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Thread: The NEVERENDING Raising Children Thread

  1. #101
    NIMBY asshatterer Plus Richmond Jake's avatar
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    Pretty sure Iíll be placed in the Wicked Stepfather category as a result of this action. Yesterday afternoon was the straw that broke the camelís back. After listening to a few minutes of vulgar language coming out of his room, I decided to exchange work stations with ZG and began clearing my desk. My plan was, she goes to the office (which abuts his bedroom) and Iíll relocate to the area off the kitchen. She didnít want to do that because this area has a nice view of the outdoors. So she decided to make this move to increase the ability to monitor his computer use. Maybe he'll actually become social again. We hope itís effective.
    RJ is the KING of . The One

  2. #102
    Cyburbian Queen B's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by mendelman View post
    This thread is both great for me and very scary. I have an 11 month old son and a 16 week bun in the oven right now.

    Proceed - oh wise and experienced.
    They make them really cute and adorable in the beginning so that later on when you want to kill them, you remember how cute they were.....
    It is all a matter of perspective!!!

  3. #103
    Oh wise Cyburbia planning parent friends: What do you do with an 11 year old boy who simply always has to have the last WORD. He's a good kid and a good student, although the difficulties of fifth grade are beginning to show. WORD. He has his moments like all kids. WORD. Then there's no ending the discussion with him without one of us (me or Mrs. G) getting frustrated and sometimes angry. WORD. "Son, do you have anything else to say?" WORD. "Okay, that's it then, this conversation is over." WORD. "Don't say anything else." WORD.

    It's not sassy backtalk -- it's an absolute insistence on having the final WORD. It's driving me batty. WORD.

  4. #104
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    Quote Originally posted by Gedunker View post
    Oh wise Cyburbia planning parent friends: What do you do with an 11 year old boy who simply always has to have the last WORD. He's a good kid and a good student, although the difficulties of fifth grade are beginning to show. WORD. He has his moments like all kids. WORD. Then there's no ending the discussion with him without one of us (me or Mrs. G) getting frustrated and sometimes angry. WORD. "Son, do you have anything else to say?" WORD. "Okay, that's it then, this conversation is over." WORD. "Don't say anything else." WORD.

    It's not sassy backtalk -- it's an absolute insistence on having the final WORD. It's driving me batty. WORD.
    Let him have it. I have a 17 year old the same way. When he started a few years ago, I insisted on arguing with him and show him I am in charge and I will determine when the conversation was over. This just lead to escalated exchanges over petty things and we hated each other. I finally had enough and started making my point and shutting up. He always adds something why I'm wrong, but then he shuts up. What I found is he is hearing what I have to say and follows my advice more now that we aren't yelling for hours because he left the milk out.

  5. #105
    Cyburbian Habanero's avatar
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    On the final word, and having never been on the parental side of that issue, here's what I had growing up. My sister slammed her door, my mom said not to do it again, she did (or course) and my mother took the door off it's hinges. I wanted to stay up and read past bedtime, the woman took my lightbulbs. I tried the same "last word" thing in an argument during highschool, the fuses to my room was removed so I could see just how good I had it without bills, etc. It worked for us though, we never knew what would be the punishment for acting like a fool but it always taught us something (other than that our mother got creative with punishments)

    Could you revert to the 1,2,3 thing?

    Mine won't sleep, doesn't want to fall asleep, won't go back to sleep if she wakes up. She's 2 1/2 now but I'm lacking in sleep and good humor. Any ideas other than locking her in a room and hoping for the best? (Kidding, a little ).
    When Jesus said "love your enemies", he probably didn't mean kill them.

  6. #106
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Habanero View post
    Mine won't sleep, doesn't want to fall asleep, won't go back to sleep if she wakes up. She's 2 1/2 now but I'm lacking in sleep and good humor. Any ideas other than locking her in a room and hoping for the best? (Kidding, a little ).
    My son stopped taking naps at 2, and by 2 1/2 also would not go to bed. I tried everything I could find to try: walking him back to bed, carrying him back to bed, routines, reading to him, storybooks on tape, standing on the other side of the bedroom door and holding it shut, you name it. He had to get up at 7 but would stay up until 11, 12, 1 a.m.

    I never did find a solution. He finally got over it a couple years later, deciding that being read to, then having a book on tape when I left the room, worked for him.

  7. #107
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Habanero View post
    Mine won't sleep, doesn't want to fall asleep, won't go back to sleep if she wakes up. She's 2 1/2 now but I'm lacking in sleep and good humor. Any ideas other than locking her in a room and hoping for the best? (Kidding, a little ).
    Is she being active enough during the day to make her sleepy at the appropriate time? Perhaps her nap during the day is too long. Try shortening that up.

