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Thread: Suicide Thread

  1. #1
    Cyburbian Emeritus Bear Up North's avatar
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    Suicide Thread

    Before kick-starting this thread I did a search. The only real suicide-related thread I noticed was a thread looking for responses to whether or not a bridge, such as the Golden Gate, should be closed (or restricted) during a suicide attempt.

    I was thinking about suicide (no, not doing it!) when I read the posts concerning Hunter S. Thompson.

    I have known a few people who decided to end what most call "God's greatest gift."
    A friend of mine from high school (and the brother of my high school best friend) decided in his mid-twenties to park his car on a farm road and use a hose to pump lethal fumes in. He was always a person "on the edge", so I wasn't really suprised.

    Over the course of a two (2) year period, ending last year, two (2) of my wife's relatives died by their own hands. One (1) was a forty (40) year old lifetime serviceman. The other was a twenty-five (25) year old who jumped off a high bridge in North Carolina. These events, so close to each other in time, were real shockers to her family.

    My neices' step-son also died in this manner, a few years ago. It was drug-related, but that didn't make it any easier.

    I imagine there are a bundle of things that can get a person to think like this. Money problems, marital problems, work problems. People tend to handle pressure (or not handle it) in different ways.

    It's still a shocker when it happens to somebody you know.

    Bear
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  2. #2
         
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    One of my friends dad committed suicide a month or two ago. He drank alot and had some drug problems. Still was a shock to everyone, he seemed pretty happy.

  3. #3
    Cyburbian donk's avatar
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    First thank you Bear for starting this thread.

    As a person who has been impacted by a suicide in my immediate family I really dislike some of the types of responses you hear about suicide. There are so many reasons that it happens that hating it or calling people names because they chose to do it does not make it any easier on those that wish they could understand the pain and fear those people must have been experiencing to make such a serious choice.

    There is pretty much not a day that goes by that I wish I understood or had been able to speak to the person in my life who did it and try to figure out what could have been done to help them. As I've aged I've learned a few things about the situations, but can't understand it and only wish I could.
    Too lazy to beat myself up for being to lazy to beat myself up for being too lazy to... well you get the point....

  4. #4
    Cyburbian JNL's avatar
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    It's not easy to understand the mindset of someone who attempts, or commits, suicide, because they are in a different mind-set to the "average" person. Assuming a suicide attempt follows a period of depression, which may or may not have been hidden from others. Those around the person may be shocked because if only they had known, they would have tried to give more support. But the depressed person tends to feel they cannot ask for help, or that it won't make any difference. They are in a rut they see no way out of.

    One of my sisters attempted suicide on Christmas Day. Not fun spending Boxing Day in the emergency dept.

  5. #5
    Cyburbian donk's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by JNL
    It's not easy to understand the mindset of someone who attempts, or commits, suicide, because they are in a different mind-set to the "average" person.

    .
    In Judaism, until recently suicide was one of the few things you could do that would permanently separate you from tradition and your family. As society has been able to better understand things like depression and mental illness, a more open approach to it has occurred, it is assumed that a person must be ill to do it. As such, the person is not really culpable for their actions so they are permitted to be buried and mourned as required. One more thing that makes my experiences with this topic a bit weird.
    Too lazy to beat myself up for being to lazy to beat myself up for being too lazy to... well you get the point....

  6. #6
    Cyburbian
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    Hmmm suicide is quite a complex subject. And of course most people (the ones who've never been in deep depressive periods) can't understand it. I feel for those who've had relatives or friends atempting or commiting suicide, it's not an easy thing to comprehend.
    Depressed people may seem happy, when they're actually just trying to hide their depression. And while others may care for them, they just can't see it due to their depressed state, they feel alone and isolated; and since humans are social animals... they feel like they're wasting space and just a nuisance for the world and some just decide to free the world from themselves, or in the case of lost lovers, they feel abandoned and betrayed and just chicken out on life (IMHO); and for the stressed out... they just can't take it anymore, just look at all those japanese kids...

  7. #7
    Cyburbian biscuit's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by SkeLeton
    Depressed people may seem happy, when they're actually just trying to hide their depression. And while others may care for them, they just can't see it due to their depressed state, they feel alone and isolated; and since humans are social animals... they feel like they're wasting space and just a nuisance for the world and some just decide to free the world from themselves, or in the case of lost lovers, they feel abandoned and betrayed and just chicken out on life (IMHO); and for the stressed out... they just can't take it anymore, just look at all those japanese kids...
    Indeed, often it's difficult to know that someone is going through such troubles until the unthinkable happens. I had a very good friend from High School who accidentally shot himself in the head (at least according to the kindly local Coroner) a few years back. It was a huge shock to all of us who knew him as a happy-go-lucky person up until it happened and we found out everything that was going on "behind the scenes." The worst part for those who lose someone to suicide is the fact that you wish you had some sign that something was overtly wrong with their lives… And, more often than not, you don’t.

