Urban planning community

+ Reply to thread
Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 35

Thread: RJ's Death Thread (no he's not dead....yet...)

  1. #1
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
    Registered
    Sep 1999
    Location
    400 miles from Orlando
    Posts
    13,777

    RJ's Death Thread (no he's not dead....yet...)

    My brother and I were having a discussion today about our Mom. She is almost 92, severe dementia, has always been in denial about getting old, and did no funeral "preplanning". I guess she got hosed when Dad died because my brother thought $5k was "reasonable" for cremation. (National Cremation Society, that's where we're going this time... $1100)

    Anyway, RJ and I were talking. His will says his kids will dump his ashes in the landscape planters at a restaurant in CA (apparently illegal). He's now thinking "I've been everywhere man, I've been everywhere"; like those people who take sock monkeys all around the world for pics in front of landmarks.

    Provided people are still alive at his demise...and I cremate him and put him in a box... The One to take him to the Grand Canyon, Budgie with banjo solo with QB by the hot tub, BUN place him on the side of the court while you shoot hoops, etc.

    What are everyone else's plans?

  2. #2
    Cyburbian Plus
    Registered
    Jun 2003
    Location
    De Noc
    Posts
    18,164
    Thanks alot for reminding me and scaring me at the same time.
    Still single at 51, childless, no family nearby, and nothing written - DNR, Living Will or Will.
    Guess I am a mess.
    Oddball
    Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves?
    Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here?
    Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?
    From Kelly's Heroes (1970)


    Are you sure you're not hurt ?
    No. Just some parts wake up faster than others.
    Broke parts take a little longer, though.
    From Electric Horseman (1979)

  3. #3
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
    Registered
    Sep 1999
    Location
    400 miles from Orlando
    Posts
    13,777
    Quote Originally posted by JNA View post
    Thanks alot for reminding me and scaring me at the same time.
    Still single at 51, childless, no family nearby, and nothing written - DNR, Living Will or Will.
    Guess I am a mess.
    Well, it's IMPORTANT!! I've had a will for 15 years.

    I would have included you on the RJ death tour, but he just wasn't interested in the NJ shore...

  4. #4
    Cyburbian Mud Princess's avatar
    Registered
    Aug 2002
    Location
    Upstate
    Posts
    4,870
    We've been talking about writing our will for, oh, only the last seven years... and it still hasn't gotten done. I know, I know...

    My plan, even though I haven't written it down anywhere, is to be cremated, and have my ashes scattered in one of two different places (one is a mountain and may not be feasible if no one is able to hike it; the other is in a state park). Hubbie wants his body donated to science... to a medical school or something. I have mixed feelings about that myself but would honor his request.

    Whew... why does talking about this make me so uncomfortable? Is it hot in here or what?

  5. #5
    Cyburbian Emeritus Chet's avatar
    Registered
    Aug 2001
    Location
    South Milwaukee
    Posts
    8,935
    I just finished a 10 day stint in the hospital. While there, I did the living will, Medical Power of Attorney, and DNR, but not the Last Will and Testament. Being single with no kids, I dont much care if my estate goes into Probate Court.

  6. #6
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
    Registered
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Slightly Off-Center
    Posts
    8,259
    I thought ZG was asking what the rest of us would like to do to memorialize RJ but I guess no one else did. I'm sure he's planning on me going first, so what the hey...not point in aggravating him.

    We've had a will for over 10 years but just realized last night that it needs to be updated due to adultness of kids, changes in property ownership, etc. We also have filled out forms giving general instructions on what to do with our remains and funeral instructions related to type of service to do or not do. In general, I figure that I won't care at the time so just get rid of me in an environmentally sensitive and inexpensive way.
    “Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

  7. #7
    Cyburbian illinoisplanner's avatar
    Registered
    May 2005
    Location
    The Fox Valley
    Posts
    4,765
    Blog entries
    1
    One day after driving the same country road that I take between college and home, and seeing the three crosses in a row where teens have been killed in accidents and after the shooting at my school, it just made me think that hey, anyone could die tomorrow, no matter how old you are. You just never know. So, I started making somewhat of a will on my computer. But I'm still young and broke, and don't have a whole lot of investments at the moment, so it's mainly a list of people to contact, where I want to be buried, where I want the funeral service, how to cancel accounts, what I want my obit to say, etc. It probably needs to be updated already though.
    "Life's a journey, not a destination"
    -Steven Tyler

  8. #8
    Cyburbian
    Registered
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Section 14-12-7, 3rd PM
    Posts
    2,096

    You never know what tomorrow might bring

    May I suggest everyone write their mother a letter and tell her how much you love her, and know how much she loves you. Somehow put her mind at ease if she didn't get a chance to say goodbye. Put it with your will or somewhere she will find it if the unspeakable happens. This is far more important then how to divide up your stuff.

    Nobody ever thinks it will happen to their family, but believe me, it does.

