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Thread: The NEVERENDING Raising Children Thread

  1. #126
    Good luck. Mine don't mind the ped so long as they can be convinced that there will not be an innoculation. But the dentist, well, that's gotten so out of hand that we don't tell them they have an appointment. They're in the dark until we park in the lot.

  2. #127
    Corn Burning Fool giff57's avatar
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    Little ones like that are quick to move on to something else. He may just simply forget about as some time goes by. The other ideas are good ones too.
    “As soon as public service ceases to be the chief business of the citizens, and they would rather serve with their money than with their persons, the State is not far from its fall”
    Jean-Jacques Rousseau

  3. #128
    Cyburbian wahday's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    Help help help!!! I've got a problem!

    We've had several deaths in the family recently. This morning our 3 yr old is sick and we were going to take him to the pediatrician. When it was announced where he was going he just absolutely freaked out and was inconsolable for almost an hour (he's normally a reasonably well-behaved toddler). He fought being put into the car as if his life was at stake! Turns out that's exactly what he thought. No amount of reasoning or explanation could calm him down. He used to be real cool about going to the doctor and even looked forward to it but after this last death he's become convinced that when one goes to the doctor, they don't come back.

    He's going to have to go to the pediatrician at some point in the future - what can we do to get him past this phobia?
    Good suggestions. I think taking him along to your doctor visits is a great idea. We did that with the dentist to great effect.

    Also, while the recent deaths in the family may be at play here (and I don't want to belittle that), don't forget also that he is 3! And he was sick! My daughter is approaching three and is just now experimenting with anger/being intractable in a way my son (who is almost 8) never did (not that he wasn't a difficult child...). I am convinced that at times, she is certifiably insane. It is a time of simultaneously realizing they are independent actors in the world, with indominable wills, and reverting to a more baby-like dependence. Its actually a lot like adolescence, I think - wanting to have the responsibilities of adulthood, but also expecting that one's irresponsible behavior will just be tolerated or dealt with by the parents (yeah, I stayed out all night, and no, I'm not going to clean my room. Why can't you just treat me like an adult!)

    So, you may find that the next visit goes fine and that the perfect storm of events - the passing of family members, being sick, being 3 - led to his breakdown, but is not part of a long standing fear of doctors. Also, maybe try talking about it with him at other times when he is not anxious or sick, reminding him or just casually talking about the good work doctors do, etc. If you know any doctors, you can talk about them (doesn't mater what kind) just to point out what great people they are and connect it to a person in his life. I bet you could find a book of that type at the library as well.
    The purpose of life is a life of purpose

  4. #129
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Epilogue: I ended up buying junior a toy doctor's bag, complete with plastic stethascope, thermometer, blood pressure cuff, etc. He absolutely adored it and the next day he asked if he could go to the doctor's office and take his kit with him!

  5. #130
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    Epilogue: I ended up buying junior a toy doctor's bag, complete with plastic stethascope, thermometer, blood pressure cuff, etc. He absolutely adored it and the next day he asked if he could go to the doctor's office and take his kit with him!
    Oh, now you've gone and done it! Solved one problem but created a new one. You've introduced him to the playing doctor world. You know what that's going to lead to.
    “Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

  6. #131
          Downtown's avatar
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    Maister - ingenious. I'm glad it worked out. The twins had their 3 year check up yesterday, and my daughter was seriously stressing it. screaming about having her head measured, or laying down to have her height measured. finally, she let her brother measure her head, and then settled down after that - but still. The ped is a tricky issue.

    and while I'm in this thread - my SIL, Karen, is watching the kids this morning, and just called.

    K: "Is Jack (age 4.5) allowed to pee in the yard?"
    Me: *shocked silence* Um, no. Why do you ask?
    K: I was just coming down the deck stairs, and he's standing at the bottom, with his pants around his ankles. He told me that his mommy lets him pee outside when there isn't a bathroom nearby.
    Me: *vividly remembering every incident where jack has peed on a tree in the park, a good 1/2 mi. from the nearest bathroom.* Um. that rule only applies when we're more than 5 minutes from a bathroom.

    sigh.

    that said - maister - how goes potty training? Maddie's done - but Brae has been adamant that he only poops in his diapers. :sigh:

  7. #132
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Downtown View post
    that said - maister - how goes potty training? Maddie's done - but Brae has been adamant that he only poops in his diapers. :sigh:
    Causing me much concern. We enrolled him back in April at a pre-school for this fall that is very hard to get into. One of the requirements is that they must be potty trained. We threw a Hail Mary back in April, realizing (hoping) much could change in 5 months. So far he's shown little inclination towards potty training. When he was 2 he demonstrated great interest and actually made some progress with peeing, but when my mother died he suddenly regressed and has shown little interest in using anything but diapers ever since

    yeah, I know they are supposed to move at their own pace and you can't make a kid become potty trained without them wanting to.