  8. #8
    Losing a friend or relative in a manner like suicide is very difficult. I have lost three incredible friends to suicide. I have great memories of total happiness with all of these people and I will live with them for the rest of my life. These people had significant positive impacts on my life. 2&3 got me into riding a bicycle, hiking, reading different things I wouldn't have otherwise, music, travel. I love these people like family.

    1st friends suicide was a heroin overdose, his mother found him in the bathroom.

    2nd friends suicide was by a gunshot to the head in front of his ex-girlfriends house

    3rd friends suicide was by laying on the train tracks, many people witnessed it.
    Last edited by The Irish One; 23 Feb 2005 at 2:13 AM.

  9. #9
    Cyburbian Queen B's avatar
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    Having been a part of the lives of people that are chronically mentally ill, I have a couple of suicides gone wrong that still make me shake my head in wonderment. One shot himself under the chin. The bullet went through his tongue up through one sinus blew through his eye and stopped. No impact with the brain.

    Then there was the guy that was going to use car exhaust, he went out and bought enough vacuum hose to reach from his exhaust to his car window. Went to his chosen place to do the deed. Hooked up the hose, got in the car and holding the hose roled up the window and leaned back to wait. About that time the window dropped to the bottom of the door. He guessed it must be some kind of sign that it wasn't the time packed up his hose and went back home.
    I was so glad we had the chance to have a good laugh about that one...
    It is all a matter of perspective!!!

  10. #10
    moderator in moderation Suburb Repairman's avatar
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    My best friend committed suicide in middle school (yes, middle school) because she found out she was pregnant. She was scared to death when she found out and was afraid to tell her parents. She talked about how she wanted to get it out of her. She shot herself in the abdomen with a gun and bled to death. I was pretty messed-up over it for quite some time since I felt like I could have done more to help her and prevent the tragedy. Several of our mutual friends knew that I had a close relationship with her and that she had mentioned things that could be thought of as suicidal (20-20 hindsight). So I ended up losing most of my friends (didn't help when I decided not to attend the funeral), and found myself contemplating it myself (luckily, I had a friend that had a knack for knowing when I needed a boost and stuck by me). Moving at the beginning of high school gave me the opportunity I needed to start over. Oh, and by the way Skel, you hit the nail on the head with me as I was one of those "happy depressed" people. I still use humor to hide my feelings.

    As a RA in college I had to deal with one attempted suicide (pills) and a successful suicide (knife), after which I had to coordinate grief counciling with the roommates and the rest of the floor. I ended up running training sessions on suicide/depression for other RAs while I was finishing my degree.

    "Oh, that is all well and good, but, voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country."

    - Herman Göring at the Nuremburg trials (thoughts on democracy)

  11. #11
    Cyburbian michaelskis's avatar
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    Wow, this one hits a little close to home. A week and a half ago, a teen from my church that has attended the life teen program a few times, and the son of a city employee decided that he couldn’t go on. I have been told that I have meet this teen a time or two, but I don’t remember who he was. But from what I have been told, the kid had some medical and mental concerns, and claimed that he would hear voices.

    A few days before that, a student at Kalamazoo College was found in their dorm room after being there for 3 days.

    When I was in HS, a kid that I would play baseball with in the summer took his own life. We found out that it was because of his ex-girlfriend. It was a bit of a wakeup call for our small town. Most of the people in town knew him, and liked him.

    It is always a shame when things like this happen, and everyone always wishes that they could have done something before to prevent the person from making this choice. That is why we all need to make sure that we are as nice as possible to as many people as possible. It does not need to be anything crazy or out of our way, but something as simple as smiling at a stranger, holding the door for someone who has too many bags, or being patent with a clerk or customer service person. Every little thing could make a difference in someone’s life.
    "A long habit of not thinking a thing wrong, gives it a superficial appearance of being right, and raises at first a formidable outcry in defense of custom. Time makes more converts than reason." - Thomas Paine Common Sense.

