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Thread: How long did it take to call it quits - AIB How long.....

  1. #1
    Cyburbian Budgie's avatar
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    How long did it take to call it quits - AIB How long.....

    On the flip side. How long did you feel like something was very very very wrong with your marriage/relationship before you finally called it quits?

    Things had been deteriorating for about 4 years before I finally said enough was enough. Her actions told me that running around with friends meant more than making a home with me. It wasn't until 8 months after she "stepped out" (I found out right away - she told me) that I finally had enough.
    "And all this terrible change had come about because he had ceased to believe himself and had taken to believing others. " - Leo Tolstoy

  2. #2
         
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    Well I am a hopeless "I can fix anything" type of chick. The guy cheated on me before we ever even got married, continuously lost jobs, etc. But we llluuuuvvvvved each other ( ; then low and behold, 4 years into our relationship I got pregnant. Finally got married when the baby was 4 (c'mon, do the math - already 8 years of sickness) ...We had the second baby 1 year into the marraige; he left ( I say "left" but he was never really around in the first place - he traveled with his band that made no money) when the second child was 3 days old (he was busy with a 19 year old; a bit more on his maturity and professional level) ...but hey guess what...even THEN I tried "just one more time" ...finally another 6 months goes by, he is of no help with the new baby, out late every night, not working, I was always on edge thinking he was still cheating on me (and yes of course he was) ...I FINALLY decided it wasn't going to work (duhhhh dumba$$) ...10 years before I called it quits....sickest part of all - we still speak on a fairly good level.

  3. #3
    Gunfighter Mastiff's avatar
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    Let's see... married 13 years... subtract the... carry the one... add in... Well, about 12 years and 6 months!

    Of course, since I have two great sons who live with me (and "mom" hasn't even called in two years), I'd have put in 8 of the 13 knowing what I know now.
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    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
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    When she went ballistic because she showed up twenty minutes late for a date and I was having a conversation with this young lady to kill the time. The writing was on the wall before then. A relationship with her was like walking blindfolded through a cow pasture - you never knew when you would step in sh*t. That woman had more baggage than American Tourister.
    "I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

    ~ Otterpop ~

  5. #5
    Cyburbian Emeritus Bear Up North's avatar
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    From The Bear Archives

    Cynthia - She called it quits, I fought it (emotionally). Our marriage lasted from 1969 to 1971.

    Donna - As indicated in the other (more positive) thread, our final 5 years was a downhill slide. As we approached the 15th year we agreed that it was over.

    Carole - I hate to admit this.....we lived together a year, married, and a year later we were apart. A couple years later, I let her back in my life and we lived together for another year or so. We even went to get a SECOND marriage license.....but my heart said "Get out!".....and I did.

    Bear
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  6. #6
    Quote Originally posted by Jaxspra View post
    Well I am a hopeless "I can fix anything" type of chick.
    Yeah, I'm that kind of guy.

    You would have thought the emotional mind-games would have driven me away. Nope. You would have thought the infidelity would have driven me away. Nope. You would have thought being hit, punched, kicked, cut, and burned would have driven me away. Nope.

    I can't exactly remember why or when I left, but I think it was when I finally caught her with another guy, and she didn't seem concerned that I found it upsetting.

  7. #7
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    My ex- put on a "happy expectant dad" front. But within 72 hrs of my son's birth I knew it was over.

  8. #8
    NIMBY asshatterer Plus Richmond Jake's avatar
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    As reported here long ago, I was married for a long time and completely clueless when the adulteress announced she wanted a divorce. After her proclamation, the process took less than 4 months before it was final and I was on the road from the Gem State to the Sunshine State. Never looked back and have zero contact with "it." That suits me just fine.

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    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    There wasn't anything noticeably wrong with the marriage. He didn't cheat, drink, we had no money issues, nada. He just came back from visiting his parents overseas (they were happy with our marriage) ironically the day my mother died. He served me with papers the day after the funeral.

    Mini-me's father and I should have been over before we started. But ba-da-bing and Mini-me was on her way. He was supportive for 4 months then got weird, I told him to get real, he took up with another girl who had 3 kids at age 21.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  10. #10
    Cyburbian Plus PlannerGirl's avatar
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    Honestly looking back the signs were there before we ever wed but I was a dumb college girl with lots of pressure from the family to "settle down with someone nice"

    That nice person abused the hell out of me and our hell hounds for years. I went to my sisters High School graduation and my High School best friend drove in from NO after years of not seeing each other. Come to find out my "dear loving husband" had been blocking my best friends calls, destroying his letters (my best friend was a gay guy that my ex was sure I was going to cheat with )

    I started talking to my friend and BAM the parts started coming together. I flew home the next day (my birthday) and he is late to pick me up from the airport then starts yelling at me becouse I did not notice he "got me new tires" for the car for my birthday. It took me 2 more months to manage to move out and 2 years of hell to get divorced. I learned real fast when a cop calls you and tells you he will kill you the rest of the force does not give a damn. Man it took years to undo the mental mess he made me.

    It took me 3 long years almost to the day to realize what the heck was going on
    "They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin

    Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO- HOO what a ride!'"

  11. #11
    Cyburbian Budgie's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by RichmondJake View post
    As reported here long ago, I was married for a long time and completely clueless when the adulteress announced she wanted a divorce.
    I have always doubted that you were "completely clueless". Either there must have been something nagging at you that you still hide way and deny OR you lacked (notice the past tense) the capacity to see in front of your face. There must have been something to tell you things weren't right.
    "And all this terrible change had come about because he had ceased to believe himself and had taken to believing others. " - Leo Tolstoy

  12. #12
    Cyburbian cch's avatar
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    Wow, I'm sorry so many of you have been through so much s%*t.

    My longest relationship before my husband was about 2 1/2 years, and it started to go downhill when we started living together. That lasted 6 months before I finally broke it off, and I was only able to do that because the semester was over, and I was going back to my hometown for the summer. During the school year I just couldn't bring myself to kick him out, and I had no where else to go. We were both on the lease for the year. But, I did a lot of sleeping on the couch, and trying to be nasty enough to force him to leave me. I was 21, and very immature.

    It wasn't that he screwed me over, was abusive or anything. But, he was really irresponsible with money and in tons of debt, he lied to me about how bad his grades were (he ended up being expelled right after the break-up), he had had a secret pen-palship with a girl who I knew had the hots for him (and I found out later that he saw her a few times behind my back, and they kissed), and he was sometimes critical of me, suggesting I do sit-ups with him and stuff like that. He was a workout nut, and I wasn't. And he was majorly jealous of my male friends. It got to a point where I knew I couldn't see myself marrying him, so I figured I needed to stop wasting my time. But, up until we started living together I really thought he was the one.

  13. #13
    Cyburbian Flying Monkeys's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Budgie View post
    I have always doubted that you were "completely clueless". Either there must have been something nagging at you that you still hide way and deny OR you lacked (notice the past tense) the capacity to see in front of your face. There must have been something to tell you things weren't right.
    I had the same question...mabye some of you can explain.
    What’s in a name? – Your reputation….:)

  14. #14
    Forums Administrator & Gallery Moderator NHPlanner's avatar
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    Without going into too much (well, any) detail....about a year and 2 months into my first marriage was when I filed the divorce paperwork.

    It involved cheating and a guy released from prison. 'nuff said.
    "Growth is inevitable and desirable, but destruction of community character is not. The question is not whether your part of the world is going to change. The question is how." -- Edward T. McMahon, The Conservation Fund

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