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Thread: Office Spouse

  1. #1
    Super Moderator luckless pedestrian's avatar
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    Office Spouse

    Do you have an office spouse?

    If you are married, how does your office spouse feel about it, if they know?

    Seven signs you have an office spouse
    Last edited by luckless pedestrian; 23 Jun 2015 at 10:58 AM.

  2. #2
    Unfrozen Caveman Planner mendelman's avatar
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    Nope. And haven't really had one in my career so far.

    Not sure if that's good or bad.
    I'm sorry. Is my bias showing?

    The ends can justify the means.

  3. #3
    Cyburbian dvdneal's avatar
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    Never had an office spouse. I've had good friends, but nothing close. Here everyone is just a coworker. We're all happy at the office, but the relationship ends there.
    I don't pretend to understand Brannigan's Law. I merely enforce it.

  4. #4
    Cyburbian michaelskis's avatar
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    No, and I don't think it is a good idea to have one either.
    Trusting a DC politician with your money is like trusting a hungry dog with a raw steak.

  5. #5
    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
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    She was more of an office mistress.

    Seriously, no, I haven't. Wouldn't mind one, though. It would be nice to have an ally and someone to talk to about crap.


    Do you have an office spouse, LP?
    "I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

    ~ Otterpop ~

  6. #6
    Cyburbian dvdneal's avatar
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    I don't mind the idea. It would be good for my wife not to listen to me complain all the time. Let the work wife deal with that. Just be a good enough man not to cross the obvious line.
    I don't pretend to understand Brannigan's Law. I merely enforce it.

  7. #7
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    I had an office spouse for 3 years out of my 4 years here. He technically didn't work in my office or org but was the general contractor running the building affiliate. I miss him a lot, but we still speak often. My husband and him know each other and think highly of one another, there was never anything inappropriate.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  8. #8
    moderator in moderation Suburb Repairman's avatar
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    I've had an "office spouse" before, though I detest the term and prefer "confidant" or "consigliere." I've always gotten along better with members of the opposite sex. My experience was that it was like having a fraternal twin sibling--someone you are good friends with and can share beyond just normal work issues as well as things you wouldn't dare utter to anyone else at the office. It is someone that will always give you honest assessments & advice, and you know will have your back. Mine was somebody that I LOVED teaming up with on projects because her strengths perfectly matched my weaknesses & vice-versa. From my perspective, the idea of a relationship beyond platonic that with the person is unthinkable--like a form of incest. That said, I agree they can be dangerous depending on circumstances. If there's trouble at home then that is especially dangerous. You just need solid ground rules (which don't necessarily need to be verbalized, just mutually understood).

    don't talk about marriage/relationship issues, or only do so in positive light
    don't be alone together outside of the workplace setting, especially if alcohol is involved
    avoid traveling alone together for work-related business
    go out with your real spouses as a group

    I think my wife appreciated not having to hear about every little thing from work, as it made me a better communicator at home (I wasn't always venting about crap at work). I tend to think it made me a more attentive husband.

    My "work spouse" ended up becoming one of my wife's best friends and her husband is one of the few guys that I'll routinely go grab drinks with. While we are all good friends and see each other regularly, even traveling together, I still miss working with her.

    "Oh, that is all well and good, but, voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country."

    - Herman Göring at the Nuremburg trials (thoughts on democracy)

  9. #9
    Cyburbian WSU MUP Student's avatar
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    Having an office spouse would require me to talk to my coworkers about non-work stuff.