  12. #12
    Cyburbian boilerplater's avatar
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    That is why we all need to make sure that we are as nice as possible to as many people as possible. It does not need to be anything crazy or out of our way, but something as simple as smiling at a stranger, holding the door for someone who has too many bags, or being patent with a clerk or customer service person. Every little thing could make a difference in someone’s life.
    Damn right! That is why I try to be nice and polite even when I'm in a bad mood. You never know if that dressing down you just gave to a clerk might be the one thing that makes him think "You know, this world is a little too hostile to me. I don't feel wanted here. It would be best if I just left." You might be the one thing that pushes them over the edge. Fortunately, I've never known anyone who has done it, but I've known a few mental health professionals, and it is devastating to them when someone commits the final act.

    However, I am on the fence concerning suicide for the terminally ill. If they are in a lot of pain, why should they be asked to suffer? Besides the Biblical argument against it, that one would be taking God's role, what do you think is wrong with it?
    Adrift in a sea of beige

  13. #13
    Cyburbian Duke Of Dystopia's avatar
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    nothingness.

    an end.

    you just want to stop .

    lack of knowing what happiness is. When you repeatedly hear that things aren't so bad but you can't tell the difference between good event & bad event. Or when the pain gets to be to strong for to long and you just don't care any more. More of the same seems worse than oblivion.

    Never tried suicide myself, but I understand it.

    Mostly I understand it as a lack of connections. No ties, no need to stick around.
    I can't deliver UTOPIA, but I can create a HELL for you to LIVE in :)DoD:(

  14. #14
    Cyburbian GISgal's avatar
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    Last May my cousin Rob, 25 years old, committed suicide. Rob was special to me and many others. We grew up together fishing and hunting with our dads.

    He was his dad's best friend and only son. They worked together, hunted together, and played on a pool league together.

    He was the most full of life person I've ever known. Just so he could travel he took a job installing skylights around the US. He went to Hawaii, Alaska, Texas, and many other places. No ties, no roots. Just enjoying life and getting to travel the country.

    He was a big ham and the life of whatever group he was in. He had a smile that was electric and a laugh that was contagious.

    He also felt everything intensely. When he was happy the world was perfect. When he fell in love (twice) he fell hard and took the breakups hard. The world became a dark place.

    Rob also had a problem. He was an alcoholic. On the night he took his life he was pulled over 1 block from home. He blew a 0.2 during an alcohol blood test. He was cooperate and docile with the police. The officers took him home and left his keys with him. His roommate did not hear him leave. He went back to his truck. Drove to his parents. Went into their home and got a gun from the safe. Went back to his truck and took his life. His dad found him the next morning.

    Life hasn't been the same since we lost Rob. We will never know why. Our family will never be whole. We miss Rob and the person he was. We miss Rob and the person he could have been.

    Make sure you treat those in your life and those around you as if they are precious commodities. They are.
    “I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward.” - Thomas Edison

  15. #15
    Cyburbian nerudite's avatar
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    I had a wonderful friend named Paul Sykes, who was the lead singer in a ska/funk band in SF in the 90s. He killed himself a few years back, and it was so hard to comprehend because he was always vivacious and seemingly happy. It really saddened me because it made me feel that maybe I didn't know him as well as I could have and I wished that I could have done something to help him through the hard times. A small tribute to Paul can be found here.

  16. #16
    Cyburbian Plus PlannerGirl's avatar
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    ugh what a topic

    A kid I went to church with when I was in HS killed himself about a year after we graduated. His GF was "with child" and being that his daddy was a deacon and his mother the church pianist, he was going to be a youth minister he could not deal with it. He killed himself in his parents home one night. They came home and found him with a shotgun to the mouth and enigma playing.

    The next week there was a massive tape/cd burning where the church had kids from all over burn any non christian music-after all THAT was what, in the churches mind, killed him. Not himself or his fear of his overbearing parents.

    Sad part was the guys folks hated the girl and refused to aknowlage her or her child (their grandchild) for years tormented her. They never realized they were in large part why he did it-he was terrified of his parents ultra religious views.


    Ive been in that place in my life where I wanted to kill myself. Its a very dark very hellish place where there is no hope, no light no ability to see beyond the here and now. I was in a horrible abusive relationship where my ex husband had pretty well brainwashed me into thinking I was fat, ugly, dumb and worthless. He had me so messed up I thought I was making up the abuse and that I was crazy, that I was dreaming all these horrible events and doing the damage to myself (and my dogs) so I decided if I was such a horrible person/wife/puppy parent I should not live.

    I had all the pills laid out and was going to take a full bottle of pain killers and just go to sleep. I guess little angels were at work becouse my dogs refused to leave me alone and kept licking me and loving on me and managed to distract me from that bottle. Something snapped and I got help and got out of the marriage.

    Oh yes and to the outside no one would have known, I looked like the normal happy person with the perfect marriage.
    Last edited by PlannerGirl; 23 Feb 2005 at 3:00 PM.
    "They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin

    Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO- HOO what a ride!'"