    My wife and I found that you shouldn't wait until the kid is "acting tired" to put them to bed. If you're on a regular schedule in terms of bed times, etc. try to anticipate when the "acting tired" phase is going to start and put her to sleep 15-20 minutes before that. Kids don't like going to sleep when they're tired, because they get frustrated. Put them in bed a little early with some books and maybe that'll work.

  8. #108
    Cyburbian SW MI Planner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Habanero View post
    Mine won't sleep, doesn't want to fall asleep, won't go back to sleep if she wakes up. She's 2 1/2 now but I'm lacking in sleep and good humor. Any ideas other than locking her in a room and hoping for the best? (Kidding, a little ).
    I agree with ZG stick to a routine, i.e. bath, brush teeth, potty, turn on night lights and soothing cd, put her to bed. If she gets out, walk her back into bed without saying a word. Just keep at it, sooner than later she will get the point.

    (this advice coming from a 4 year old with the same stinking problem!!)

  9. #109
    Forums Administrator & Gallery Moderator NHPlanner's avatar
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    Regarding bedtimes for little ones.....

    ROUTINE ROUTINE ROUTINE

    Stick with it, make it the same process every night. It works. Even if they're up talking and singing....as long as they stay in bed, we let them (granted, Casey is still in a crib so he's not going anywhere).

    Wes' naps are getting shorter all the time, and some days we skip the nap for him....but we don't waiver on the bedtime routine unless we're away from the house (that's a whole 'nuther story....)

    Quote Originally posted by SW MI Planner View post
    I agree with ZG stick to a routine, i.e. bath, brush teeth, potty, turn on night lights and soothing cd, put her to bed. If she gets out, walk her back into bed without saying a word. Just keep at it, sooner than later she will get the point.

    (this advice coming from a 4 year old with the same stinking problem!!)
    Another supernanny convert?
    "Growth is inevitable and desirable, but destruction of community character is not. The question is not whether your part of the world is going to change. The question is how." -- Edward T. McMahon, The Conservation Fund

  10. #110
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by NHPlanner View post
    Another supernanny convert?
    Aren't we all?

    I love that show. Makes me realize how good of a parent I am.

  11. #111
    Cyburbian zman's avatar
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    As someone without kids, I still avidly read this thread and I am facsinated by it all.
    You get all squeezed up inside/Like the days were carved in stone/You get all wired up inside/And it's bad to be alone

    You can go out, you can take a ride/And when you get out on your own/You get all smoothed out inside/And it's good to be alone
    -Peart

  12. #112
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    Quote Originally posted by zmanPLAN View post
    As someone without kids, I still avidly read this thread and I am facsinated by it all.
    The same for me.
    Oddball
    Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves?
    Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here?
    Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?
    From Kelly's Heroes (1970)


    Are you sure you're not hurt ?
    No. Just some parts wake up faster than others.
    Broke parts take a little longer, though.
    From Electric Horseman (1979)

  13. #113
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Well it was ugly. My kid walked in from his first day at the alternative h.s. and immediately noticed his p.c. in the nook. That descended into a series of "F you" and fingers in my face and door slamming. Started to microwave some Hot Pockets but flung them all over the kitchen. Followed by sobbing about how horrible the new school is. I don't know what to think, other than I am physically and emotionally exhausted from today's efforts. Ate a huge dinner with us, and went to bed.

    What is with kids not taking any responsibility anymore? I got transferred to this school because Ms Parker is a b*tch. Not, I didn't go to class and I was failing? Mom, I need my computer back in my room, not gee sorry, I cussed for hours on end no matter how many times you told me to stop.l

  14. #114
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
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    ZG, you did good. Don't beat yourself up and don't give in. Give it back to him in small pieces if/when he earns it. Yank it all back when he reverts to form.
    RJ, back her up even when you think she's wrong. Kids need to have consistent messages and they'll play you against each other.
    ďDeath comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.Ē

  15. #115
    Cyburbian Jen's avatar
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    computers in the bedroom, yi yi yi, I hope I never give in to that one! My friend's son, a 12 yo choir boy and boy scout was caught looking at pron on his computer in his bedroom. The Mom was floored had no idea! Then she discovered charges on her cc. Now the computer sits in the family room, under parental controls.

    On saturday I was rather proud of the way I held it all together in the faces of two gnarly haired preteens who refused to get their hair cut. I was in a supreme calm state of being, No yelling caused no tears, and heads got cut, faces were happy for a about 15minutes. Then they started balking about another planned activity...

  16. #116
    Cyburbian Veloise's avatar
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    And here I was wondering how I'd handle Mother's Day, coming right up. (No kids, regrets.) I needed to read some of these comments this week.