  8. #133
    Cyburbian boiker's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    Causing me much concern. We enrolled him back in April at a pre-school for this fall that is very hard to get into. One of the requirements is that they must be potty trained. We threw a Hail Mary back in April, realizing (hoping) much could change in 5 months. So far he's shown little inclination towards potty training. When he was 2 he demonstrated great interest and actually made some progress with peeing, but when my mother died he suddenly regressed and has shown little interest in using anything but diapers ever since

    yeah, I know they are supposed to move at their own pace and you can't make a kid become potty trained without them wanting to.
    My 3.5 year old is causing me the same headache.. Actually, he #2's in the toliet just fine. #1-- he could care less where or how or when he goes. At least I don't have to clean poop off his butt anymore.
    Dude, I'm cheesing so hard right now.

  9. #134
    Cyburbian zman's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Boiker
    At least I don't have to clean poop off his butt anymore
    This thread could be renamed to the Vasecotomy Persuasion Thread
    You get all squeezed up inside/Like the days were carved in stone/You get all wired up inside/And it's bad to be alone

    You can go out, you can take a ride/And when you get out on your own/You get all smoothed out inside/And it's good to be alone
    -Peart

  10. #135
    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    So far he's shown little inclination towards potty training.
    Whatever, you do -- avoid pull-ups. They are just way, way, way too comfortable when full and if your son is anything like mine, will just poop and keep on playing. Better to stay in regular diapers or get him in "big boy" pants so the discomfort will work in your favor.

    Plus, pull-ups are wicked expensive.

  11. #136
    Super Moderator luckless pedestrian's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by zmanPLAN View post
    This thread could be renamed to the Vasecotomy Persuasion Thread
    when, at 39 years old, I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd, 3 couple friends of ours permanently prevented themselves from having their 3rd - we have a great influence on people

  12. #137
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Downtown View post
    K: "Is Jack (age 4.5) allowed to pee in the yard?"
    Ah, that brings back memories.

    Back in marriage #1, the first couple (with no children of their own at the time) arriving for a party say "Is that your son out in the front yard?" Me, proudly "Why, yes it is." Her, somewhat aghast "When we drove up, he was peeing off the curb." Me, defensively "He's just a boy, they do that."

    A couple years later, following the birth of their first, she didn't bother ask at another party if anyone had objections to viewing public breast feeding. Different standards, different sexes, different times.
    “Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

  13. #138
    Cyburbian Veloise's avatar
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    The village has to want to change

    Slowly rolling the four-wheeler home, down my tiny street (1-1/2 lanes wide, dead end, parking one side), a small blond girl bursts off a porch on the right. (The residents of that house have a different ethnicity; she doesn't live there, and I've never seen her before.) Walks aimlessly out onto the street, crossing from the right over to the left. I had a clear view of the back of her head. Looks to be about 3 or 4; steady gait but small.

    As I passed the porch, her mother (also blond) starts screaming at her. "Casey! CASEY! *epithet*!!"

    The kid continues down the street in a zig-zag, and then crosses back, in front of me. Again, at this point I had not glimpsed her face. She got onto the sidewalk on the right. More yelling coming from mom.

    I stopped alongside Casey and spoke to her loudly. "You need to look before you cross the street. This is not a playground. Stay on the sidewalk." Continued home.

    Mom was on my driveway before I'd finished at the car, talking to her friend (sister?). "I need to find out what this lady yelled at my baby."

    We exchanged words, mine explaining that the child never saw my car. "Yes she did! She looked BOTH ways!" Sister said no, she didn't. All I saw was the back of her head.

    Mom grew frustrated, alternately yelling at Casey and at me. (I suspect there's an auditory issue.) "You're not to talk to my baby!" Guess she didn't notice the trunkline with measurable ADT just a few houses away from the original porch.

    I tried different tacks. Do you live here? "No!!" Where do you live? "What does that matter?!?!" I said I live here, kids play on the street all the time, but they need to learn to watch for cars. (Mom doesn't know that several speeders visit our little cul-de-sac. One of them is the visitational mother of a girl who lives in the house at the very dead end...routinely 20 mph.)

    Mom continued yelling at Casey while standing on my driveway. (How is the kid supposed to get the message that "this is a stranger" while they are trespassing like they own the place?)

    Finally, as I unlocked my front door, I tried guilt. It does take a village, right? And closed the door behind me.

