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Thread: Unpublished Rules of Marriage (split from RTDNTOTO)

  1. #1
    Cyburbian michaelskis's avatar
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    Unpublished Rules of Marriage (split from RTDNTOTO)

    This weekend I realized a new and important rule in marriage:

    Rule 801:
    It is not a good idea to car pool to an event lasting only an hour (or two) with the in-laws and their parents… you will be late for the remainder of the day and the car trips will not be enjoyable.
    Not my monkey, not my circus. - Old Polish Proverb

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    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by michaelskis View post
    This weekend I realized a new and important rule in marriage:

    Rule 801:
    It is not a good idea to car pool to an event lasting only an hour (or two) with the in-laws and their parents… you will be late for the remainder of the day and the car trips will not be enjoyable.
    Marriage Rule #7112:
    Understand that at some point during your marriage you will grow mortally tired of trying to put on a happy face, nodding, and listening to the idiocy that comes spewing forth from one's in-laws mouths. It is only at moments like these that you will truly understand the wisdom/folly behind concealed weapons permits.
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

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    Cyburbian Mud Princess's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    Marriage Rule #7112:
    Understand that at some point during your marriage you will grow mortally tired of trying to put on a happy face, nodding, and listening to the idiocy that comes spewing forth from one's in-laws mouths. It is only at moments like these that you will truly understand the wisdom/folly behind concealed weapons permits.


    Am I one of those rare people who adores their in-laws??

    I think 'Rules of Marriage' would make a great FAC thread, though.

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    moderator in moderation Suburb Repairman's avatar
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    Moderator note:

    Suburb Repairman

    thread split from Random Thoughts Deserving No Thread of Their Own

    "Oh, that is all well and good, but, voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country."

    - Herman Göring at the Nuremburg trials (thoughts on democracy)

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    Cyburbian michaelskis's avatar
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    Rule 1
    Communication is essential… even if it is just notes left on the dog’s collar for each other.

    Rule 2
    “Yes Dear” is the answer to 98% of the questions… but it is never the answer to “Do these jeans make me look fat?”
    Not my monkey, not my circus. - Old Polish Proverb

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    Cyburbian Captain Worley's avatar
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    Rule 326: "Well, just do what you want!" does not mean what it sounds like. In fact, it really means to do so at your own, inevitable peril.
    Navy collier
    USS Cyclops

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    Cyburbian Jeff's avatar
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    Rule 5432.a.iii

    Avoid in-laws at all cost.

    If presented with circumstance in which you shall be trapped in automobile with said in laws, castor oil comes in handy.

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    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Jeff View post
    Avoid in-laws at all cost.

    If presented with circumstance in which you shall be trapped in automobile with said in laws, castor oil comes in handy.
    To be consumed by you or them?
    “Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

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    Cyburbian Planit's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by michaelskis View post
    “Do these jeans make me look fat?”
    No sweetheart, its your ___ ___ that does. (then run as fast as you can to avoid the closet thing within her reach being thrown at you)
    "Whatever beer I'm drinking, is better than the one I'm not." DMLW
    "Budweiser sells a product they reflectively insist on calling beer." John Oliver

  10. #10
    While there is no marriage contract per se, there's so much fine print it is a wonder any marriage has any chance to succeed.

    Off-topic:
    I'm one lucky SOB -- my in-laws are the nicest, sweetest people. I truly love 'em
    On pitching to Stan Musial:
    "Once he timed your fastball, your infielders were in jeopardy."
    Warren Spahn

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    Cyburbian Fat Cat's avatar
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    Fat Cat

    I am very fortunate, my mother-in-law is a Saint and when my father-in-law was alive, he was like a dad to me. We used to hunt and fish together. I do not like to hunt and just went along with him because he enjoyed it,

  12. #12
    Cyburbian michaelskis's avatar
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    Phenomenon know as Attractive Juxtaposition of Circumstance

    About a year ago, while at a local bar that had an overabundance of very attractive women, wearing very little, Maister commented that really hot women never hit on him until after he was married. It is almost as if the Mighty Wedding Ring is actually a "Chick Magnet." There were several women that would just come up to him, start a conversation about random topics, and even if he wanted to dance. (He did not go)

    I wrote it off at the time... until today. A Carmen Diaz looking, 23 year old employee of a major pharmaceutical corporation was hitting on me like I was the last guy on the planet. She sat at the table right next to me in a completely empty fast food restaurant, asking question after question... and continued even though I mentioned the word WIFE a few times. She even mentioned that she eats there often and hopes that she runs into me again. Do you see this phenomenon as well? Or is it just the overwhelming charm of Stan and Stan?


    Rule 666

    The converse attractive force by the opposite sex is inversely and exponentially proportionate to the lack of or presentation of a wedding ring.
    Not my monkey, not my circus. - Old Polish Proverb

  13. #13
    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
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    Rule 256: Whenever possible, chose a spouse whose family lives on a separate continent. It really simplifies in-law problems.

    Rule 257: Be sure your spouse has a driver's license before you get the marriage license.
    "I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

    ~ Otterpop ~

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