  17. #117
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    ZG you absolutely did the right thing and of course your son was upset because he is no longer playing by his rules and his world isn't running according to his plan. Stay strong and don't back down and don't let him curse you either. Accepting personal responsibility for one's actions isn't as inherent as we would all like to think it is. We all know grown people who still won't accept responsibility for what they do. As a parent you can only mete out awards and consequences for your kid taking care of their business.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  18. #118
    Cyburbian Flying Monkeys's avatar
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    Keep the chin up ZG and RJ...it is the right course of action. We are supposed to be the parents....if we try to just be freinds or give-in during a moment of feeling sorry for them or ourselves, we lose. I have been going through the 'I want the internet in my room' thing with my kids for a while. I watched several shows on kids and cyberspace and one thing they always say, 'the internet access stays in a famialy area where there is no hiding what a child might be doing'. I am one who belives that the internet is predatory toward my childeren. Good luck.
    Whatís in a name? Ė Your reputationÖ.:)

  19. #119
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    A family that I know (and trust) has five daughters (three of them teenagers) and their computer is in the open dinning room/kitchen.
    So keep to your principles ZG and RJ. I have faith in you both.
    Oddball
    Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves?
    Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here?
    Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?
    From Kelly's Heroes (1970)


    Are you sure you're not hurt ?
    No. Just some parts wake up faster than others.
    Broke parts take a little longer, though.
    From Electric Horseman (1979)

  20. #120
    Cyburbian Queen B's avatar
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    We live in the Computer Wizzards house but we have pulled both of the girls computers for bad grades. Actually we just took the power cords. Then they still have to look at them in their rooms.. We have at least two other computers up stairs that they can use but they have to ask.
    It is all a matter of perspective!!!

  21. #121
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Thanks for the input, ya'll. Today went a little better. The kid argued a bit about school and then went; came home and asked about the computer and when I said only if you use it in the nook, he said never mind. He's in his room, which was surprisingly clean this morning. We rearranged the furniture so if I just open the door, I can see everything; before, the bed jutted out of the side wall, so it might look neat from the door, but was trashed with dirty dishes, soda cans, etc on the other side.

    He is desperately unhappy and that's hard for a parent to see. But I see no other options than to tell him it's only because I care, and then to stand firm.

  22. #122
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    I just got a call from the vice prinicpal letting me know that the resident teenager took it upon herself to skip the same class all last week She thought she was being smart by offering up the excuse that she skipped class to make up work for another one. Wrong answer. I asked the VP how detention worked at the school and he said it was 9-12 on Saturday and I told him to sign her up for the next two Saturdays. He said he liked my style. She however did not. Wait 'til I get home.....
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  23. #123
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Child Psychology

    Help help help!!! I've got a problem!

    We've had several deaths in the family recently. This morning our 3 yr old is sick and we were going to take him to the pediatrician. When it was announced where he was going he just absolutely freaked out and was inconsolable for almost an hour (he's normally a reasonably well-behaved toddler). He fought being put into the car as if his life was at stake! Turns out that's exactly what he thought. No amount of reasoning or explanation could calm him down. He used to be real cool about going to the doctor and even looked forward to it but after this last death he's become convinced that when one goes to the doctor, they don't come back.

    He's going to have to go to the pediatrician at some point in the future - what can we do to get him past this phobia?

  24. #124
    Cyburbian Plus dandy_warhol's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    No amount of reasoning or explanation could calm him down. He used to be real cool about going to the doctor and even looked forward to it but after this last death he's become convinced that when one goes to the doctor, they don't come back.

    He's going to have to go to the pediatrician at some point in the future - what can we do to get him past this phobia?

    i'm no child psychologist, nor do i have children. that said, you might want to continue to speak with him regarding why he's scared about it. my nephew is 3 1/2 and when something traumatic happens to him (one time a goat looked at him the wrong way ) and it took weeks of reliving the incident and talking it through before he could get over it. there was a lot of him retelling the incident and us just listening. now i realize death is much different from goats, but the same principle may apply.

    you may also want to head to the library and find some books about doctors and sit down and read through them with him.

    maybe even tell him stories about his favorite Aunt/Uncle whosie who went to the Dr. yesterday and came back home and had dinner, then walked the dog etc. make it normal that people come back from the dr.

    my two cents, how ever right or wrong they may be.

    oh, you could always try bribing him as well. my parents did that when i was going through a rough patch being left at day care.
    In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. -Martin Luther King Jr.

  25. #125
    Cyburbian Veloise's avatar
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    Take him along on one of your grown-up doctor visits. Got a routine physical coming up? Schedule one soon. Explain it to the staff first, and the MD is sure to play along.

    You could also rent some Marcus Welby MD videos, or Dr Kildare (mmmmm...) or any other innocuous "play one on TV" documentary.

    And you might try visiting a fire station, to include comments from EMS folk.

    (recalling the time toddler niece refused a seatbelt, so her father found a lady cop who explained things)

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