That's what will matter in the end. Just being there.
    "...I would never try to tick Hink off. He kinda intimidates me. He's quite butch, you know." - Maister

  7. #1107
    Cyburbian Planit's avatar
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    SWMI - the girl just turned 10 and she has had the little tantrums and I hate my life moments as well. I think its the age when things are a changing. She told her mom a couple nights ago she wanted to hit her in th face and immediatley it was the classic 'oops' moment. Apologies all around.

    Our best friend has a girl thats a year and a half older than ours so we sorta have a preview channel. Its all good. Just keep loving her.

    Also - Part of me is not looking forward to the next few years of tweens and then teenager.
    "Whatever beer I'm drinking, is better than the one I'm not." DMLW
    "Budweiser sells a product they reflectively insist on calling beer." John Oliver

  8. #1108
    Cyburbian WSU MUP Student's avatar
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    For those who have sent their kids to preschool, how old were they when they started?

    Our daughter will be 3 this summer and my wife wants her to start preschool in the fall a couple days a week. That just seems insane to me. I like the idea of her getting some socialization with other kids from the neighborhood, because we don't currently actually know any, but it still seems insane to me.



    Quote Originally posted by Masswich View post
    My six year old told me that sometimes voices in her head tell her things. I asked her what kinds of things and she said things like "Go have a snack" or "Get up!" I suppose if that's all they tell her that's OK. Of course, she also thinks that her stuffed animals and Santa are real, so maybe she isn't going to be an axe murderer ("the voices told me to do it.")

    Last weekend I was going to the grocery store and I asked my daughter if she wanted to come too. She said no so I asked her if she wanted me to bring her back anything, knowing that she would probably ask for blueberries, strawberries, or raspberries and that I wanted to get some of those anyway. She got an ominous look on her face and replied, "Knives".
    Last edited by WSU MUP Student; 07 Mar 2013 at 9:10 AM.
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  9. #1109
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Being someone who is severely drama-averse, it sounds like I should be grateful I don't have a daughter.
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  10. #1110
    Cyburbian Planit's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by WSU MUP Student View post
    For those who have sent their kids to preschool, how old were they when they started?

    Our daughter will be 3 this summer and my wife wants her to start preschool in the fall a couple days a week. That just seems insane to me. I like the idea of her getting some socialization with other kids from the neighborhood, because we don't currently actually know any, but it still seems insane to me.

    Ours started about that time in a CMO program (4 hour program) 2 days a week. It went so well and she learned so much that she went 5 days a week the next term. The solcialization skills are very beneficial, but the brain stimulation is great. Much better adapted when school starts than those who didn't attend pre-school.

    Whatever your reservations are, at least try it 2 days a week and then discontinue if you don't think its worthwhile.
    "Whatever beer I'm drinking, is better than the one I'm not." DMLW
    "Budweiser sells a product they reflectively insist on calling beer." John Oliver

  11. #1111
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    My wife and I have always both worked full-time, and our daughters started going to day care centers very young. We always chose centers that prepared the kids for kindergarten. My girls loved it, and I credit it for my daughters both being very independent, social and outgoing kids.

    The down side; it cost a hell of a lot of money.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  12. #1112
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by WSU MUP Student View post
    For those who have sent their kids to preschool, how old were they when they started?
    Junior started pre-school when he was 3. Because he enjoys being outdoors so much we signed him up for a somewhat pricey "nature-based" program where the kids learned introductory principles about ecology and the environment (in addition to the usual ABC kinda stuff). It was the smartest decision we as parents ever made and his early enthusiasm about school and learning things is at least in part owing to his positive experiences there. His socialization skills were notably better than many of his peers when he started kindergarden.... not bad considering he's an only child.
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  13. #1113
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by WSU MUP Student View post
    For those who have sent their kids to preschool, how old were they when they started?

    Our daughter will be 3 this summer and my wife wants her to start preschool in the fall a couple days a week. That just seems insane to me. I like the idea of her getting some socialization with other kids from the neighborhood, because we don't currently actually know any, but it still seems insane to me.
    RT was 3 when she went to preschool, 3 half days a week. It was a co-op so it was not that expensive. My ex and I worked opposite schedules so she was not in day care and the half day part time preschool was good for our circumstances.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  14. #1114
    Cyburbian
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    Quote Originally posted by SW MI Planner View post
    Backstory: My ex lets my daughter (9 years old) get away with pretty much anything she wants and so she can be mouthy and disrespectful to him and his family. He doesn't discipline her, hardly ever. With him, it's always someone else's fault and he is basically teaching her this same attitude. She's a little melodramatic and has temper tantrums on occasion at my house (in my opinion typical girl drama) but hasn't had problems with me or at daycare or school really. The ex and I have joint custody, with me 60% of the time, but I worry so much about how her behavior at his house will affect her in the long run. It borderline consumes me, though I try to not reflect that to her at all.