  9. #9
    Cyburbian Budgie's avatar
    Registered
    Feb 2000
    Location
    Sans Souci
    Posts
    5,265
    Quote Originally posted by Zoning Goddess View post
    Provided people are still alive at his demise...and I cremate him and put him in a box... The One to take him to the Grand Canyon, Budgie with banjo solo with QB by the hot tub, BUN place him on the side of the court while you shoot hoops, etc.
    Sounds good to me.... so when are you going to knock him off?
    "And all this terrible change had come about because he had ceased to believe himself and had taken to believing others. " - Leo Tolstoy

  10. #10
    Cyburbian Veloise's avatar
    Registered
    May 2004
    Location
    Grand Rapids, Michigan (Detroit ex-pat since 2004)
    Posts
    4,787
    Quote Originally posted by savemattoon View post
    May I suggest everyone write their mother a letter and tell her how much you love her, and know how much she loves you. Somehow put her mind at ease if she didn't get a chance to say goodbye. Put it with your will or somewhere she will find it if the unspeakable happens. This is far more important then how to divide up your stuff....
    That's one good thing about a prolonged illness/treatment/hospice care. All that comes out, and you have the time needed to say good-bye. (Unless, like my sibs, you live some distance away. They were short-changed and somewhat surprised.)

    Along with tacky comments. In my case, it was "can I have your shoes?" So we had fun (yes, fun!) going through them and doing inventory. I think she had something like 75 pairs, many brand new and still in the box. (I kept one pair that have a reasonable non-heel.)

  11. #11
    Cyburbian Planit's avatar
    Registered
    Mar 2005
    Location
    In a 480 square foot ex baseball nacho stand
    Posts
    7,327
    We didn't have any "instructions" until last year. Wee P was 4 then and our attorney friend kinda got on us to have a will drawn up to protect her more than anything else. So it's done. Instructions for who gets to take care of her and what to do with us (I'm sure she has her own thoughts about that subject).

    This is pretty timely too becasue a friend of ours just had to go to court to keep their paranets house from going to the nursing home. One parent is in a nursing home and one is still at home, but could go anytime. Let's just say it all worked out, but make sure that stuff is taken care of because it can be a real pain if its not.

    As for RJ, I'll take his box to a baseball game, pour in a beer and a hot dog. If he's really good and doesn't heckle the umpires too much, I'll even throw in a couple peanuts.
    "Whatever beer I'm drinking, is better than the one I'm not." DMLW
    "Budweiser sells a product they reflectively insist on calling beer." John Oliver

  12. #12
    Cyburbian Plus PlannerGirl's avatar
    Registered
    Mar 2002
    Location
    Va
    Posts
    4,604
    My family is rather odd in the death dept. The intimidate family has always been very comfortable with the idea of death and even as kids were involved in discussions on plans and wishes. This was a good thing when my mom died at 46 and we all knew exactly what mom wanted *turn that GD machine off* I signed the order to turn everything off without a second thought. Extended family is not so comfy with death, the idea that we would turn off life support for their kin was murder and a long ugly battle with the state of Alabama and the family began. Yes she had a living will etc but the laws in Alabama suck. Lost any dealings with her side of the family. My mother was not treated in death as she had wanted so now she lays alone on a big hill full of graves that no one visits in a cofin that cost more than her car did. She would be outraged but it shut her parents up.

    This only reinforced the ideas my father, sister and I share-no machines, cremate us and toss us anywhere or donate us to a medical school. As low impact and as little fanfare as possible please. Yes this does some what conflict with my religious views but oh well. We have had living wills, power of atty etc from high school on and keep them pretty up to date.

    Death is going to happen more often than not when your not expecting it so why make it harder on the family?

    Yup warned you my family is a bit off
    "They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin

    Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO- HOO what a ride!'"

  13. #13
    Cyburbian WSU MUP Student's avatar
    Registered
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Lowering the PCI in the Hills
    Posts
    5,776
    Internment at the Great Lakes National Cemetary (or a similar facility depending upon where I am living when I am called home). How I get there is totally up to my family as long as a funeral procession is not involved.
    "Where free unions and collective bargaining are forbidden, freedom is lost." - 1980 Republican presidential candidate Ronald Reagan

  14. #14
    Cyburbian tsc's avatar
    Registered
    Oct 2002
    Location
    Under the Table
    Posts
    1,900
    Blog entries
    6
    I have a will...having no kids I surely don't want my estate to go to NYS. I would rather give my money to anyone else. Family first..then maybe some charity. I want to be sprinkled on the beach at Cape Cod...Herring Cove preferably.
    "Yeehaw!" is not a foreign policy

    Renovating the '62 Metzendorf
    http://metzendorf.blogspot.com/

  15. #15
    For those of you planning cremation, be sure to select the urn (or style of urn) you prefer and be sure it is included in the purchase price. Trust me on this. Trust me.
    On pitching to Stan Musial:
    "Once he timed your fastball, your infielders were in jeopardy."
    Warren Spahn

  16. #16
    Cyburbian craines's avatar
    Registered
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Los Angeles, California
    Posts
    578
    I want to be stuffed and put on wheels and kept in the basement and have the relations pull me around the neighborhood. Or i would like to be made into something usefull such as a buffet cart or a piece of architectural ornamentation.
    Looking for Sanity
    In this Crazy Land Of Ours

  17. #17
    Cyburbian Habanero's avatar
    Registered
    Dec 2001
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    2,662
    We've got our wills in place and everything is taken care of for the most part. I think the hardest part was deciding who we would want to take care of our kiddo god forbid we were to both die early. Then the pup, who is going to take all three of our lovies in?

