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Thread: Bleedin' call centres not taking 'no' for a bloody answer...

  1. #1
    Feb 2007
    just back from a massive dog fight session

    Bleedin' call centres not taking 'no' for a bloody answer...

    For the last 5 or so months I have regularly received phone calls (upto 5 times a day) asking for someone who simply does not exist. Despite asking who the call centre company is, telling them that no Mr Williams exists on this number and never has, and being simply downright condescending, still they ring back. So today I fired off this email:

    Dear Sir/Madam/Automated Email Receiver

    Firstly, apologies if I have contacted the wrong company, but your company was the first British-based 'Global Solution Mortgage' result on Google. Rest assured, the remaining list will be contacted over time, as I work through it.

    Right, on to the main reason for this email. I keep receiving phones calls to my work telephone number from your (possible ) representatives, I assume which are based on the Indian sub-continent due to their accents. I am willing to be corrected on this, indeed if they are UK-based I applaud your stance on ethnic minority employment. Anyway, I digress. These representatives repeatedly ask to speak to 'Robbie Williams' or 'Robin Williams'. I can assure you that no one of that name has ever sat at this desk, or indeed has been employed in this office.

    As a result of the latest call asking after Mr Williams I did manage to get the name 'Global Solutions' from the person on the end of the phone (exoticly called 'Sharon') and that the call was in relation to a mortgage taken out by Mr Williams. Hence my arrival at your business. Unfortunately I could not get any further information out of Sharon as I had clearly deviated from the script, and perhap she did not understand.

    I kindly request that you do the needful and remove my work number (+44 (0) 113 XXX XXXX) from your records. I suspect Mr Williams has probably fleeced you in some way, hence the repeated phone calls to the wrong number. Kudos due to him, I reckon. Unfortunately I cannot supply any other information about Mr Williams, but I hope you can cross reference my work telephone number with his name to achieve the desired outcome. Please be aware that in order to get my number removed from this calling list/your records I will pretend to be Mr Williams at the next call in order to garner further information. I am sure you are conscious that this is rather illegal, and any divulgence of information in relation to Mr Williams will, I suspect, put you in breach of customer confidentiality legislation.

    I wish you all the best in your pursuit of Mr Williams.

    If this does not involve your company in anyway I apologise profusely
    Anyone got any tips for taking my number off their call list if this doesn't work?! Or even some kind of reverse wind up I can partake in, or gain revenge/some small pleasure out of these persistant shits?
    Last edited by HarryFossettsHat; 05 Oct 2007 at 10:24 AM. Reason: took my actual work number out...

  2. #2
    Cyburbian hilldweller's avatar
    Jan 2005
    Land of Confusion
    Could they be looking for this loser?

  3. #3
    Cyburbian statler's avatar
    Jul 2002
    Boston Area
    Hey! No dissin' the World's Most Handsome Man!
    "So, if a city has a personality, maybe it also has a soul. Maybe it dreams." -Gaiman

  4. #4
    Cyburbian Duke Of Dystopia's avatar
    Jul 2003
    Cyburbias Brewpub, best seat in the haus!

    Keep them on the line as long as possible. Make up and tell lies and stories that have no basis in fact. People in call centre's get in trouble for being with 1 customer to long. They also leave notes, so keep them talking. Be abusive in the length of time to give answeres.

    Ask to speak with thier floor manager. When you get them, insist you speak to thier manager. They hate that!

    get an air horn and blow it into thier ears. Remember, you may cause permanant deafness, but if they won't listen, they called you!

    Ask them personal, embarassing and even worse questions, remember, they take notes.
    I can't deliver UTOPIA, but I can create a HELL for you to LIVE in :)DoD:(

  5. #5
    Cyburbian Plus
    Jun 2003
    You will find many funny ways of dealing with them by googling "How To Deal with Telemarketers"

  6. #6
    Cyburbian Planit's avatar
    Mar 2005
    In a 480 square foot ex baseball nacho stand
    A telemarker called a few nights ago and I gave the telephone to Wee P (she's 4) and told them about the princess movie she was watching (Ms. P and I just sat there snickering)
    "Whatever beer I'm drinking, is better than the one I'm not." DMLW
    "Budweiser sells a product they reflectively insist on calling beer." John Oliver

  7. #7
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
    Dec 2005
    Wishing I were in Asia somewhere!
    Blog entries
    Quote Originally posted by Planit View post
    A telemarker called a few nights ago and I gave the telephone to Wee P (she's 4) and told them about the princess movie she was watching (Ms. P and I just sat there snickering)
    That's fabulous!
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  8. #8
    Gunfighter Mastiff's avatar
    Oct 2001
    Middle of a Dusty Street
    Ask them what they look like and what they're wearing... pretend to be killing kittens.
    C'mon and get me you twist of fate
    I'm standing right here Mr. Destiny
    If you want to talk well then I'll relate
    If you don't so what cause you don't scare me

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