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Thread: Wives have more power?

  1. #1
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Wives have more power?

    "Wives were more demanding — asking for changes in the relationship or in their partner — and were more likely to get their way than the husbands. This held regardless of who had chosen the issue.

    The women were not just talking more than their husbands.

    "It wasn't just that the women were bringing up issues that weren't being responded to, but that the men were actually going along with what they said,” Vogel explained. “[Women] were communicating more powerful messages, and men were responding to those messages by agreeing or giving in.” "

    http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19713567/

    Wondering what my fellow Cyburbians think, since I'm about to shack up/get hitched. I have been divorced for over 10 years so I can't say I have any standing to say much. Of the few friends/relatives whose relationships I can even make a comment about, they all seem pretty equitable except my brother's where his wife is definitely the ruler!

  2. #2
    Cyburbian
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    Duuuuuh.

    Where do you think the saying came from: "If momma ain't happy, *nobody* is happy."

  3. #3
    Cyburbian Fat Cat's avatar
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    Fat Cat

    In the Katt family, Mrs Katt is the alpha. She decides where we are going to live, what we are going to drive. This leaves me to make the lofty decisions on such issues as world poverty, world hunger etc.
    Actually we both discuss everything right down to what toothpaste we are going to use. I value her opinion very much. When we have had to do the commuter marriage we always talked to each other on a daily basis and we would discuss different issues and get each others opinions on various topics. I have always respected her opinion and there have been occasions when I did a 180 on what I was going to do based on her opinion and afterward was really glad that I did because what she thought was the right action to take. She has done the same on with my opinion. I do not consider her demanding nor does she feel that way about me. Having said all this, I was engaged a couple of times for a couple of years each time, before I met Mrs Katt and one week after we met, we got married. I don't think that I would have felt that way if I had married either one that I was engaged to previously. Our children have said that they want a marriage like ours.
    I consider myself very lucky to have a soul mate.
    Having said all this, I would venture to say that each relationship is what the people in that relationship want or they are going to opt out of that relationship.

  4. #4
    Super Moderator luckless pedestrian's avatar
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    it's a constant battle for supremacy in my household - we have been compared to The Honeymooners tv show...

    but I have come a long way (baby?) since that was not the case for probably the first 5 to 10 years of our marriage - the last 5 have been the best ever and we fight more than we ever did

    remember if you are not ever fighting, somebody, statistically, must be giving in some of the time and that may not be healthy in the long run...

  5. #5
    moderator in moderation Suburb Repairman's avatar
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    With us, there's certain things that I know she is better at, and certain things she knows I am better at. Thinking about it though, I do tend to defer to her opinion on most daily issues, often because I simply don't care. Where to eat? I don't care... I'll eat just about anything. Vacation? As long as I can relax, I'm game for anything. We are both very rational people, so we rarely defer to one another just to avoid conflict.

    If push came to shove though, I'm pretty sure the article is correct and I would be more apt to follow her lead. The odds of such a situation occuring are pretty slim though.

    Make no mistake though, we both can be little firecrackers--we just don't get all irrational about it.

    "Oh, that is all well and good, but, voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country."

    - Herman Göring at the Nuremburg trials (thoughts on democracy)

  6. #6
    Cyburbian Emeritus Bear Up North's avatar
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    This Bear can't answer now. I have to go ask Katie.

    Bear
    Occupy Cyburbia!

  7. #7
    Cyburbian Plus Whose Yur Planner's avatar
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    It depends on the people in the relationship. With us, it depends on the issue. Sometimes she the dominate one, sometimes I am, so there is give and take. What we try to do is take the other person into consideration. Basically, would the other person really want to go there or d that. You learn to defer to the other person in areas you know are important to them.
    When did I go from Luke Skywalker to Obi-Wan Kenobi?

  8. #8
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Whose Yur Planner View post
    You learn to defer to the other person in areas you know are important to them.
    So..... sales at Dillard's = ME and wine selection = RJ?

  9. #9
    Cyburbian Plus
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    AIB Bear
    Sorry I can't answer now because I have no one to ask.
    Oddball
    Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves?
    Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here?
    Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?
    From Kelly's Heroes (1970)


    Are you sure you're not hurt ?
    No. Just some parts wake up faster than others.
    Broke parts take a little longer, though.
    From Electric Horseman (1979)

  10. #10
    Cyburbian Plus Whose Yur Planner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Zoning Goddess View post
    So..... sales at Dillard's = ME and wine selection = RJ?
    In our case, its Walmart and antique stores (her) ball games and bookstores for me. I've also been known to sit in the car and read while the 3-year-old sleeps in the car seat. She take the opportunity to go into Walmart with the 7-year-old and shops because shopping the 3-year-old is more than a challenge.
    When did I go from Luke Skywalker to Obi-Wan Kenobi?

  11. #11
    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
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    No power struggle in the Otterpop den. My wife comes from a more traditional culture, so she often lets me have my way. On the other hand, I prefer to avoid arguments, so I also let her have her way probably more often.

    We have a few agreements worked out. She gets to watch the Spanish language news at 7:30 in peace and I get to watch the Daily Show at 9:00 in peace. She still hasn't learned to drive , so I have to drive her to the stores, but never on a Saturday (when I get to do whatever I want, well, within reason. ).

    As the woman holds the key to sexual interludes, let's face it, guys, we like to keep them happy.
    "I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

    ~ Otterpop ~

  12. #12
    Cyburbian sisterceleste's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Bear Up North View post
    This Bear can't answer now. I have to go ask Katie.

    Bear
    I like that answer.
    You darn tootin', I like fig newtons!

  13. #13
    NIMBY asshatterer Plus Richmond Jake's avatar
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    Interesting timing. Am I getting set-up for something? I better call ZG and ask.

