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Thread: Finish this conversation #1

  1. #1
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Finish this conversation #1

    <RING>
    "Community Development, Maister speaking"
    "Hey, are you the guy that sent me that letter saying I didn't shovel my sidewalk?"
    "That would be me."
    "I don't see why I should have to. The neighbors at (such and such address) didn't clear theirs!"
    "Yes I know. I sent them the very same letter you got on the same day. The city ordinance requires everyone to clear their sidewalk within 24 hours of snow accumulation. You both have until Monday to get your sidewalks cleared."

    [long pause as the hampsters get on their exercise wheel]

    "Yeah, well this ain't right. I shouldn't have to do it cuz the neighbors ain't doing theirs."
    "Sir, as I just indicated both you AND your neighbor received the same violation notice and are both required to clear your sidewalks."
    "Well why should I have to do my sidewalk when neighbors don't have to."
    "But they DO have to."
    "Well they ain't been doin' it."
    "Yes, I know. That's why I sent them the same notice you got."
    "Don't patronize me! What you ain't explainin' to me is how come I gotta shovel my sidewalk when my neighbor ain't doing it."
    "Sir, let's be clear about this. Both you and your neighbor failed to clear your sidewalk. Both you and your neighbor are required to do so under city ordinance. Both you and your neighbor received the same letter on the same date and are required to have both of your sidewalks cleared by Monday or you will both receive a ticket. No one is singling you out."
    "You are one stupid SOB! Didn't you hear a godd*m thing I just said? I said my neighbor AIN'T CLEARING HIS SIDEWALK. So there's no way in H*ll I should have to do mine!"
    <CLICK>



    Heck, let's turn this into a game. If the caller had not hung up what should the next line have been?
    Last edited by Maister; 06 Feb 2009 at 12:18 PM.

  2. #2
    (for now) Frozen Caveman Planner mendelman's avatar
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    [repeat]"Sir, I'm going to sound repetitive but, both you and your neighbor failed to clear your sidewalk. Both you and your neighbor are required to do so under city ordinance. Both you and your neighbor received the same letter on the same date and are required to have both of your sidewalks cleared by Monday or you will both receive a ticket. No one is singling you out."[/repeat]
    I'm sorry. Is my bias showing?

    The ends can justify the means.

  3. #3
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    My submission

    "No, What's on second."

  4. #4
    Cyburbian Joe Iliff's avatar
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    I think your neighbor just called and said they wouldn't clear their sidewalk because you haven't cleared yours.

    Somehow I think this isn't about clearing the sidewalk.
    JOE ILIFF
    ________________________________________________________________________
    Debt is normal . . . Be weird!
    Dave Ramsey

    "Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard, solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think."
    Martin Luther King, Jr.

  5. #5
    Cyburbian SGB's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    "You are one stupid SOB! Didn't you hear a godd*m thing I just said? I said my neighbor AIN'T CLEARING HIS SIDEWALK. So there's no way in H*ll I should have to do mine!"
    <CLICK>

    Heck, let's turn this into a game. If the caller had not hung up what should the next line have been?
    "Well, sir. I'm sure I'll be sending both of your lazy @$$es notifications of fines. You should expect to receive yours on Tuesday. Do have a pleasant day."
    <CLICK>

    Moments later:

    <RING>
    "Community Development, Maister speaking"
    "You SOB - you just hung up on me!"
    "You are correct, sir. I did."
    <CLICK>
    All these years the people said he’s actin’ like a kid.
    He did not know he could not fly, so he did.
    - - Guy Clark, "The Cape"

  6. #6
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
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    My Response:

    "Sir, I fully agree with you. As you are no doubt aware, this conversation has been recorded. By the powers vested in me by the City of ..., I am hereby acknowledging your refusal to clear your sidewalk in a timely manner and I am dispatching a city contractor crew to your address. They will arrive in approximately 30 minutes and clear it for you. The fee will be $500. Your neighbor still has until Monday to clear his or her sidewalk. Thank you and have a good day."
    “Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

  7. #7
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    "Sir, if you swear at me again, I"m going to hang up on you".

    (Secretly hoping he does swear, so I could slam the phone down.)
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  8. #8
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Thanks guys!

