There was mention of a 24 or 48 hour rule in the 'Neverending Dating thread'. I confess I am/was unfamiliar with these rules but have every confidence that folks still in the dating pool are going to fill us in on how they work. What are other examples of dating rules - which ones do you think make sense or would follow and which do you think are either obsolete or a waste of time?
Let's hear your views.
Last edited by Maister; 29 Oct 2008 at 9:17 AM.
No sex till at least 3 dates. Makes sense to me.
Granted.....I haven't dated in about 8 years, but for me the only rule was that there are no rules.
Each relationship is different with different expectations.
Before marriage my guy buddies followed the following rules:
3 days to call after the initial gathering of number, unless it will be used for entrace to a party that was mentioned during the initial encounter
Never drunk dial that person within the 3 days
If you "hook up" with a person you knew (after the 3 day rule of course) don't call the next day.
If we "hooked up" with someone we met that night, 24 hour rule applies
If you run into someone who you got a number from, but didn't call, 24 hour rule applies, as well as the standard "sorry i wrote down your number wrong/inputted your number wrong"
These were sadly the college rules i followed. I chucked everything out the window as soon as i realized these were pretty dumb rules to live by. Each person is different, so as stated, fly but that rule instead.
Brotip #2418 - know when it's time to switch from being "the little engine that could" to the "little engine that said, 'f*ck it'"
Even living a somewhat sheltered life, this Bear has formed some dating rules. No longer need them, though, because if Katie has shown the ability to stay with me after all these years......good to go.....
Never date a person you meet in a bar.
(Three of four marriages started in taverns.....Elbo Room, Turtle Club twice)
Never impress a date by holding your nose and blowing water out your ear.
(Impressed first wife on first date, just hours after breaking my ear drum while diving at deep-water quarry.)
Never go all the way with first wife's best friend after first wife insists that you do.
(First wife felt guilty for her outside-the-marriage adventure, so this was retribution.)
Never flip a coin to see which of the two eligible women you "get"....and your pal gets the other.
(Elbo Room, 1968. I "won". A few years later I noticed I really "lost" the coin toss.)
Never bring your new significant other to your very rural home at 3:00 AM.
(Katie and I pulled in driveway....and ex-wife's car was in driveway.....and bedroom light was on.)
Never drink too much at Put-In-Bay taverns.
(Walked back to boat, crashed in cuddy cabin. Two female friends, sans clothing, jumped in bed and tried to wake me up. No dice.)
Never deliberately splash young person at beach.
(Dating ensued. Romance followed. Teen pregnancy and broken heart trailed.)
Never date a teacher, Part 1.
(Not telling everything!)
Never date a teacher, Part 2.
(Sooooo not telling everything!)
Never date a person with a basement apartment.
(Oh the humanity!)
_____
Bear
Occupy Cyburbia!
That's basically what I subscribe to.Originally posted by btrage
"He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16
This is what I was going to say. I hear it all the time (never followed it). The only person I heard have a sex time restriction that she actually followed (I don't know anyone who does the 3 date thing) was a friend in college who waited 3 months into a relationship to sleep with each guy she dated. I always thought it was stupid, what magical time has passed that you're suddenly ready to sleep together? Should depend on the situation/person/etc., to my thinking.
It is ok to try and pick some one up on the train
"Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?" Zoolander
1. Separated = married. Walk away.
2. Divorce not at least a year old? Walk away. Even Mr Right Perfect Great Catch needs a full year to recover. (It sucks to be alone, but it sucks worse to be the transitional SO.)
3. Red flags? Pay attention. Your subconscious sees clearly.
4. Someone new will tell you everything you need to know about him/her in the first few minutes (or days).
5. If you want to be a counselor, go back to school and get a MSW, get someone to pay you for this service.
6. Don't stock up on mushy greeting cards for birthdays or other major events. (Don't get me started on presents.)
6a. If he gives you a "practical" gift (knife sharpening kit, warm wooly sweater for those long solitary walks), this is not romance.
7. If you trip and fall down the stairs in someone's cluttered house, and his first reaction is to repair the kid's toy that caused/was broken in the fall, put on your coat and walk out the door.
8. Signal-to-noise ratio is critical. Empty wagons make the most noise.
9. Playing pool, you "break," and two of the balls go into the holes. Your SO's response: "let me show you how to hold a pool cue." Put on your coat and walk out the door.
10: Workplace, long-distance, married three timers: never mind. Click the BACK button.
In the immortal words of Ann Landers:
it's better to be alone than to wish that you were.
Make an HONEST assessment of what kind of relationship(s?) you'd like to have.
Consult with at least one candid person to ensure that your self-assessment really is honest and clear, and that your relationship goals are realistic.
If your rules are already getting you that kind of relationship(s?) you want, then don't change your rules. (If it ain't broke, don't fix it.)
If your rules are not getting you the kind of relationship(s?) you want, keep changing your rules until you hit success.
^^This all may seem like doh!--but even some of the greatest planners use the wrong dating rules to accomplish their relationship goals.
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Last edited by Seana; 30 Oct 2008 at 9:58 AM.
I don't really follow any rules per se. As mentioned in the other thread, I usually wait for the guy to call me first. Only because I have a hard time putting myself out there. I would call though after a great date, probably a few days after if I haven't heard from them.
The sex on three dates thing is probably for those people that have consistently made bad choices in the past, that would be my guess....
I haven't had a date in 24 years cuz when we met and had a first date, it went so bad (among other things, I got carded and couldn't buy alcohol) we decided to spend our lives together.
So my advice: Be very very lucky!