  17. #17
    Cyburbian Plus JNA's avatar
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    using a gun -
    Those are among the worst type of calls that as a Firefighter/EMT I ever went on.
    I still remember after 15 yrs.
    Oddball
    Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves?
    Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here?
    Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?
    From Kelly's Heroes (1970)


    Are you sure you're not hurt ?
    No. Just some parts wake up faster than others.
    Broke parts take a little longer, though.
    From Electric Horseman (1979)

  18. #18
          Downtown's avatar
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    My paternal grandmother and maternal uncle both committed suicide, as well as my freshman year roommate, and two friends from high school.

    I still have a lot of anger about suicide - it just seems so selfish to me. I totally understand why people do it - like DoD said - a lack of feeling of connections. A feeling that it would just be so much easier to end your life, than to live it in miserable unhappiness. But I just see how devastating it is to the families and friends of these people, and no matter how disconnected I felt from the world, I couldn't imagine ever wanting to put my mother, or my son through that kind of punishment - having survived knowing that your mom or child didn't feel like they could reach out to you to ask you for help, or even just to talk about it.

    As for medically assisted suicide for people with terminal illness - I'm in total favor of it. If someone is living with excrutiating pain, or zombied out on painkillers 24/7, with absolutely no hope of it getting better, ever, for gods sake, allow them to at least pass peaceably, in the presence of their loved ones, in a time of their own choosing, instead of forcing them to linger in immeasurable agony for an undetermined amount of time, waiting for death to take them.

  19. #19
    The Egyptian girl I dated in grad school tried it twice, long before I met her. I didn't really understand until after I knew her better. Then I came to understand the difficulties a modern arab woman is faced with in a culture that does not always revere women. That and the grotesque scars on her wrists.

    The superintendent of schools here committed suicide some years ago. Knew him professionally and would never have guessed. I suppose it was a Richard Cory sort of thing. Quite sad.
    Je suis Charlie

  20. #20
    Cyburbian boiker's avatar
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    I unfortunately get to post to this thread now. I thwarted a supposed attempt or at least addressed a cry for help from my wife on Sunday. She's been battling major depression for quite a while and is currently an inpatient at a local hospital. Everything seems under control now, it's just a long, difficult journey towards healing her illness.
    Dude, I'm cheesing so hard right now.

  21. #21
    Cyburbian SW MI Planner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by boiker
    I unfortunately get to post to this thread now. I thwarted a supposed attempt or at least addressed a cry for help from my wife on Sunday. She's been battling major depression for quite a while and is currently an inpatient at a local hospital. Everything seems under control now, it's just a long, difficult journey towards healing her illness.
    Oh my god boiker, I hope everything gets better for your wife and your family.

  22. #22
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by boiker
    I unfortunately get to post to this thread now. I thwarted a supposed attempt or at least addressed a cry for help from my wife on Sunday. She's been battling major depression for quite a while and is currently an inpatient at a local hospital. Everything seems under control now, it's just a long, difficult journey towards healing her illness.
    I am very very sorry to hear of it. The good news is that because of you she is getting the inpatient help and treatment she needs. Take it from someone who struggles with depression himself that while she may not seem grateful at this moment she'll be very appreciative of how supportive you've been when her head is in a better place.
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  23. #23
    moderator in moderation Suburb Repairman's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by boiker
    I unfortunately get to post to this thread now. I thwarted a supposed attempt or at least addressed a cry for help from my wife on Sunday. She's been battling major depression for quite a while and is currently an inpatient at a local hospital. Everything seems under control now, it's just a long, difficult journey towards healing her illness.
    Wow. Just Wow.

    I don't know what to say to encourage you, but your wife is fortunate to have someone as supporting.

    "Oh, that is all well and good, but, voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country."

    - Herman Göring at the Nuremburg trials (thoughts on democracy)

  24. #24
    Super Moderator luckless pedestrian's avatar
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    boiker, I am so sorry you are going through this

    this is a tough thread to respond to - the ripple effect of suicide in people's lives is overwhelming - those left behind never recover

    a few years back my kids' babysitter died of an overdose of sleeping pills - it was a tough thing to explain to a 3 year old and a 9 year old.

  25. #25
    Cyburbian Queen B's avatar
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    Our thoughts and prayers are with you Boiker.
    Yes it is a long road and saidly about the time they get her regulated on her medicine and she feels better, she will probably decide she is healed and will go off the medicine and down the hill you will go again.
    My best advice...take good care of yourself, she will need you.

    Well said Maister.
    It is all a matter of perspective!!!

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