    So then last night she was VERY mouthy to her grandmother (my ex-husbands mom) right before I picked her up from school so I grounded her last night and tonight. A half hour later she says she wants to die. I stay calm and just kind of ignore her because she's still coming off the attitude from her grandmother. Later on before bed I ask her if she meant what she said and she said sometimes. I ask her why she feels that way and she says because she's always in trouble. And I tried to reason with her (as much as you can at 9) that she isn't "always" in trouble, but only when her behavior or attitude warrants it. She says also because her (kind of) step brother called her a brat, and because we won't play games with her sometimes. I kind of feel she was stretching to come up with reasons and being melodramatic, but how do you know?! I don't want to ignore warning signs, but I also don't want to freak out and *make* it a problem if it isn't. How are you supposed to know what's normal hormonal girl crap and what's not, when at almost 40 I have a hard time dealing with it sometimes?

    I practically cried myself to sleep last night. I already worry about her attitude and behavior, and now I worry that I should be worried about her mental health. Parenting is seriously the hardest thing out there, so much pressure to not screw everything up.
    Why don't you spend time with just her on a regular basis? Just the two of you. She's sharing you with 2 people who went from friends to family, and she probably misses having you to herself. You're a good mom, and she's a good girl. I'm sorry that she's unhappy.

  15. #1115
    Cyburbian Raf's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by WSU MUP Student View post
    For those who have sent their kids to preschool, how old were they when they started?

    Our daughter will be 3 this summer and my wife wants her to start preschool in the fall a couple days a week. That just seems insane to me. I like the idea of her getting some socialization with other kids from the neighborhood, because we don't currently actually know any, but it still seems insane to me.
    Lanabear was 2.5 and she started the day-care/pre-school thing and was 3 by the time she went to a full blown pre-school, two days out of the week. My son goes to a small family day care (only 4 other children) run by a former pre-school teacher now stay at home mom. He has learned a lot more than in terms of counting, numbers, colors than my daughter knows at a similar age. 3 is a good age. Teaches social skills and plus how else are you suppose to full a fridge full of art.
    Men do dumb $hit... it is what they do to correct the problem that counts.

  16. #1116
    Cyburbian SW MI Planner's avatar
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    Thanks everyone for the comments. I think the age and hormones are playing a part but also she is trying to learn what she can get away with (which is made worse by the inconsistencies between households). It's just hard to know what's "normal" and what should be concerning. She's started in a girls lunch program this week where they all get together and have lunch together once a week and starts Girls on the Run next week (both school sponsored) and I think that will be good for her too. I've tried hard to not lose my cool and stay consistent and spend frequent one on one time with her, and will keep doing the same.

    Quote Originally posted by WSU MUP Student
    For those who have sent their kids to preschool, how old were they when they started?
    Our daughter started at three, went for two years until starting kindergarten. It was only 2-3 days a week for three hours I think. She loved it and I think it helped her prepare for school.

  17. #1117
    Cyburbian DetroitPlanner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    Just make sure the two of you get some serious alone time and that she knows you're her best friend. And to be honest, if your ex is being this big of a douche, don't be afraid to throw him under the bus a little so that your daughter knows she has you as the responsible parent. And try not to be overly hard on her for things she may do with him. You can't control his behavior, so try to understand why she may be acting that way around him, and give her some leniency.
    I was thinking the same thing, but not being a parent myself I would not be so apt at verbalizing it the way that Btrage did.
    We hope for better things; it will arise from the ashes - Fr Gabriel Richard 1805

  18. #1118
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    So last night Junior has himself parked in front of the sink right before bedtime and is guzzling water like a horse. I tell him to stop drinking or else he'll have an accident (he's an extremely heavy sleeper and still has occasional problems IF he drinks right before going to bed). Sure enough the lights go on at 3:30 AM and he announces he's had an accident. So the other adult in the household proceeds to blame ME because I "planted the suggestion in his mind right before he went to sleep". No, I'm thinking the quart of water he drank probably had something to do with it.

  19. #1119
    Cyburbian Planit's avatar
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    Next week is Spring Break for the schools here. We haven't found a good option for the entire week so we've decided to juggle schedules.

    It looks like she'll be the GM & GP on Monday, I'll take Tues off and keep her, Wed Mrs. P and another mom are going to take the day off and hang out together with the kids, Thurs & Fri are still up in the air so I need to check the Science Center and those type of options.

    We talked about heading to FLA, but that can't happen right now.
    "Whatever beer I'm drinking, is better than the one I'm not." DMLW
    "Budweiser sells a product they reflectively insist on calling beer." John Oliver

  20. #1120
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    So last night Junior has himself parked in front of the sink right before bedtime and is guzzling water like a horse. I tell him to stop drinking or else he'll have an accident (he's an extremely heavy sleeper and still has occasional problems IF he drinks right before going to bed). Sure enough the lights go on at 3:30 AM and he announces he's had an accident. So the other adult in the household proceeds to blame ME because I "planted the suggestion in his mind right before he went to sleep". No, I'm thinking the quart of water he drank probably had something to do with it.
    Likely the quart of water. Nothing worse than the middle of the night changing the sheets and pajamas routine. Look at it this way, at least he didn't pee in your bed
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  21. #1121
    Unfrozen Caveman Planner mendelman's avatar
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    Maister - had the same issue last night with my 3.5 yr old. Right before bed I specifically asked him "Do you need to pee?". "Nope" he said, but 2 hours later we get to go through the change out routine. Thankfully, it was only about 9:30pm at the time, so not the middle of the night.
    I'm sorry. Is my bias showing?