Don't start until you're ready to follow through with whatever your end goal may be (relationship, marriage, companionship, sex, whatever it may be).
Back in the day, when my friends and I were disgusting pigs, we had two rules to determine if a girl was "dateable".
1. She had to weigh less than you.
2. She had to have a bigger chest than you.
That was it!!
(runs for cover from the rocks being thrown by women
That's great advice!!
I weigh more than ZG.
(Another planner running for cover.)
Thanks for the laugh. Hopefully you and your friends have evolved a step or two since then lol.
"He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16
^^Fabulous dating rules!
A few more:
- If SO keeps talking about ex, SO is not over the ex. Walk away.
- Avoid bringing up the "status" of your relationship. "Honey, we have to talk" is a turnoff.
- Don't contact your SO many times a day with text messages, phone calls, emails, etc.
- Don't be a nag. This one may seem obvious, but you wouldn't believe how many nags are out there...!
- Don't change yourself for your SO, (unless you're an absolute disgusting pig by everybody's standards). If you always find yourself trying to "live up" to your SO's "high standards," or idea of a "dream mate," then end the relationship.
- If all your friends/family are telling you that SO is bad news, then even though you may not see it, SO is bad news.
- If SO can't stand your children or your pets, end it with SO pronto. Same if you can't stand SO's children or pets.
- Don't offer to help SO with something major, in the hopes that SO will ask you on a date, or keep on dating you. SO's either interested or not.
- Don't snoop through SO's possessions. If you're snooping, the relationship has gone bad- end it.
- A slight air of mystery and playfulness keeps the fire burning. I've seen SO's who've been married for 50 years saying to each other, with mischievous smiles: "I have one of your favorite somethings in my pocket, but you're gonna have to wait an hour before I let you investigate.."
- Much more, but I don't want to deluge y'all!
_____________
What are my "credentials"? I don't really have any... except:
I'm a middle-aged bachelorette who never wants to get married, (and lets men know that up front), but regularly gets serious marriage proposals from great men anyway. They stay my friends afterwards--if a man is worth dating, he's certainly worth having has a friend! I've been dating for about forty years, and I can honestly say that I love it.
--A conversation about your wardrobe, grooming, or style choices is not an excuse to go shopping. E.g. "those are men's socks." "Can you wear something that's not quite so ... bright?" "My ex had long dark curly hair. I really like long dark curly hair." Rather, these are reasons to put on your coat....
- Don't change yourself for your SO, (unless you're an absolute disgusting pig by everybody's standards). If you always find yourself trying to "live up" to your SO's "high standards," or idea of a "dream mate," then end the relationship. ..
____________
What are my "credentials"? I don't really have any... except:
I'm a middle-aged bachelorette who never wants to get married, (and lets men know that up front), but regularly gets serious marriage proposals from great men anyway. They stay my friends afterwards--if a man is worth dating, he's certainly worth having has a friend! I've been dating for about forty years, and I can honestly say that I love it.
Seana, those are valid creds in my book. Better to take advice from you than from someone whose future (49-year) SO walked up and asked, "what's your blood type?" just a couple months before they eloped.
Nothing wrong with that at all. I'm friends with most of the men I've dated and although I've been married it's not the end all, be all result and generally I tell people that I am not husband shopping.What are my "credentials"? I don't really have any... except:
I'm a middle-aged bachelorette who never wants to get married, (and lets men know that up front), but regularly gets serious marriage proposals from great men anyway. They stay my friends afterwards--if a man is worth dating, he's certainly worth having has a friend! I've been dating for about forty years, and I can honestly say that I love it.
"He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16
There are no rules. Really, there are no rules.
Oh wait, what am I thinking because I have no clue how to date.
Ya'll just continue the conversation because I'm done here. I won't even take a peek. Promise.
I dunno. I'm all for practical gifts, tho a knife sharpening kit wouldn't cut it (I already have one!). I wouldn't even take a new kitchen small appliance as an insult, I'd be all over it.
My mom taught me the best dating rule: why go out with someone when you would rather be home doing "whatever". As in, don't just go out to go out. And it's best if you are comfortable, nobody has to act fakey.
Much depends on the circumstances surrounding the practical gift.
I once dated an avid cyclist with a strong utility bent. (He was less interested than scenic rides in the country than getting around a major city via bike.)
One time we talked about 5-speed hubs. (Remember your old 3-speed? The gears are inside the hub. Now they make 7-speed hubs.) He described this as working "like two 3-speeds." I said that makes six speeds. He loved to argue, so a long discussion followed.
And guess what I got for my birthday. He explained that, since I did not understand the 5-speed hub, obviously I needed one.
Now, if it had been built into a bicycle wheel, it would have been a lot better gift. But he expected me to do that, get some spokes and a rim, and make it into a wheel. (I do know how to build up a wheel, but did not feel the need; my then-three-speed was fine.)
If he had requested my measurements so as to order a custom tandem for us to ride, that would have been a lot more romantic.
My feeling on utilitarian gifts are that unless they are specifically asked for or fill a blatantly obvious need something more sentimental is probably in order.
"He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16
Maybe I'm just weird but I told RJ up front, no jewelry ( I won't wear it), no flowers (waste of money), no chocolates (that's obvious). My oldest friend thinks nothing says love like solid gold; and I've never gotten that.
I guess my point is, we're all different, and while flowers may thrill one person, it's just not right for another. So, another non-rule.
Sentimental extends well beyond jewelry, flowers, and chocolate. More of a "I've put a lot of thought into this" kind of thing. I am not a jewelry person either, do like flowers on a "just because" basis, and chocolates....well it depends on the chocolate!
"He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16
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