    And, like savemattoon said, we've put letters to our daughter with our documents. If we have another child we'll do the same.

    If RJ wanted to add it on to the Tour de RJ, I'd take him by the Stevie Ray Vaughn statue in Austin and he can give him a high five.
    When Jesus said "love your enemies", he probably didn't mean kill them.

  18. #18
    Cyburbian Queen B's avatar
    Registered
    Mar 2003
    Location
    "Somewhere in the middle"
    Posts
    3,160

    This just has to be killing him not to be able to respond!!!

    ZG there is something creepy about all that but if that is the request then so be it!!!

    No real plans except cremation. I don't want people looking at my dead body. YUK!
    It is all a matter of perspective!!!

  19. #19
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
    Registered
    Feb 2004
    Location
    on my 15 minute break
    Posts
    18,169
    I put our beloved hund down (cancer) at 3:00 a.m. last night. At that hour the only place open is the animal emergency hospital and they usually charge a premium for everything. They wanted $100 to euthanize her and $400 to cremate and return her remains in a special box. I have no idea if that is comparatively expensive or not, but at 3 am I wasn't in much of a position or mood to haggle (although I confess that scene with John Goodman in the Big Lebowski went through my mind.... "just put the ashes in this coffee can, dammit!"). It also bugged me more than a little as they were insistent on getting all the forms signed and payment processed before putting her to sleep. Meanwhile she's in agony (I suppose the alternative to badger you to sign all the forms and whatnot after she's dead isn't much better, either)

    For future reference I suppose it does make sense to plan for these sorts of things ahead of time, but i'm not sure what one could do differently in such a situation.

  20. #20
    Cyburbian imaplanner's avatar
    Registered
    May 2004
    Location
    Snarkville
    Posts
    6,593
    You all didn't know this about me - but I am immortal.

  21. #21
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
    Registered
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Slightly Off-Center
    Posts
    8,259
    Quote Originally posted by imaplanner View post
    You all didn't know this about me - but I am immortal.
    Off-topic:
    You must have fat-fingered your response. There's no "t" in immoral.
    “Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

  22. #22
    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
    Registered
    Jul 2003
    Location
    Down by Dun Ringill
    Posts
    6,048
    Blog entries
    6
    My best friend died on the 20th of June. His family had him cremated. Knowing my friend's proclivity for pot, I imagine the cremator might have got a contact high.

    He expressed a desire before his death that he wanted his ashes sent up in the Space Shuttle. He watched the launches on a reuglar basis. I don't know how practical a request that is. Right now he is in a teak urn at his sister's house. In a few months we plan to have a memorial for him in the town we all grew up in and give him a good send-off old school.

    I want to be cremated. As I wrote in another post - pour my ashes in the Clark Fork River at the top of Alberton/Cyr Gorge, so I can ride the river one last time!!
    "I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

    ~ Otterpop ~

  23. #23
    Cyburbian The One's avatar
    Registered
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Where Valley Fever Lives
    Posts
    7,324

    Sniffle....

    I'll do it.....

    Ok buddy.....here we are.....at the North Rim of the Grand Canyon.....I'm drinking a bottle of Far Niente for you man......WAAAAA!!!! OH WHY!!!!

    Who are we kidding....RJ will live to be 88+ and outlive most of the rest of us.....
    Skilled Adoxographer

  24. #24
    Cyburbian Plus
    Registered
    Jun 2003
    Location
    De Noc
    Posts
    18,164
    Gotta love this story -
    ... ashes to be launched in a fireworks shell
    http://www.indystar.com/apps/pbcs.dl...AL18/807030422
    His family is funneling about a half-teaspoon of ___ ashes into a fireworks shell that will create a white burst in the sky
    I can see RJ going out with a big bang.
    Oddball
    Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves?
    Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here?
    Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?
    From Kelly's Heroes (1970)


    Are you sure you're not hurt ?
    No. Just some parts wake up faster than others.
    Broke parts take a little longer, though.
    From Electric Horseman (1979)

  25. #25
    Cyburbian imaplanner's avatar
    Registered
    May 2004
    Location
    Snarkville
    Posts
    6,593
    Put him in a pipe and smoke him up.

+ Reply to thread
Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast

More at Cyburbia

  1. Replies: 12
    Last post: 02 Sep 2010, 9:18 AM
  2. Dead Horse Thread
    Cyburbia Issues and Help
    Replies: 23
    Last post: 30 May 2009, 11:50 PM
  3. 2006 Death Pool Update Thread
    Friday Afternoon Club
    Replies: 212
    Last post: 01 Jan 2007, 7:42 PM