    After more than 8 years here at my employer, I'm quite confident that my fellow Cyburbians know more about me than any of my coworkers, including any of my bosses or the woman in the cube right next to me.
    "Where free unions and collective bargaining are forbidden, freedom is lost." - 1980 Republican presidential candidate Ronald Reagan

  10. #10
    Cyburbian dvdneal's avatar
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    My problem is that I have learned a few things about my coworkers. I've learned they like disgusting food like cake with jello in it. So talking about food is out. I've learned that no one keeps up on pop culture (not that I'm an expert) or current events for that matter. So talking news or anything cool is out. Example, I mentioned the confederate flag thing and all I get is oh really or I heard something about that with kind of a blank look of why would that be important. Sadly Cyburbia ends up being my work wife. You understand me or at least my problems. Now go get me a beer!
    I don't pretend to understand Brannigan's Law. I merely enforce it.

  11. #11
    Cyburbian
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    My closest co-worker is a male, but we aren't work spouses. He was a "shut-in" employee and I'm a field person. Our old boss hated us equally and made no secret about it. She'd single one of us out and make that person miserable. I could leave during the day and he couldn't, so when he was in her sights, I'd do something to make her mad to divert her attention from him. It was a good system.

    One of our younger secretaries has daddy issues and considered him to be her work husband. It was awkward and embarrassing, because she talked about it to people who visited the office and announced it to the rest of us too frequently. Unfortunately,she has some other issues and was let go.

  12. #12
    Cyburbian Plus JNA's avatar
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    After 22 yrs in the same office I don't do anything social with any of them, not even friends on FB.

    However across the hall there is this single 50+ yr old woman but she is a crazy horse person - has 3 of them.
    Oddball
    Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves?
    Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here?
    Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?
    From Kelly's Heroes (1970)


    Are you sure you're not hurt ?
    No. Just some parts wake up faster than others.
    Broke parts take a little longer, though.
    From Electric Horseman (1979)

  13. #13
    Super Moderator luckless pedestrian's avatar
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    I do not now but I did in my last 2 jobs - I kept it real by making sure they not only knew my husband but were good friends with him too - and they were not just married, but happily married and I was good friends with their wives

    I don't have one here but one of the police officers will come fix stuff in my apartment when I need him but we don't hang out much other than that

    my husband is developing an office wife and I am not pleased - he's old enough to be her father, she's single though she has a boyfriend my age (old enough to be her father,) and she and I don't really have much in common so it's not the same as my office spouses in the past - being away during the work week doesn't help

  14. #14
    Cyburbian Richmond Jake's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by WSU MUP Student View post
    Having an office spouse would require me to talk to my coworkers about non-work stuff.

    ...I'm quite confident that my fellow Cyburbians know more about me than any of my coworkers...
    That's me...in every job I've held.

    I'm an introvert.
    Annoyingly insensitive

  15. #15
    Cyburbian Rygor's avatar
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    No office spouse for me and I don't think I've ever had one. Honestly, my boss and one other person in my office are the only ones I can talk to about anything non work related. My boss is active and likes cycling/mountain biking, traveling, and we have similar taste in restaurants and movies. But since she's my boss, she can't really be my work spouse. Another woman in my office shares my passion for beer and her and her husband have a "growler club" they do with the office for the beers they homebrew. It's a pretty cool arrangement and we talk about beer, but wouldn't call her my work spouse. We work in two completely different areas.
    "When life gives you lemons, just say 'No thanks'." - Henry Rollins

  16. #16
    Cyburbian terraplnr's avatar
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    There was one co-worker in the past that might have evolved into a work spouse if he'd had a girlfriend/wife, but since he was single it could have gotten weird, so didn't go that far. But, we worked really well together, had similar senses of humor, joked about office gossip, hung out with mutual friends, etc. I guess I kind of have one know, but he's more like an office uncle.

  17. #17
    Cyburbian illinoisplanner's avatar
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    Since I'm a young, single guy, I've had a lot more office moms, aunts, and uncles, and perhaps office big brothers and big sisters for those in the 32-40 age range. The few ones my age are usually front desk girls, and we seem to have a high turnover rate with that due to the position often being low-paying or part-time. Of those, there have been a couple cute girls I've had crushes on, but nothing ever came of it because they were already taken. Never really had any "office spouse" sort of arrangement though.
    "Life's a journey, not a destination"
    -Steven Tyler

  18. #18
    Cyburbian Brocktoon's avatar
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    I have a work wife and yes my wife knows. She is my first work wife and having one makes work a much more enjoyable place. Her and my home wife are very friendly. At a recent ribbon cutting my work wife had to help run the event. MY home wife took care of her baby through most of the event.

