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Thread: Dating, Relocating, & Grad School

  1. #1
    Cyburbian
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    Dating, Relocating, & Grad School

    Has anyone been in a similiar situation:

    dating someone (not engaged but maybe one day i'll pop the question)...and she is finishing grad school, meanwhile I will be starting this fall MUP..her graduate degree is in Public Health...The both of us have plans of relocating elsewhere ( she hates it here in current city) (my hometown).....She will be done in May..I will be done hopefully 2009/2010...

    Or when u and your mate look for employment in another city....what if one of us lands a great gig? We both kinda like kansas city but if we could get a job,my guess is we shuold be employable anywhere....


    Who has advice or testimonials??

  2. #2
    Cyburbian the north omaha star's avatar
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    I had visions of grandeur of moving to NYC or LA after I finished grad school. Less than a year later of finishing grad school, I meet the soon-to-be Mrs. Star. The only way I can move to NYC or LA now is if something drastic were to happen. But we both agree N. Carolina (Raleigh or Charlotte).

  3. #3
    Cyburbian jmello's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by the north omaha star View post
    But we both agree N. Carolina (Raleigh or Charlotte).
    That's how we ended up here. I wanted Seattle, Vancouver or Denver. She wanted to stay on the East Coast. We compromised on NC.

    Try taking a trip somewhere together to check out potential places.

  4. #4
    Cyburbian KSharpe's avatar
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    Oh, I've been there, shed tears over it, etcetera. It comes down to what's important in your life. Work is only what I do 40 hours a week- it's not my life.I'm not a person who puts career above all (especially love) and my now-husband was the same. Basically, you have to negotiate these things. After grad school, I got the first offer, so he followed me. But I'm willing to move, too, if the need arises.

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    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Frankly if you aren't engaged, about to definitely be engaged, or married I would not let the relationship dictate where I went to graduate school. What I would let dictate where I went to graduate school is program fit to my ultimate planning goals, likability of the surrounding area of the school, cost & financial funding of/from the program, and it's post school network. If the relationship is meant to be then it will survive, if it isn't basing your school choice decision upon it will only create resentment in the end. But what the heck do I know?
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

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    Cyburbian DecaturHawk's avatar
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    I assume that at the end of grad school, you are going to be a planner. In planning, moving around is a fact of life, particularly in the public sector, where moving up usually means moving out. When my wife met me, she realized that if we were to have a life together, it meant moving around a bit. Since marriage 12 years ago, we have moved 5 times (7 times if you count moves to different houses in the same city). We are now entrenched here in the Grand city on a Grand River, working for a consulting firm, where I still have upward mobility, and expect to stay a long time. But the economy could go bad (I mean worse - after all, this is Michigan), and the company could fold--then it's time to move again. You could locate in a large metro where there are many public sector employers and move around among them without relocating, but you still may have to move domiciles if your new employer has a residency requirement (fairly common when you make it to the department director level). I guess the bottom line is, find a place that you like and where you can grow in your career. If your loved one wants to follow you around and wants good job opportunities, you will probably have to stay in large metros. My advice: before making a commitment, make sure your future spouse is comfortable with moving around.

  7. #7
    Cyburbian michaelskis's avatar
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    Welcome to my world. I get married in 9 weeks. When I met my now fiancee about three years ago, she lived in a city an hour north of me. 9 months later she moved in with me and commuted back and forth. Then 8 months later, we bought a place in the City that she worked in.

    During this time I was working full time, taking full time grad school classes, and she was taking full time (advanced) nursing classes.

    For just more than a year now, I have had a one hour commute each way... but that is for the following reasons:
    • I much rather commute than worry about her commuting
    • I like that city much more than the area I work (we live in a historic district walking distance from everything in downtown.
    • I would like to find a job in that city
    If you're not growing, you're dying. - Lou Holtz

  8. #8
          Downtown's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by MDGARD01 View post
    Or when u and your mate look for employment in another city....what if one of us lands a great gig? We both kinda like kansas city but if we could get a job,my guess is we shuold be employable anywhere....
    My DH and I are both from upstate NY, but met at grad school in SC. He graduated the year ahead of me, and moved back to NY for a job, while I finished in SC, intending for me to move to NY when I finished.

    Then I got a great job in SC, so he moved back, since he wasn't loving his job.

    The we decided we really couldn't live so far away from our families, and both moved back to upstate NY and miraculously both got planning jobs, and now we both work for the same muni, (he's our GIS guy and I'm the planner).

    Grad school is what it is - you're going to be very busy for the next couple of years, and I agree with kjelsadek - go to school where it makes sense for your future career aspirations. However, once you're done, you and your girlfriend need to be on the same page about where you want to wind up.

    If she isn't going to be done until Spring of 2008, why can't she just hang out until you're done the following year, and then you can move together - or she can move slightly ahead of you, in a mutually agreed upon location that you should be able to secure a job?

  9. #9
    Cyburbian cch's avatar
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    My husband and I had a long-distance relationship while we were in school. While I was in graduate school (and he had recently finished) we ended up getting an apartment together near his first job, that was an hour away from my school, but I didn't mind the commute a few days a week. We weren't yet engaged at that point, but about 6 months later he did pop the question, and we got married 6 months after that, while I was still in graduate school.

    Well, once I was done with my coursework we knew we wanted to move somewhere a little more "happening", where I could get a good job. And it had to be a pretty metropolitan area for the best chance of us both finding work in our fields. After I landed a job he quit his and followed me. We knew that his background and education was a lot more versitile than mine (his degree was in industrial education and technology). Once we moved I supported the both of us for awhile, while he pounded the pavement job hunting. Luckily, it only took him 3 months to land a job, which ended up being the best thing for him, because this job introduced him onto a new career path that he loves.

    My advice is that you two agree to follow you, since Planning is a more specialized field than Public Health, and you rarely hear of somebody moving somewhere, and THEN finding a planning job there.

  10. #10
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    oh wow what a familiar feeling!

    im new to cyburbia and ive been trawling posts for the past week to find info on grad schools.

    living with bf (its fairly serious) and im not quite sure how to approach him about the schools im thinking about. live in NC so UNC is 1st choice, but im also considering uci and denver, or vcu if i want to stay close to this area.

    i know that once i tell him where im thinking about, "the" conversation about our future is imminent. thats all.

  11. #11
    Cyburbian
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    i know that once i tell him where im thinking about, "the" conversation about our future is imminent. thats all.[/QUOTE]

    we've had talks about relocating, but I feel selfish about having somewait "wait" for me....I'm telling her to look for good opportunities
    no matter the location, but I kina sound like Im pushing her away...We have put off even living with each other for now..(all friends say big no-no) so its just a lot of weight for me...Now I can truly appreciate being single.(sigh)

    I need a sinsay!

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