  14. #14
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    From My Big Fat Greek Wedding:

    Toula Portokalos: Ma, Dad is so stubborn. What he says goes. "Ah, the man is the head of the house!"
    Maria Portokalos: Let me tell you something, Toula. The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants.


    That was pretty much what it was like when I was married. Alas that is no longer the case and the resident teenager thinks she has the power. Little does she know...
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  15. #15
    Cyburbian Rumpy Tunanator's avatar
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    My dogs think they have more power too, until I get out the belt Future wife better beware


    (Take a joke people)




    Somebody shoot me
    A guy once told me, "Do not have any attachments, do not have anything in your life you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you spot the heat around the corner."


    Neil McCauley (Robert DeNiro): Heat 1995

  16. #16
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Whose Yur Planner View post
    In our case, its Walmart and antique stores (her) ball games and bookstores for me.
    A few months ago, RJ and I were at Dillard's in his town because I needed makeup. I think he's realized now that twice a year at Dillard's, he can get $50 shirts for under $12. Way cheaper than Wal-Mart and much higher quality. Just gotta watch for those sales.

    Welllllll, if I knew he could buy a shirt today and pay $50 or wait a week and pay $9.99....

  17. #17
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Most relationships have power struggles. I can't think of any that don't. So I'm guessing not a lot of women here subscribe to the idea of the surrendered wife?
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  18. #18
    Cyburbian Luca's avatar
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    A worldy chap I know once described the basci cultural mores, as tehy currnetly stand as follows (he meant, hoiw the huaband stands relative to the wife in temrs of 'freedom' (from constant demands/nagging) and 'money' (control over the family finances/major decisions):

    Developing nation - freedom and money (waht there is of it)
    European - no freedom but money
    Japanese - freedom but no money
    USian - no freedom and no money

    I knew some really great girls when I lived stateside, but the way most guys in the US let themselves be henpecked is just sad...


    and here is my personal quick guide to utlity of women by country (limited to countries I have experience with)

    Italy, France, Spain, etc. - bad girlfriend, good wife
    US, Scandinavia - good girfirend, bad wife
    UK - good girlfriend, good wife
    Middle East - too chicken to find out...
    Life and death of great pattern languages

  19. #19
    Cyburbian Jen's avatar
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    he can dress himself!

    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    Most relationships have power struggles. I can't think of any that don't. So I'm guessing not a lot of women here subscribe to the idea of the surrendered wife?
    I took the quiz and scored a 94!! That surrendered wife bit sounds a lot like someone who needs to quit their bitchin'!

    I treat my husband like an adult, I dont tell him what to do, and he doesn't need my permission to go out and play. and vice versa. Having said that, using common courtesy goes a long way in keeping things on an even keel.

  20. #20
    Cyburbian Luca's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Jen View post
    I took the quiz and scored a 94!! That surrendered wife bit sounds a lot like someone who needs to quit their bitchin'!

    I treat my husband like an adult, I dont tell him what to do, and he doesn't need my permission to go out and play. and vice versa. Having said that, using common courtesy goes a long way in keeping things on an even keel.
    A very common-sense response...

    I must admit that "surrendered wife" sounds like somethign the Taliban would enforce
    Life and death of great pattern languages

  21. #21
    Cyburbian michaelskis's avatar
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    Happy Wife = Happy Life... do I need to say anymore?
    Not my monkey, not my circus. - Old Polish Proverb

  22. #22
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    It all depends who controls the sex in the relationship. In most healthy and normal relationships (is that an oxymoron ), that person is the woman, so yes wives have more power.

    I consider myself a very intelligent and opinionated person, but my wife runs the household and I have no problem with that. I actually prefer it that way so I can expend my considerable intelligence on other important matters

  23. #23
    Cyburbian Budgie's avatar
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    First of all, I'm a "whatever" kind of guy, so I don't force or demand anything and usually don't care what my SO's preference is. This is not giving in or agreeing without a mind of my own... it's just that I don't sweat the small stuff and can roll with it.

    My X always got her way, even on the big things after some lengthy discussions. When we would go to social functions, she would finish my sentences and dominate conversations which really irked me. When we were going through counseling, the counselor (a woman) told my X to pipe down and listen for a change. It was very gratifying to know that others preceived her dominance through gab.

    Well, I guess that's for what it's worth. I'm not even sure it's relevant.
    "And all this terrible change had come about because he had ceased to believe himself and had taken to believing others. " - Leo Tolstoy

  24. #24
    Cyburbian zman's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Budgie View post
    First of all, I'm a "whatever" kind of guy, so I don't force or demand anything and usually don't care what my SO's preference is. This is not giving in or agreeing without a mind of my own... it's just that I don't sweat the small stuff and can roll with it.
    The same goes for me. And it has been wonderful... (in my three weeks of marriage).

    As for running the house, I do most of the cooking and cleaning, as well as run the finances. Sometimes it gets frustrating, but I feel bad asking for help-- sort of like I will become the demanding husband if I do.

    Need to work on that, I guess.
    You get all squeezed up inside/Like the days were carved in stone/You get all wired up inside/And it's bad to be alone

    You can go out, you can take a ride/And when you get out on your own/You get all smoothed out inside/And it's good to be alone
    -Peart

  25. #25
    Cyburbian DecaturHawk's avatar
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    To quote the great philosopher, Bill Cosby:

    "I know who's the boss in our house. I've seen the bosses job, and I DON'T WANT IT!"
    SOME say the world will end in fire, Some say in ice.
    From what I’ve tasted of desire
    I hold with those who favor fire.
    But if it had to perish twice, I think I know enough of hate
    To know that for destruction ice
    Is also great
    And would suffice.

    Robert Frost (1874–1963) (From Harper’s Magazine, December 1920.)

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