    At a previous job I had a coworker and we were really close...we carpooled, sat next to each other, had lunch together and hung out on occasionally on weekends. My wife called him my work husband.

    I have also had work moms. When I was in DC my wife was still in Michigan. My work moms' (I had 3) kept a very close eye on me. If they asked what I did over the weekend I could not say nothing... and if my updates did not match what I told the other 2 there was hell to pay.

    Overall I much prefer an environment where I have someone close that I have a strong personal relationship. I am too much of an extrovert to not want to know and care about my coworkers.
    "You merely adopted the dark. I was born in it,..." -Bane

  19. #19
    moderator in moderation Suburb Repairman's avatar
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    I am very introverted, which I think is what resulted in getting an office spouse. Introvert doesn't mean anti-social, but it does tend to mean you have a very small group with which you are willing to socialize regularly. I'm otherwise rather aloof.

    Work moms are the best though... you usually score cookies & pie and other tasty home-cooked goods! At my first job I was living alone for a while and our city secretary was very concerned that I might eat out all the time. She would bring me a casserole once a week that I could eat on for a few days, and they were always delicious!

    "Oh, that is all well and good, but, voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country."

    - Herman Göring at the Nuremburg trials (thoughts on democracy)

  20. #20
    Cyburbian beach_bum's avatar
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    At my last place, I had several co-workers I grew quite close too. One of two of them were close enough for that 'spouse' type relationship. I'm still developing relationships with people here, although the person that I think would have made a good office spouse is leaving! I'll have to set my sights on someone else. Overall, I think its a good thing as long as its professional in nature only.
    "Never invest in any idea you can't illustrate with a crayon." ~Peter Lynch

  21. #21
    Cyburbian Coragus's avatar
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    Our office is very small. Only 5 people when we're all here.
    The cookies are worth the drive

  22. #22
    Cyburbian Masswich's avatar
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    I argue with everyone at work so I guess I have a lot of office spouses


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  23. #23
    Cyburbian ursus's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Masswich View post
    I argue with everyone at work so I guess I have a lot of office spouses


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

    You're an office bigamist. Why go through office-life with one hand tied behind your back, right?
    "...I would never try to tick Hink off. He kinda intimidates me. He's quite butch, you know." - Maister

  24. #24
    Cyburbian Habanero's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by dvdneal View post
    Never had an office spouse. I've had good friends, but nothing close. Here everyone is just a coworker. We're all happy at the office, but the relationship ends there.
    Ditto, I keep my work life fairly separate as do my coworkers in our division. We share and it's a very friendly group, but our home time is our own. I'm okay with that, everyone needs time away from work.
    When Jesus said "love your enemies", he probably didn't mean kill them.

  25. #25
    Cyburbian Salmissra's avatar
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    While I 've never had an office spouse, my hubby has in the past.

    They worked in the same building for several years, then had cubes next to each other when the office relocated. She's very outgoing, about our age (maybe a bit older), in a long-term relationship, and has a similar outlook on work and life to hubby. When he changed companies, he told me she was the only office person he missed.

    Turns out she has family in the area we're in now. I finally met her at a party, and I like her a lot. Only drawback to hanging with her and her SO? - they both smoke. But otherwise, fun couple.
    "We do not need any other Tutankhamun's tomb with all its treasures. We need context. We need understanding. We need knowledge of historical events to tie them together. We don't know much. Of course we know a lot, but it is context that's missing, not treasures." - Werner Herzog, in Archaeology, March/April 2011

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