    I can tell what will come next...her male relative, who lives in the last house, will come "talk" to me. And I'll get the "how many children do YOU have??" justification for their lack of common sense and appropriate discipline.

  14. #139
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Veloise View post
    Slowly rolling the four-wheeler home, down my tiny street (1-1/2 lanes wide, dead end, parking one side), a small blond girl bursts off a porch on the right. (The residents of that house have a different ethnicity; she doesn't live there, and I've never seen her before.) Walks aimlessly out onto the street, crossing from the right over to the left. I had a clear view of the back of her head. Looks to be about 3 or 4; steady gait but small.

    As I passed the porch, her mother (also blond) starts screaming at her. "Casey! CASEY! *epithet*!!"

    The kid continues down the street in a zig-zag, and then crosses back, in front of me. Again, at this point I had not glimpsed her face. She got onto the sidewalk on the right. More yelling coming from mom.

    I stopped alongside Casey and spoke to her loudly. "You need to look before you cross the street. This is not a playground. Stay on the sidewalk." Continued home.

    Mom was on my driveway before I'd finished at the car, talking to her friend (sister?). "I need to find out what this lady yelled at my baby."

    We exchanged words, mine explaining that the child never saw my car. "Yes she did! She looked BOTH ways!" Sister said no, she didn't. All I saw was the back of her head.

    Mom grew frustrated, alternately yelling at Casey and at me. (I suspect there's an auditory issue.) "You're not to talk to my baby!" Guess she didn't notice the trunkline with measurable ADT just a few houses away from the original porch.

    I tried different tacks. Do you live here? "No!!" Where do you live? "What does that matter?!?!" I said I live here, kids play on the street all the time, but they need to learn to watch for cars. (Mom doesn't know that several speeders visit our little cul-de-sac. One of them is the visitational mother of a girl who lives in the house at the very dead end...routinely 20 mph.)

    Mom continued yelling at Casey while standing on my driveway. (How is the kid supposed to get the message that "this is a stranger" while they are trespassing like they own the place?)

    Finally, as I unlocked my front door, I tried guilt. It does take a village, right? And closed the door behind me.

    I can tell what will come next...her male relative, who lives in the last house, will come "talk" to me. And I'll get the "how many children do YOU have??" justification for their lack of common sense and appropriate discipline.

    I was somewhat phobic teaching my son how to ride his bike safely, how to cross streets, etc. I read a study that said kids normally don't really grasp the dangers and remember to look both ways until they are at least 9, so of course he couldn't cross the street until he was 9.

    The "mom" (and I'll use that term loosely) on your street made a big mistake and tried to make you to blame for it.

    You need to talk to every neighbor you know ASAP about this visitor and the danger she's put her child in. So that if Mr "Male Relative" comes after you, you will have some corroboration. "Mom" sounds like a freak.

  15. #140
    Cyburbian Veloise's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Zoning Goddess View post
    ...The "mom" (and I'll use that term loosely) on your street made a big mistake and tried to make you to blame for it.

    You need to talk to every neighbor you know ASAP about this visitor and the danger she's put her child in. So that if Mr "Male Relative" comes after you, you will have some corroboration. "Mom" sounds like a freak.
    Point of clarification: the male relative, Mike, lives here. I think psycho mom is his sister. His nephews/cousins/whatevers have mentioned "we're from the country" and that might be why mom is inattentive. (I could add some more adjectives based on a search of Jeff Foxworthy jokes this morning. The code enforement call, placed when they were using the dead end to bowl with 2-liter bottles and real bowling balls, might have come from my cell phone. Zoning is residential, not befitting of driveway car repair.)

    Mike and I are neighborly; I think he understands the issue. (I live here, too. I taught his daughter how to balance a two-wheeler. I am not the threat, and if I was, I'm easy to find. But with all my friends on the PD, they might have some 'splaining to do.)

    Might be a lively weekend.

  16. #141
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Does everyone else's teenager do f*cking nuts over a short trip. Today I got "Goddammit, I went to Mobile, I went to New Orleans, I go to Orlando, and I am not f*cking going to Key West tomorrow!' sigh... OK, kid you need to travel, see places. He doesn't get it. Like 3 days away from his Xbox is the kiss of death. He actually tried to tell me he will probably die in an airplane accident and then won't I feel guilty! (Like I'm not paranoid enough about planes already...)