    You have no idea how cathartic this is. I highly recommend to anyone who runs into a frustrating conversation like this that they should start a 'finish the conversation' thread. Perhaps institutional civility might prevent you from saying what you really want to say to some dolt's face on the job, but there's no reason you can't let it fly in the FAC!

    We're not done here, though. I need/want to hear more.

  9. #9
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    "If you swear at me one more time I am going to end this call." Then do it.

    "OK, you can tell that to the judge when you get your ticket."
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  10. #10
    Cyburbian
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    "Hey, speaking of stupid SOBs, what do you think of the Lion's coach?"

  11. #11
    Cyburbian boiker's avatar
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    "You are one stupid SOB! Didn't you hear a godd*m thing I just said? I said my neighbor AIN'T CLEARING HIS SIDEWALK. So there's no way in H*ll I should have to do mine!"
    "Let me check the code to make sure the ticket was appropriate...please hold..."
    <20 minutes later>

    "sir? sir?"

    (hmm, must of hung up to shovel the driveway)
    Dude, I'm cheesing so hard right now.

  12. #12
    Cyburbian Brocktoon's avatar
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    "Sir, I am going to give you two choices and remember you can only pick option A or option B."
    "Option A, shovel your sidewalk and avoid a fine or Option B don't shovel your sidewalk and receive the fine." Either choice will involve your action because as we all know know this would be a much nicer place to live if people stopped worrying about what their neighbors were or were not doing and took responsibility for their own actions." So is it option A or option B"
    "But Maister..."
    "Option A or Option B...pick one."
    "My neighbor..."
    " Option A or Option B..."
    "If you don't like change, you're going to like irrelevance even less" General Eric Shinseki

  13. #13
    Cyburbian Emeritus Bear Up North's avatar
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    "Please don't hang up."
    "Listen, you overpaid city schmuck, I ain't gonna clear my sidewalk!"
    Pause
    "Hey, is this Russ? Russ, down in Sanitation?"
    "I ain't no goxdamn 'Russ', or whatever whomever you be sayin'."
    "This IS Russ. I can tell by the way you smack your lips together and by your clicking teeth."
    "I told yo'all, I ain't no 'Russ'."
    "You got me....good, Russell. Kind of a payback for the softball game. eh?"
    "You're a jerkwad."
    "Say, Russ.....how come you never had your partials fixed so your teeth don't click?"



    Bear
    Occupy Cyburbia!

  14. #14
    Cyburbian Queen B's avatar
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    Aaaw, now have I been pranked? ( In my Sarah Palin Voice)
    Well is n't that fun.
    You have a pleasant day now...
    It is all a matter of perspective!!!

  15. #15
    Cyburbian imaplanner's avatar
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    I understand you aren't going to clear your sidewalk. How do you feel about clearing your neighbors sidewalk?

  16. #16
    Cyburbian zman's avatar
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    Man, as someone who walks to work in a (sometimes) wintery environment, people who don't shovel snow in the mornings really chap my ass. (As you all know, I am OCD when it comes to shoveling my own driveway and walk.
    Therefore, I would have probably flipped out and laid into the guy for being an ignorant dumbass...

    ...Or I would have told him to smoke a fatty and chill out...

    ...Or I would have left work and smoked a fatty myself....

    <cue rastafarian smilie...>
    You get all squeezed up inside/Like the days were carved in stone/You get all wired up inside/And it's bad to be alone

    You can go out, you can take a ride/And when you get out on your own/You get all smoothed out inside/And it's good to be alone
    -Peart

  17. #17
    Cyburbian Veloise's avatar
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    "If your neighbor (didn't) jump(ed) off a tall building, would you do that too?"

  18. #18
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Brocktoon View post
    "Sir, I am going to give you two choices and remember you can only pick option A or option B."
    Or speaking of options, better yet -
    "Look dickweed, has it occurred to you that I KNOW where you live. I'm getting in the car right now and driving over to your house. In precisely 7 minutes you can either: A) have a shovel in your hand and be clearing your sidewalk or B) end up squeeling louder than Ned Beatty did in 'Deliverance'!"