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  22. #1122

    The Saying In France Is That Every Year There Is A New Problem

    My son is six. I had him at 42 and in reality am old enough to be his grandmother. I am very indulgent and adore him. My husband is more strict but they are big buddies. He takes him to school and they play video games before bed. I keep thinking oh, I should be reading to him science books or whispering in his ear that he really wants to be an actuary until he falls asleep but I heard video games are good for your brain which soothes my conscious.

    I like tutors a lot. For several reasons. I think it helps a child learn to talk and think things through better. Also, I think the interaction helps with developing learning skills. And my thought is that tutoring kinda prepares him for talk therapy if he ever needs it. if anything comes up that stymies me I would just look in the yellow pages and get an appointment with a sliding scale child therapist. And maybe see them two or three times if something I was confused about. He does see a tutor on Fridays for dictation of all things, long story.

    I know all parents stuggle with what to do. Right now Fred doesn't seem to like his first grade teacher very much. I am sad about that. I am not really worried about anything terribly at the moment. I do think next year Fred it is going to be challenging for Fred to go from French school to and English school but I heard that public schools have some help for foreign speaking students. I am excited about his English improving although I have spoken to him in English his entire life since I'm the only influence he understands but his speaking skills are weak.

    One thing I will seek out right away is a speech therapist to help Fred if he is having trouble with his English next year. I guess I think tutors, therapists are really useful for parents for extra support. I worked doing insurance at a psychiatrists office for three years during grad school and I developed a good impression of these types of support services. Although "light-action" tutor, yellow pages sliding scale therapist, speech therapist is not the same as a serious doctor, I just got to see how this type of interaction seems to help not hurt.

  23. #1123
    Cyburbian Veloise's avatar
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    Bring her to work...

    Quote Originally posted by Planit View post
    Next week is Spring Break for the schools here. We haven't found a good option for the entire week so we've decided to juggle schedules.

    It looks like she'll be the GM & GP on Monday, I'll take Tues off and keep her, Wed Mrs. P and another mom are going to take the day off and hang out together with the kids, Thurs & Fri are still up in the air so I need to check the Science Center and those type of options.

    We talked about heading to FLA, but that can't happen right now.
    ...and let her review your site plans.

  24. #1124
    Cyburbian Planit's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Veloise View post
    ...and let her review your site plans.
    Been there, done that but I deal more with long range stuff. She has rendered (colored) a couple items for me in the past.
    "Whatever beer I'm drinking, is better than the one I'm not." DMLW
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  25. #1125
    Cyburbian WSU MUP Student's avatar
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    I just stumbled across this list of 46 reasons why my toddler is having a tantrum. As the parent of a 2 and a half year old, it made me laugh pretty hard:

    His sock is on wrong.

    His lip tastes salty.

    His shirt has a tag on it.

    The car seat is weird.

    He’s hungry, but can’t remember the word “hungry.”

    Someone touched his knee.

    He’s not allowed in the oven.

    I picked out the wrong pants.

    His brother looked at him.

    His brother didn’t look at him.

    His hair is heavy.

    We don’t understand what he said.

    He doesn’t want to get out of the car.

    He wants to get out of the car by himself.

    The iPad has a password.

    His sleeve is touching his thumb.

    He doesn’t understand how popsicles are made.

    The inside of his nose stinks.

    Chicken is gross.

    A balloon he got six months ago is missing.

    A puzzle piece won’t fit in upside down.

    I gave him the wrong blue crayon.

    The gummi vitamin is too firm.

    Netflix is slow.

    He jumped off the sofa and we weren’t watching.

    He’s not allowed to touch fire.

    Everything is wrong with his coat.

    There’s a dog within a 70 mile radius.

    A shoe should fit either foot.

    I asked him a question.

    His brother is talking.

    He can’t lift a pumpkin.

    He can’t have my keys.

    The cat is in his way.

    The cat won’t let him touch its eyeball.

    The inside of his cheek feels rough.

    Things take too long to cook.

    He has too much food in his mouth.

    He sneezed.

    He doesn’t know how to type.

    The DustBuster is going to eat him.

    His mom is taking a shower.

    Someone knocked over his tower.

    He got powdered sugar on his pants.

    The yogurt won’t stay on his spoon.

    EVERYTHING IS TOO HOT.
    Source: http://jasongood.net/365/2012/12/46-...-freaking-out/
    "Where free unions and collective bargaining are forbidden, freedom is lost." - 1980 Republican presidential candidate Ronald Reagan

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