  17. #142
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Zoning Goddess View post
    Does everyone else's teenager do f*cking nuts over a short trip. Today I got "Goddammit, I went to Mobile, I went to New Orleans, I go to Orlando, and I am not f*cking going to Key West tomorrow!' sigh... OK, kid you need to travel, see places. He doesn't get it. Like 3 days away from his Xbox is the kiss of death. He actually tried to tell me he will probably die in an airplane accident and then won't I feel guilty! (Like I'm not paranoid enough about planes already...)
    Not really. Usually it is more like "Plane? OK where are we going?" There is the tendency to complain once on the ground of boredom but I've learned to stave that off by involving her in the planning of the trip. If she finds something cool for her to see/do usually it's better for both of us. The only thing she misses is ready internet access but since most places have it now and she has an iPod Touch it's not a big deal anymore.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  18. #143
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    The last few weeks my daughter and I have been watching ABC Family's The Secret Life of the American Teen. Normally I am not much of a t.v. watcher but this show has done an amazing job of showcasing high school life and has provided the launching point for some pretty interesting discussions between us for which I am very grateful for because some stuff is just hard to talk about in a random way. I can see where some very conservative parents might not like the show due to the issues being dealt with but I think they are pretty representative of what goes on in a typical school (based on the many teens I've employed over the years) and my resident teenager says it is too.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  19. #144
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by kjelsadek View post
    The last few weeks my daughter and I have been watching ABC Family's The Secret Life of the American Teen. Normally I am not much of a t.v. watcher but this show has done an amazing job of showcasing high school life and has provided the launching point for some pretty interesting discussions between us for which I am very grateful for because some stuff is just hard to talk about in a random way. I can see where some very conservative parents might not like the show due to the issues being dealt with but I think they are pretty representative of what goes on in a typical school (based on the many teens I've employed over the years) and my resident teenager says it is too.
    Are you honstly saying that there may be some value in watching TV????? I've been trying to convince everyone of this since I joined Cyburbia. If used correctly and in moderation, TV can be useful just like a lot of things. I just can't understand the "NO TV RULE" people.

    But anyways.....my 5 and 2 year old daughters have humbled me by making me realize I have way less paitence than I thougth I had. They make me want to be a better dad.

  20. #145
    NIMBY asshatterer Plus Richmond Jake's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    ......I have way less paitence than I thought I had.....
    Off-topic:
    This could be the topic of a poll and discussion thread. You see, I'm incredibly impatience. (I've recognized this trait all my life.) I really have to rein myself in often. ZG is not far behind me.

    Are planners impatient people?

    Further OT, a commissioner used the term "unpatient" in a public hearing this morning.
    What would RJ do?

  21. #146
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by RichmondJake View post
    [
    Further OT, a commissioner used the term "unpatient" in a public hearing this morning.
    [/ot]
    That would be the 99.99% of county citizens who have not been admitted to the two county hospitals... Those boys just can't speak English.

  22. #147
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by RichmondJake View post
    Off-topic:
    This could be the topic of a poll and discussion thread. You see, I'm incredibly impatience. (I've recognized this trait all my life.) I really have to rein myself in often. ZG is not far behind me.

    Are planners impatient people?

    Further OT, a commissioner used the term "unpatient" in a public hearing this morning.
    I'm generally a very patient person. I would say that my patience is tested in very few situations, namely my kids.

    Professionally, I do get very impatient, but tend to harness the impatience by multi-tasking and jumping from project to project when people just aren't responding.

  23. #148
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by RichmondJake View post
    Off-topic:
    This could be the topic of a poll and discussion thread. You see, I'm incredibly impatience. (I've recognized this trait all my life.) I really have to rein myself in often. ZG is not far behind me.

    Are planners impatient people?

    Further OT, a commissioner used the term "unpatient" in a public hearing this morning.
    You are the poster boy for "If you don't get your handicapped shopping cart out of my way , 'I"ll keeeelll you.'" On the other hand, in this town, after you get in line behind 3 people who still write checks.... what you do, you're not responsible for...

  24. #149
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    Are you honstly saying that there may be some value in watching TV????? I've been trying to convince everyone of this since I joined Cyburbia. If used correctly and in moderation, TV can be useful just like a lot of things. I just can't understand the "NO TV RULE" people.

    But anyways.....my 5 and 2 year old daughters have humbled me by making me realize I have way less paitence than I thougth I had. They make me want to be a better dad.
    I don't have a no t.v. rule and I think there is plenty on t.v. that is interesting to watch like on the History Channel, Discovery etc. I just haven't had much time to watch anything regularly having been working and in school full time for the last four years.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  25. #150
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by kjelsadek View post
    I don't have a no t.v. rule and I think there is plenty on t.v. that is interesting to watch like on the History Channel, Discovery etc. I just haven't had much time to watch anything regularly having been working and in school full time for the last four years.
    I wasn't picking on you I was actually trying to be a little funny!

    I probably should've used a few more smiley faces

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