  19. #19
    Gunfighter Mastiff's avatar
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    "Sir, the fine for this offense is $500 per day. For all I care, you can wait for it to melt! The City can use the funds!"
    -----------------------------------------------------------------
    C'mon and get me you twist of fate
    I'm standing right here Mr. Destiny
    If you want to talk well then I'll relate
    If you don't so what cause you don't scare me

  20. #20
    Cyburbian Planit's avatar
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    Option 1) Are you from Ontario?

    Option 2) Thank you for the phone call, I guess we'll be talking again on Monday.

    Option 3) What part of "You have to shovel your sidewalk" don't you understand?

    Option 4) I need to reroute your call to our Florida office and ZG will be happy to help you. Just tell her you're from Michigan.

    Option 5) It sounds like you have an issue with either your neighbor, for not shoveling his, or God who made it snow. See if one of them will shovel your sidewalk.

    Option 6) Sir please kindly go to he11.
    "Whatever beer I'm drinking, is better than the one I'm not." DMLW
    "Budweiser sells a product they reflectively insist on calling beer." John Oliver

  21. #21
    Cyburbian Cardinal's avatar
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    I would have gone the diplomatic route.

    "You are right. Your neighbor does have to shovel their sidewalk. If they don't I will issue them a citation and they will have to pay a fine. I am giving you a chance to correct the problem yourself so that I don't have to do the same to you. Everybody is required to shovel their sidewalks."
    Anyone want to adopt a dog?

  22. #22
    Cyburbian safege's avatar
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    We are collecting signatures for a petition to buy several snowblowers for the city. Should you decide to sign our petition, the service could be done for a nominal increase in your water bill.

    But for now, shovel the sidewalk.
    Psychotics are consistently inconsistent. The essence of sanity is to be inconsistently inconsistent.
    -Larry Wall

  23. #23
    Cyburbian Tide's avatar
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    "would you like to take your case up with our county attorney?"

  24. #24
    Cyburbian AnvilPartners's avatar
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    Here's my thoughts...

    "You're absolutely right sir. In retrospect I can see how we've singled you out and are unfairly demanding that you shovel your sidewalk when your neighbor hasn't shoveled his."

    Well, your dang right...my neighbor's not shovelling his sidewalk and I shouldn't have to either...

    "Since we obviously bungled this one, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'm going to personally call your negeighbor and let him know that you, specifically, informed me that he's not shovelling his sidewalk, and that you don't think it's fair that he gets to be lazy while you're required to shovel your sidewalk."

    "Then, I'm going to tell him he has until monday to get his sidewalk shoveled or it will cost him $500 per day, AND since he's the reason YOUR sidewalk isn't being shoveled, I'm going to charge him an EXTRA $500 per day for every day YOUR sidewalk isn't shoveled. I'll just let him know that since you called me to report his complete lack of respect for the public, we both figured he should be the one to pay $1,000 per day for BOTH sidewalks."

    Well now, I'm not so sure I want you calling Fred to...I mean you can't tell him...well that's not fair and...

    "OK, well if that doesn't seem fair to you -- AND YOU don't want to appear to be the lazy one, and maybe have Fred say the very same things about you, I'll just tell him that you are also being required to shovel your sidewalk just like he is, and if you don't, you'll be paying a $500 fine come monday morning just like he will if he doesn't shovel his.

    "Now about the letter I sent to you and Fred last week. I'd suggest you take your letter over to his house and compare it with the letter he has to see if this arrangement isn't the same for both of you. Perhaps the both of you together can figure out how this is going to work, and can, working together figure out how to avoid the $1,000 in fines."
    "Sometimes you have to get medieval with it...hammer, sparks, sweat, the whole nine yards...so don't forget your asbestos suit."
    Aphorisms on Public Hearings, Planning Guild Handbook (2001).

  25. #25
    Cyburbian Brocktoon's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    Or speaking of options, better yet -
    "Look dickweed, has it occurred to you that I KNOW where you live. I'm getting in the car right now and driving over to your house. In precisely 7 minutes you can either: A) have a shovel in your hand and be clearing your sidewalk or B) end up squeeling louder than Ned Beatty did in 'Deliverance'!"
    Callers response, " see you in 7...soooweeeee, soooooooweeeeeee..."
    "If you don't like change, you're going to like irrelevance even less" General Eric Shinseki

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